Chapter 28: Rapture

JPOV

As my teeth sunk in her flesh, all conscious thoughts left me. I was all vampire, thirsty, horny and dangerous. All that was left was taste and emotion.

I closed my eyes, didn't let my teeth cut deep – my caring and protective feelings saw to that – and softly my tongue licked up the little blood that sipped from the wound. I sucked a few times, shortly after biting, to make sure none of my venom would enter her bloodstream. Bella's sharp pain faded and all she felt was a dimmed care mixed with anticipation.

When the first warm drops reached my burning throat, the taste of her so much more intense than the test tube blood, I must have groaned, because a new feeling started to rise in Bella's gut. Or maybe I had been projecting. After all, I had been lusting for her touch ever since that passionate kiss.

As I should have expected, tasting her blood while smelling her arousal did not help me in that area and I got painfully hard. My mind, which I thought had left the building, was now popping back displaying images of me bending over Bella, pushing her against the soft couch in front of that fire and fucking her until we both couldn't move.

I heard Bella groan and felt her shift a bit. I was instantly concerned, my eyes snapped open and my tongue stopped lapping up her heavenly liquid. My hands however held her small wrist in place and my lips were still against her warm skin. The look she gave me wasn't a look of pain though. I might have been projecting my feelings, because she gazed at me as if she wanted to devour me any second now.

I groaned again and started sucking the wound a little more fervently. This time my gaze didn't leave hers and I didn't even try not to project my drop dead horny state on her.

Although my eyes were now wide open, the images of me sliding deep inside her warmth wouldn't go away.

Slowly my fingers let go of her wrist but she didn't pull it back. Instead of holding her arm, my hands softly moved over her skin, palm open, slowly caressing their way up to her shoulder, losing my inhibition to let my hands roam over her chest.

I was now turned sideways towards her and her ragged breath told me that she was well aware I was this close from crashing into her. Oh god to be inside her.

I was throbbing in my pants when I felt Bella leaning into my fingertips tracing her upper arms and her shoulders. Apart from that she remained motionless, big brown eyes filled with absolute devotion.

The light of the fire on her skin hid the fact that her furious blush was now steadily decreasing. She looked so trusting, this girl that should be mine.

And then she lightly sighed, a smile on her gorgeous lips, and I was blown away.

Not by the sight of this surrendering angel, even though that alone was enough to enrapture me.

It were her feelings that suddenly seemed to explode. Apparently my Ellie had been holding back, something she had learned to do from our very first date, but not so anymore.

I froze, didn't even gasp, and let it wash over me. Finally realizing the true extent of her feelings. All of it.

The guilt for not being able to make everybody happy, the misery of her situation, the desire, no doubt caused by her attraction for me. That attraction was now obvious, and a lot more than that too. If I ever before wondered whether her feelings were in fact friendship, affected by a bit of frustration, then I knew better now.

This girl loved me. And right now she did so with all her heart.

I was speechless, motionless, entranced. All I could do was slowly pull my teeth from her wrist – her hand dropped in my lap – and smile back at her, completely mellowed by this new experience. My raging violent thoughts had faded into this rhapsody. My hands moved from her shoulders and cupped her cheeks, again feeling her lean in against my touch.

It was only then that I realized how she swayed a little and how her eyelids were dropping ever so slightly, making her pale face look sleepy.

When I saw her eyes roll back, I tumbled down from my cloud, emotions in a chaos for the second time in only a few minutes and I cradled her in my arms, laying her on the rug in front of the fireplace, her feet on the couch. I had seen this first aid on TV but I didn't know if it would help as I had no idea what was wrong with her. Was she fainting because of the smell of her blood? Or – and now the horror truly hit me – did I take too much from her? How much had she sent me and how much did I drink just now? There was no way I could recall.

"Jess…" she whispered, reaching her hand up to me. I kneeled down besides her and took it, while my other hand brushed her hair away from her face.

"I'm here Ellie, I think you fainted a little, how are you feeling?"

"Wonderful," she said, and her smile appeared again. I couldn't help but grin at the sight of this lightheaded girl, who just gave me the most precious gift anyone could ever give me.

And I loved her all the more for it.

"Come closer," she whispered, and I lay down beside her, still caressing her cheek in mild concern.

"Thank you," I said, and she turned her head sideways, still with that utter adoration in her eyes. She really needs to stop looking at me like that, or chances were that I would snatch her away and never bring her back again. Just hold her in my arms forever.

"That was like… the most… erotic and intimate experience ever…" she sighed.

Hearing her say that, confirming my feelings, made me even more lost than I already was.

"It was pretty intense yes," I answered, using all my strength not to kiss her right now.

"Were you projecting?"

"Maybe a little," I admitted.

"Yeah. Me too," she murmured, a slight blush already reappearing.

"So I've noticed."

Her eyes didn't look away, it was like she actually wanted me to notice. We shared a very intense look, here on this rug, so close together.

Because she didn't press the matter any further while I still needed some answers, I gathered my courage.

"Is that really how you feel about me?"

She simply nodded, this time she did lower her eyes.

"What are we going to do about you, Ellie?" I whispered, as I pulled her closer to me, burying her face in my neck and decreasing my temptation to kiss her.

"I don't know," she spoke with a muffled voice and then started to cry silently.

I tried to soothe her and slowly rubbed her back. She must be exhausted, poor thing. The engagement, the finals and then graduation tomorrow. And on top of all that, she decides to tap her blood to help this junkie friend of hers.

"Ssssh darlin, I'll love you, no matter what you do."

"That makes it so much worse," she exclaimed softly against my skin, and I felt her guilt rising again.

Why does she always need to think of everybody else first? Right now, I am pretty sure that if she would just follow her own heart, she would be with me. I know she loves Edward, but what I had felt just now… There was simply no way that she loved him more.

And as her sobs faded again, and as I felt her tired body going limb in my arms when she fell asleep, I decided that I wasn't giving up on her. I've always tried to back off for Edward's sake, but now mine and Bella's heart were on the line as well, and I would follow the course that felt right to me, just like they both were doing. I would not be able to forget what I felt from her, and I could no longer hide how strongly I loved her back.

As long as I truly believed that I could and would make her happy, than there is no more reason for me to let it be. I would have to fight for her, holding on to love, what else is real?

Now my resolution was final, I felt a strange form of peace coming over me. I might win, I might lose, but at least I would have tried. Not trying and losing would be unbearable at this point.

I watched her sleeping on the rug in awe and after getting up to cover her with a blanket, I softly stroked her glowing cheeks. From time to time, her eyelids would flutter, so I stopped touching her for fear of waking her up and simply took her hand in mine, interlacing our fingers.

After staring and admiring her all night, a million different thoughts ran through my head, and none of them ended up changing my mind.


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