It had been hours since Edward had torn down the stairs and stalked out the front door, hours since she begged him not to drive in the state he was in but he had insisted he needed time alone, hours since he left, leaving only the reverberating sound of the car door slamming and the roar of the engine in his wake. And now the sun was starting to make its slow trek across the sky towards twilight. He texted her just once, only to let her know he was safe but typed words were a lousy substitute for his voice.

Elizabeth, worn from the visit, fell asleep soon after Carlisle had gone to check on her and while Esme played the gracious hostess, Bella couldn't keep from staring expectantly at the front door or checking her phone. She gave up calling him when it was obvious he had turned it off, making it quite clear he didn't want to talk to anyone, including her. Even as she understood it, it still hurt that he shut her out.

She slapped the phone down next to her in annoyance when Esme came back into the room carrying a tray with two cups, a small pitcher of milk and packets of assorted types of sweeteners. She sat down next to her and handed her a cup.

"I thought some herbal tea might relax you while we waited for Edward to return."

"Thank you." She looked at the steamy liquid that smelled like chamomile and took a small sip. Was this supposed to soothe her nerves? She didn't think tea was going to cut it, not unless it was laced with whiskey, the way Charlie used to drink it.

"Did you know I was Elizabeth's therapist?" Esme asked her, conversationally. "That's how I met Carlisle."

Bella didn't understand where the question was coming from and wondered if Esme had an ulterior motive for asking and how much this woman knew of her involvement and her history with Edward.

"I never had much of a reason to talk to her Edward left; only during the trial really. Sue, my father's girlfriend, gave me updates. I was happy to hear she was slowly getting back on her feet."

"It took a long time. She was not in a good place back then."

"None of us were." Bella frowned thoughtfully. She remembered so vividly, Edward's mother's horror when all the carnage left in Laurent's wake was exposed and the part she had played in it. Her words hadn't been kind then. She had verbally annihilated Elizabeth outside of the courtroom, in the cold halls of the courthouse. She had still been raw from her testimony and lashing out at Laurent didn't seem like nearly enough. As broken as she was, it hadn't been a proud moment for her.

But that was then, when everything seemed to exist in black and white with little room for shades of gray. She had only started to understand some of what Elizabeth had went through when she experienced some it herself with Sam but to a much lesser degree. Yet, even for all of what Elizabeth had endured, Bella could not imagine any woman, not fighting like hell to get her son out of that situation.

"Sometimes good people do the wrong things for what they see as the right reasons at the time," Esme's voice impeded on her thoughts as if sensing exactly where her thoughts went. "and sometimes people feel like they have no other choice."

Bella knew that first hand just as she knew she made the wrong ones at first but she always had a choice, she always knew that. "I was involved with someone who was controlling once," she admitted softly. "He didn't show his true colors until we were engaged. I never loved him," she shrugged, nervously playing with the hem of her skirt, "and after awhile I just couldn't face myself and what I was allowing to happen. When he crossed the line, it was the push I needed to walk out the door."

"It's not always as easy or as simple as that. At one time, Elizabeth did love Laurent. He wasn't always abusive. Their relationship started out like many normal ones do. It didn't change until later on but by then… emotions are tricky beasts, Bella. They are messy and usually don't follow a logical pattern. Throw in self-esteem issues and a man that knows how to manipulate you; it becomes a recipe for disaster."

"She had a son," Bella fumed angrily. "Someone whose life should've mattered more than her own. If that was me, I would've found a way."

"It's easy to say what you would do if you were in someone else's shoes but unless you've been there; the truth is you don't know. Elizabeth not only felt powerless, she was powerless. Laurent was drugging her. If he would stoop that low, do you honestly think he wouldn't have resorted to some type of mind control? Played with her sense of reality? Think about it."

"Edward's so damaged by all of this, Esme. You have no idea. It's not me you have to convince and I while I appreciate being able to understand a little more clearly, I can't help but wonder if subterfuge was your true goal here…trying to appeal to Edward through me."

"Maybe I am." She gave her a sad smile. "She never gave up hope that Edward would come back to her one day so she could make him understand. She knew he blamed her just as much as Laurent. It was only by sheer luck or maybe it was divine intervention that Carlisle saw that photograph of the two of you in the newspaper. Is it fair to have the woman she is now, go to her grave paying for the mistakes of the woman she was then?"

Resigned, Bella carefully placed her tea cup on the table and stood up, fixing Esme with a determined look. Maybe she was right in a way. It was time for all of them to let go. What happened in the past should be buried there if they were to be free of it.

"I do think that Edward should forgive his mother. I always have. But not for the reasons you think…not just so she can die in peace but so he can live with it."

Esme seemed to expect this and nodded, looking up at her. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find him."

Her determination faded and her shoulders slumped when she realized she had no way of doing that. Edward had taken the rental car and she was stuck.

"You can use my Mercedes," Carlisle said as he came up behind his wife and placed his hands comfortingly on her shoulders.

"Are you sure? I don't want to-"

"Take it, Bella." He handed her the keys. "Find him."


She had no clear thought in mind when she began to drive through the city she had once called home. Edward could be anywhere. He wouldn't go back to his old house, of that she was certain. Too many bad memories lingered there even if it was occupied by someone else's family now. Nor would he go back to her old house. Sue still lived there and he wouldn't want to risk her seeing him. Then it came to her. Of course. She wanted to slap herself in the head. It should've been the first place she thought of.

The drive towards the beach was familiar yet so much had changed. The little ice cream parlor they used to go to was now a gourmet ice cream franchise. Ricky's Surf Shoppe no longer looked like a bungalow shack. It had been modernized with the same store fronts the rest of the block had so it no longer stood out. Inky's, where she and Edward had gotten their tattoos was still there, untouched by time. At least that hadn't changed.

When she finally got to the parking area of the beach, she saw their rental car was parked haphazardly, covering two spaces, giving her a key into the state of mind he was in when he got here. The skies had already turned that shade of pink that made the clouds resemble giant puffs of cotton candy. Taking off her heels, she trekked through the coarse sand, horizontal to the shoreline past the second set of sea grass covered dunes. She had forgotten how far away the spot was from where the sunbathers and swimmers usually converged.

She pushed the windblown tendrils of hair away from her face as her eyes skimmed the area. There she found him, his dark silhouette standing out in the back light of the descending sun over the horizon. The sand kicked up gently at her heels as she made her way slowly towards that old but never forgotten piece of heavy driftwood. She suspected it was deeply rooted into the sand if it was still here after all this time.

"You found me." He was absently sketching infinity signs in the sand with a long twig, his shoulders hunched inward like he was trying to withdraw into himself.

"I had a feeling you would be here."

"I didn't know where else to go," he murmured from his perch on the wood as he stared out towards the water. "I couldn't believe it still exists…that it hadn't been washed away after all this time. It feels like a sign, don't you think?" His tone was curious, hopeful.

"I would like to think so," she said, sitting down next to him. He looked so shattered; she couldn't help but reach out to smooth his wind-blown hair. She was relieved when he didn't turn away from her touch. "This spot definitely holds quite a few memories for us."

"Those memories were the only things keeping me alive most of the time."

"Me too."

"Do you remember the first time we came here?"

Bella let out an unexpected bark of laughter at the memory. "The first time I dragged you here, you mean."

"Hey, I carried all your heavy camera equipment and didn't complain once."

"That you did," she nodded with a nostalgia filled smile. "It was then that I knew that you really must love me. What guy in his right mind would walk a mile in the sand hefting pounds of crap on his back just because his girlfriend had to get the perfect shot?"

"It was so worth it. There wasn't much I could do for you but I could do that."

"And that's how I knew," she whispered.

"I told you I loved you for the first time that night too. I'd been wanting to say it for so long but I knew once I did, there was no going back and you would be tied to me in a way you weren't before. My life was just so unstable, I didn't want to do that to you."

The revelation threw her. She had no idea. Not that it would've changed anything. She had already been tied with him, with or without the words.

"So what made you change your mind?"

"The sun was going down, just like it is now," his eyes glowed with love as he rubbed a strand of her hair between is fingers in a caress, "and the way it caught the red highlights in your hair, just like it is now," he added in a choked voice, "it took my damn breath away, just like it's doing now. The words just kind of burst out of me, like I had no control over them. And when you said the words back, my God, it didn't feel like I tied down you with me, I felt like you set me free, like I could do anything, be anything because you loved me, you believed in me. At that moment, Laurent, my mother...they didn't matter. Nothing did. It was only us. You gave me that. Only you."

"And I always will Edward...I love you. But my love can't set you free from this now. Only you have that power to let go and finally be done with this."

"I know." He still had no idea what he was going to do. He wasn't any closer to finding an answer than he was hours ago when he sprinted out of the house. "I'm sorry for leaving you there with them. I just had to sort my head out. I hope you understand."

"I do," she affirmed at his hopeful look. "But I was worried about you. We all were."

Her comment was met with silence but that was okay. His stillness was deceptive; a mask over the restlessness she knew was stirring inside of him. But if he just wanted to sit and stare as the night time waves crashed to the shore, then that's what they would do. If he needed to vent, she would listen and not cast judgments either way.

Shifting beside her, he picked up a piece of sea glass and worried it between his fingers before tossing it far away. He watched as it landed with a small plunk in the sand and disappeared from view. Taking a deep, stuttering breath, he fixed her with a desolate stare. There was anger in his gaze too but she knew it wasn't directed at her.

"I feel like the earth has been ripped out from underneath me. For so long, I vilified her, blamed her based on what I believed, what I saw but seeing her the way she is now, finding out what really happened wasn't exactly how I saw it at all…it…I don't know." Frustrated, he shoved his fingers through his hair and grasped at the roots, yanking at it while his face twisted into a painful grimace. "I don't want to live with this hate any more but it's been with me for so long, I don't know how to let it go."

She felt his pain like it were her own and wished she had something more insightful than the trite platitudes that immediately came to mind and subsequently discarded. He deserved no less than honesty from her even if she didn't have any solutions.

"I wish there was an easy answer to give you but I don't have one."

He grasped her hand between his own and brought it to mouth, his lips skating over her knuckles. "Just being with me is enough." And that was true. That she instinctively knew where to find him, that she came looking for him even when it was obvious he was pushing her away…it meant so much to him.

"Do you think you would be able to forgive her?"

"I think I want to. I just don't know how. I don't even think I can ever forgive myself."

"Hey," She grabbed his chin and turned his head so he could see the truth in her eyes. "Nothing was your fault. Nothing. I'm not sure it was even your mother's. There is only one person to blame here and he is rotting in a jail cell. Forgiveness starts with the words, Edward. Just say the say the ones that come from your heart, the rest will follow."