Don't hate me! I know I haven't updated in a few weeks and I am terribly sorry for that. I had a bit of writers block, followed by a trip out of town then I had all my fav fanfics update plus I got sucked into new stories…so in short I suck for not updating sooner and there's no excuse.
With that said Happy Monday! I have a new chapter for yeah to start your week off right! I use some medical stuff in here that can happen although it most likely wouldn't but hey it's my story so go with it!
The music in this chapter is Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven and Piano Concerto No. 23-Adagio by Mozart. These pieces have been used before in the past and if you haven't checked them out go to youtube…they are really beautiful.
I am in St. Louis for the next couple of weeks then heading to New Orleans for a week so I plan on writing but since I am on vacation I make no guarantees when you get the next and final chapter in this story before I turn out the sequel.
I know this is longer than usual but I really want to thank all of you for reading and to those of you that review. You guys make this all worth it.
As usual I don't own Twilight or its Characters; I just LOVE to play with them!
Enjoy!
"Victoria."
Summer in our meadow is heaven on earth. Lying on my back with my eyes closed I relax as the sun radiates over my skin before a cool breezes ghosts over my flesh causing me to shiver with delight. The contrasting feelings meld with the sounds and smells surrounding us and I can't fight the happiness filling me. A smile plays on my lips as I feel the dance of familiar fingers. The strong pads massage my delicate digits before moving to my palm.
I hear him move before I feel the warmth from his body to my side. His fingers move from my palm to my wrist before moving up my arm. The fire left from his touch leaves goose bumps in its wake as my breathing increases. His long, strong, soft fingers round on my shoulder but then stop as if at a crossroads with no idea which way to proceed. After a moment of contemplation his fingers move over my collarbone and to the small hollow at the base of my neck.
I keep my eyes closed as my chest increases its pace up and down. Before he moves his fingers they leave my skin briefly as a soft whimper from the loss of contact turns into a moan as his lips softly leaves wet kiss at the base of my neck and over to my collarbone. My hand closest to him moves up his clothed chest desperate for contact with his skin. His soft chuckle causes me to blush as my hand becomes desperate for him.
His fingers return to my skin as his lips move up my neck. The sensation is flooding me with warmth as I rub my legs together trying to gain some friction. Edward's lips pause on my neck as his finger tips skim over my breast. I moan as I arch my back trying to push me further into his touch. I feel him smile into my neck as he palms my breast. I turn my face to his as I search out his lips with mine; I need his lips, his tongue. I find his lips and attack. Edward's tongue slides into my mouth as his thumb circles my nipple causing me to moan loudly into his mouth.
My hand clutching his shirt to me releases and begins to move over his body. I turn slightly towards Edward as I bring my other hand to his body. I love the feel of his muscles under his skin. I move from his shoulders, to his chest before reaching his stomach. Edward's mouth and hands are occupied as I slowly move my hand down to Edward's pelvis where I am met with his arousal. Edward bites my bottom lip as a groan escapes his lips as I palm the bulge in his pants.
"Bella," falls from his lips as his eyes roll back in his head.
I wrap my fingers around him as I move my hand up and down. I have no idea how I know what I'm doing but Edward's moan and heavy panting let me know I am making him feel good. Edward finally opens his eyes and swats my hand away to roll over onto me sliding between my legs. I let out a moan as Edward connects with where I want him touching me. I slide my hands down his back.
I am lost in the feeling on Edward's lips on my neck when I feel something wet on Edward's back. I move my hand around before pulling my hand away and looking at the redness across my hand. I suddenly can't breathe as panic overcomes my body. I look up at Edward to see no one above me as my meadow morphs into the Cullen's living room. I bring my hands to my bleeding neck…I can't breathe.
I bolt up with my hand on my neck breathing heavily as I take in my surroundings. I am in my room as the sun blares through the window. My chest heaves up and down as I try to satiate my need for oxygen as I wipe my forehead of the sweat that's collected. My hands shake as tears fill my eyes and waves of anxiety roll over me.
This has become my new reality these last couple of weeks. Every time I close my eyes I thrust into a world of extreme emotions. Either I'm highly aroused or I'm terrified to the point of screaming and sweating profusely. I hear Charlie moving up the stairs before my door swings open. My father moves quickly to me as I am enveloped in his arms. I lay my head on his shoulder as my body bursts with tears. Charlie's hands rub my back as he tries to soothe my fears.
Charlie has been home with me these last two weeks; to help me recover but also because he is on administrative leave during the investigation into James's shooting. I know Charlie wants to be here as if in someway it can make up for when he wasn't there but the time away from his job is driving both of us crazy. I have been trying to get him to leave the house with Billy or Harry but he refuses to leave my side. I can't help but love him a little more for it which helps me when he's driving me utterly insane.
"Everything's going to be alright Bells. James can never hurt you again, I made sure of it," Charlie's voice is above a whisper.
My heart aches for my father and the struggle he's enduring right now. Charlie in his seventeen year career as a policeman has only had to discharge his sidearm five times. Of those five times, two of them were warning shots while the other two disarmed the criminals. Only once has my father ever taken a life and this investigation is making him relive every moment of it.
"It doesn't feel like that dad," I sob as I shake in my dad's arms.
Charlie pulls away from me as he takes in my broken form. I look up into my dad's face as he wipes my cheeks like he did when I was little. I give him a weak smile as Charlie's eyebrows furrow. I don't even realize it but my new instinct these days is to cover my throat and hold onto it for dear life. Charlie gently reaches up and removes my hand from my neck taking in the sight of my scar. His face falls like it always does when he sees my ugly wound and I can't help but feel like James will always haunt me.
"I made breakfast, are you hungry?" Charlie's voice is hopeful as his face returns.
"I'm starving."
I'm completely lying but anything I can do to get Charlie back to being Charlie and not this sad, pity version. I crawl out of bed and follow behind my dad. I haven't had an appetite in weeks and to be honest food didn't even have a taste. Not that that mattered. I still get up everyday and I eat my three cardboard meals to appease the people in my life. Who as of late consist of Charlie and Jasper.
I sit down at the table and start to push my food around as a knock sounds on the door before Jasper walks in. Jasper is an honorary Swan so he knocks more out of southern hospitality then anything. I smile at him as he takes a seat next to me while Charlie hands him a plate of food. Jasper and Charlie start talking about the game that's going to be on later today as I disappear into my head.
I am completely lost before Jasper pulls me from my abyss. I look at Jasper as if I just walked into the room as Charlie and him stare at me with concern. I smile at him while shaking my head and bringing a fork full of eggs to my mouth. I know this is my cue to act normal and have regular human interactions. Jasper puts his arm around me as he jokes with Charlie about my lack of football knowledge. I love Jasper; he's completely covering for me while being good to my dad. I have no idea what Charlie and I would've done these last two weeks without him.
I eat enough food to make Charlie happy before walking upstairs to shower. I grab clothes and walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I get undressed before I turn and look in the mirror and there it is. The cut that almost ended my life; the ugly red serrated line that makes me want to smash every mirror I come across. I lift my fingers to feel the raised skin and what's left of the remaining stitches that have yet to dissolve.
Charlie has already told me that before school starts, if the scar is still bad he'd have it removed. I know what something like that would cost and even though we don't have that kind of money, Charlie would do anything to make James disappear completely. I ball my fist and fight the overwhelming urge to smash the mirror in front of me. Instead I do what I have done since I got home, I turn around and get in the shower to try and wash away what I know I can't.
"Stay with me Isabella. I made a promise to Edward and I plan on keeping it," Carlisle's calm voice fills my ears as I feel a million miles away.
I can feel the pain in my neck and the throbbing in my head has returned with an intensity that makes me want a guillotine. I look up at Carlisle whose body is over mine as his fingers plug the cut on my neck. I can hear voices all around me at different octaves as the gurney moves through the halls to the small emergency room. My eyes are heavy and I fight to stay conscious.
I feel pressure on my neck before my body is hoisted into the air. I'm laid out on the operating table as needles and monitors are placed all over my body. I look at faces I have known for years as another wave of nausea hits me. The blood, I am covered in it and if I could have anything right now it would be a hot shower. My clothes are cut before gentle hands peel the material from my body. I would cue a blush right about now but the blood is sustaining my internal organs so they don't shut down on me.
Carlisle returns ready for surgery. I see his calm blue eyes and I feel safe in his hands. I know technically he's not suppose to perform this surgery since I'm practically related but Charlie wouldn't have it any other way and neither would Carlisle. I smile up at him weakly as he tells me when I wake up, everything will be better.
"Tewl em I wuv em, pees."
Carlisle leans into my ear holding off the gas. "They love you and we will all see you very soon."
Carlisle nods as the gas mask covers my nose and mouth. I take a couple of breathes before I am surrounded by darkness. I wait for something, anything. Then light engulfs me. Bright brilliant light warms me through as my body returns to its glory. I look over myself and there isn't a scratch on me. I walk around trying not to head into the light or any of those other things they tell you when you're lying on a table. I stop in my tracks when I see a silhouette. I know this form as arms surround me. I bury my face in her warmth and I feel home. She stays with me and suddenly I'm not so scared.
The warmth and peace fades quickly as my angel holds me one last time before I am brought back to the groggy and painful reality. Someone is sticking something in my arm as the throbbing is back. My brain has to be mush by now as I try to clear my throat but can't. My eyes are too heavy to open as I try to move my body as two people jump to life by my sides. Words are spoken but it sounds like the adults in a Charlie Brown cartoon.
After a few minutes words become comprehendible as my eyes slowly open. Jasper and Charlie lean over me as they ask me how I'm doing in twenty different ways. I open my mouth to try and speak but nothing comes out audible. I move my hand not well to my throat as I feel the bandage before the burn hit me. I have a cartoon moment as my eyes try to bug out of my head as Jasper moves quickly to get a nurse.
Jasper and my nurse Samantha return and I see she's holding a syringe. I look between her and Jasper before she asks me if I'm in pain. I nod softly as she injects something into my IV. It takes a minute before the burn and throbbing start to dissipate. I hear talking again as the voices fade in and out. I love morphine. I can totally see why people get hooked on this stuff because I can feel nothing…scratch that as the nausea rears its ugly head.
I close my eyes as the darkness takes over again.
The water turns cold and I am brought back. I turn the water off as I get out and dry off. I get ready quickly as the soft rapping on the door has me opening the door to a smiling Jasper. I smile back at him as he takes my hand and leads me down the stairs. We walk out the back door and out into the woods. I don't really leave my house anymore. I hate the gossip and the whispering but worse is the staring. But in the woods it's just me and Jasper.
"Alice called this morning. She says the house is almost finished and they will be home in a week. Have you heard from him?" Jasper's voice is soothing.
"I've talked to Carlisle and he's kept me up to date but I haven't heard from any of the others. Not that I can blame them," I walk away from Jasper as I try to calm the ache in my chest at the thought of losing those most important to me.
"Bella, you know they don't blame you for this."
"Jasper, I know I didn't run Alice and Emmett off the road or stab Edward twice and I also know I didn't trash their home but that doesn't change the fact that their family has been through hell. I brought that to their door. Nothing is going to be same and it hurts," my tears break through as Jasper rushes to me. I hold my hand up stopping him in his tracks.
"Bella let me give you another perspective. If Emmett hadn't dumped my sister then she wouldn't have ended up with that piece of shit Royce which means you and I would've never met them and the Cullen's would be safe. But then again that doesn't mean that James wouldn't have developed a thing for you when we all went to school together.
"The point I'm trying to get you to see is that shit happens. Every day Bella we wake up and we make choices. Some are good and others not so much but it's what we learn from it that makes it worth something. This awful, horrible thing happened and now it's time for all of us," he uses his hand to raise my chin to look him in the face. "All of us to move on in whatever capacity we can."
"Jasper…"
"Bella it's not your fault, or Emmett's or Rosalie's. Nobody did anything wrong and no one deserved this. The Cullen's know that, Carlisle and Esme know that and when they get home and you are wrapped in their arms you will know I'm right. You want to blame someone, blame James and Royce and the rest of those sick fucks," Jasper's voice is hard as he pulls me into his arms as I hold onto him like a life raft.
"I'm done watching you beat yourself up Bella, its time to forgive and take the world off your shoulders," he finishes before burry his face in my neck.
Moments pass before Jasper pulls back to look at me. I smile at him as I wipe my face of the billionth tears I have shed. I am seriously contemplating having my tear ducts removed. I take a deep breath. Thank god for Jasper. He may not have had sustained any physical trauma but to have to pick up the pieces after all of us has taken its toll on him. I know when I can get back to some semblance of normal I will have to make this up to him.
"How's Rose doing?"
"She's healing just like you and apparently self loathing is the first step to overcome. We get to see her on Saturday which I'm excited for but she seems so different. She hates the whole world and everything in it," Jasper's voice shakes and I rub his back to try and relieve some of his tension.
"When does she get to come home?"
"It all depends on her and her progress. My parents threw the facility a bunch of money so Rose gets to leave whenever she wants I guess. I think technically she can come home in a few weeks just in time for lake weather," Jasper's tone is light and hopeful.
"The lake would be wonderful. Bikini's, shorts, bonfires and laughs will definitely heal the soul," I give Jasper the first genuine smile I've had in weeks. "We'll get there Jasper, we will all get back eventually."
It takes a day before I can find my voice. Talking hurts and I sound like a frog but it's nice to be able to ask questions. James nicked my carotid artery which Carlisle was able to repair. The pain that I am experiencing would be the damage the cut did to my muscles in my throat. All in all it could've been worse…that is until you actually look at my neck.
I sustained four cuts to my neck; three are superficial and should heal without a trace. I get to add more stitches to my ever growing list. The doctor on call said that the scar shouldn't be too bad and the stitches will dissolve with time. Overall my neck looks like it went to battle with Iron Chef and lost.
The throbbing in my head finally went away as my concussion resolved itself. I keep whacking my head the way I do and I will need protective wear to make sure my brain doesn't sustain permanent damage. My ribs on the other hand look the best. James's footprint is on display in purple, black and blue. I think Charlie broke the chair the first time he saw it. Jasper took a picture of it for me, since I know Emmett going to love it.
I ask several times about Edward but I am met with worried looks and silence. Carlisle doesn't come to check on me and both Jasper and Charlie are too quiet. I give my father a hard stare as I ask for the tenth time today about Edward and Carlisle. His silence sends my heart rate through the roof, sending nurses in as I enter a full blown panic attack.
Edward is dead.
James killed Edward.
I can't breathe as I fight everyone around me. I have to find out what happened to Edward and where the rest of the Cullen's are. Esme was supposed to be back with Emmett and Alice. Where are they? I listen as everyone tries to calm me but I am on a mission and the morphine is making me feel pretty invincible. I push a nurse off me as I swing my legs off the bed.
"They had to transfer him to Seattle!" Jasper's voice booms over the chaos as I stop to look him in the eye. I settle as Charlie shoots Jasper a warning stare. "What? She'll hurt herself trying to get to him."
"Is he alright?" my frog voice quivers as I fight the nausea and tears as the nurses move me back in my bed. "IS HE ALRIGHT?"
"He's in bad shape. Apparently one of the cuts hit his kidney which turned out to be ok, he didn't need surgery but then he developed a pretty bad infection that left him septic. He's in intensive care and last I heard he's in a drug induced coma while his body fights off the infection," Jasper finishes as Charlie holds my hand so I can process what's happening.
"He was stabbed twice…what about the other cut?"
"The stab wounds aren't their concern. The other cut sliced muscle I guess but didn't do any permanent damage. Edward would've been ok if he hadn't developed the infection. In fact they brought him here to treat him and he seemed fine. All he wanted was to make sure your surgery was a success but then we found him folded over on himself right before Carlisle finished.
"They transported him to Seattle and Alice has been updating me when she hears anything. Carlisle didn't think it would be good for you to hear this since there isn't anything you can do to help him," Jasper finishes as his phone starts ringing. He stands and leaves the room leaving me with Charlie.
I wait with anticipation for Jasper to return to tell him if anything has changed. I get to leave tomorrow and I want Charlie to take me to Seattle. I need to be with Edward and I really need to get the hell away from this place. Charlie as if reading my thoughts informs me that he can't leave because of the investigation and there is nothing I can do but wait and I can do that here. I plead with my eyes but I know Charlie's not going to budge. God I wish I had my license.
Jasper returns and apologizes. It was his mom talking about Rosalie and her progress. Charlie and Jasper talk as I turn my thoughts to Edward. I know it was Edward that plugged my artery so I didn't bleed out and that he threw his body over mine to protect me from James. My brave hero is fighting for his life and I can't be with him. It isn't lost on me how ridiculous we both are when it comes to one another and how similar we are. I close my eyes in the hopes of seeing my favorite and healthy green eyes as I send out a silent prayer for his health to improve.
I didn't hear any news on Edward for a week. Finally Carlisle called to tell Charlie and me that the infection was gone and the first question out of his mouth was to ask how I was doing. I couldn't help but swoon as I answered Carlisle's questions about my own health. Edward couldn't talk yet since his throat was raw but Carlisle said he'd have him call when he could. That was four days ago and I still hadn't heard from Edward.
That's how the dreams started.
I needed to see Edward. So my subconscious started working overtime. From the first night I got home I started having these wild intimate dreams that left me incredibly aroused before something awful would happen to bring me back to the reason for our separation. What begins as enjoyable, ends in me screaming and panting while clasping my neck. Charlie thinks its James I dream about but it's always Edward and the fear of something happening to him.
I move around the kitchen fixing dinner as Jasper and Charlie finish the second game of the day. I put the finishing touches on dinner as the guys join me in the kitchen. I'm glad that Jasper is able to distract both Charlie and I. Jasper's parents aren't really around so I know that we keep him pretty entertained as well.
Dinner is devoured quickly before Jasper and Charlie take to washing dishes. I sit back and watch as they talk easily about the game as they argue about plays and which team is better. After much debate, they agree to disagree. Its movie night and tonight we are watching Shaun of the Dead…we all need a little humor in our lives.
The night passes in laughs. Charlie's belly laughs fill the air while Jasper and I laugh at Charlie. I didn't think he would enjoy the movie as much as he did which means I get to introduce Charlie to more British comedies. This is an exciting concept since we mostly watch explosive big budget Hollywood action movies. Don't get me wrong I like them too but you can only watch the same plot lines so many times before you need a little variety.
"You crashing tonight?" Charlie bumps Jasper's shoulder.
"If it's alright; parents are at some charity thing and won't be home till tomorrow," Jasper's very nonchalant at his lack of parental involvement.
I stand to get him his blanket and pillows. Charlie beams since tomorrow is Sunday, Jacob and Billy are coming over and it's baseball all day. I swear it will be like Christmas and I will be making food like crazy. I hand Jasper what he needs for the night as the guys talk about the plan for the following day. I say goodnight before excusing myself. I walk upstairs laughing at the sheer exuberance some people find in watching a sport where grown men get paid to hit and catch balls.
I change before climbing under the covers. I hope tonight is a dreamless night. I reach for my cell phone to see if I missed any calls and my heart drops a little when I see none. Where are you Edward? Are you still in the hospital? Are you feeling any better? I would give anything to hear his voice. I curl into a ball wanting the ache in my chest to go away. I miss my family. I miss the noise, the chaos, the laughs and most importantly the love.
Tonight is going to be another bad, I can already tell.
One Week Later
"Today is a day for celebrating!" Jasper's voice is exuberant as he bounces around my living room.
"I swear Jasper you become more like Alice everyday," I laugh at Jazz as he sticks his tongue out.
"I miss her so much and in an hour, I'm going to hold her in my arms and the world will be all good again," Jasper's voice is wistful as I smile at my best friend.
Jasper has the purest heart and watching him struggle is always difficult. Alice and Jasper have talked everyday they have been separated and I know it's the only thing that keeps Jasper going. Having Rosalie in rehab and Alice in Seattle has left Jasper practically living on my couch. Not that I am complaining since he's all I have right now. The arrival of the Cullen's should have me jumping out of my skin as well but my heart is heavy with anticipation.
"Well Jazz I couldn't be happier for the both of you; although I am going to miss my roommate," I smile at him as he stands to sit next to me, taking my hand in his.
"It's a good day for all of us, our family is coming home," Jasper pulls me into a hug. "And even though Alice is coming home, it doesn't mean I won't still be coming over here to hand out with you and Charlie."
Jasper and I sit and watch T.V for the next hour waiting for Charlie to get home. Charlie's at work since being reinstated with all the charges dropped. I couldn't be happier for him but more importantly Charlie couldn't be happier. Alice's phone call let's us know that the family has returned and are waiting for our arrival. Jasper returns to bouncing off the walls as I walk upstairs to change when Charlie walks in. I listen to Jasper and Charlie talk about the upcoming games on Sunday. Apparently Carlisle and Emmett invited Charlie and Jasper over to watch the game on the new flat screen.
I pull on my jeans and a turtle neck tee before leaving my room to join the guys downstairs. I'm not in a hurry but it's cruel to drag my feet any longer then I have to. I reach the bottom and smile at Jasper's animated movements. Charlie looks at Jasper and I can see how much my father cares for him. I hope Jasper doesn't disappear, I think that would be hard on Charlie.
"Ready to go?" Charlie asks looking just as happy as Jasper.
I nod as Charlie opens the door for Jasper and I. I climb in the backseat of the cruiser so Charlie and Jasper can continue their conversation about Sunday's line up. I have to say that baseball is a hell of a lot more fun to play then it is to watch. I have to say out of all the sports, I find this one the most boring. Not that I would ever tell Charlie that since he believes it takes great skill to play the game.
I look out the window and think about Edward.
Carlisle called a couple days ago to ask me how I was doing and I couldn't fight my need to understand why I haven't heard from Edward. For the first time ever I listened as Carlisle stammered and fought to find the right words. I knew immediately that something terrible was wrong. After a few moments Carlisle finally broke as he told me that Edward is struggling with temporary memory loss.
"How is that possible? He didn't have any head wounds," my voice fills with panic and Carlisle tries to sooth me.
"The infection caused some swelling in his brain which ended up affecting some of his memory but it's only temporary. In fact he's already made progress," Carlisle's voice is soft but I know the worst is yet to be said.
"But…"
"The events of the last couple of years are fuzzy. He knows who you are Bella and he cares a great deal about you but he has no idea the full extent of your relationship," Carlisle continues talking but my heart drops as I struggle to breathe. I hear Carlisle calling my name as I snap back to the conversation.
"Was anything else affected?"
"Yes his motor skills are sluggish and he has been struggling with his depth perception but he's getting stronger everyday and the neurologist says there isn't any permanent damage. Edward will be back in top form in no time," Carlisle's voice is hopeful as tears fall from my eyes.
"Well I can't wait for that day. How is everyone else?"
"Good, anxious to get home and see you. Esme and the rest of us send you our love."
Carlisle finishes before hanging up and I fall on my bed completely overcome with anger and pain. He didn't call because he didn't know he was supposed to. I scream out feeling completely lost in what to do. I feel arms around me and I hear my name being called but I can't stop the tidal wave of emotions pouring from me.
"Bella?" Jasper's voice calls me out of my haze as I look between him and Charlie. "We're here."
I look out the window and see the Cullen's house. It looks like nothing even took place. The windows have been replaced and the few marks that the structure incurred have been fixed. Knowing Esme she only had the best inside her house working to repair the damage. I hear squealing as I open my door and exit the backseat. Alice moves as quickly as she can into Jasper's waiting arms.
My heart swells as Jasper and Alice have their very vocal reunion. Alice wraps her tiny legs around Jasper's waist as he spins while kissing her. I smile before looking to the ground trying to give them some semblance of privacy. I fight the urge to crawl back into the cruiser as I steady my emotions. I knew today was going to be hard but I haven't even made it into the house and I already feel like coming apart at the seams.
Charlie moves over to shake hands with Carlisle as Esme and Emmett join us outside. I look to the trees trying to steady myself but I can't seem to get a handle on the insanity that's going on inside of me. I take deep breathes before I hear movement behind me. I turn to see Emmett beaming down at me. I smile back at him as he lifts me with his good arm off the ground like I was nothing more than a feather.
"Damn Bella, you are sight for sore eyes. How are you doing?"
"I'm happy you guys are home Em," my voice is light but almost devoid of any emotion.
"Man we all missed you," Emmett's voice is barely above a whisper. He holds me for another minute before setting me back on solid ground. "Time to have some fun."
Emmett smiles at me before walking over and greeting Jasper. Alice is hugging Charlie as Carlisle walks over to me. He smiles warmly as he extends his arms to me. I feel his compassion wrap me like a warm blanket as silence passes between us. I know we will be talking later. The doctor in Carlisle can't help but want to know my progress and check my wound to make sure it's healing properly.
Carlisle releases me as the tornado known as Alice collides with me. I can't fight the small laugh that falls from my lips as Alice immediately starts to talk about school shopping and the new articles of clothing I just have to have in my new wardrobe. Only because I love her so I don't fight her plans for the shopping extravaganza to end all others. I nod before she bounces back into Jasper's arms.
I feel Alice's energy leave me as I look at Alice who is now dragging Jasper in the house behind her. I look back to the trees as I hear the other's join the descent into the house. I take a breath and turn before meeting the face of warmth and kindness. Esme stands a couple feet from me with tears in her eyes. I give her a weak smile as I feel the pull coming from her. I take the few steps into her warm and loving arms before the tears come and we both stand crying.
"Bella, please forgive me for not being here," her voice is sorrowful. Carlisle told me on more than one occasion the guilt Esme felt on not being able to take care of me the way she could for the others.
"Forgive me for putting him in harms way and we can call it square," my voice shakes as I try to prepare myself for what comes next. Esme pulls away from me as she brings her hands to my face. She looks me in the eye as if she's looking for something.
"Oh Bella, Edward did exactly what the rest of us would've done," Esme's warmth surrounds me as she pulls me into her embrace. "There's nothing to forgive."
We hold each other for a few minutes before I open my eyes to see what I have longed for, for three weeks. My red eyes meet his brilliant green while Esme pulls away from me. Esme turns to follow my eyes to see her son standing on the porch watching our encounter. I watch Edward's reaction but I'm unable to read it. I feel Esme's hand on the small of my back as she slowly leads me to the house.
"Wait till you see the changes in the living room Bella," Esme smiles to me as we take the stairs together.
I walk past Edward smiling to him as he follows Esme and me inside. I can't help the wave of anxiety I feel when we step into the living room. I close my eyes at the weight of the moment hits me. I know when I open my eyes that James and Victoria won't be there. I also know that the blood will be gone and the room will be in immaculate shape. I breathe in and out trying to open my eyes but my fear keeps me a prisoner in the darkness.
I hear my family talking and laughing in the room. I can smell whatever Esme is cooking for dinner. My hand shakes before a strong hand fills mine. The hand tries to pull me further into the room but my feet stay planted. Esme rubs circles on my lower back as the volume in the room dies down. I can feel the eyes in the room on me.
"You can do this Bells. Open your eyes and see what Esme's done," Jasper's voice is calm as he squeezes my hand. "This is your home, now open your eyes."
I open my eyes to look at Jasper's grinning face. I smile at him as I look around the room. Everything in the room is different. The white carpet is gone and in its place is a soft brown. The dark furniture is replaced with an off white sectional. A coffee table rests under Emmett's feet and a sixty two inch television sits above the fireplace. The room has been rearranged and the only thing still in its original place is Edward's piano.
I thank Jasper as he releases my hand and returns to Alice. Esme walks with me over to the couch and sits next to me as I find Edward moving slowly around the room. I haven't greeted him only because I have no idea what to say to him. I want so badly to wrap him in my arms and tell him everything's going to be alright. But I also don't want to scare him and I really don't want to drive him away.
Edward takes a seat across from me as the room falls into conversation. I look around trying to feel comfortable but my eyes drift to the ground as I see where James had me pinned beneath him. Esme excuses herself as I sit uncomfortably on the new couch. I look over at the piano before looking back at Edward. He smiles at me before getting up and walking over to have a seat next to me.
"Are you ok? You look like you're going to be sick," his velvet voice quickens my pace as I look him in the eyes.
"I'm ok, just trying to get my bearing that's all. How are you?"
"My heads messed up but other than that I'm great," he smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. "You look so different. I mean, it's a good different."
The room grows quiet as one by one people get up and leave the room. Edward and I fall into an easy conversation as he asks me questions. I answer them, traveling down memory lane with him. Edward's hand moves towards mine as the electricity moves between us. I watch his face and I know he feels it too. I look at the piano again.
"Are you playing yet?"
"Not yet. Mom says it probably needs to be tuned but I hope to play her soon."
"I can't wait to hear you play," I smile at Edward and am rewarded with one from him. Before our conversation can progress any further Esme calls us to dinner.
Dinner passes with light conversation as everyone catches up. I am mostly quiet as I take in everything around me. I answer questions that come my way but the meal is spent with me pushing my food around on my plate. I can feel a pair of eyes on me but I don't look up. I know Jasper is watching me like a hawk and if I look, he will tell, silently of course to stop playing with my food and eat. The food as usual is very good but my stomach is too uneasy to entertain the thought of food.
Edward sits next to me as quietly as I am. I know that he is uncertain of what to say and even how to act. I know that I should be helping him to feel comfortable enough to open up to me but I feel foreign in my surroundings which I am little to no help. I can feel his hand brush against mine every so often which has me looking up at him with a smile which he kindly returns. Awkwardness surrounds us and since this has never happened before I am completely at a loss on how to navigate us back to solid ground.
"Bella what do you think of this fine meal Esme made? It's good huh?" Jasper none too conspicuous way of getting my attention. I look up at him as I take a large bite of food for everyone's benefit. When I'm heaving later I will be sure to picture Jasper's face as a target.
Dinner finishes as everyone moves into the kitchen for clean up. Charlie and Carlisle actually tell the rest of us to have a seat and relax while they clean. Apparently they have some talking they need to do and want privacy to do it. I make a beeline for the front door suddenly needing air. The cool breeze hits me and I am able to find some measure of peace. The day isn't too warm as the sun is making its descent. I rest comfortably on the front porch when I hear the door opening behind me.
"Can I sit with you?" his velvet voice soothes my ears and I turn to smile at him and gesture for him to sit next to me. I feel his warmth and the side of his arm as we fall into an easy silence. The anxiety of the house falling away as minutes of silence pass.
"Why is this so awkward?" Edward's voice is pained as he looks at me.
"I'm not sure what to say to you," my voice is barely above a whisper as the pain in his eyes hits me like a ton of bricks.
"We've never had a problem talking before, in fact we've been know to yap for hours. Talk to me Bella. My memory may be faulty but it's still me," his pleading face causes a tear to escape as I lean into his shoulder.
There are no words to describe how much I have missed Edward. The fact that we have had to recover separately and silently left emptiness in me that his presence now seems to fill. I want to open the flood gates and tell him everything that's happened over the last few weeks but I don't want to inundate him with too much information. I take a moment to think about what I want to say, what I've needed to say since I woke up to the absence of his face.
"I've missed you so much," the words fell from my lips barely a whisper.
His hand comes up to take mine in his as his lips find my forehead. Edward gives me a soft kiss as his fingers thread in with mine. The moment is almost too intimate considering he doesn't really remember any progress in our relationship but I greedily take it in. I listen to him sigh as he seems to struggle with the words to respond to me.
"Wait for me Bella and please be patient with me. I promise I am trying to get back to you," he finishes before placing another soft kiss on my forehead.
"However long it takes Edward, I'm right here."
Charlie's return to work and Jasper's return to Alice leaves me with the prospect of being alone in my house. Charlie being overprotective is insisting that I spend my days at the Cullen's. He thinks it's important for me to be around other people. I do as he asks since I know he still sensitive on the thought of being apart from me. So everyday I head over to the Cullen's.
There is still plenty of awkwardness between Edward and I as if our rhythm is off and we can't find the beat. We talk everyday and as the days slowly pass we find a balance. His memory is still fuzzy as his progress is slow moving. I know it frustrates him. I can see him trying to reach for me but is unsure how to go about it. There are moments when I want to reach over and grab a hold of him and never let go. I keep my hands to myself out of fear that he will take off running in the other direction.
Charlie drops me off at the Cullen's and I discover the house to be empty. I wonder into the kitchen to find the note that Esme has left me. Both Emmett and Alice have doctor's appointments. They will be back shortly. I look around for Edward since his name wasn't on the note but he's gone too. I return to the living room as my eyes fall on Edward's piano. I haven't played since that night and my fingers ache to feel the keys.
I walk over and take a seat on the familiar bench. I don't feel afraid or uncomfortable about being here. For some reason I thought my memories of that day would affect my relationship with this beautiful instrument but as I lift the cover exposing the elegant black and white keys, I have nothing but desire to hear music pour through me. I place my fingers and take a breath before playing Moonlight Sonata. This song is therapy as I pour everything I have into this piece. I finish the song as silence fills the room.
I close my eyes as my fingers find their place. I hear the melody ring out as I play the song I have written for Edward. I still haven't gotten the chance to play this piece for him but as I move over the keys I can't help but feel him with me. I keep my eyes closed as I sway my body over the keys. I can see our meadow and the perfect day that's been stolen from us…for now. I finish as the last note hangs in the air.
My smile spreads across my face as I open my eyes to look at the keys. Being lost in music is very similar to being out and capturing moments with my camera. It brings me an incredible peace that gives me clarity that's been severely lacking in my life over the last couple of months. I see movement out of the corner of my eye as I turn to look at a stunned Edward. My mouth falls as I stand up from his bench and move away form the piano.
"I thought you were with everyone else. Sorry," I speak quickly as I close the cover on piano.
"Please don't, I enjoyed listening to you play. When did you learn?" Edward's hand is extended out towards me as he moves over to the piano.
"I taught myself to play while you were in Chicago," I speak tentatively not sure how much to say. Edward has previously said that talking openly about the past helps him but I'm always leery about talking about our relationship.
"Your playing is beautiful. The last piece, I don't recognize it; what is it?"
I blush as I think about my response. I am tired of hiding from Edward so I take a deep breath as I look into his beautiful green eyes. Edward runs his hand over the top of the piano and I watch his movements with keen attention. I love Edward's hands and I have missed them so much. My eyes linger a little longer than they probably should have before I look back in his eyes.
"I wrote it for you. It's how I feel about you," my voice quivers a little but not out of fear but from the look Edward's giving me. His eyes darken a little and I swear if I didn't know any better Edward was going to attack me.
"And how do you feel about me?" his voice is rough but calm as his gaze bores into me.
"I'm…I," my voice falters as my breath catches. I have told him this a hundred times but for some reason this moment feels like the first. I start to see Edward retreat from me as my need becomes overwhelming. "I'm in love with you.
"I wrote this after I got home from seeing you in Chicago. I never thought I would be able to put into words how I feel about you so I put it into the notes," my voice is strong as I watch Edward move towards me. "It's your voice, your touch, your warmth, your honesty, your trust but mostly it's about how everyday I get up with the need to see you and when I finally do; I can't fight the happiness and love that fills me."
I blush at my admission. I know it doesn't begin to scratch the surface of my feelings but it's a pretty good overview. I look to the ground as my face flames. I steady my breathing as I look up to see Edward standing right in front of me. The hand that was skimming the top of the piano is now reaching for my hand. I feel his fingers fold in with mine before he tightens his grip. Edward moves quickly before I feel his lips on mine.
My eyes still looking into Edward's as he moves softly over my lips as if trying to remember his way back to me. I move my free hand up his chest and onto his shoulders before weaving my fingers in his copper brown hair. I close my eyes when Edward's tongue asks for entrance by trailing slowing along my bottom lip. I part my lips as he slips in messaging my tongue. A soft moan escapes me, it's been a month since I have been with him like this and I fight to keep some kind of composure.
A noise outside ends our kiss as we both look outside. Our hands still joined as I look into his eyes. He wants this as much as I do and I am unwilling to be parted now. I pull on his hand as I silently lead him out towards the kitchen. I scribble a quick note before pulling Edward out the back door and down the path to the woods. Edward doesn't question me and he doesn't try to stop me as we quickly move to our meadow.
Edward pulls me to him as he takes in his surroundings. There are purple flowers everywhere and the fragrance is almost overpowering. I lead him to our spot as he looks awestruck. I smile to him as he wraps his arm around my waist pulling my back to his chest as we move as one. We reach our spot as I pull him down the ground with me. For the first time in two weeks the awkwardness is gone and we start to feel the way we were.
"Do you remember this place?" my voice is hopeful as Edward looks around the space.
"It was snowing the last time I was here. You were an angel standing in the middle of a snow globe," Edward's face glows with the memory as I tighten my grip on his hand. "I'm making my way back to you Bella; slowly but surely."
"That was right before you left for Chicago," I run my fingers through his messy mop as his smile brightens his eyes. "We have nothing but time."
"Help me remember Bella, help me get back to us."
I'm cutting it off here. So I know…you hate me. First I leave you without an update for three weeks and then I do this to our couple as if they haven't suffered enough. I have a method to my madness and I promise a quick resolve to this memory loss.
The next chapter will be it for this leg of our story. I'm not doing an epilogue since I plan on moving into the sequel as soon as I am back from vacation.
I will tell you ahead of time that Victoria will make an appearance but not until the sequel. The sequel will also deal with the rest of the summer, school and how our favorite characters deal with the trauma they sustained. I will also tell you that there will be lemons since Edward and Bella will be moving forward with their relationship.
So I hope I have redeemed myself for keeping you guys in the dark for far too long. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter since it's what you guys think that keeps me writing!
