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"You don't miss what you never had." - Noxima Lucis Caelum

The crystal was always a mysterious item. The magic inside, not only created by the bond of two gods, but holding inside what was said to be the most powerful god made it unpredictable. The Gods gave us life, and then the means to sustain ourselves after they could not undo what the plague one bestowed upon us. And why? Ifrit no longer wanted to fear. Humans were the real plague, the ones the bit the hands that fed them. It was no wonder the Infernian cursed us all. And the crystal stood by, waiting until the right heir to Maduin would appear. The Gods have no perception of time, so people lost faith as they waited.

But Ardyn, the heir to the throne, wished to be the chosen King of Light, the one prophesied to purge the world of darkness. His heart was so big, his soul gentle. He truly wanted to help his people, truly thought that the power resided within him. He had a gift, no one could deny that. People held him high regard as he worked. But he was only growing stronger with the darkness that festered inside of him. He wasn't healing people, he was capturing their dark souls, feeding on them. What was left was a hollow shell of what they used to be. And his people grew scared as he continued on his path. And when it came time, he was sure he was the one, the King of Light.

But he only had a brother, nameless in time as we wiped him away from existence. And his brother was chosen in favour of him, because his brother was pure and Ardyn was tainted. The crystal would not allow darkness to pass into its pure barriers, for it cannot heal if it is sullied. Odin and Raiden were warriors, defenders of mortals unbesmirched by any dark thought. Bahamut was their defender, spoke on their behalf. So when Ardyn came to take a birthright that did not belong to him, he was rejected. And that rejection is what fed the curse upon him.

The darkness that Ifrit inflicted upon the world was meant as a punishment. But as the time grew, it took a life of its own. And it couldn't sustain itself, so it searched for a vessel. It found one, inside a descendant of Maduin, the blood of a God. Darkness will always look to snuff out the light, and so long as this festered within Ardyn, it began to alter his way of thinking. Year by year it tore apart at his humanity. As the true King of Light was given to Eos, there was not even a whisper of the healer driven out by his own people and calling.

The plague that lived and grew within him fed on the resentment of being rejected by everything he was sworn to protect. Ardyn Izunia, the embodiment of doom, the vessel of Starscourge set forth his foot the day Noctis Lucis Caelum was born. Because shortly before he was born, Eos quaked in such a way that it awoke him. And he scurried as quickly as he could to get to his first home, Insomnia. He crept in the shadows, disguising himself to blend in until he came upon the red faced screaming babe in the royal nursery. He swept that child up in his arms and carried it out of its home, all unseen.

As he came upon his final destination, safe away from those who pursued the royal babe, he came to realize that he had kidnapped a female. He looked into her eyes, and she regarded him with a calm expression, peering into his very soul. He knew, just as the rest of Eos did, that the time of prophecy was here, and her birth was proof of that. He took her to the only place he could, to figure out who she was and how she would bring about his destruction, how she was a ray of hope. Because the prophecy told of a King of Light, and not of a Queen. Though many didn't read the words that were written, only saw them at face value.

He only wanted to help people, to save them from the very thing they feared. His whole existence was thrown asunder by the rejection that tore apart his caring heart and gentle soul. It festered within him, and he could only feel spite. He was no longer the man he was born, no longer felt the same affinity for humans he once did. He was completely altered by his jealousy, hatred, and desire. He had to prove that there was no King of Light, had to either kill or be killed by the chosen one.

I pity him. But not the entirety of him, only that small shred of humanity that he has left. I watched as he helped Noctis gain the ability to become the King he will emerge as, as he trained myself and Noctis to utilize our powers. As much as I hate to admit it, I wouldn't be this far without him. I wonder if I will be as twisted as he when I lose my own humanity, my own grip upon this world. And I pity him. That small bit of humanity that had the will to help us is the only reason I pity him. Because he's crying out for help, he knows he is the embodiment of evil, that he shouldn't exist. Yet that twisted thing inside of him forces him to live, and to fight. So he does, though every day is battle for him to give into it entirely. So I pity him.

But when I see him, I cannot feel that pity. I know that the next time I see him I'll feel nothing but hatred and rage at every which way he's hurt me and the ones I love. I know that when Noctis emerges as the true King he was born to be he won't know any of this, and he'll feel that same hatred and rage. He'll want to do nothing but kill the very being that took nearly everything away from him. And Ardyn Lucis Caelum will welcome death, but Ardyn Izunia will fight for as long as he can. Both the creature and the human will die in the same night.

Ignis finished reading one of Noxima's pages in her book. His thoughts were torn as much as hers, knowing who Ardyn is and where he came from. Her empathy was extreme, especially if she could pity a monster such as Ardyn. He wasn't sure how she could pity him, no matter what his intentions were. Was it truly all these years and he still couldn't see the wrong he was doing? But Noxima said he did, said the part that helped them get this far is what she could see. Ignis supposed she wasn't entirely wrong. Seven years and he hadn't made a move against them. He knew the best way to hurt Noctis was to eliminate those he was closest to, yet, he remained inside of Insomnia, waiting as the rest of them did for Noctis to return.

This page suggested that she knew it would take a while for Noctis to return from the crystal. If the Gods didn't perceive time the same way as mortals did, then to them this long waiting period could easily be a blink of eye to them. The crystal was two Gods forming a bond that kept out any sort of impurity. Not only that, but there was more than one, and it protected all of Eos. What happened to the others to make them die out the way they did? But then, did they completely die? Ignis himself had revived one with the magic inside of him. Magic that belonged to Noxima.

I wonder if I will be as twisted as he when I lose my own humanity, my own grip upon this world. What did that mean? This book was written and placed before she Zagnatus Keep, it had to be. So when did she start to lose her humanity? Or did she at all? That entire sentence suggested something she knew about her future that she did not share with anyone else. He rubbed his head, wishing he had some sort of idea as to what was happening to her. After she had left Altissia he couldn't see her when they met up again. But he could feel her, knew there was something different about her. Is that change what she was referring to?

It seemed the more he uncovered the more questions he had. It frustrated him more than anything. Why must she make life so difficult? Simply telling him everything would have saved him a head ache or 2000. He sighed, reading over her words. This page's key word was a triple layer code that ended up translating into his own middle name. Unnecessary complications, and for no good reason that he could fathom.

One thing that stood out, she seemed to know that she wasn't going to be around when Noctis emerged from the crystal, that at some point she would enter Zagnatus Keep and not return. He knew she had never intentionally planned to die, that wouldn't have made any sort of sense. But knowing that you wouldn't come out alive, how was she to deal with that? Was there not another path? Curious.

As he laid in his bed he sighed again. He closed his eyes slowly, trying to focus on a memory. He was looking for what happened to her after she left him in Altissia, before his accident. He knew that was the key to figuring out this book and what she had to do. But he was still unable to control which memories came to him. So he holed himself up in his room, only coming out when absolutely needed, and then back in here to live in her past. It wasn't exactly the best course of action, but being unable to leave the city left him no other options. So he sat, and called something to him.

.*.*.

Noxima walked into her home, the penthouse in one of the nicest buildings in Insomnia. It was just one floor above the Prince, convenient that it had opened up when he wanted to live on his own. She had been doing so longer, having completely renovated this after it was burned up in a fire. She knew it was unnecessary to have such a lavish home that she hardly used, but she wanted something that was hers and not borrowed. As she took her shoes off and placed her shopping bag on her breakfast nook, she noted that it was completely spotless. She smiled, knowing that Ignis had come up and cleaned it while she was gone. Not that it needed much work, but there was hardly a spec of dust about.

She put her food away in her fridge and had a look around. The entire thing was open concept, with huge windows all around her. She thoroughly enjoyed the sunlight. Her balcony wrapped around as she was in a corner unit, the windows following it. On this floor, she had a giant living space that was fully furnished, a fully equipped kitchen and a full bathroom with a guest bedroom. There was also a huge storage closed and laundry facilities. She walked up the stairs, which had her master bedroom and ensuite bathroom, another full bathroom and a guest bedroom. There was also various closet space, and another set of stairs that lead to the rooftop, where she had her own pool and jacuzzi. The entire place was decorated, though no personal items laid about.

She walked into her bedroom, the carpet soft on the bottom of her feet. She had a long journey back from Gralea, and had enough time to lounge about in the city for a day or two. She had just returned from turning in her report at the Citadel, and wanted nothing more than to relax. She walked into her ensuite bathroom, beginning to run the water. She poured in her essential oils and whatever else she wanted to use to soothe her aching body. She stood in front of her mirror, her navy hair done up as she came to the Citadel as Lady Charlotte, with all the official Lucian bells and whistles. She hated all of it, and slowly began to pull apart her hair. By the time she was done, her bath was full. She removed her clothes, throwing them anywhere and happily submerged herself into the water.

She pushed the button for the jets, starting the music and threw her head back, closing her amethyst eyes and relaxing. The bubbles came up to her neck, the jets relieving the stress in her back and her feet as they worked their magic. Most of all, she wanted the blood she had spilled to wash off of her, so she could feel clean again. She hated being in Grelea. The city itself was nice if you could ignore the military occupants. But the Emperor, the Chancellor, she couldn't take them. She was always happy when the Chancellor sent her away on scouting missions and emphasized for her to take as much time as possible. It wasn't like they really did much with her information. It was almost like he was telling her to go home and relax for a bit before coming back fresh. She wasn't going to argue.

It was with regret that she had started to prune. But she was clean and felt a lot better than when she had first come here. She turned off her jets and began to drain the water as she grabbed a fresh towel. She dried herself off and then put on her bathrobe as she began to towel dry her hair. She hung up her towel, cleaning up her clothes and then walking downstairs, deciding that she was finally ready to eat something.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Ignis in her kitchen busying himself there. She turned down her music, and he looked up at her. He looked cross, but his gaze didn't linger on her as he went back to focusing on his work. She was at loss, wondering why he was here in the first place. She hadn't told him she would be in town, not wanting to take him away from his work. That's what she rationalized, it wasn't the real reason she had kept it to herself.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to sound casual and not accusatory.

"I was coming to check in. Certainly surprised you're home," he replied, his anger evident in his voice and his actions.

"I'm only in town for the night."

"Curious. The contents of your fridge suggest otherwise."

So much for that lie. She sighed, walking towards him, but staying out of the kitchen, "You weren't coming to check in. Who told you I was home?"

"My uncle was kind enough to relay the information."

"Okay, so what? Why are you so pissed off?"

"I haven't the faintest idea of what you're referring to."

"Don't bullshit a bullshitter."

"Language."

"Fuck your manners, this is my fucking house and I'll fucking talk any sort of shit I fucking want in it," she purposefully emphasized every curse word as she crossed her arms, her eyes hardened towards him.

He looked up at her, matching her glare, "Evidently I'm unwanted company. I'll see myself out," he said darkly, nodding curtly in her direction and then walking towards the exit.

She hated herself right now. Groaning in defeat with a look to her ceiling she turned towards him, "Ignis wait," she called just as he was about to call the elevator.

He stopped, staring at her expectantly. He was still upset and she sighed heavily, the guilt setting within her. She walked towards him, and he watched her like a hawk with her every movement. She came to stand in front of him, looking up into his face and trying to form the thoughts she had into the proper words to speak to him. He could see the struggle she was having within herself, so he relaxed a little, hoping it would help.

"It's not that I didn't want to see you, I always want to see you. I didn't tell you I was here because..." she sighed, looking at his chest seeing as he was pretty close to her, "It's just... Every time I come back... It gets harder and harder... To say good bye..." she finally choked out, in a voice barely above a whisper.

Ignis regarded her with an unreadable look on his face. He didn't know what to say, but understood her position. It wasn't easy for him either, knowing she would leave into enemy territory and not know what she was doing, where she was going or if she would come back. He reacted the only way he could, in a comforting way. He took her in his arms, pulling her close. He felt her arms come around him, his nostrils fill with her fresh scent, of orchids with a hint of vanilla. Her damp navy hair was starting to soak through his shirt, and he was suddenly very aware that she was only wearing a small bathrobe. He released her gently, keeping his hands on her shoulders, his eyes on her face only as she looked up at him.

"Get dressed, I'll prepare something for you," he spoke in his soothing voice, the one that turned her legs into jelly.

She could only nod slightly at him, "Okay," she agreed, turning and walking back up the stairs.

She wiped a tear from her eye, happy that he hadn't seen it. She grabbed the first things she could find out of her drawers. Black shorts with a baby blue tank top. She didn't put on any of her jewelry, didn't bother with make up. She just brushed her damp navy hair and had it run over her left shoulder. Being as she was just herself, her phoenix tattoo on her left shoulder was visible. She cleaned up the mess she had made upstairs, ready for round two.

She walked down the stairs and noted that it was already beginning to fill with the warm aroma of Ignis' cooking. She carefully stayed out of his way as she grabbed them both a drink of her sweetened ale. Taking a long drink, she plunged herself into his work, being as she felt bad about earlier. He welcomed her help, and the tension began to evaporate. Within ten minutes she was back unmercifully teasing him ("Oh, take it all off!") which made him a bit squirmish ("N-Nox!"), but ultimately filled the room with her laughter. Truth be told, that was what Ignis liked to hear while he was around her, even if it was at his own expense.

But things were a bit quieter as they ate. He smiled slightly as he watched her, the joy on her face from what he made bringing pride to him. She wasn't peaceful for long. Noticing his stare on her, she began to poke and prod at his legs with her own feet, which caused him to sigh exasperatedly. She almost choked on her food as she watched him, but didn't cease her immature activity. Eventually he threatened to take the food away, and that put an end to her childish behaviour. For the time being, she would be finished eating at some point.

When their meal did end, Ignis had brewed himself some ebony, making hot cocoa for her. She wasn't a coffee drinker, more of a sweet tooth. So he completed it with whipped topping and cinnamon, handing her the cup and taking a seat on the couch. He placed his own mug on the side table, as she brought up her bare legs and set them on his lap. He rubbed them absently, massaging her feet all the way up to her knees and going no further. It was an action he pretended not to take notice of. But it was difficult when her skin felt smooth like silk as his hands ran over it.

"I wish you could see it," she smiled, a dreamy look on her face as she spoke of her time in Bodhum, "They actually have pods high up in the sky so that you can sleep under the stars without getting bit by bugs, it's so beautiful. And their fireworks show, fuck, we are slacking hardcore compared to them."

"Is that right?" he encouraged more talk out of her.

"Mhm," she nodded as she took another drink, "And honestly, Gralea is beautiful."

"Now that's unexpected."

"No really it is. The city is picturesque, like Insomnia, something out of a dream. It's only dreary and bleak because off all the Imperial army everywhere. If there were civilians wandering around like they do here, it'd be such a nicer place."

"Perhaps one day it can be."

"Maybe..." she shrugged, her voice dubious as she took a drink from her mug.

"Your brother was quite taken with sweets in Tenebrae."

"Yeah I had them, I wish I could help you with it. Do you know he keeps his patio door open? I was in there today. He's a slob."

Ignis sighed, "I'm aware," he said dryly.

"I honestly have no idea if I'd be any better, I'm never in one place for too long."

"Let's hope I never have to find out. Cleaning up after one suits me enough."

"You don't have to pick up after me. But thanks for keeping my plants alive."

"My pleasure."

"You know you shouldn't clean up after him either. He wanted to be on his own, you cleaning up his trail of trash only enables him to keep doing it."

"I'm afraid if I don't we'll lose him in one of those piles."

She laughed, "Yeah maybe."

"I do remember a young girl with zero regard to her own well being."

"That was when I was just some kid in the Citadel. Who cares if I was presentable or not? I wasn't important."

"The rugged appearance wasn't particularly a problem. It was the offensive odour that followed it."

"See, if you didn't clean out your nose hairs, you wouldn't have smelled anything."

"Between the two of you, I'll see myself to an early grave."

"Oh come on! I'm not that bad!"

"Anymore, no."

She leaned forward and gave him a little swat, with a smile on her face as she did so. Leaning back she placed her mug on the table and crossed her arms in mock anger. He could only smile as he watched her. She caught his eye, her defenses dropping. He was looking at her like that again, in that loving way he did sometimes when they were alone together. It made her stomach twist up into knots. Why was he looking at her like that? Was there something on her face? She didn't understand why he would do that. Why, as they got older, he did so more frequently.

But then his phone chimed, one of his alarms. He pulled it out curiously, and she shook off whatever feelings had taken over her once his gaze was no longer upon her. He sighed slightly to himself, putting his phone away and looking over at her again. She had picked up her mug and put her face back in it, finishing what was left inside of it. She placed it back on the table and looked at him expectantly.

"The hour grows late," he said softly.

"I suppose so," she smiled sadly.

He lifted his arms from her legs, and she knew that was the sign to let him up. She did so with regret, though his fingers worked wonders on her feet. Taking the dirty dishes to the kitchen first, he then walked down the hall towards her foyer and called the elevator. She followed him, her arms crossed as she leaned against the wall near the elevator door. It rang once as it came, opening and waiting for him to get inside. He hesitated, standing in the way so it wouldn't leave, but turning to face her.

"It's not easy for me either," he said gently, almost in that soothing voice.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Saying good bye. It's never easy, Nox."

She sighed sadly, looking down at her feet, "It'll never get easier."

He placed his index finger under her chin and gently guided her gaze back towards him, "One day, it won't be necessary," he assured her. She was at a loss for words, but the elevator started to protest it's desire to stay on her floor. He kissed her forehead, smiling at her, "Good night, sweet Lady."

"Good night," she smiled at him, as he stepped back and allowed the door to close between them.

.*.*.

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