Haymitch and I made our way to the same ring shop I had Effie go to in order to get Katniss' ring made.
The owner stopped dead in his tracks, his jacket on, briefcase in had, when he saw me.
I made the mistake of asking him if he remembered Katniss' ring. He nearly scolded me, asking me if I knew who I was, and who Katniss Everdeen was, and of course he remembered me, and her, and the ring, and how could I ever think otherwise?
Needless to say he stayed a little later, shooing his closer to the back, locking the door for security purposes.
No one would get in or out until I left.
"I need a band to match it," he finally let me tell him. "Nothing too flashy. Katniss isn't flashy."
"Forget Katniss for a moment," he said, brushing the thought of her aside with his hand. "Tell me something: if Peeta could get Katniss anything that reminded him of why he loves her, what would it be? Don't answer now. Take a look around. When you find it, let me know."
I followed his advice and looked around the high-end jewelry shop. I had nearly looked at all the rings, close to giving up at ever finding a perfect band, when something caught my eye.
"This one," I said immediately. Haymitch and the owner walked up to me. "I want that one."
The owner smiled. "Ah, yes. She is a beauty, is she not? Why'd you choose her?"
"It's the color of Katniss' eyes. How much?"
"No charge," said the owner.
"What?" I asked.
"No charge," he repeated firmly. "Just send me a picture of her hand in the ring, so it can be displayed on my Hall of Fame, and we'll call it even."
We discussed the privacy disclosure, Pollux pulled out a confidentiality form, and then we parted ways.
"Tell our Mockingjay that I know she will make a beautiful bride again. Take care, Mr. Mellark."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I showed him Cinna's letter and asked the question that'd been on my mind since I had read it: "Would you ever marry Effie?"
"Shit," he muttered. I arched an eyebrow. "If we're going to have this discussion, I'm going to need a drink." I folded my arms across my chest. "Just one, I promise."
Haymitch and I were in one of the hotel's many bars, eating, about an hour later. The bar was dark and secluded, and with the fancy lights the entire place was in different shades of purple.
Haymitch told me that he and Effie had an understanding, and no, they would never get married.
I wanted to push the issue, but I was starting to worry.
I kept glancing at the clock on the wall.
Where is she?
I thought I had asked that question in my head, but apparently not. Haymitch answered.
"They're fine, boy," he said. "We have the phone, remember? They'd call if something was wrong."
"It's just… they should have been back by now, right?"
"Peeta, they're fine. I promise."
"I hate it here," I whispered to him. "I hate being back in this place. And I hate that Katniss is out of my sight."
"Peeta, calm down. Listen, this visit may have been short notice, but Paylor is trained in security. She's got hundreds of thousands of soldiers at her fingertips, ready to go whenever she commands. Every place we've gone has had extra security. Even the ring shop had secret service agents but feet away. It's no different with Katniss. You two are protected. We know what being here means. Not everybody has embraced the Rebellion, even after all this time. But you're safe. Katniss is fine. You need to relax. You know what can happen if you start to get worked up."
I started jiggling my leg.
"Do you want a drink?"
I shot him a filthy look. Before I could respond Snow flashed in my mind.
I went rigid.
"Peeta, calm down," Haymitch said, standing. "Come on. Let's get you to the room, okay? Let's just make it out of here."
I started to gasp for air. Haymtich set a few bills down on the table for a tip—I didn't even know he carried money—and he grabbed my arm, leading me out of the dimly lit bar and towards the elevator.
By the time we got to the room I headed straight for a chair.
My hands were shaking as I tied myself up.
Faintly, oh so faintly, as the world around me started to disappear, I heard the phone ringing. Haymitch answered.
"Well hello to you too, sweetheart." Pause. "He's tied up, in the chair. Don't panic, Katniss. Hello? Hello?"
That was the last thing I heard.
I thought of Mitchell. It had been years—years—since I had thought of him. I don't know if I'd ever forgiven myself for that. I tried to push it away, bury it, but here it was, and here he was, back from the dead.
His death was what made me realized I had indeed became a piece in the Capitol's Game.
We wrestled together, he and I, as I tried to get to Katniss. I had to kill her. She was more than a mutt. She was going to destroy everything and everyone. She was already destroying my life. She had taken my family, had had them killed, but I could bring them back if I just got to kill her.
"Your family will come back to you, Peeta, if you just kill her," President Snow had told me, and Snow was a good man, a kind man. He wouldn't lie to me. Katniss had to die. "I'm going to allow you to be rescued, but you must kill her, okay? Can you do that for me, Mr. Mellark?"
I could, and I would. It'd be easy. I was stronger than her, and she had destroyed everything, everything I had held dear to me.
Not real, not real, not real, not real.
"You don't believe me?" President Snow had asked. I shook my head. "Fine. Allow me to help you remember."
He played a scene of the Quarter Quell, when Katniss heard the Jabberjays mock Prim's voice.
And then she heard Gale.
"Gale is her lover," Snow told me. "Why else would she hear his name, and not yours?"
And suddenly everything clicked into place.
I had been rescued, just like Snow and I had planned, and now we were back in the Capitol. I had played my part well, these past few weeks, pretending to be better, but all it took was for one of those pods to bring me back to reality, and the thirst for blood was overwhelming.
I wanted to kill her.
I needed to kill her.
Nothing in all of Panem would make me happier than killing her.
Mitchell seemed to know what I was thinking, as he blocked my path.
A small part of me wished it had been Gale.
I'd love nothing more than to kill him before killing Katniss.
But why? Why would I want to kill Gale?
Surely it's not because I was jealous.
Because jealously would mean I had feelings for Katniss.
And I couldn't have feelings for Katniss.
She was a mutt.
Not real.
No. Not a mutt.
Life. She was life.
And fire. Beautiful fire, blazing bright with love.
Love for me.
She loved me.
She was calling me. I could hear her.
She was far away, but I was starting to make out what she was saying.
"It's not real, Peeta," she said, her voice echoing. "Please come back to me. Please. I need you. Don't you remember the beach? I need you."
Beach? Beach. The Quarter Quell.
"Yes. I see you. Your eyes are clearing. Do you remember the beach?"
The beach.
But after the beach I went to the Capitol.
No not the Capitol.
The Capitol saved me.
It told me the truth.
The truth about Katniss, being a mutt, a troublemaker.
She needed to die.
So I fought Mitchell for her, and when I pushed him, I did not care that he would fall to his death. I just approached Katniss, psychotic with victory at finally reaching my prey, wrapped my hands around her neck, and started to squeeze.
Her kisses would never distract me.
But why on earth did my stomach do summersaults when she kissed me?
And why did she smell so real? Like pinecones and dirt. But she didn't reek. She smelled the way dirt smelled when it started to rain in the summertime.
"You love me Peeta, remember? Love is real. We got married to make it real."
I blinked at her blurry figure, could feel her cupping my face, but I still couldn't really see her.
"Married?' I gasped out.
"Real," she whispered, and I could hear her voice quivering.
"You proposed to me a few days ago. We had a toasting the next night. You painted a picture of the toasting. Where'd I tell you to hang it?"
I blinked as she went in and out of focus.
"You asked Effie to plan our wedding ceremony. We always have a Christmas tree in our room now. You always ask me to pose for you so you can sketch me. How many bakeries do you have now?"
Bakeries? I bake. I love to bake. "Two. No…" I scrunched up my face. "Three?"
"Real. Sage wrote us a letter. Cinna left us a video. We made a book in regards to the Games, but it wasn't our first book. What was our first book we did together, Peeta?"
"Plants," I said, my voice clearer.
"Real," sobbed Katniss. "You asked my mom for my hand in marriage. You love it when I wear the color green. The first year we shared a bed we fought over the blankets. Where did you propose to me?"
"In my bakery, on Valentine's Day."
She lost it after that, wrapping her arms around me, her body shaking with sobs, and I breathed in her scent, that lovely scent of pinecones and wet dirt, inhaling the essence of Katniss, my Katniss. I wondered why I couldn't embrace her, and then remembered that my hands were tied, and suddenly I didn't want to touch her anymore.
"Haymitch," I said softly, and he knew, just like he always did, and picked Katniss up.
She screamed bloody murder.
I saw her kick and scratch at Haymitch, clawing at his face so that he'd let her go, and then watched as Dr. Aurelius and Haymtich pinned her down and Dr. Aurelius stuck her with a needle.
I closed my eyes, because seeing needles sometimes made me relapse.
Katniss' cries calmed down.
I took a deep breath and looked around the room.
Gale looked sick. His skin was clammy and I figured matched mine. Thom's face was in a hard line, his eyes dark. Cressida was sitting in a corner, pale, her tattoos bright against the white of her skin. Pollux was trembling, his camera at his feet. Effie was sobbing in a corner.
Jesus Christ.
What had happened?
And what the hell did I say aloud?
"Hello, Peeta." I turned to Dr. Aurelius.
"What did I do?"
Before he answered he turned to the room. "I need everybody to leave now," he said.
"No. They can stay." Dr. Aurelius stared at me. "It's fine."
"They'll have to sign a confidentiality form when I leave, then. If anyone objects tot that, please leave." No one moved.
"What did I do?" I asked again.
"Nothing," he said, "and I think that's what scared Katniss the most. This was the quietest, stillest I've ever seen you. You were just like Katniss is during one of her episodes. That's never happened before. You were… gone. All the way gone. Even she couldn't reach you. I think she thought you'd left her for good."
"How long has it been?" Haymitch started to untie me and I glanced at Katniss, now asleep on the couch.
"A day."
I snapped my head back to him. "What?!"
"What's the last thing you remember, Peeta?"
I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to control my shaking hands. "The bar. We were at the bar. Haymitch and I. I could feel it coming. I had been so nervous about being separated from Katniss in the Capitol…. Cressida said we'd only be apart for a couple of hours, but they were late."
"Peeta," whispered Cressida.
"No. I don't blame you. I'm not blaming you. But I got scared. I got nervous and I could feel an attack. Haymitch said we should go to the room, which we did, and I tied myself." I scrunched up my face and tried to remember. "I think Haymitch got a phone call…."
"He did," Cressida said. "Katniss and I were late…. She had more trouble than she thought finding your ring. We were on our way to the hotel, though, when Katniss said something wasn't right. She could feel it, she said. She was adamant about calling you and talking to you, to make sure you were okay. When we called and Haymitch said you were having a flashback, she sort of lost it. She actually got out of the car and started running to the hotel. She got physical when we tried to get her back in the car. I told her she wouldn't ever get to you like this. I asked her what would be the best way to get to Peeta. That calmed her down. We got to the hotel about twenty minutes later, almost at the same time as Dr. Aurelius. By that time Thom had informed Gale what had happened."
"I've seen you at your worst, Peeta, but this was bad," Dr. Aurelius said.
"Did I hurt her?"
"Hurt her? You were tied up to a chair, kid," said Haymitch.
"Like I said, you were catatonic. You barely moved. You just sat there, eyes unfocused, and cloudy. Sometimes you would start to shake, and then your eyes would clear, but then you would slip back under."
I slowly started to stand. "When would I come back to reality?"
"Well Katniss' list technique works wonders," Dr. Aurelius says. "The only way I can gage it is to say when a happier memory stuck out, you came around. It took twelve hours. She didn't stop. Wouldn't stop. She didn't take a break. She didn't eat. She just kept naming things. Mentioning the kiss in the cave or on the beach you tended to respond to. This is personal, of course, but I have to ask: why?"
"It was the first time I thought she really had feelings for me. That kiss in the cave… the kiss in the cave… it was what I had dreamed of since I was five. And then on the beach… well… she'd told me several months before that she was confused, wasn't sure how she felt about me, but that kiss on the beach let me know that she loved me, and that she needed me." I rubbed my wrists. They were red. I looked at my hands to keep my eyes averted from everyone's.
"Katniss mentioned being on top of the roof at the Training Center. Planting primroses." I glanced up and saw him consulting his notes. "The train ride on the Victory Tour. Litte Fin. A baby named Dill. And her singing."
"She sang?"
Dr. Aurelius nodded. "It was the closest we got to getting you back, but as soon as she stopped you slipped. She tried singing again but to no avail. It's like she'd work for hours to bring you back, but when you slipped again she had to work twice as hard. You came in and out of it four times."
"Jesus," I whispered.
I was still shaking.
"You sure I didn't hurt her?"
"Positive." He paused, and there was a long silence. "Go to her, Peeta."
"You know I can't," I told Dr. Aurelius.
"Go to her, and see how you don't want to kill her."
I looked up at Gale. "You shoot me if you have to," I told him. I saw the shock in his eyes. "Put your hand on your gun, Gale."
"Peeta, you're fine," Haymitch said, as Effie started to sob even harder. He walked over to her to comfort her.
I ignored Haymitch. "Hand on your gun, Gale."
Gale and Haymitch locked eyes, but they were speaking in their muted Seam talk. Katniss had that ability too. I couldn't read them. Gale finally placed his hand on the butt of his gun.
I cautiously walked towards the couch, where Katniss slept, sedated.
And nearly wept with relief when all I wanted to do was scoop her up and kiss her senseless.
But I couldn't.
Good Peeta had been gone for a whole day.
I had to get him back before I approached her.
Posted this because I'm not sure I'll be able to post tomorrow. Kind of have a busy day planned. Also, even though my bday was several days ago, I'm celebrating with friends/family this weekend, so I may not have time to post. I wouldn't want to leave you guys hanging.
Also, the story is finished, so if you start seeing different stories from me, that's why. Random stories from me is a great way to pass the time until Thursday gets here.
I just posted a one-shot in Katniss' POV called "The Longest Winter Without You." Check it out and let me know what you guys think! It's different.
Til next time, Loves,
-thamockingjayandpeeta