Josh's Point of View.

Losing a mate is a fate worse than death. I should know.

The worst kind of torture. My father made a joke about a year back, he said if we could take the pain of one losing their mate and harness it into a weapon-it would be masterful. In a way I can agree to that, I'd do anything, say anything to get rid of this pain inside of me. There's no way to describe it, none. It's more painful than my first shift which lasted hours. Brutal and excruciating pain, my bones breaking and extending. I would do that-I'd repeat my first shift over and over again if that meant I'd get to keep Maya. Once a day, I'd take it.

I'd make a deal with the devil right now. One first shift a day and your mate lives. Sign my soul away. Farkle taking me through the doors they had taken Maya through. He's taking me to my mate, immediately my eyes search for anything silver to end me. To put me out of my misery, I don't really know why a werewolf hospital would have silver but it was worth a shot. Stopping at an open window, I see my mate's blonde hair dried and sticky with blood lying off the table. Doctors and nurses surrounding her, furiously working to bring her back. I vaguely hear Farkle whisper 'please' to the Moon Goddess. Over and over again.

One doctor feverishly working on her stomach, the other trying to shock her heart back to life. 'Jax.'

Nothing.

'Jax come on. I need you to reach out to Amber, please. Reach out, try and connect with her. We may be able to bring mate back.'

He just lies there in his cage, he quit whimpering a while ago. My head rests on the window as I try to see her beautiful face. Is she in any pain? Is she peaceful? Is death peaceful? Letting a fresh new round of tears fall out, I drop to my knees. I don't give a damn if death is peaceful or not, I want it. I want death right now. At least my mark isn't burning anymore, that's a good sign. Trying to stay optimistic, I watch Farkle's facial expressions as he takes in what the doctors are doing. He's a genius, he really is and he could have gone on to be or do anything. Yet, he stayed here and accepted my offer as a Gamma. I don't have any trepidations, I'm sure he knows what they're doing.

His cheeks are tear stained. Silently crying, knowing right now he would have to be the one to be in charge. Anything I say or do at this point would be out of sadness or anger. Either way, whether my mate lives… when my mate lives-this is war.

"Yes, it is." Farkle murmurs just loud enough for me to hear it.

It's silent in the hallway, it's only been 4 maybe 5 minutes since I began to feel the worst pain in my entire existence. The worst pain known to a werewolf. No one dares to cross my path right now, my warriors guarding the door that leads to this waiting room. Farkle said he stationed 2 more outside of the operating room so no one could hurt her. I know that should comfort me, but truth is she's already hurt. The only thing that could comfort me at this point is my mate.

A few knocks on the door and Smackle steps inside. Setting an item on the ground and immediately retreating. Instantly I'm drawn to it, the scent of vanilla and strawberries. My mate. I crawl hands and knees towards the leather jacket she chose not to wear today. Clutching it in my fingers as if this is the last thing I'll ever have of her. Inhaling deeply, I feel Jax stir within me. Immediately realizing that it isn't his mate it's just her scent, whining, he lies back down. I'm careful to not get my tears on it, they'll wash away her scent. "Tell Smackle thank you." I muster out before breathing it in again.

Silence again fills the room.

The seconds feel like hours, and I'm slowly realizing that this is what my life is going to be like. That's when I lie down on the ground, exhaustion overcoming me. Using my mate's jacket as a pillow I start to close my eyes. But all I see is her.

'Mate?'

'JAX!'

I can feel him stirring within me. He's beginning to pace the cage, 'Jax what do you feel?' Immediately sitting up, hoping and praying he can sense Amber.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Throwing myself to my feet, my hands against the window. I have to see if it's true. I can hear the beeping. I can hear it, glancing at a screen I can see the spikes. "Oh my Goddess." Farkle whispers and a smile overcomes his face. Her heart beat is slow, but it's there.

'MATE! TELL MATE WE LOVE HER! TELL HER!'

"We love you Maya." I sob out, a fresh new pool of tears already falling out of my orbs. She's alive. "She's alive." I whimper out before hugging one of my best friends.

"She's alive." He repeats in a way to comfort me. "She's alive Josh. She's so strong. Our Luna is so strong."

That's the understatement of the century. Lips trembling, hands shaking, heart racing, mind running all of it coming from me. Though she's alive, we aren't out of the wooded area yet. Not until she's out of surgery. Waves of anxiety and fear rolling off of me, I try to keep myself calm by staring at the heart monitor. That's why the mark stopped burning. Though it wouldn't have faded completely today, it would take about a full month for it to be gone completely since we haven't been together long. Had we been together for at least a year, there would always be a faint scar. The grey cord that was our bond has a dull light to it now. Slowly brightening the more the doctor's work on her injuries. 4 distinct howls of praise to the Moon Goddess from my warriors for saving their Luna.

"I need to go call Beta Lucas. The pack is in a frenzy right now I'm sure." I don't acknowledge him, my face pressed up to the glass. My first priority will always be Maya. I'm still hugging her jacket, the pain in my heart lessening by the second.

My father was right about one thing.

Mates are your greatest strength.

But they're also your greatest weakness.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

I was asked several times for the nurses to stitch up the gash in my leg. Yes wolves have a healing ability but with cuts this large it wasn't hard to know it would heal faster when the skin is pulled together. Plus, infections. But every time I was asked, I told them 'no' and that they need to help Maya first. Even when they tried to reassure me that she was in good hands, that they weren't needed and would be in the way-I told them to find something to help my mate. To make sure she isn't in any pain. To clean her body, dress her wounds-there was always something they could do to help her.

It was 3 hours, after they had wheeled her to the back that they had brought her into the ICU. So that's where I am right now, holding her hand and leaning over her bed to rest my head and to watch her. Mostly her chest rising and falling to make sure she's still breathing, her scent and the collapsing of her chest every few seconds is comforting Jax. The nurse beside me is stitching up my leg but I block her out and twirl my mate's hair in my free hand. "I love you so much Maya."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I start to kiss her scratched knuckles. I'm beaten up a little and I know my body will be sore but I'm nothing compared to my mate. Lacerations across her face and forehead, one in particular needing stitches to close it up. Dark bruises on the right side of her face and body, the side that landed on the ground after each flip. Even more cuts dancing across her skin, several burn marks though I'm not sure how she got those. "Alpha." The nurse bows her head, apparently done stitching me up. I don't look away from Maya, I wish she'd wake up just so I can hold her and tell her how much I love her.

The pain of losing her not far gone. It's still lingering and will continue to remain in my heart until she wakes up. But, I know that feeling and memory will always be in the back of my mind. Reminding me of how precious she truly is, and to never take her for granted. 2 knocks on the door I don't say anything, they come in anyways. "Alpha Josh. I'm Dr. Landon. I wanted to go over Luna's injuries." Nodding for him to continue, my eyes stay trained on her while listening intently to him. "Alright, basically I'm going to be blunt with you. She suffered from an aortic rupture, which is what led to her death." Growling lowly, I flip my head towards him. "I mean you no harm Alpha. I just don't beat around the bush. She did die from loss of blood but she's here and if it weren't for your blood well-I won't even go there." That's probably for the best.

I'm on edge right now as it is and quite frankly I don't care if he saved my mate or not. Jax is willing to tear anyone apart who disrespects or harms her… irrational I know. "Her arm is broken in two places. We had to reset the bones, I'd say in a week she'll be good as new there. Her leg, she tore her ACL and meniscus." Flipping my gaze back towards him I whimper, "2 weeks of no shifting. Absolutely none, everything needs to heal in her skin side before she shifts to fur." I know it's from us pulling her out of the car, her leg was pinned but we didn't have a choice. "She also dislocated her hip, got that all fixed up." He's surprisingly upbeat for a doctor who almost lost a patient. "Basically when she wakes up which it might be a good while since she does have a concussion-she will be very tired. Similar to how you're feeling right now since you gave her a lot of your blood."

"Thanks." I muster out and prevent myself from crawling into bed beside her. No matter how much Jax urges.

A few footsteps, the door opens but he doesn't leave. "Not a lot of people would have survived that injury, the aorta rupture I mean. You have a strong Luna and mate, you should be proud." A side of seriousness I wasn't expecting. A stiff nod and I'm whimpering as soon as he shuts the door, I'm not sure if I'm whimpering from the pain in my heart seeing my mate like this. Or from the sheer pride I'm feeling for her, saying 'she's strong' is an understatement but there's really no way of putting it.

2 more raps on the door and I'm stifling a growl. Farkle steps inside, "Alpha. Would you like a report?"

"Where are the wolves who flipped our car?"

Closing the door behind him he keeps his distance away from Maya. He knows I'm feeling territorial over her right now. Much like a mother to her newborn pups, protecting the ones we love who can't protect themselves. "Shred to pieces. There were 4." I should have been the one to kill them. "You did the right thing tending to Luna, Alpha. Since there were so little wolves, I had a feeling this was a covert mission. No one knew about it, especially since all but 1 were rogues."

Perking up, ears twitching as I wait for more news. "Yes. 1 was from the Crescent Moon Pack. The other 3 were rogues."

So he's doing more than going to allies for help, he's recruiting rogues. "Pack?"

Shaking his head he rubs his eyes tiredly. "Lucas-and Goddess Riley. I couldn't hardly hear anything. He said it was getting better. Some wolves were still in pain, obviously trying to reform a bond that was lost. They were on their way here with 40 warriors when they felt the bond break." Kissing her knuckles again, I wait for more news because there's definitely more. "Cory and Topanga have a mole in the Alpha house who tipped them off about the caravan attack."

"No one but the wolves in our pack and this pack new about this trip." I respond almost whispering. "Someone tipped off Kermit. Whether from our pack or this one, I'm not sure." Searching for a mole in one pack is never easy, you don't want to believe that you were deceived by your own pack. But searching through 2 different packs. Well, that's a bitch. "They were smart. Staying far enough away from territory lines where no one could smell a rogue scent. Someone had to be watching us, our windows are so dark from the outside you can't tell who was in each car. They specifically attacked ours."

Shrugging to himself Farkle takes a seat, "It's pretty common for Alpha's to take center, protection in the front and back." I've never agreed with that logic, as an Alpha you should be leading your pack from the front. It doesn't really matter the impending danger. Because if there was, you'd throw yourself into it immediately, might as well see it coming.

After this incident I may just change that. "Don't forget Alpha, you need to Alpha order us to not mention anything about her being a seer. IF there is a mole in our pack, I'd rather not have anyone find out about it." I trust my warriors and Gamma but he has a point, he always has a point. Basically he just said that he isn't the mole, though I never had any doubts about him. If he was he'd be eager to spread the information. But right now, I'm not worried about the mole.

"Farkle, you are not to mention anything about Luna Maya's seeing ability that she inherited from Alpha William. That's an order." And I'm exhausted again, the energy to evade that tone was the only energy I had gathered. "When we leave, I want my father and 20 warriors here to follow us out. My mate and I will lead the caravan. Make the call, we'll let them know when we plan to leave. Call on a secured line."

"Yes Alpha, I'll also have someone bring you food. You need it after today." Nodding in acknowledgement, I can't resist as soon as that door closed I was climbing into the bed. Careful not to jostle the cords or her. Resting my head on her shoulder my hand intertwined with hers, Jax is finally lying down.

As soon as I close my eyes everything from today ran through my mind.

My mate is now a seer.

Alpha Kermit declared war, whether he realized it or not.

The next thought has tears brimming underneath my eyelids. My mate died.

My mate came back to life.

There may or may not be a mole in our pack.

But Jax, sensing my tension sent an image of our mate from the Luna induction. The white dress hugging her curves perfectly, her gorgeous hair curled and pinned to the side and her piercing blue eyes practically smiling at me. And that's the image that flashes into my mind, that's the image that I fall asleep to.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

3 days later and she still hasn't woken up, apparently that's normal. A little longer than when she was out after the whippings. My entire body still shivers from the memory of it. Every day has been the same, I wake up the nurse comes in to change her bandages and give her some more pain medication. A good portion of the scratches are gone, bruises a light yellow. Once the nurse leaves, I groom her hair. Brushing out all the tangles since she always complains about them when she's awake.

And giving her a sponge bath whenever I'm done. Yes, she brushes her hair before she washes it, I don't know but it's one of her quirks I love. Her stomach has been stitched up from the surgery on her aorta. Those still need 2 more days before I can get those wet, so I strategically clean around it. I can't imagine how sore that will be for her. Putting lotion all over her body once I'm done, I made sure it was unscented so it wouldn't cover up her deliciousness. Overall she's healing nicely. But the need for her to wake up is starting to overwhelm both Jax and I.

Ever since last night, I'd feel her fingertips twitch and Doctor Landon said that it is a good sign. Hopefully she'll be waking up soon. I already called my father and he should be arriving late this afternoon with the warriors. Forcing my mother to stay home wasn't easy, and it was even more difficult with Riley. She's still in hysterics on losing Maya.

I feel the same way. Brushing my fingertips across her cheek, I sigh in content. 'Maya baby if you can hear me. Please wake up.'

That's also become routine, and though nothing happens I relish in the fact I still have a mate bond with her. It's the little things at this point. "Son." Turning towards the door, I crawl out of the bed kissing her head in the process. His eyes trained entirely on my mate, lying helpless in bed. Not something I'm used to seeing, from her especially. "How is she?"

I chuckle at the question but remember to remain respectful. He'd use this moment to chastise me on remaining calm in times of distress. "She's healing." Truth that is optimistic. "The pack?"

"Antsy. They want to see their Luna with their own eyes." Nodding my head in understanding, I was the same way. "I know they're going through a hard time. They haven't had a Luna fall injured since your grandmother." That does little to comfort me, is he trying to rub in the fact I didn't keep her safe? "No I'm not." He all but growls, "I'm not a cruel man." I need to remember to put my wall back up. Stepping towards me, I square my shoulders-ready to face him if necessary. "I have no idea what you went through. I will never know. The feeling of losing Maya as my Luna was enough to have me on my knees." Wide eyes, this male? My father, was brought to his knees? "If I fell to my knees, I can't fathom what you went through. You are not at fault, you were leaving earlier than originally intended and took the necessary precautions. Do not blame yourself son. Self-loathing will send you spiraling down to an unknown path."

I don't say anything. What's there to say? He's right, unless you've lost a mate there is no way to compare it. And as an Alpha, the bond stronger and more powerful-some may consider it worse than just a regular wolf losing its soul mate. My father explains to me that he has our warriors out in the area, patrolling with Power Pack wolves after gaining permission from the Alpha. Apparently he had a pleather of volunteers, which makes me proud but he only brought along the best.

"How are you?"

Words that were meant to be comforting and caring, slice at me like a hot knife. Glancing at my mate and taking a seat beside her, gripping her hand as if my life depended on it. "I can honestly say, I'd rather die than be without her. I'd rather have a first shift every day, be whipped every day or be shot with silver every day only to be healed and have it done again then to lose her. Never in a million years did I realize how strong this bond would be, no not our bond. Our love, I love her and always will with or without the bond. Farkle's basically been in charge, running things by me but I've been focused on her. She's healing but… I know this goes without being said but cherish mom."

"Wow, the feels are strong with this one."

That voice, that sweet melodic voice that I've been waiting for. Bright blue eyes staring at me with a smile.

Maya's awake.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

I couldn't kill off Maya… not yet at least… KIDDING! KIDDING! PUT YOUR WEAPONS DOWN!