A/N: Hey guys, just a heads up, I'm not entirely sure how much longer this story will be, but it probably won't go past 40 chapters. I suppose I could do a sequel if people want one, but I've learned that unfortunately all good stories must come to an end, otherwise they get ruined.
I do have a different Kakashi/Anko story idea, and maybe I'll write that next. For now, onwards!
Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Lead
Anko's nightmares never entirely disappeared, but they did lessen in intensity thanks to the constant presence of fresh flowers courtesy of Kakashi and Anko's repeated mantra that she—not Orochimaru—was in control of her destiny. As prevalent as those horrible dreams were, she was able to push them aside, get some much needed sleep, and be rested enough to function normally.
Guruko stuck around for several days to make sure that Anko would be alright, though he did not accompany her and Kakashi to work at the Hokage's residence. Once the little dog was convinced that Anko was no longer troubled to the point of deterioration, he returned home to the rest of his pack. He didn't leave without assuring Anko—and Kakashi—that he would come whenever he was needed.
"You must think I'm weak," Anko said one evening as they sat out under the Willow beside the waterfall, enjoying the peaceful sounds of nature far away from the hustle and bustle of the village.
"Why would I think that?"
"Because apparently I can't even pull myself together without your help," she replied simply as she glanced around at the fireflies that were floating around even before the sun was gone from the sky.
"You and I are a lot alike, Anko," he said thoughtfully. "For years after Rin's death, I couldn't stop seeing the blood on my hands. I would wash them over and over and over again, but it was always there. If you want to know the truth, occasionally I still see it."
"Really?" she asked in disbelief. He seemed so calm and easy-going and undisturbed all the time. He never let on that he was still haunted by his past.
"Yes. There is a part of me that is still haunted by things that happened more than two decades ago, but I have had to learn live with the pain of not being able to change the past. Instead, I've learned to trust in my ability to have a say in my future. I've also had to learn to live with uncertainty and ambiguity, and with the fact that despite my best efforts, sometimes bad things will happen. It's a difficult pill to swallow, but it's a medicine we all have to take."
Anko turned her attention to the flowing river in front of them. "I guess you're right."
"None of us are as strong as we would like to be, Anko, and that's okay."
Perhaps Kakashi was right. Perhaps the real difference between the two of them was that while Anko had for years pushed her feelings aside and hid them beneath anger and her duty to protect her village, Kakashi had been forced to face his and deal with them. The more he disclosed about his insecurities and his past mistakes, and how they continued to haunt him, the more she realized that the 'cool, calm, and collected Copy Ninja' was not as carefree as he often led people to believe.
She also found that although they were roughly the same age, Kakashi was wise beyond his years. Maybe he still doubted his ability to become a great Hokage, but she could see that as the years went by, his heart and wisdom would rival that of the Third Hokage. Lord Third had always inspired Anko, and she found that Kakashi continued to inspire her each day, especially since he had faced demons similar to her own and had overcome them. He gave her hope and courage, and with Kakashi by her side, she was learning to face those fears and emotions that she had tried to bury for so long.
During their hours at the Hokage's residence, Kakashi continued to work on his schedule and prioritizing meetings with foreign leaders while Anko flipped through files to find any documents he needed to review. One afternoon, Tsunade asked to speak with Kakashi alone, and he made plans to meet up with Anko at the park a few blocks away when his meeting was over, at which point they would grab some dinner before heading home.
Anko stood in the shade, leaning against one of the tall trees surrounding the playground as she toyed with an empty dango stick (she had had too big of a sweet tooth to wait until after supper). She watched the kids run around, playing tag, climbing on the playsets, and getting into petty little squabbles.
There was nothing else to do while she waited for Kakashi, and she reluctantly had to admit that the obnoxious little brats could be somewhat amusing. She was particularly amused when one little boy thought he could shove a small girl around, but he was surprised when she clocked him right in the nose.
"What are you laughing at?" asked Kakashi as he came up beside her. He looked up, following her gaze to the little girl who was pointing and yelling at her would-be-bully before she walked away with pride and dignity, the other kids laughing at the boy who was sprawled out on the ground.
"Ah, just a little bit of justice…"
"Hm… I think she'll be entering the Academy soon. If she keeps up that spunk of hers, she'd make an excellent kunoichi."
"Yeah. Heh, I have to admit I kind of like her. She's pretty cute."
Kakashi chuckled and teased, "Don't tell me you want one."
She made a dismissive noise as she turned away, even more amused by his ridiculous question. She stuck the dango stick in her pocket and pulled out a kunai, twirling it on the end of her index finger. "Oh please, no way. Hell, I couldn't have one even if I wanted to."
Kakashi had expected the first part of her answer, but not the second. He was frozen for a moment before her slowly turned toward her. "What do you mean by that?"
She stopped and studied the kunai as she continued to twirl it, speaking frankly and without any emotional attachment to her words. "I meant exactly what I said; I can't have kids."
Stunned, Kakashi stared at her. "Why…how?"
She shrugged. "You don't become immune to poisons by sheer force of will. You have to be injected with them in increasingly higher doses, and then given the antidotes."
His grey eye grew sad, and he felt sick as he looked at his Anko. "He didn't…?"
She shook her head and grabbed the handle of the kunai in her palm, stopping its motion. "No, he didn't force me if that's what you're thinking. He told me about the process, and it was my choice whether or not I wanted to go through with it. I hadn't understood the repercussions at the time—what it would ultimately do to me in the long run—but I can't say I wouldn't have done it even if I had known. As much as it pains me to say it, that's part of the reason I'm still alive."
Kakashi was relieved that such a fate had not been forced upon her, but still it seemed tragic no less.
Anko looked up at him and frowned, suddenly realizing something important. "I'm sorry, I hope you weren't counting on that… I guess I should have said something, but I thought you knew I never had a cycle."
He blinked and scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "Uh…no, I guess I hadn't noticed…" Of all the things not to be aware of…
He dropped his arm and smiled, letting her know that her confession had not disappointed him. "But don't worry, I wasn't counting on that. As far as I'm concerned, I already have three kids—I just didn't have to change their diapers."
She grinned at him. "Good, then we're on the same page."
He stepped toward her and placed a hand on her back as she replaced her kunai knife. "Yes, it seems we are." He smiled down at her, and together they walked away from the playground and toward the district where the majority of restaurants resided.
"So, how'd your meeting go?"
The amusement left Kakashi's face, and he looked forward. Since Anko was on his left side, she couldn't watch all of the emotions playing across his visible eye.
"Actually…I need to talk to you about that. I leave tomorrow to begin my diplomatic visits with the various heads of the surrounding villages. I'll be gone for at least two weeks."
Anko's face fell as she took in his tone as well as his words. She glanced down at the ground as they continued to walk side-by-side. "I'm not going with you, am I?" she asked.
He sighed. "Up to this point, Lady Tsunade has allowed you to be privy to everything she and I are doing. You have been granted access to almost all pieces of classified information that I've been given. As Hokage, she has the authority to allow you to assist me. However, she does not have the power to force foreign leaders to allow you to attend diplomatic meetings. I am not yet the Hokage, and you are not yet my wife. I'm sorry, Anko, but I'm afraid you must stay here."
She folded her arms. "I get it, but I don't have to be happy about it," she replied.
"No, you can be as angry or upset as you want to be. I wish you could accompany me, but… it just can't be done right now."
On top of her disappointment at the thought of being separated from Kakashi for two weeks, she found her earlier fears resurfacing, and she wondered if it was really a good idea for him to travel alone.
"I apologize that this news came on such late notice."
"It can't be helped," she conceded. "You're going to be the Hokage in a little over a month. You've got to do what needs to be done."
"Thank you for understanding. Will you be alright?"
"Ah, don't worry about me. I'll probably just bother Ibiki and the boys while you're gone."
"That sounds about right."
He expected her to voice concerns for his safety and was surprised when she didn't. However judging by her tone and the look on her face when he glanced in her direction, he could tell that she was fighting not to think too much of her earlier misgivings.
X-X-X
It was odd even for Anko to realize how much physical contact she needed. As a general rule, she was not a touchy-feely sort of person and hated when anyone strayed into her personal bubble (unless she was bothering her guy friends of course). But again, Kakashi was the one clear exception to that rule, and with his impending departure the next morning, Anko needed to touch him more, kiss him longer, and hold him tighter. She could tell by looking into his eyes that she did not have to explain her actions, and that was just as well because she had no desire to vocalize her thoughts.
She had rationalized away the fears that had taken hold of her after the revelation that Kakashi's name had been mentioned several times in those stolen coded communications. She had told herself that when he took office as the Sixth Hokage, he would ultimately be untouchable, and therefore, she had no reason to worry.
Now, he was being sent out of the village—alone—and last she'd checked with Ibiki, no new information on the three prisoners, their mission, or the person giving them orders had been discovered.
What if something happened to him? Despite his reputation, he was not indestructible. If he were to be attacked or ambushed on his travels, he would have no one to there to help him.
Was she being silly? He may not be indestructible, but surely Kakashi would not be bested so easily even if he was fighting alone against a dangerous enemy. He may be relaxed and easy-going when he was not in action, but on the battlefield, he was a warrior—an enemy's worst nightmare. Surely he would be just fine, and in two weeks, he would be home, back in her arms again.
But what if he wasn't?
She could control the demons of her past, but there was no way to fight the return of the sickening fear that was slowly taking her over once more.
Anko put on a good show for Kakashi, though, and his own nervousness about how Anko was going to feel about him leaving the village by himself had dissipated. He forgot all about it as Anko persuaded him to make love to her that night—a task that was not at all difficult—and in the morning, she was up early to fix him a hot breakfast. Once he was ready to go, she accompanied him to the village gate.
As they walked silently, hand-in-hand through the quiet streets, the majority of the villagers not yet out and about, Kakashi began to sense the tension growing within her. She said nothing, and when he looked down at her, he could tell she was trying to appear normal, but he was not fooled. Still, he did not know any way to quell her mounting anxieties because in that moment, words would only be words, and the coming two weeks would be difficult for both of them no matter what was said between them now. He didn't want to leave her behind any more than she wanted to stay, but the situation could neither be helped nor changed.
They stopped when they reached the massive gate, and for a moment, the pair stood there, staring out at the tree-lined path that led out of the village. Anko turned toward him, putting on a brave face.
"I guess you'd better get going. The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be home."
"That's right." He turned to face her, taking her hands and looking down into her eyes, which were so full of mixed emotions. "I'll be back before you know it. I promise."
She nodded. Kakashi bent down to kiss her though his mask, and she returned the gesture, her heart aching and hoping that it wouldn't be the last. When he pulled away, she gave a small smile.
"I love you, Anko."
"I love you, too, Kakashi."
After a brief pause, he let go of her hands and stepped away from her. When he began to walk away, Anko felt a touch of panic and reached for his arm.
"Kakashi."
He glanced over his shoulder and saw the fear and desperation in her eyes that she had tried so hard to hide.
"Just…just be careful…okay?"
He sincerely hoped that she would not worry herself sick the entire time he was gone, but it would do no good to tell her not to. Instead, he gave her a reassuring look and replied, "Hey, I'll always return to you. Remember that."
As he began to walk again, her hand fell away from his arm, and she let him go without another word. Up until that moment, she had assumed it would be difficult to say goodbye, but she had not anticipated the painful constriction of heartache that now gripped her and left her rooted to the spot, even after he was long gone from her sight.
X-X-X
She walked the streets of Konoha, hands in her pockets and eyes wandering, yet not seeing. When she came out of her circular thought patterns, she realized that she really needed to find something to do with her time while Kakashi was gone, because if she didn't, she would only be stuck in an endless cycle of worry, and that would not do at all.
Setting her jaw and her resolve, she made her way to ANBU to seek out Ibiki.
The head of the interrogation division was sifting through more documents, as useless as it appeared to be at this point, still attempting to come up with any more information on those three damned prisoners. If he had been a man who was quick to throw in the towel, he would have by now, but he wasn't, and his job and the security of his village depended on his relentlessness.
He heard movement outside his office door and that familiar voice commanding his guards to let her through.
"Ah here we go again," he muttered as he set the files back down on his desk—perhaps a little too forcefully—and stood before she even entered.
"What do you want this time?" he asked, piercing her with a withering look that told her he was in no mood for her nonsense. (When was he ever, really?) "Shouldn't you be helping Hatake or something?"
"He left the village this morning," she said, her tone more level when he had expected her to bug the hell out of him in her usual obnoxious way.
Ah, now he understood. Yes, he saw it now, that coldness in her eyes that she tried to use to mask her concern over Hatake. It seemed she was still worried over his safety.
"So do you have something for me to do or not?" she asked, straight to the point.
He didn't have much, but how could he tell her no? "Fine. Come help me sort through these," he said picking up the stack of previously archived documents. "I'm still trying to dig up any information on those three jokers."
She walked around his desk and held her hand out, but he pulled the pages away, looking at her seriously.
"Can you handle it?" he asked, wondering if working on this case would only further her anxieties.
"Of course I can handle it," she spat back, holding out her hand. "Now give me the damn things."
He hesitated for a moment, but at last he handed them over, and they sat down together to continue the task of scouring the documents.
It was frustrating to work on the case of the mysterious prisoners and their even more mysterious puppet master, and while it did not help Anko's anxieties, it at least did not make them worse. It gave her something to do, something to focus on, and she was determined to find a lead.
Three days passed, but she and Ibiki still had had no luck. If Anko had been a quitter, she would have given up by now (it had been nearly two months), but she refused to do so—especially not when what spurred her forward was the man she loved.
After another day of fruitless labor, Anko was not keen on heading immediately home to her empty apartment—or even to Kakashi's. Instead, she opted for a long walk around the village to try to occupy her mind. Inevitably, her tour de Konoha led her to the park beneath Hokage Rock, and she stood staring up at the old stone faces. Next to the immortal image of Lady Tsunade, she noticed scaffolding that hadn't been there before as work began on the newest face that would forever watch over the Village Hidden in the Leaves.
"I wondered when they were going to start that," said Kurenai as she joined Anko, little Kenta at her side.
"It slipped my mind to be honest," said Anko. With all the work she'd been helping Kakashi with inside the Hokage's residence, she hadn't actually thought much about the monument. For some reason, the monument suddenly felt like an inadequate representation of what it meant to be the Hokage.
She wondered how Kakashi was going to feel when he looked up to see his own face staring back at him alongside those of the Hokages that came before him—alongside the face of his former Sensei and mentor.
"I've thought about it, and I wholeheartedly agree that Lady Tsunade chose the right person to take her place."
"Yeah, me too," said Anko, reflecting on her own sentiments on the issue.
Kurenai frowned in thought as the two women watched the sculptors work high above them. "I know Kakashi has had many difficulties in his life, particularly in his own head. I've been wondering…has he been alright? Is he really ready for this?" she asked, turning her attention to Anko.
Anko took in Kurenai's concerned countenance for a moment before she replied. "Yes, I really think he is."
The other woman smiled. "I'm glad to hear it." Changing the subject somewhat, Kurenai said humorously, "I've also been wondering when he'd pluck up the courage to propose. Watching you two, it's obvious he's crazy about you."
"He already has."
Kurenai's teasing demeanor was quickly replaced by shock. She had never known Kakashi to have girlfriends, and seeing the way he interacted with Anko, the way he looked at her, made Kurenai absolutely certain that the Copy Ninja had finally fallen. However, she had not thought that he would make such a commitment so quickly. He was always reserved, cautious, and hesitant—she'd honestly expected him to drag his feet, not because he didn't want to propose, but because he might be afraid to open himself up enough to do so. Clearly, Anko was very special to him, and that revelation warned Kurenai's heart. She had been worried about her dear friend for a very long time, but it seemed now that she no longer had any reason to.
"Heh, yeah, it was a shock to me, too," said Anko when Kurenai had yet to respond. She looked back up at monument. "It still doesn't quite seem real. I'm going to be the wife of the Sixth Hokage…"
"I bet you never thought you'd say that."
"Hell, it wasn't like it was ever a dream of mine."
"Good things come to those who aren't ambitious."
"I guess so."
"Would you like to come with Kenta and I? I brought him to the park to play for a while. You're more than welcome to join us."
As much as Anko wasn't crazy about children, she was not at all opposed to Kurenai's company, and it would give her something else to do. "Sure."
They headed toward the playground, and Kurenai let Kenta run to the playsets while the two women sat down at a picnic table where the young mother could keep a close eye on her little boy. Their conversations ranged in topics, but it quickly became clear to Kurenai that Anko had something on her mind other than the various goings-on in the village.
"Is everything alright?" she finally asked. "You don't seem quite like yourself."
"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking…"
"Anything I can help you with?"
Anko shook her head before leaning it into the palm of her hand, her elbow resting on the table. "No. It's…ANBU stuff, that's all."
"Ah. The ever-classified business of the ANBU. I guess you couldn't say any more even if you wanted to."
Anko felt a tug on her coat, and she looked down at Kenta, who stared back up at her with the large amber eyes of the Yuhi clan.
"Uh…why is he staring at me like that?" she asked, feeling strangely self-conscious with a child's eyes on her.
"I think he wants you to pick him up."
Anko gave a nervous laugh. "Eh-heh… er, why don't you go to your mom—ohhh, ok," she said as the toddler tried to climb up onto the bench next to her. She grabbed him and helped him up, hoping he would be content to sit beside her. No such luck. He wanted her to hold him in her lap, so for now, Anko was stuck.
Kurenai merely chuckled. "I take it no children for you, huh?"
Why did that topic keep coming up? Twice in less than a week. Ridiculous. "Uh, no," said Anko seriously, but good-naturedly, while also silently begging for Kurenai to rescue her.
The older woman did get up to fetch her son from his unwilling babysitter, much to Anko's immense relief, and she visibly relaxed.
"I think he's about ready to go home. What do you say, Kenta?"
The little boy nodded. If Anko hadn't ever heard him speak, she would have sworn he was mute. He was a kid of very few words, just like his father she supposed.
That feeling of guilt returned as Anko remembered that the boy would grow up without his father, and Kurenai would forever be a widow, having lost the love of her life in the last war. Meanwhile, Anko would soon marry the Sixth Hokage.
'If he makes it home okay.'
She quickly dismissed the terrible thought. He would come home. He had to…
X-X-X
Day five. It was already three in the afternoon, and Anko was ready to throw the historical documents across the room. There was nothing in them that could help. It seemed absolutely pointless to keep searching them.
"You're sure you've looked everywhere else, Ibiki?"
"Of course I have. What do you take me for, an idiot?"
She huffed. "No, of course not. But this is pointless."
"Let's put it this way; if we don't find anything in here, the file will have to be closed until we happen to come upon a lead. The prisoners will remain here indefinitely until, or even if, that happens. I don't like letting things go, but we might have to, and it isn't like there is a major threat at large at the moment. You eliminated the rest of the ninja pawns in this game."
"Yeah, and what's to stop whoever was behind this unknown mission from gathering more? Or what if they don't need any other pawns? What if they used those fools to gather all the information they needed, and had no problem sacrificing them once their task was complete?"
"Unfortunately we can't go on 'what ifs.' You know that. There are other cases that need my attention, and if this is a dead end, then this one will have to go on the back burner for now."
Anko looked away. Ibiki knew she didn't like to hear it, but it had to be said. He couldn't waste all his time on a wild goose chase.
"I'm going to keep looking."
He grunted. "One more day. That's it. If you're still hung up on this after that, then you'll be on your own."
"Fine."
Anko barely slept that night, even with the flowers (she had been sure to buy new ones even in Kakashi's absence to keep the darker dreams away). The next day, she was at ANBU early, desperately scanning the rest of the archived documents. Ibiki hardly said a word to her, and that was just fine. She didn't want to be distracted from her task.
Around noon, she came across a brief history of a village known as Nami Uta, or Wave Song. It existed before any of the Hidden Villages, and it was ultimately destroyed during the Warring States Period. The document didn't say much, but it did state that the village's ninja had specialized in water, wind, and Genjutsu. It used to reside on one of the islands in the Land of Water.
"Ibiki, I think I've found something."
"Hm?"
"Look, read this."
He took the document from her, scanning its brief contents.
"What about it?"
"Maybe this is why we haven't been able to find any leads. Maybe the person behind this is descended from one of the clans of the Wave Song Village."
"Look Mitarashi, there were any number of small villages that likely specialized in Genjutsu that were destroyed during the Warring States Period. If you want to follow that line of thinking, we'd have to gather all information on every single one of them. Now how likely is it some random rogue would have ties to a village that was destroyed more than a hundred and fifty years ago and be gathering intel on our boys?"
"Just hear me out. Take a look at the name of the village. Then look at this." She pulled out the photo that was taken of the strange headbands. The village was called Wave Song, and the symbol on the forehead protector was a swirled 'S'-like design. The ends of the 'S' were swirled inward, resembling the symbol for water. Intertwined with the 'S' was part of the Kanji for 'song.'
Ibiki looked up at her skeptically. "Do you realize how big a stretch this is? Don't you think you're reading too much into it?"
"No! A former village that specialized in Genjutsu, a village where this symbol may have originated? I think it's the only potential lead we have."
Ibiki leaned back in his chair. "That village existed before any of the Hidden Villages. This is the only information we have on it. Do you think it's wise to put all our resources into investigating what's likely to be a dead end?"
"It used to reside on an island in the land of Water. Maybe Kirigakure would have further information on it. If not…I guess we'll have to let this case go for now. But what would it hurt to ask them? If it means protecting this village, what do we have to lose?"
He studied her for several moments as he debated. He could say no, but what for? She wouldn't drop it, and anyway, she had a point. They could send out a request for information from the Hidden Mist, and if they rejected it, or if the results came back with no new information, the case would be shelved for the time being. But if Anko's hunch was correct—and honestly her hunches were usually pretty accurate—then they could get to the bottom of this mystery and take the appropriate steps to nullify any impending threat to the Hidden Leaf or its allies.
"Alright." He got to his feet. "I'll send a currier with a request, but remember, it will take several days to even get a reply from the Hidden Mist, so we'll have to be patient."
"I don't care, as long as we get the ball rolling," she said, though she knew that they wouldn't receive any information before Kakashi was set to return to the village. It made her sick to think that their lead may have come too late. Silently, she continued to pray that Kakashi would come home safely.
A/N: No one has done it yet, but usually when I write a story like this one, inevitably someone asks if the lead female is going to get pregnant. The answer for all of my stories is a resounding 'no.' I figured I'd nip that question in the bud before anyone even asked, and I think it's very plausible that Anko may be infertile because she was essentially Orochimaru's first willing test subject, as sad as that is. And even if that didn't do it, I'm sure the poison dished out by Kabuto would have screwed up her reproductive system.
I also think that Anko would either have a general awkwardness around babies and young children, or she would scar them for life. Either way, still makes me wonder why she became a teacher at the Academy… Nope, still not over it. Can someone please get Kishi to rewrite her ending? It's absolutely killing me.
P.S. If you haven't figured it out by now, I also suck at mysteries. I will never be a mystery author. But I think you'll all like where this goes.
