(This is a musical chapter! Isn't it nice to have a crazy, muscial-obsessed authoress? BTW, someone who does this better would have to be Flameboo, who got to the idea before I even started writing. –sweatdrops- Loved FS. And musicals. Recognize the songs, you get a cookie, and whatever's in my handbag. Meaning enough shit to invade Bulgaria. Don't own anything, except my OC's, and my own songs and parodies thereof. And a pre-apology to the Emperor Kra, since you're religious, I believe? Yeah, make no seriousness of Wigglytuff's song.)
Wow, this is goddamn awkward.
Harley is standing in front of the door, in regular clothes, (second time in two weeks, I'm so proud), and he has a rose in his hands. He looks like he's going to freak out and run, but for the fact that Wigglytuff is standing there threateningly, holding a serrated butcher knife.
I decide to screw around with him. "Aww, whassamattah Harley? You don't like me?" I sidle up to him, and pout cutely, putting my hands on his shoulders, and whispering the last part into his ear. He jumps a bit, and his eye twitches as he stammers out, "N-no, nuh-not, what, ah, I meant—" I roll my eyes.
"Would you relax? You act like I'm interrogating you, Harley." He sniffles, and I wince. Drama queen tears, here I come. Sure enough... "WAAAAAAAAH! I CAN'T DO THIS!!! I'M SO SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID!!!" He grips me, still wailing, literally starting a small ocean. The Idiot Islands.
I sigh. "Harley it's okay—" He still has the drama queen inside. "NO IT'S NOT! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!!??!" He sobs, clutching at his hair now, still hard at work flooding the world before global warming did.
Banette, of course, interrupts. "Latias. Would you quit it!? When did she say that!?!" He sighs. "And don't you think you're overreacting?" Harley ignores the puppet pokemon, and continues to cry like a five-year-old.
"Anyways, can't you two wait to pour out your entire souls to each other until you're on the DATE?!" Octillery wails, flopping his tentacles. I scream, "Hey, I'm not involved in this!" And it's true, it'd be more romantic if he waited, but he's not really intelligent enough to figure that out sometimes.
Wigglytuff finally holds up the knife, and shrees, "GO! BEFORE THIS IS IN YOUR STOMACH!!" I shove Harley out the door, and shut it just before a knife thuds into the door. I sigh in relief, and ask him, "Right, so where are we going?" His eyes widen. I sigh.
"You have no idea." "Yeah." I roll my eyes. Dragging him along, I storm away from the lab, and into the woods. He looks around at the trees, and the pokemon strutting along like windup dolls. The grass is soft and green here, and the trees seem almost ancient with moss and leaves. Raising an eyebrow as an Oddish bites the leg of his pants, he asks, "WHY are we here?" I snorted.
"You got a better place to be?" He looks at me, currently being mobbed by the friendly pokemon, and then at the Oddish STILL biting his leg, and sighs. "Easy for you to say, Snow white." He grumbles. I giggle, as the Oddish works up from his leg to his arm. I didn't even know Oddish had TEETH...
I sit down, and beckon to him. The Oddish is shaken off, and walks off dejectedly to go get drunk with a bunch of Spinda and Vita. I sigh, and lean against the tree. "It's so nice to be here..." I twitch my nose, as a leaf falls on it.
I blow air up onto my nose, and watch the leaf fly lazily down below onto the soft, padded, springy moss. I snicker as Harley slips down the tree trunk, and winces in pain as the skin gets shredded. I kiss his forehead, and snort as his eyes practically fly out of their sockets.
He shakes his head like an Arcanine, as if to say, 'Whatever, dollface.' He turns to me, and absentmindedly plays with my hair. I smile, feeling lazy and content. Harley's playing with my hair, the Taillow are at peace, and the crazy Oddish crew is getting drunk somewhere. All is right with the world. Until...
"We're the Wonder Pokemon! Or something!"
I sit up. "Oh, shit!" I wail. "Of all the times!?" Harley looks on in annoyance as Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf all materialize in front of us. Annoying little fourth-gen weirdos. Why won't they stay in Sinnoh?!
Of course, the psi pokemon read my mind. "Because we LOVE you, Lucy!" I groan inwardly. That's what I need, honestly... Mesprit bobbles up and down, chirping like a crappy parody of Mew. (–coughcough- totally is –coughcough-)
"Yes, you do, you lovesick foolish human! We're here to give you a message from the Dogs, Ho-oh, and Lugia. You and the others are needed in Johto. And stuff. Why? Because. They have Contests there, so quit bitching, aye?" Mesprit finishes.
"And guess what?!" Azelf chirps happily, eye twitching. I am instantly reminded of Erose. "We get to go with you!" Harley yanks me up by the hair as he sits up, but it doesn't hurt, since I've already shot up in terror. "Isn't that GREAT?!" Uxie claps his hands happily. I suddenly wonder if I can go get drunk with that Oddish.
Harley giggles in laughter, until I turn to him. "A-HEM, bitch. Remember; you have to come with me now." I let this sink in, until he gets it, and begins to scream like a lunatic. Mesprit huffs, and whacks him over the head with a jewel-studded tail. The other two snigger at their sister's antics. Oh, what a fun trip to Johto this will be, I can tell. I do the only sensible thing I can do right now; break out into song.
"Tried to make me go to Johto, I said no, no, no...
Yes, I need to go, but I want—no, no, no!
I don't got the time—
And if Crystal can make it fine—
Tried to make me go to Johto, and I said, no, no, no!!" I caterwauled at the top of my lungs. Wigglytuff managed to somehow hear this, and roared something crazy about Amy Winehouse to the rest of the household, before rushing off.
Banette looked at Erose. "You think we'll get our own songs?" He asked the grass dino. Erose shrugged. Don't ask how. I know they don't have shoulders. But Oddish don't have teeth, yet one bit Harley. So shut up before the universe a-splodes from lack of logic.
"Anyway, I hope so. I already got one! They're coming to take me away, ha-ha, they're coming to take me away ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-ha, to the funny farm, with trees and flowers and chirping birds, AND BASKET WEAVERS WHO SIT AND SMILE, THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY, HA-HA!" The crazy Bulbasaur raves as he weaves drunkenly around a bunch of other horrified pokemon.
Back to the clearing, I was still rambling on about not wanting to go to Johto, until Wigglytuff burst on to the scene. "AMY!?! AMY?!" He roared, swinging his head around wildly, searching for his hero. I sweatdrop. "Uh, no, Wigglytuff. It's just me." He stares for a minute. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a spotlight poofs onto him. I groan. "Not you too..."
He gets a wistful look on his face, and begins to sing. "I know, I know, I know... to some, I may just be a homicidal pink rabbit... thing..." He croons into a microphone that appeared out of nowhere. Why, oh why must I live my life like this? He ignores me, and continues.
"But I, but I, have feeeeelllllliiinggs...Yes, feeeeelllliiinggs... And I just want to say... Oh, Amy, Amy, why don't you love meeeeee?" I know EXACTLY where this is going. Straight after Barry Manilow.
"SING SOMETHING ELSE!" I roar. He growls at me, and flips his haircurl. Breaking the other microphone, he takes on the growl of someone like Dio.
"Fine! ...Bring me the head! Bring me the head, better make sure he's dead, of the preacher man! I don't want sin, I don't wanna admit god didn't create man, bring me the head of the preacher man!" I rolled my eyes, but I had to admit it was catchy.
"I don't wanna admit, Dragonair's not a Satanic Serpentine, (1), I don't wanna admit, there may not be anything left that's divine, bring me the head of the PREACHER! MAN! Altar boys are my whores, I rant about days of yore, I'm a Preacher Man! My god's a dead man on a stick, my followers aren't forced to think, bring me the head of... the... PREACHER MAN!"
He finishes, and grins at us. Harley sighs. "Okay, we're going to get flamed for these two reasons; one, Christians are going to HATE US now. Two, that had nothing to do with the plot." Wigglytuff swelled up, and glared at Harley. "Pah! Let them! I say to you, good sir, GOD IS DEAD!" I sigh. Harley shakes his head, but I see him smiling. And then THEY interrupt.
"Hey! We want a song too!" Uxie pipes up. The other two nod. "Yeah!" And so it begins. "We're the Wonder Pokemon, come to save the day! From bad guys with blue hair, rabid unicorns, giant lions, come whatever may! We're the Wonder Pokemon! Fight for what is right, working—" "FOR A BLOODY GODDAMN CLAMPDOWN, BITCHES!!" Mesprit screamed, much to the displeasure of Uxie.
"Anyway! We clash, and bash! Our enemieeesss! Rah rah rah! We bring the pain! Without any shame, or care for ratings! Kid shows may be our premise, but they'll be your DEMISE. No lie. ...bitches." The two male pokemon of the trio finish. I roll my eyes, and yank Harley away. "Come on, let's go home. Maybe it won't be like this here."
Oh, how wrong I was. And Harley wasn't helping. As soon as he got back, he rushed upstairs, and I didn't see him for a few minutes, thankfully, because I now had to deal with the others in a musical mood.
"He's the reason for the teardrops on my—" May began, but I slapped her over the head. "IF I HAVE TO HEAR THAT SONG ONE MORE TIME, THAT'S IT, I'M KILLING EVERYONE!" I roared. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CONTESTSHIPPING AMVS I HAVE SEEN WITH THAT SONG?!! DO YOU?!" May sweatdropped.
Drew rolled his eyes, and then HE started to sing. "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it huuurrrttss..." I rolled my eyes, and slapped him too. "Shut up, Grass Ass." I growled angrily. He groaned, and bitched, but then... Harley stopped us all in our tracks.
A pink corset glittered over a fishnet top. SHORT-shorts, so short they practically constituted as a thong, clutched his, (well-formed, I had to note), ass. Fishnet tights raced up his legs, along with a pair of stiletto boots that were fire-engine red. Glittering gloves, a ton of makeup, and a feather boa completed this outfit.
Drew whipped out his own camera, and snapped picture after picture, yelling about blackmail. May and Brendan applauded. And me? I wanted to kill myself, and then him. As a dead ghost or something. "My Gaydar is fuckin' beeping off the goddamn charts." Vita muttered. I sighed. Really? Mine had a-sploded, been burnt to cinders, and got brought back to life, only to die again from this man's sheer Queer Power. (TM)
And he opened his mouth to sing. And in a horrible flash, I knew what it would be. "Don't get strung out! By the way I look! Don't judge a book by it's cover! I'm not much of a man by day, but by night, I'm one hell of a luuu-vaaaah..." He kept singing, and I mouthed the words in horror. "I'm just a Sweet Transvestite, from...TRANSSEXUAL, TRANSYLVANIA!" That did it. I screamed.
"What is WRONG with all of you?! IF THIS IS WHAT JOHTO DOES TO PEOPLE, I'M NOT GOING!!!" I roared angrily, and stared at Harley. He thrust his hip out to one side, and cocked an eyebrow. "You don't think I'm sexy?" He pouted. I turned to glare at him.
"I do. But that is NOT the point. The point is, how the FUCK do you know that song?!" I asked him. He shrugged, as the others cracked up at this insanity. That was now videotaped.
"It's on your Ipod."
And all of a sudden, I began to hate modern techonology.
Very much.
(1: Yeah, crazy Christians out there that hate pokemon because they represent Satan. No, I'm serious. Go Google this site, crossroads.to, and it'll be the craziest shit you've ever seen. I guarantee. BTW, sorry Kra. I know you're religious or something, but I do not like these people.)