Disclaimer: Please see previous chapters.
A/N: Hope you like the next couple chaters! Reviews are awesome!
Chapter Twenty-nine: Memories
It was safe to say that things weren't going to be able to go completely back to normal. Things were a bit on the hectic side and we were all at odds with each other. Sam was angry with me and Dean was trying to make up for what he did. As for me, part of me wished that I was on my own again. Things were harder now that I was back with my men. I was so fantastically happy to be back and as much as I loved them there were three minds working on a single task, causing rifts to form. All three of us had different ways of looking at things, of doing things, and there were times that it simply didn't work.
"No! That won't work!" I yelled at Dean.
"Then what do you suggest?" He yelled back.
"We need to use the element of surprise." I told him.
"And how are we going to do that?" Sam asked. "We don't even know what it is. We don't know what it's capable of."
"Then what are you suggesting?" I asked him.
"I don't know!" Sam shot at me.
We stood there in our little triangle, all with crossed arms and furrowed brows. I sighed and looked down at my dog. He cocked his head and whined softly. I smiled and pulled gently on his ear. Sam was right and Dean was right but I was also right. We were all right in our own way but our plan was flawed with several holes. Too many to close in time before it would strike again. I looked at them before going toward the door.
"Where are you going?" Dean asked.
"Out." I replied.
"Evy." Dean said shortly.
I stopped and looked at him. He didn't add anything. I gave him a small smile as Cooper went out before me. He nodded and I left. I took a deep breath of the cool air on the boardwalk. There was a strong breeze coming off of the lake but that was normal for Duluth, Minnesota. It was late fall and the weather was getting cool here. We weren't sure what we were dealing with quite yet but it seemed to me like we could all use a moment alone to think about it. Cooper had left the wooden walkway and was frolicking at the edge of the water. I watched him before dipping underneath the railing and joining him. I flexed my newly freed arm as watched my dog. I found a rock and rubbed it between my hands before tossing it into the shallow water. He leapt into the water, submerging his head before coming back with the same rock that I had thrown. I smiled and gave him a dose of positive reinforcement before throwing it again. A moment later there was someone standing next to me. I turned my head and was surprised to see a woman, not much older then me. She smiled but there was something about her. I knew something was wrong when Cooper came back with the rock but dropped it and quickly put himself between me and her, a growl erupting from him.
"I take it you're the reason we're here." I stated looking out at the water.
"I appear to have attracted too much attention to myself." She replied.
"Now that I see you I can only assume that you're a witch." I said watching the water.
"Yes, but I'm not your normal kind of witch." She told me.
"Then what's with all of the disappearances?" I asked.
"It was a necessity." She replied.
"And why is that?" I said finally looking at her.
"Trouble is coming. I wanted to take a look at it but the magic I was trying to use required more blood and then I couldn't get enough of what I saw so I kept doing it." She told me. "I tried to stop but the practice can be so powerful. So…enthralling that it's hard to stop. I finally managed to control myself but then you and the Winchesters arrived. I knew that you were going to be after me. I knew that I was in trouble."
"So why show yourself now?" I asked.
"Because out of the three of you I thought that you would be the easiest to talk to. The most understanding."
"In a way you're right." I told her. "But you can't expect us to walk away when you've already killed three people."
"I can stop you." She told me.
"You can try but we haven't lost yet." I replied.
"I know." She replied and turned away from me.
"You know I'm going to call them." I said turning to her.
"I know." She replied. "But you have bigger problems then me."
"And what is that?" I asked.
She walked back up to me. "There is a lot of information out there in the demon circles about you and your boys. There is little that we don't know."
"Get to your point." I stated.
"You're blocked." She told me. "It's been a while since your last vision. Months, right?" She asked. I didn't say anything. "I'll take that as a yes." She stated. "Like I said, you're blocked. Your relationship with Dean is blocking your power. You need your power but you are so focused on Dean that you're not letting anything else in. Sam is coming into his powers and he will be useful but you need to get past whatever it is with Dean that is blocking your vision." She told me.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I told her.
She smiled at me. "Yes you do. He betrayed you. You love him and you want to forgive him but you're holding back because he hurt you. You want to move on but you can't. Am I close?" Once again I didn't say anything. "Thought so. Listen, I'm not the bad guy. Well…I am, but I'm not." She told me. "I can help. Like you, I'm good at seeing things and can be a little more accurate then you can. I can summon it, you can't." She told me.
"Your point again?" I asked scratching my head.
"I can help you. I can help you unblock your gift." She told me.
"And how would you do that?" I asked.
"I can help you and Dean. I can help the two of you move on from the fighting back to the loving." She stated. I just looked at her. I didn't know what to say. It was more intriguing then I was going to admit. "You think on it. I'll be around." All I could do was nod. "I'm Annabelle…Evy." She said and walked away.
I watched her go, literally disappearing when she reached the crowd. I put my arms around myself and looked down at Cooper. Dean and I had been fighting. It came and went but the bad was outnumbering the good as of late. I shrugged off the shiver that went through me and headed back to the hotel. When I walked in Sam was gone but Dean was out on the balcony. I walked out and put my arms around him from behind. I put my face against his back, kissing it. He sighed and lowered his head but didn't move. He was tense and I wasn't sure exactly why. I moved next to him and leaned my back against the railing. I looked at him but he wouldn't meet my eyes.
"Dean?" I said softly.
"I'm fine." He replied.
"I wasn't going to ask you if you were okay." I told him.
"Then why are you looking at me like that?" He asked.
"I'm sorry." I told him, looking at my feet. "I'm sorry I've been difficult and things seem to be so back and forth. I want everything to be okay. I want it to feel normal, like before. I just don't know how to get there."
He finally looked at me. Sympathy in his eyes. "I know." He said softly.
"How do we fix this?" I asked him. "We need to fix this."
"I know." He said pulling me into him. He kissed the top of my head. "It'll work out."
"When?" I asked, looking up at him.
He sighed and kissed my forehead. "I don't know." He said letting me go. He started to walk inside.
"That's what I'm talking about." I told him. He stopped and turned to me. "We keep shutting each other out. We are fine and then we fight and it all goes to hell again. We have to stop shutting each other out."
"Let's just focus on the job." He said turning again.
"It's a witch." I told him. He stopped and turned back. "She came to me. She's a witch."
"And she's still alive?" He asked.
"Yes."
"Why didn't you kill her?" He asked.
"Because she told me something that was to intriguing to ignore." I replied.
"And what was that?" He asked.
"She said she could help us." I told him. He crossed his arms and frowned at me. "She said that my visions were blocked because I am too focused on us…on you. You're all I think about. You are everything to me and I know that we're in a rough patch but we can get through this. I just don't think we're above a little help."
"From a witch?" He asked.
"Dean, she doesn't seem evil. No death is right but she was trying to see trouble that is coming. My instincts tell me that she's all right." I told him.
"She's still a witch." He told me.
"You're not going to look past that and see someone who can help us?" I asked him sadly.
"We're supposed to be defeating evil, not making friends with it." He replied.
It was obvious that I wasn't going to win this one, not yet. I watched him walk away from me. Things weren't like they were before but they would be. I was willing to ask for help, even if it was unconventional. For some reason I felt like I could trust Annabelle and if she would come to me again I would ask her what she could do. I didn't come back to be unhappy. I came back to be happy with the man I loved. Everyone goes through rough patches but we needed a little help to get going on the right path. Maybe Sam would listen.
My second plan was working out as well as talking to the one who was supposed to listen to me. "Sam, why are you being like this?" I asked him.
"Like what?" He retorted.
"You're so angry at me and I just want to know why. I'm sorry about what happened but you of all people I thought would understand." I told him. "I talked to you more then anyone and you seemed okay throughout all of that. What's changed?"
"What's changed is that when you were gone, I had no choice but to go along. If I did anything to make you mad then you wouldn't have talked to me. I didn't agree with what you did. I understood, initially, that you needed to stay away. But why so long? I feel like I was being punished because of what my brother did."
I looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry, Sammy. I really am. I love you and I'm sorry that you held the short end of the stick but I would never be able to ask you to leave your brother." He nodded and looked at the floor. "Hey…" I said putting my hand on his cheek. "He needed you. I'm getting pretty good at being on my own and I make quick friends. It was necessary."
"I know." He said smiling sweetly. He took a deep breath and pulled me into him. "I'll help you with Annabelle. Look into witches. See if it's possible to trust them. But we've met witches before and none have been very friendly." He told me.
"I know. I've met a few myself but she seems different. I don't know what it is about her but…" I said and shrugged.
"You just like to see the good in everyone." Sam smiled.
I smiled back at him. "Yeah, I like to believe that everyone has some good in them."
"Come on, let's go do some research." He said putting his arm across my shoulders.
I was grateful to him. We sat for hours and looked up everything we could about witches. We read as much as we could hoping that something would tell us that she may not be as harmful as others like her. It wasn't looking good for her but I was still willing to try and look past what she had become. She was still human. She had everything that a human had plus a few special gifts she had learned along the way. I wasn't about to give her the brush off just yet. I truly believed that everyone deserved a chance. Now, with a job like mine, I knew that not everything was good and that sometimes they deserved to die but…the possibility of good…sometimes you just have to believe.
I held tight to his hand. Afraid that he might let it go and he would drift away. It didn't help that he had been slightly distant. I leaned into him putting my free hand on his bicep. He kissed my hair before putting his hand on my head. I looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back but the silence wasn't promising.
"I'm trying here, you realize that, right?" I asked him.
"You're doing very well." He replied.
"I don't get it, Dean." I told him. "I'm the one who should be the distant one. The one trying hard to look past what the other has done. Why do I feel like there is something you're not telling me? Something that I did that I don't know I did yet."
He stopped and looked at me. He let my hand go and stepped in front of me. "It's not something that you did or didn't do. I just don't want to push you away."
"Not talking to me, not trying to be normal, that's what's pushing me away." I stated.
"Sorry." He said softly.
"Don't be sorry." I told him. "Between the two of us the word is very overused."
He smiled and laughed. "Yeah, it is."
I put my hands on his face and kissed him gently. "Kiss me like you used to." I told him.
He just looked at me before he pulled me against him. His hands traced my back as his lips played with mine. His tongue traced my lips and I quivered against him. I put my arms around his neck and leaned into him. I kissed him passionately. Soon his arms tightened around me, pinning me to his chest. I opened my eyes to find his watching me. I smiled as we continued to kiss, our eyes locked on each others. He smiled and pulled his lips from mine, placing a long kiss on my forehead before putting his arm around my neck, my face buried in his chest.
"Maybe you won't need me after all." A voice said from behind me.
Dean's arms fell away from me, but his hand found mine. I looked at who spoke and wasn't surprised to see Annabelle smiling at us. "Hello." I said somewhat annoyed. Of all the times to interrupt.
"Such a happy thing to see. A happy couple making out and groping each other in public." She smiled.
"Okay, what do you want?" I smiled at her.
"Have you thought about what I told you before?" She asked.
"I have, or rather, we have." I told her.
"And?"
"We'll be all right." Dean told her. "But you, on the other hand, wont." He stated.
"Sorry, but it's just the way things are." I told her.
She gave a short laugh. "I thought that might be the case. So, I'm going to do it anyway." She smiled and blew some kind of powder at us. We moved back but she snapped her fingers and everything went black.
"Dean?" I said as I stared into the blackness. "Baby, can you hear me?"
"What the hell is going on?" He said loudly from right behind me.
"Jeez!" I said whipping around. "Dean!" I said putting my hands out. I found him and put my hands on his arms. "Are you okay?" I asked.
"Fine, are you?" He asked, his arm finding my waist.
"Yes." I told him.
"Good." He said and his hand found the back of my head.
"Ow!" He hadn't hit me hard but it startled me. "What was that for?" I yelled and shoved him.
"You just had to let her go! You wanted to trust her and now she did something to us! Where the hell are we?" He shot at me.
"I don't know!" I shot back. "You were there with me. She blew the dust and snapped her fingers. That's it! She just…" I said pinching the air. I growled into the air. "Why is it still dark?" I asked him.
"How the hell am I supposed to know?" He said angrily.
"Don't yell at me." I told him, wounded.
"Sorry." He said, now calm.
"What did I tell you about that word?" I told him.
"Sor –" He said but stopped, sighing.
Just then the blackness started to blur and colors started to appear. As it came into focus so did voices. As they came into view we beheld ourselves. We were standing a hotel room, unhappy looks on both our faces.
"You are such an ass!" I yelled at him.
"You are a stupid bitch!" He yelled back.
"If you don't get out of my way, so help me God…" I told him just fuming.
"You'll what? Tell my daddy?" He yelled.
"Are you seeing this?" I asked Dean in awe.
"Yup." He said stepping next to me.
"You know what? I would be better off with your father. At least he listened to me." I told him.
"Like hell he did. He could be your father. I don't understand your relationship with him."
"And you never will." I stated.
There was a pause before Dean added, "Well, sweet cheeks, whether you like it or not you are stuck with me." He said and walked out of the room.
"Do you remember this?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I do." He smiled at me. "It was right after my dad left. After Jim died."
I gave a short laugh. "Back when you and I were at each others throats every minute of every day."
"Yeah, I didn't like you very much back then." He admitted.
"I wasn't very fond of you either." I grinned at him.
"Things sure have changed." He said softly.
"For the better." I told him.
We looked at the room as the picture faded and turned back to blackness. I put my arms around myself but soon felt hands on my shoulders. I smiled and leaned into him.
"Is it going to happen again?" He whispered.
"I don't know." I whispered back.
Then the color started to come back. We were in a little café. I remembered it. It was one of my favorite memories. I smiled and he put his arms around me. He kissed my cheek as I watched him put whipped cream on my nose. We were laughing. I was laughing so hard. It had been a long time since I'd laughed that hard.
"I'm serious!" I laughed as I tried to wipe it off.
"Here, let me." Dean said and kissed my nose.
"Stop." I said pushing him away. "It tickles."
"Tickles huh?" He said and grabbed my side. I squirmed away from him but it was no use.
"Um, excuse me, but you are disturbing some of the other customers." A waitress told us.
"Oh, sorry." I told her, through my laughter.
Dean laughed as she walked away. "Okay, so, favorite movie then." He said leaning toward me.
I eyed him as I thought. "Honestly?" I asked. He nodded and watched me closely. "The Mummy." I told him.
"The Mummy?" He asked. "Really?"
"Of course." I told him. "Any movie with Brendan Frasier is a movie worth watching but The Mummy was his best and is my all time favorite. Rachel Weise and John Hannah are awesome as well." I told him. "How about you?"
"Too many to narrow it down." He told me.
"Fine." I said and raised my brow. "Why do you like me?" I asked him.
He leaned back in his chair. "Any other questions?" He asked.
"Dean…please?" I said sweetly.
He sighed and shook his head at me. "For reasons I don't even know." He told me. I frowned at him. "I shouldn't like you at all. Shouldn't feel anything toward you. You are strange and beautiful. You're wavy brown hair, your grey eyes…the way you look at me." He smiled. "No one has ever looked at me like that. No one who knows what I do."
"Yeah, well, you're something special I guess." I grinned at him. He smiled back. "Keep going." I told him.
"Keep going?" He smiled. "Uh…I like the way you speak. The way your mouth moves. I like your smell. You'll never tell me what it is but it makes me stop every time I smell it."
"And I thought it was just my looks." I grinned at him.
"Do you want to hear this or not?" He asked.
"Sorry." I smiled.
"Stop interrupting." He told me. I nodded. "I like you for all the reasons I shouldn't. But for some reason I can't get enough of you."
I grinned and put my hand on his face. "You want to know what's completely ridiculous?" I asked him. He nodded. "I feel the same way."
I wiped a tear from my face as the colors started to blur. I looked up at Dean. He put his arms around me and kissed me gently.
"I almost forgot about that café." He told me.
"I think about it a lot." I told him. "It was one of the first real conversations we ever had."
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you too." I said and kissed him again.
We were once again in darkness. Dean's arms were around me. I rested my head against his chest and took a deep breath, breathing him in. The moment was short lived as yelling was heard. At first I couldn't understand what they were saying but then the scene appeared and it felt like the air had been knocked out of me. I watched as the lake came into view. Andrea and Lucas watching on while Dean performed CPR on me. I knew it had happened. I had drowned. I knew that but to see it was something completely different.
"Evy…" Dean said with his hand on my face.
"She's not breathing." Sam said aloud.
"Oh God…" I whispered as I watched Dean compress my chest.
"I don't want to watch this." Dean said and turned away from the scene.
"I didn't realize…" I said turning toward him.
"Come on!" Dean said and gave me two more breaths.
"Dean…" Sam said and looked at him.
"You didn't give up." I told him as I turned back to the scene. "You had no intention of giving up." I stated as I looked back at him.
"I would never give up on you." Dean whispered, his back still to the scene.
"I know." Dean said and started the compressions again. He gave me two more breaths. Still nothing happened. He went to give me two more when my body convulsed slightly and I started to cough up water.
The scene had played out. I remembered what happened after that. I turned to Dean. "It's over." I told him as I walked up to him. I put my arms around his shoulders and kissed the back of his neck. "Are you okay?" I asked. He just nodded. I moved in front of him and noticed the tears before blackness came over us again. "Dean?" I said and put my hand on his face. I felt the tears and wiped them away. "Oh baby…" I whispered and put my forehead against his.
"I was so scared." He told me. His voice was shaky as his arms moved around me.
"I know." I told him. "I know what it feels like."
And it was shown to him as yet another memory came flooding into view. Only this time it was me who had to look away. I was in the basement. Dean was on the ground. I had already seen this. I didn't need to see it again. I shut my eyes but stayed next to Dean. His breathing was steady but his hand gripped mine. I was shaking and he pulled me against him. I put my face against his chest, feeling his chin rest on the top of my head.
"I don't want to have to do this. I don't know if I can do this. But you did this once for me and I'm going to do this for you." I told him.
I remembered saying it. I remembered what I had to do. There was not a day that went by when it didn't cross my mind. It was still fresh. It was a moment in time that proved to me that this man was the one for me. I looked up at him, watching his face as he watched my memory. His face was hard, his brows together as he watched.
"He'll be all right. He'll be all right. Oh God, please let me him be all right."
I was in the car with Sam. We were on our way to the hospital. I was completely unaware of Sam or what we were doing. I was detached and unable to think of anything other then Dean. I never wanted to feel like that again.
"He has to be all right." I told Sam, finally acknowledging him. "He has to be all right." I repeated as the tears flowed. I sobbed, rocking back and forth in the seat.
"He will be." Sam said taking my hand.
I nodded and squeezed it, trying to hold back the tears. I held Sam's hand tightly against me as we followed the ambulance.
"He needs to be. He needs to." I told him. "What will I do if he dies?" I said as a fresh wave of tears flowed. "I don't know what I'll do. I can't live without him. What am I going to do, Sam?" I said looking at him.
We were now in the parking lot. Sam pulled me against him. "No matter what happens, you will always have me." He said hugging me tight.
"I know." I told him more calmly. "I know, Sammy." I whispered. "I just love him so much."
"I know you do. But I love you too. Don't disappear on me."
"I'm trying not to. I just can't bear the thought of him dying." I told him, gripping him harder.
"I know. Me neither, but he needs us now. He needs us to be strong. We need to take care of him." Sam told me. "He needs you."
I nodded and looked at him. I wiped the tears from my face and gave him the best smile I could. I kissed his cheek and ran my fingers through his hair. "Let's go see our boy." I grinned at him.
The colors started to blur as the memory disappeared. I was still watching Dean as it started to get dark. He put his hands on my face and kissed me in a way he hadn't for a long time now, a kiss filled with passion and love. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. Colors were finally starting to form again when we pulled apart from each other. He held me against him as we watched memories flow around us. Us fighting, us talking, us making love…they were all the memories that made our relationship the way it was. I smiled and laughed with him as we watched. It had changed us, just the way Annabelle said it would. Though, just as we thought it was going to end there was two more that needed to be seen. The first was my vision, the one of him and Cassie. It was just as I had seen it. Only it didn't end with my vision. It took the liberty of showing the car accident. I crossed my arms and watched Dean. When it was finished his eyes were shut, his jaw clenched. I put my hand on his arm. He looked at me. The pain I saw in his eyes made tears come to my own.
"It's okay." I told him.
"No, it's not." He replied and pulled me against him.
"It's all over now." I told him. "We're both fine. We'll be fine." I said looking up at him. "We've both changed so much. You were an arrogant ass and me a stubborn bitch." I said and laughed. He laughed and kissed my forehead. "Change is good. This is just one more hurdle that we've already crossed."
"But seeing it makes it different." He told me.
"Yeah, but I don't care about it anymore. If anything, this just proves that we can survive anything." I smiled.
Colors started and the last piece fell in line. The one needed to truly understand each other. I watched as a demolished motel room came into view. Sam was standing against a wall while Dean stood in the center of the room, breathing heavily.
"Are you finished?" Sam asked his brother.
"I am such an idiot!" He yelled.
"I know." Sam told him.
"Go ahead, Sam. Be angry at me. I know you. I know how much you love her." Dean shot at his brother.
"You're right, I do love her. But not nearly as much as she loves you and that you love her. What you did was horrible and you knew how much Evy loves you but you slept with her anyway." Sam replied.
"But I also told her what a mistake it was. I told her that it shouldn't have happened. I hate myself for it. Why did she have to see it?" He asked. "Of all the things for her to see, why did it have to be this one stupid thing?"
"I don't know, Dean. Maybe it's because the two of you are so connected. She's focused on you so maybe her subconscious picked you out and showed her what it thought she needed to see. Would you have told her what happened if she hadn't seen it?" Sam asked.
Dean just looked at him. "I don't know. I just want her back."
"You'll have to wait. She doesn't want you right now." Sam told him.
"But I need her." Dean told him.
"Since when do you need a woman, Dean? You have been nothing but a man who sleeps around and enjoys doing it. Now, with Evy, you can't get enough of her and I'm just surprised that you have found someone who you actually want to spend your life with."
"It was bound to happen eventually. We have a lot in common."
"You have nothing in common." Sam shot at him.
Dean glowered at his brother. "Fine, we don't have a lot in common. All I know is that I really love her, Sammy. More then I ever thought I would be able to love anyone. Now I know what it was like for you. How you felt about Jessica." He replied.
"Yeah, I loved Jess. But I also got her killed. You nearly killed Evy. It's a good thing she's all right." Sam told him.
"You talked to her?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, she called me from her hospital bed." He told his brother.
"You said she's okay?" Dean said walking up to his brother.
"Yeah, physically, I think she is. Emotionally she's a mess. You should have heard her Dean. She's hurting and that's because of you." Sam told him, his tone cold.
"I broke her." Dean stated, sadness in his voice. Sam simply nodded.
The scene faded and we were once again in the dark. It was silent. I was processing everything we had seen. All of the memories. Some new, some old, some we didn't want to see again.
"What are you thinking?" Dean asked me.
I found his face and kissed him gently. "That we're going to be okay." I whispered.
Then out of nowhere a song started to play. "What the hell is this?" Dean asked.
"I don't know." I replied.
By now you know that. I'd come for you. No one but you. Yes, I'd come for you. But only if you told me to. And I'd fight for you. I'd lie it's true. Give my life for you. You know I'll always come for you.
"What do you think she's trying to say?" He asked. I could hear the smile in his voice.
"What we've known all along." I replied.
No matter what gets in my way. As long as there's still life in me. No matter what, remember, you know I'll always come for you. You know I'll always come for you.
