Rating: M
Characters: Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Tony DiNozzo, Tim McGee, Abby Sciuto, Ducky Mallard, Jimmy Palmer, Ziva David, Leon Vance, OMC, OFC
Pairings: Gibbs/Tony
Warnings: Rape/non-con, torture, violence, trauma, angst, slash, swearing, mild Ziva bashing (She behaved horribly towards Tony at the end of season 6. I never liked her after that.)
Spoilers: Parts of the end of season 6 and the beginning of season 7
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just like to play with them.
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Gibbs smiled down lovingly at the sleeping baby in his arms. Long lashes resting above sunken, sallow cheeks, which would hopefully grow plumper and pinker with time. Mouth rhythmically sucking on a pacifier. Hands, balled into fists, resting under his chin. Tony was beautiful; his beautiful, perfect baby boy, and there was no one he loved more in the world.
"Surprising, isn't it?" Rachel commented, gazing at the two men in fond reflection. "Who would think you, of all people, would go along with this so willingly? "
Gibbs laughed softly, caressing Tony's cheek. "Yeah, well, Tony's been acting a lot like a baby for awhile now. I guess it's only natural that I fell into the role of 'daddy'."
"That's true," Rachel nodded with a knowing smirk. "But, from all I knew about you before, I never would have thought you'd go along with the age play. Judging from Tony's reaction, I suspect he didn't think you'd go along with it, either.
"Anything for Tony," Gibbs whispered, tucking the blanket a little more snugly around his boy. "I gotta admit, though, this is all new to me. Taking care of Tony? No problem. I've been doing it for months. But this business with pacifiers and onsies? I've never tried it on a grown man before. It's gonna take some getting used to."
"I know," Rachel acknowledged. "I'll do whatever I can to help. And my first piece of advice is to adjust your language. You need to stop thinking of Tony as an adult when he's like this. In this state, he's a baby. It's important that you make this distinction between his child and adult personalities."
"Thinking of Tony as a baby shouldn't be too hard." Gibbs looked down thoughtfully at Tony. "But even 'adult' Tony acts very young most of the time. It's hard to explain, but..." Gibbs' voice trailed off, as he found himself overwhelmed by the puzzle that was Tony DiNozzo.
"I know it's confusing," Rachel said sympathetically. "And it's even more so for Tony. But I think that letting him be 'little' like this will help sort things out. Eventually, you'll likely end up seeing a clearer distinction between baby and adult Tony."
"Do you think he'll always need the age play?" Gibbs asked, unsure whether or not he wanted Tony to outgrow this particular need. Surprisingly, Gibbs found that he enjoyed playing parent - a feeling which confused him even more.
"It's hard to say for sure," Rachel answered. "Tony may outgrow it. Or he may need it for the rest of his life. I suspect it will be somewhere in the middle. As Tony gets to a healthier place emotionally, the time he spends as a baby might lessen. Though I doubt it will ever go away completely."
"I'm surprised you know so much about this," Gibbs commented. "It is really that common a condition?"
"Not terribly common," Rachel replied. "But more common than you might think. Tony's certainly not the first patient I've treated who uses regression as a coping mechanism." She laughed, motioning towards the gift bag. "He is, however, the first patient to receive an 'age play starter kit.' "
"I appreciate it," Gibbs said with a soft chuckle. "And I'll be happy to pay you back for all of this. I bet it wasn't cheap."
"No need," Rachel said dismissively. "My sister cared about both of you very much. In a way, I guess we're family."
"Yeah." Gibbs smiled. "I guess we are."
"I've actually got more in my car," Rachel informed Gibbs, reaching into the bag and pulling out an adult sized baby bottle. "Just a few toys. I'll get them after I prepare Tony's bottle. You don't mind, do you?"
"Not at all," Gibbs smiled, looking down at Tony, who was starting to stir. "Looks like he might need it soon."
"Wonderful! Do you have any milk?" Rachel asked, nodding towards the kitchen.
"Sure do. There's a full carton in the fridge."
"Perfect." Rachel smiled at Gibbs and his boy. "Now, just relax and enjoy this time with your baby boy."
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Looking around the living room, Gibbs couldn't help smiling. A play mat lay spread on the floor. On it was a toy piano; sure to entertain and delight little Tony. It was a small thing, with only eight keys; each one playing a different children's song when hit.
Peeking out of yet another gift bag were an assortment of stuffed animals; a panda bear, a unicorn and a giraffe.
Happy tears stung Gibbs eyes as he took in the sight. Ever since losing his wife and only child, he never thought he'd have this again; the warmth and unconditional love of a child. And he certainly never expected it from Tony - a man who was, in body, anyway, very much an adult.
But beneath the surface of that brave, loyal, intelligent agent - the best agent Gibbs had ever worked with - this child was always there. Gibbs could see it now. A little boy, searching for love, care, praise and acceptance. Seeking out the parental affection he lacked in his early life.
Gibbs couldn't see it at the time. Tony probably couldn't see it either. It took trauma and tragedy to fully unleash the child who had lived hidden so long within Tony.
But now that this child was here, fully present in his arms, Gibbs was going to shower him with all of the love and care he could give. And he would do the same for Tony when he was big, finding that delicate balance between the two sides of the boy / man that he loved.
Tony's legs began to kick a little as he squirmed in Gibbs' lap, whining. After a short time, the whines escalated to pitiful whimpers; the pacifier falling out of Tony's mouth and landing on his chest.
"Hey there, baby boy," Gibbs cooed, grabbing the pacifier and setting it on the end table. "It's okay. Daddy's got you."
Tony calmed at the sound of Gibbs' voice. Eyes widening in recognition, he reached out his hands, clumsily pawing at his daddy's face.
Gibbs chuckled, gently grabbing Tony's hands and giving him a light kiss on the forehead. "You hungry, baby?" he asked, reaching over and grabbing the bottle off of the end table.
"Ba-ba." Tony reached for the bottle, smacking his lips.
"Here you go, sweetheart," Gibbs laughed affectionately, placing the nipple in Tony's mouth.
Tony latched on hungrily, sucking down the milk with gusto.
"Slow down, baby," Gibbs whispered, slowly rubbing Tony's arm, in the hopes it would encourage him to take his time with the bottle. "You don't want to get a tummy ache."
It seemed to work. Tony's sucking slowed, and he settled into Gibbs' arms, staring at his daddy in loving contentment.
"So, just plain milk. Is that what...big babies usually drink from their bottles?" Gibbs asked Rachel, not taking his eyes off of Tony."
"Some do. Others drink nutrition drinks, juice, or even baby formula," Rachel answered. "Experiment and see what Tony likes."
"Thanks. I'll do that." Gibbs smiled up briefly at Rachel before turning his attention back to Tony. "So, where did you get all this...'baby' stuff?"
There's a website a couple of my patients have used and are happy with, so I just ordered from them. But, because I know you're not tech savvy..." Rachel reached into her bag. "I brought you their paper catalog."
"That's good thinking," Gibbs chuckled. But he made a mental note not to discount the idea of online ordering altogether. McGee and Abby would probably be happy to help out with that. Gibbs smiled to himself, imagining Abby going nuts picking out things for little Tony.
Looking into the beauty of Tony's green eyes, Gibbs was reminded of the way Tony had been in the months following his rescue; child - like, innocent and vulnerable. But there was one noticeable difference now. The fear, which had so defined Tony at that time, seemed absent. He looked up at Gibbs, communicating his absolute trust in the older man.
Lightly tapping Tony's cheek, Gibbs carefully pulled the nipple of the now empty bottle out of Tony's mouth.
"All done, baby boy," Gibbs said softly, gently coaxing Tony's body up to a sitting position. He wasn't sure if Tony would need to be burped. But until he knew how young Tony had regressed, Gibbs figured it was better to be safe than sorry.
To Gibbs' relief, Tony was able to help with the process, and was soon sitting up on his own in his daddy's lap.
"Good boy," Gibbs praised, eliciting a smile from Tony. "Now, why don't you come rest your head on daddy's shoulder?" Gibbs tapped his shoulder, not sure how much Tony could understand at the moment, and hoping the gesture would help.
Babbling, Tony scooted forward on Gibbs' lap, leaning forward and resting his head on the offered shoulder.
With a contented sigh, Gibbs rubbed circles on Tony's back for a minute before giving it a few light taps, causing the boy to let out a loud burp.
"Feel better now?" Gibbs asked, lightly patting Tony on the back.
Tony snuggled happily into his daddy's warmth, and Gibbs wished they could stay like this forever. But he knew it was important to gauge where Tony was at with his regressions, and better to do it while Rachel was there to help Gibbs figure it all out.
"All right, big boy," Gibbs said, grabbing hold of Tony's arms and gently pushing him off of his chest. "You wanna play?"
"Pyay?" Tony asked, blinking.
Gibbs simply nodded and smiled, pointing towards the play mat.
"Nano!" Tony exclaimed, leaning forward and using his hands for leverage as he brought his knees to the floor.
Once he was down on all fours, Tony then excitedly crawled over to the play mat, sitting his diapered bottom (which Gibbs knew he would need to change soon) down with a clumsy "plop."
Eyeing the tiny piano with curiosity, Tony barely seemed to notice as Gibbs and Rachel approached to take a seat on the floor beside him.
Reaching out, Tony hit the blue key, squealing with delight and clapping as it played the tune to "London Bridge." His claps were awkward and uncoordinated. His laughter, pure joy.
Hitting the green key, Tony continued to laugh, squeal and clap, as the tune to "Old McDonald" played.
"Daddy! Daddy, I pyay!" Tony exclaimed, looking proudly at Gibbs.
"You sure did," Gibbs laughed, giving his boy a hug. "Great job!"
Rachel, who had been mostly observing up to this point, smiled at the sight that played out before her. "I don't think I've ever seen Tony look so happy," she commented. "I think that giving him permission to let go and be little was the right call."
Watching Tony play so happily, Gibbs couldn't agree more. A year ago, Gibbs could have never imagined this was where life would find the two men. But at this moment, everything felt perfect.
