A/N: Yay! We have humour! Actual humour! Well, I think it is. Oh yeah, and where I haven't put who's speaking, it's Tracey, except the last line.

Chapter 29: Tracey's list of potential fathers and her thoughts.

Aragorn = Arwen would kill her.

Gandalf = EEEEEE!!!!!!

Gimli = double EEEEEE!!!!!!

Pippin = not man enough.

Merry = scared shitless of her.

Boromir = This is a PG-13 and staying that way.

Frodo = Sam and Mary-Jo would kill her.

Sam = Frodo would kill her.

Haldir = Becky would kill her.

Celeborn = great way to thank Galadriel for the clothes.

Elrond = that would make her related to Arwen. God help her.

Bilbo = nobody is that desperate.

An Orc = I'm gonna have nightmares for weeks.

A Ringwraith = is that even possible?

Balrog = Whoa! Great balls of fire… quite literally… ow.

Saruman = even Michelle has better taste than that.

Cave troll = I'm sure he'd make a good daddy, a bit big, but good.

"I sincerely hope you are joking." Said Clare.

"ARGH! Where'd you come from? Clare? Clare? Where'd she go? Oh well."

Scary octopus thing at Moria = is that even male?

"Now you're getting silly." Said Clare.

"ARGH! Go away! Oh, she's gone."

Legolas =

"Hello." Legolas said.

"Hi." She quickly covered up the paper.

"What's that?" he said, trying to look over her shoulder.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Well, if that's all, I think I'll be going." She got up, picked up her things and walked away.

"Odd girl."