Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.
Chapter Twenty- nine
Boston – February 12, 1847
A full winter moon looked down on Boston, emitting its pale yellow beams on the sleepy city. A light fog had settled through the streets, curling up against houses making the inhabitants thankful to be inside. Marjorie stood at her window looking out at the blurred orb in the night sky and thinking about Michaela and Sully. When she had first come to realize that Sully and Michaela's relationship was not that of brother and sister, it had been hard to imagine. The month of separation hadn't helped matters. If it hadn't been for Michaela's propensity for hiding out in her bedroom and Sully's brooding, she would never have guessed how miserable they both really were. Today had been eye opening for her and she wondered now how she had ever missed their connection before.
When she left Michaela's room, she had tried to wait before going down to them. But within half an hour her curiosity got the better of her and she descended to the library to see if they had made up. Opening the door after knocking, she found them seated on opposite ends of the window seat both working on homework. Marjorie had taken a seat at Josef's desk pretending to read while out of the corner of her eye she watched the two of them. Sully kept casually nudging Michaela's foot with his. She would look up from her book smiling shyly exchanging a secret look with him before both of them would once again return to their work. As if it was a game of tag, now it was Michaela's turn to gently nudge his foot. Marjorie smiled to herself as she watched. The real surprise though had been their behavior for the rest of the night in front of Josef and Elizabeth. They never touched once they were in the presence of the adults. If anything they both went out of their way to avoid even accidentally standing too close to one another. They didn't need to touch; Marjorie could see how they felt about one another in the looks they shared and the hushed words meant only for each other's ears. The way one side of Michaela's mouth curled up in a smile when Sully was speaking or the way Sully unconsciously raised his eyebrows when Michaela spoke.
How long had they felt this way about each other? How had she been so blind before? Did her parents suspect? How could they not suspect? Well, she hadn't suspected until someone pointed it out to her. Or maybe it was because she had never really seen love like this before. She knew her parents loved each other but to think about them like that felt weird. They weren't lovers, they were her parents. She thought about her sisters and their husbands. Out of all of them, only Charles stuck out in her mind. The way he doted over Maureen and looked at her so adoringly reminded her of Sully. Although she had never once seen Maureen smile at Charles the way Michaela smiled at Sully. A small star twinkled in the sky, its light pushing through the light fog to reach Marjorie. She sighed as she spotted the star and closed her eyes to make a wish; a wish that someday somebody would adore her like that.
Sully rolled over on his bed still unable to sleep. Today had seemed like a dream and part of him feared that if he closed his eyes and slept, he may wake to find it really had been a dream. The moon was so big tonight, it reminded him of Michaela. She would look so beautiful standing in the pale light with her hair flowing down her back. He closed his eyes and smiled thinking about her hair and then her hands and then her lips. Shaking his head, he stopped himself. Though his thoughts were still innocent, he knew they would take him places he should not go and then the desire to act on those thoughts would be even greater. Being patient was hard when you had been away from someone for what felt like an eternity. If they were both grown, he would go to her right now and bury his face in the crook of her neck so that he could inhale her scent.
Sully sat up in bed and reached for the sketchbook he had left on the bedside table. Flipping open the pages, he winced at the pain he saw etched on the tablet. From years of living with his mother, he had learned how to pretend to be happy even when he wasn't. His mother had always seemed so sad that he couldn't bear to contribute to her sadness so he always put on a smile even when he felt like crying. Then he had no outlet for his frustration but now he had found one, his art. The month that Michaela had banished him had been extremely painful but instead of shutting himself away as she had done, he had drawn and painted and sketched and cried until every pore of his body felt exhausted and he could finally slip off to sleep. The pictures were frightening to Sully now that he no longer was in that frame of mind. He had the desire to get rid of them and he decided to throw the whole book into the fire. Slowly he got out of bed and crossed the room to the fireplace holding the book in both of his hands. Yet some force stopped him from burning the book and eventually he put it on his desk and returned to bed. Maybe he would need to remind himself someday of what it felt like to be without Michaela and he would look at those pictures and see his own personal hell. Or maybe Michaela needed to see those pictures to understand what he had been going through. If she asked him, he knew his words would not be adequate but those pictures would tell her all she needed to know.
Rolling over on his side, a small star caught his attention as it twinkled out of the light fog at him. He smiled to himself as he watched the star thinking that maybe Michaela was looking out of her window at that same star. Closing his eyes, he made a wish that nothing would ever come between Michaela and him again.
Michaela finished reading the last few lines of Julius Caesar for school the next day. Closing the book, she placed it upon her bedside table and turned down the lamp. A sigh of contentment escaped her lips as she settled down into her bed. In a few days it would be her fourteenth birthday but no gift could compare to what Sully had given her this afternoon. Once she had figured out that what she felt for him was love, her only thought had been what if he didn't feel the same. Knowing now that he did, filled her with such complete happiness that she wasn't sure she would be able to sleep. Wondering what Sully was doing right now, she rose and went to her window. Craning her neck she could just make out his window. The window was dark so he was most likely already asleep.
Looking up into the night sky, the moon caught her attention. It was so round and so close that she felt that she could almost reach out and touch it. Or maybe it was the feeling that she could fly to it because Sully loved her; nothing seemed impossible suddenly. Yet even now doubts kept sneaking back into her mind - insecurities about the past month. Why had Sully not just told her what had happened to Marjorie? If he had, they might have patched things up much earlier. And what exactly had happened to Marjorie? Pretending not to care and really not caring were two different things. She could feel her curiosity building again. If she asked Sully now, would he tell her? Would her asking cause a fight? That was the last thing she wanted and so no matter how bad she desired to know she would have to live without knowing. One more thing bothered her- Sully's behavior over the past month. Had he missed her as much as she had missed him? Had Marjorie replaced her for a short time? And if she was that easily replaced, could it happen again? Taking a deep breath, she started back to bed trying to decide what subjects to broach with Sully and which ones to leave alone. Her father always told her that sometimes you have to pick your battles and this was definitely one of those cases.
Sitting down on the edge of her bed, she could just make out one small star shining fiercely through the fog. The desire to make a wish overcame her but she shook it off deciding that was childish. Yet as she lay down, she couldn't help closing her eyes and whispering these words into the night "Please don't let me be replaceable to Sully."
"Elizabeth, are you asleep?" Josef asked.
"Not now," Elizabeth said rolling onto her side to see him better. "Why?"
"What do you think happened this afternoon?" he said pushing himself up on his elbow.
"God only knows," Elizabeth returned with a touch of sarcasm.
Josef continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I was sitting outside in the carriage literally dreading coming inside. I couldn't believe it when I opened the library door to find all three of them in there doing homework. Michaela and Sully actually speaking to one another. I almost checked to make sure I had entered the right house." Josef let out a little laugh at his last line.
Elizabeth didn't find it amusing. "I know Josef. You've told me this story three times since dinner."
"Sorry. I can't help it. It's so great to see Mike back to her old self and to have Sully stop brooding all the time. In addition to that they both seem to be getting along with Marjorie. I feel like a child at Christmas who just received everything they ever wanted." Josef finished and laid his head back down on his pillow contentedly. "Elizabeth aren't you happy?"
"Of course I am. I told you time would heal everything."
"And it has. But certainly something else must have happened."
"Perhaps," said Elizabeth. "But you know how children are- upset one minute and fine the next."
Josef turned back on his side to study Elizabeth. Gently he brought his hand to rest on top of hers. "Elizabeth, they really aren't children anymore. Marjorie will have her coming out in just a few short months. Our baby is going to be fourteen in two days and well Sully…" he drifted off.
"Sully still needs to be adopted," Elizabeth said.
"I know. I'll talk to him this week. It was hard to discuss with things being so difficult between him and Michaela but now that everything is settled, I'm sure he will readily agree to it."
"What if he doesn't?" Elizabeth asked feeling a sense of uneasiness building in her chest.
"Oh Elizabeth, please tell me you aren't going to bring up the Sully and Mike thing again."
"I'm not. I simply want things settled once and for all. There is no reason to put off the adoption any longer."
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," Josef said giving her hand a gentle pat. "Good night," he said closing his eyes.
"Good night," Elizabeth returned rolling over on her side turning her back towards Josef. The uneasiness from earlier had only intensified and it was making her feel ill. If only she could shake this feeling. Today's events had confused her. She had been convinced that Michaela had been upset over Thomas but to find her back to her old self after patching things up with Sully, worried Elizabeth. Whether or not Josef saw it, there was something there. Possibly the two of them didn't even know it but in either case it needed to be stopped now. Once they were officially brother and sister, she would be able to relax she told herself. Their closeness would not look so odd to the prying eyes of Beacon Hill if everyone thought they were only brother and sister. Still Elizabeth could not shake the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her eyes looked over at the window. The moon appeared funny shining through the fog leaving an ominous glow in the sky. Her eyes thought she saw a small star trying to shine its own light through the fog but as quickly as it had come it was gone. She remembered when her grandfather had told her as a child that a star can only grant so many wishes and then it burns out. "I guess that little star is all wished out," she whispered but noone heard as Josef was already fast asleep.
Boston - February 13, 1847
All day in school Michaela had a hard time concentrating. Her thoughts kept drifting to Sully. It didn't help that all the girls were talking about Valentine's Day. Would Sully get her something? Should she get him something? And then there were still the other things rattling around in her head – Marjorie's secret and her being replaced. Decisions had to be made in regards to what to talk to Sully about; whether to satisfy her curiosity or put to rest her insecurities.
As she arrived home from school that day, she still was no closer to making a decision. Sully was waiting for her on the front steps as she alighted from the carriage with Marjorie right behind her.
"Good afternoon Sully," Marjorie said as she passed.
"Afternoon," Sully returned with a smile before looking expectantly at Michaela. "Good afternoon," he said standing so that his eyes were even with hers. "Did ya have a good day?"
Michaela smiled back meeting his gaze. "Uh-huh," she uttered as she bit her bottom lip.
"I know it's kind of cold but do ya wanna walk down to the Common with me?" Sully asked.
"Right now?"
"Sure."
"But what about our homework?" Michaela asked suddenly feeling jittery inside.
"It ain't goin' anywhere. We can do it when we get back."
"Mother?" Michaela questioned.
"Not here," he said.
"Why do you want to go to the Common?"
"I wanna show ya something and I'd like to be somewhere I know we won't be interrupted," Sully answered. Michaela's interest was piqued. She looked down and noticed he was carrying one of his sketch pads.
"Okay," she consented. "Just let me put my books in the house." Quickly she disappeared inside the door, returning just moments later. They set off for the Common, walking briskly to stay off the cold. Having Michaela this close made Sully wish he could take her hand or run his fingers through her hair but he didn't dare. A comfortable silence had settled between them and they both walked on lost in their own thoughts of each other. When they arrived at the Common, they set off for the same grove of trees they had visited on Sully's birthday. The thought of that afternoon made them both tingle with pleasant memories. Yet Sully quickly dismissed this from his mind. Patience he reiterated to himself; he needed to be patient.
"So?" Michaela said as they stepped into the trees which at least shielded them from the wind.
"Umm.." Sully felt nervous. "I feel like there might still be some stuff we need to talk about." He looked over at Michaela trying to get a read on her expression.
"Me too," she said smiling widely.
"Ya happy bout that," he teased.
"Relieved that I'm not the only one who thinks that," Michaela returned. Sully looked at her but didn't say anything. "Are we going to talk about it?"
"Yeah," Sully said, still not sharing what he thought they needed to discuss.
"So?"
"Sorry. I just started thinking what if the things we both think we gotta talk about aren't the same things."
"What?" Michaela asked trying to figure out Sully's last statement.
"I don't wanna fight with ya," Sully replied. Michaela could see the fear in his eyes and she was glad that he was frightened of the same thing she was.
"Me either, Sully. But not talking isn't going to help."
"Right," Sully agreed. "So who wants to start?"
Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "You said you wanted to show me something."
Sully looked down at the sketch book, neatly tucked under his left arm. "I ain't good at sayin' things like you are Michaela. This past month was horrible for me."
"For me too," Michaela reminded him. Silence settled between them as they both tried to think of how to continue. "At least you had Marjorie," Michaela said meekly.
"Marjorie?" Sully looked at her.
"To talk to and stuff," Michaela said meeting his gaze wondering if he could see the hurt she still felt.
Sully furrowed his brow as he considered her. "I would gladly have gone back to being invisible to her if it meant I wasn't invisible to you. Here," he said thrusting his sketch book at her suddenly. Michaela took it in her hands but did not open it. "Go ahead, open it. I want you to understand how I felt the last month."
Michaela slowly opened to the first page taking in everything that was drawn there. She turned to the second and the third, feeling the depth of despair etched on the pages. The colors were dark. The figures heavily shaded. Shadows crept out from the corners of the pictures ready to engulf the viewer. The pictures were of familiar places but all life seemed gone from them. The Common, Anna's house, the backyard – all dark and lifeless. What she saw would have frightened her if she had not felt that she was looking into her own soul.
"I had to hide the way I felt for a long time. My ma was always sad after my dad died. I always thought that if I was sad too it would be too much for her. I guess in the end it didn't matter but …" Sully drifted off scared that Michaela still hadn't said anything.
Finally, she raised her head. Tears were in her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered closing the sketch book.
"For what?" Sully asked.
"For being as miserable as I was," she said laughing as she realized how selfish that sounded.
Sully smiled at her. "Okay, so your turn," he said.
Michaela knew it was now or never and so she screwed up her courage. "Why didn't you tell me Marjorie's secret?"
"Cause I told Marjorie I wouldn't tell ya," he answered plainly.
"But if you had told me, I would have understood and we wouldn't have been apart for so long." She regretted the words as soon as they rolled off her tongue. Had she really just blamed him for their month of separation?
"Is that what ya really think?" he asked his eyes cutting to her very core.
"No," she said hastily. "I know I pushed you away."
"Thomas tried to force himself on her," Sully announced out of the clear blue.
"What?" Michaela asked unsure if she had just heard the big secret or not.
"I heard her scream. I thought it was you."
"And you stopped him? That's how you got injured?" Sully nodded his head. Without thinking Michaela threw her arms around him. "I'm so sorry," she said. "But why did you tell me now?"
"Yesterday, Marjorie told me I could tell you if I wanted to."
"She is really starting to creep me out," Michaela said pulling back from Sully.
"I know," he said. "It's like she is a different person. But well maybe somethin' like what happened to her really can change you."
"At least open your eyes," Michaela said. "Sully, I feel so much better."
"Me too," he said. "Guess we better head home before Elizabeth sends the bloodhounds after us."
Michaela laughed. "Alone at the Common unchaperoned," she said dramatically. "Oh, the shame of it all." She covered her eyes with one of her hands and pretended to swoon.
It was now Sully's turn to laugh. "Come on, let's go." Together they started back across the Common their hearts lighter then they had been on the walk there.
"Tomorrow's Valentine's Day," Michaela mentioned trying to sound nonchalant.
"So?" Sully teased.
"So sometimes when people have feelings for someone, they give them a card or a present," Michaela replied.
"And do ya have someone in mind that you have feelings for?" Sully asked trying to keep a straight face.
"Sully," Michaela said hitting him playfully on the arm. He laughed but said nothing else. Michaela was frustrated by his silence. "Are we going to do anything?" she asked.
"Too risky," Sully said. "Elizabeth is gonna be in full snoop mode tomorrow."
"True," Michaela said sighing.
"Lots more Valentine's Days coming up in the future," Sully said as he picked up their pace.
"True," agreed Michaela but the disappointment could be sensed in her voice.
Boston – February 14, 1847
Michaela sat in the carriage waiting for Marjorie to emerge from the house. She was forever running late and Michaela was growing impatient. Finally, she appeared on the steps still buttoning her cloak and pulling on her gloves against the winter chill.
"Come on," Michaela yelled out the door. "You are going to make us late."
Marjorie ran to the carriage and climbed inside. "It's not my fault this time," she said hastily shutting the door behind her as the carriage set off. Michaela rolled her eyes and gave a little shake of her head. "Well, if you are going to be that way," Marjorie replied.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'm late because I'm playing Cupid," she said holding a card out to Michaela. Michaela reached for it but Marjorie snatched it back to her chest. "Uh-uh, not after the way I've been treated."
"Marjorie," Michaela whined anxious to see what was in her hands.
"If you ask nicely."
"Would you please let me see that card?" Michaela said in her sweetest voice.
"Maybe a little groveling," Marjorie added a grin forming on her lips.
"I am extremely sorry for yelling at you for being late," Michaela said rather insincerely.
"Is that the best you can do?" Marjorie asked. Michaela groaned. "Okay, here you go but tell your little beau I'm not a carrier pigeon." Michaela quickly snatched the card from her hand smiling at Marjorie's use of the word beau. Sully had used pastels to recreate the moon overlooking the river. It was beautiful and Michaela sat just admiring the time Sully had put into it. "Aren't you going to open it?" Marjorie said interrupting her solitude.
"I'm getting there," Michaela said. Inside Sully had drawn a heart with the letters M and S in the middle of it. Michaela traced the two letters with her finger as a sense of great happiness flowed through her.
Marjorie was peaking over her shoulder. "He didn't even write anything in it," she exclaimed.
"He doesn't need to write anything," Michaela defended. She closed the card. "This is our moon and our river," she said showing the outside to Marjorie.
"Sure," Marjorie responded.
"Never mind, you wouldn't understand anyway," Michaela said. Yet even her sister couldn't ruin the joy she felt deep inside. She opened the card over and over throughout the day each time tracing the letters on the heart as she etched them into her memory. Smiling she couldn't wait for this afternoon when she could give Sully her own card.
Philadelphia – February 14, 1858
Michaela trudged home from the library, her arms full of books. It was Valentine's Day but with Sully across the country she wasn't looking forward to it. Instead she planned to get a head start on her reading for the next week, hence the library visit. Robert had invited Miriam out to dinner and the opera and Michaela knew that she secretly hoped that tonight he might ask her to marry him. Letting out a sigh, she let her mind drift to Sully. It had only been a little over a month since she had last seen him but it seemed as if each goodbye was becoming harder and harder. To make matters worse, she had no idea when she would see him again. Shaking her head, she resolved not to think about Sully or she knew tonight would end in her crying herself to sleep.
She was still about a block away from her residence when a familiar form caught her attention. Shielding her eyes from the last rays of a bright winter sun, she tried to make out the person but his back was towards her. It looked like Sully but that couldn't possibly be – he was in Colorado. Quickening her pace, she tried not to get her hopes up. It was probably a suitor waiting for another girl who lived in the same building as Michaela. Suddenly he turned around and she knew. Her legs could not carry her fast enough as she moved towards him.
"Sully," she called as she was only feet from him now.
"Michaela," he said a wide smile on his face.
"I'm not dreaming am I?" she asked.
"No," he said taking the books from her arms. "I'm really here."
"But how?'
"There is this thing called a train and you get on it and it takes you places," Sully teased.
"Sully," she said playfully slapping his arm. He stopped and looked at her, longing to take her in his arms.
"Can we get rid of these so I can take ya somewhere?" he asked indicating the books. "I mean unless ya have other plans for the evening."
She pointed to the books. "These were my plans."
"Can ya break 'em?" he asked raising his eyebrows at her. "I mean I wouldn't wanna keep ya from studyin'."
"I think I can make an exception for tonight," she said taking the books from him again as she ran inside. "I'll be right back," she called over her shoulder. A few minutes later she emerged from the building. Her hair was down now, the way she knew Sully like it. "Where are we going? Do I need to change my dress?" she asked.
"Ya look beautiful just like you are," Sully said. "But I do have one request."
"What?" she said.
He took her hand and pulled her off the street around the corner of the building. Sully raised his hand to just below her neck fingering the chain he knew she wore underneath her top. "I want you to wear this tonight," he said as he reached under her collar to find the clasp and undo it. Gently he slid the necklace out of her collar and smiled at the ring that hung on the delicate chain. Taking it his hand, he held it up to her. Nervously, she reached out her hand to him as he slipped the ring on her finger. Looking down at her hand, she smiled. Sometimes when she was alone she would put on her engagement ring and just stare at it but somehow it meant so much more to wear it with Sully standing next to her. "I figure no one knows us here," Sully said.
"It's worth the risk," Michaela added looking up into his eyes and seeing the same desire burning within them that burned in her heart. "Oh Sully," she cried slipping her arms inside of his coat and wrapping them around his back to draw him close.
"Michaela," he whispered staring down into her eyes. As always when they were first reunited after being apart, he kissed her gently pulling back slightly to gauge her reaction. Michaela's eyes were still closed and she lifted her chin slightly, inviting Sully to kiss her again. Dipping his head low, he placed a row of soft kisses to the side of her neck causing her to tingle with anticipation as he drew nearer to her mouth. As she felt his lips kiss the side of her mouth, she turned instinctively towards him covering his lips with her own. Michaela's knees felt weak and she leaned back against the building pulling Sully with her. Teasingly, he darted his tongue out of his mouth and pressed it firmly against her lips. Yet before she could open up to him, he had pulled away again.
"Sully," she whispered growing a little impatient. Her voice was thick with desire and he could resist her no longer. Her mouth opened to him as he covered her lips with his own. Their tongues found each other as Sully pressed his body against Michaela's enjoying the moment that he knew would have to end soon. Slowly he drew away from her, gasping for air as she began to place kisses to his neck and chest.
"When do you have to leave?" she asked in between kisses.
"Two days," he managed to gasp his body still reacting to Michaela's proximity.
"Happy Valentine's Day," she whispered against his ear.
Sully moved away from her and took her hand in his. Raising her hand to his lips, he gently placed a kiss to the engagement ring, "Happy Valentine's Day," Sully repeated.
Boston- February 14, 1847
When Sully and Michaela returned from school, they entered the library to steal a few private moments with each other before starting on their homework. To their surprise, Josef had arrived home early and was waiting for them just inside the door.
"Good afternoon and Happy Valentine's Day," he greeted them. Michaela hugged him briefly wondering at his presence. "Mike, if you don't mind excusing Sully and I for a minute I need to speak to him in private."
Michaela exchanged a worried expression with Sully. Instinctively she knew this was about the adoption. The past month had passed them by and they had not thought of it once. Even after being reunited, it had been the furthest thing from their minds.
"Sure," she answered stepping slowly to the door wishing there was something she could do. Could you fake something like appendicitis? Probably not she decided. Eventually she reached the library door and left the room as a sense of dread settled on her.
"Take a seat," Josef instructed Sully as he lowered himself into a chair. "Sully, I know we talked about our adopting you before Christmas and I just wanted to let you know I hadn't forgotten about it. Everything was so up in the air for awhile but now that things seemed to have returned to normal, well, I wanted to ask you, how do you feel about us adopting you?"
This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading.
