Chapter 35

4 Months Later...

They were lying in bed, Costia's hand on Lexa's sternum. Occasionally, she'd trail her fingers up and down the exposed skin, making her lover hum in content. Lexa's eyes were shut and Costia was examining her profile, enjoying the chance to trace every line of Lexa's face.

"Did you ever think about sending the Boat People across the ocean?" She wondered, breaking the silence.

"That's pretty random, Cos," Lexa chuckled but didn't open her eyes. She filed the thought for later, though, like she always did when Costia said something crazy which down the line ended up being a total expression of genius.

It wasn't that random, though. Lexa was about to expand her coalition and it made Costia think about future possibilities. But the Boat clan wasn't the subject of tonight's musings.

They resumed their basking until Costia broke the silence again.

"These are the people who killed your parents and you're still letting them into your coalition," she observed quietly, changing the subject completely and making Lexa open her eyes and look at her lover. All she got from Costia was an adoring smile.

"It's the right thing to do," Lexa shrugged. Letting the Shallow Valley Clan into her coalition was not easy, but it was a crucial step on the way to unite all the twelve clans. Costia deserted Lexa's sternum in favor of Lexa's mouth. She used her thumb to trace along Lexa's bottom lip. Lexa closed her eyes in pleasure, blowing out breaths on Costia's fingers.

"You remind me so much of my father," Costia offered sadly. Lexa opened her eyes again and quirked her eyebrow.

"While I miss him too, I'm not sure that's what I want to hear when you are naked in my bed."

Costia chuckled and shook her head but then turned serious.

"What I mean is…" she paused a moment and tried to put her thoughts in order. "You both have this fierceness in you that is… intimidating but calm at the same time, like clear water," she explained and got that intense look in her eyes that Lexa knew was made especially for her and her alone.

"You and your words," she said in an almost whisper. Costia could turn her entire world upside down with a single sentence.

"And then at the same time, both of you have the purest hearts," Costia continued, ignoring the way she knew her words made Lexa feel. She was just trying to be honest and convey how much she loved Lexa. She didn't have any hidden agenda. "And you listen. Like he always did with my mom. Listen to new ideas, always trying to find a way."

"You taught me that, Cos," Lexa argued. If she was different than others, special, it was because she had that special person in her life who showed her other sides of right and wrong.

"No, Alex. I may have said a thing or two over the years about finding a way," Costia objected and cupped Lexa's cheek, "but I didn't teach you to listen. This is such a fundamental thing that is all you. That's how I always knew you are the right person for this," she swallowed hard, "for me."

Lexa's heart started pounding incredibly fast. She leaned in and captured Costia's lips in a searing kiss. Costia made her dizzy. Costia made her steady. She made her fall into a bottomless pit and be constantly grounded at the same time.

Lexa needed to have her, needed to give herself to her completely. She found herself on top of Costia a second later, breaking their kiss.

"Do you even know what you are?" She asked Costia breathlessly, in awe. "What sort of magic among men you actually are?" She lowered herself to her lover's body so she could kiss her again.

"You are probably the only one who thinks that," Costia smiled bittersweetly between kisses. All these years and she still didn't know her own true worth. "But you are the only one who matters," she spoke quietly into Lexa's ear, making her lover shudder.

She pushed herself up to look into Costia's eyes.

You are a miracle, even if you'd never realize that, she thought, hoping her eyes spoke her truth. But I am always going to show you.

"We welcome Louwoda into our house, in the spirit of friendship and harmony," Lexa started with the traditional greeting.

She could feel Costia's eyes on her, burning with such ferocity that Lexa knew she won't be getting any rest that night.

She vaguely heard Titus clear his throat next to Costia who ignored him.

"We have gathered here today to initiate our brothers from Loudwoda into the coalition," the room was buzzing with excitement. For so long the Shallow Valley Clan was the enemy, now they chose the path of peace and it was all thanks to Lexa.

"To symbolize this union, the leader of Loudwoda must bare our mark," Lexa nodded at the head of the clan who acknowledged her request with a respectful bow and took a few steps forward.

"Present your arm," Lexa ordered and the man followed suit, hissing quietly when the mark was burned into his arm.

Once done, he turned toward the throne and got down on his knees before Lexa.

Lexa allowed herself to steal a quick glance at her lover. She thought she never saw Costia look at her like that before. It was that same intense look but in a tenfold. The adoration, the love, Costia couldn't mask it even if she tried. Lexa could almost hear her say "you've found a way. You always do."

She turned back to the man in front of her before Costia could consume her thoughts entirely and Lexa wouldn't be able to finish what she'd started.

"Rise again, as the eleventh clan, as part of our coalition," Lexa gestured with her hand, allowing a smile to sneak in when the rest of the people in attendance cheered loudly.

Later, Lexa knew, once the reception and mingling was done, there would be dancing and drinking in the streets. People, even the ambassadors, even the leaders, would celebrate.

But she only wanted to celebrate with one person, and it became crystal clear to her during the day that she wanted to celebrate so much more than the initiation of the eleventh clan.

The moment the door to their quarters was shut behind them, Costia flew into Lexa's arms, practically assaulting Lexa with her lips.

"You did it," Costia noted between heavy breaths once they broke apart. Lexa was still trapped in her embrace. "You did it all, Alexandra. God, I wish Daddy was here to see. He would've been so proud of you," she concluded in hoarse voice. She hardly ever used her lover's full name anymore, but when she did, it was always loaded, usually with passion and awe.

Everything that was happening made Lexa's body temperature skyrocket. "I didn't do it all, Cos," she pointed out pulling them both backwards, toward their bed.

"Azgeda will fall in line. You will make them," Costia stated with nothing but certainty. She knew it would become a reality.

Their knees touched the bed and they both fell onto the mattress, Costia on top of Lexa.

"I think this coalition was your idea, in a way, years ago," Lexa smiled softly, grabbing her lover by the neck, "and you somehow planted it in my head without words. As always."

Costia looked at her weirdly and for a change, Lexa couldn't read her expression.

"What?" she asked in confusion.

"I have ideas, but you…" Costia laughed joyfully, "your mind is so beautiful, so distinguished. It takes ideas and form them into visions," she explained and Lexa could see she was almost on the verge of tears. Tears of admiration, of wanton. "And then you… it's like you lure people into submission until they execute your vision. They want to execute your vision. You are a god damn miracle worker, Alex," she finished, looking at Lexa like she was something sacred, something holy.

"Is that what you feel I do to you?" Lexa asked in concern, "lure you into submission?"

"You don't need to," Costia chuckled, "you've had me since we were six. God, I am so in love with you." She leaned in and kissed Lexa with so much fervor, Lexa's head was spinning. She had to lean out for a second, look at the person who always looked at her like no one and nothing else existed.

Now.

"Cos?" she started nervously. It was silly, she shouldn't have been nervous at all.

"Mmm?" Costia hummed but leaned in again to recapture her lover's lips. She couldn't keep her hands off Lexa a moment longer. Going through the entire initiation ceremony was torturous enough. She wanted Lexa. She wanted Lexa everywhere.

"Let's get the tattoos," Lexa breathed out through a moan when Costia left her mouth in favor of her neck. Costia stopped immediately and pushed herself up to search Lexa's eyes.

"Which tattoos?" she asked uncertainly.

"You know which ones," Lexa gave her a dazzling smile.

Costia gasped. "Are you sure? You want to spend your entire lifetime with me?"

"Of course," Lexa swallowed hard, knowing that she was giving Costia that same look she always got from her lover. "You make me… you make me," Lexa bit her lip, but the tears came anyway. How could they not when Lexa thought about everything they've been through in order to get here. "I love you more than words can ever describe. You and I, forever. That was always the plan," Lexa reminded. She told Costia right after her ascension that one day this will happen. "I don't want to wait anymore. I mean, you are my second aren't you?" she inquired with a soft smile.

"Always," Costia answered seriously, a tear falling down along her cheek.

"I know you don't believe in these traditions," Lexa started, blushing in slight embarrassment, "but…"

"Alex, I believe in this one," Costia caught her off guard. "Completely," she promised.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And my answer is yes," Costia licked her lips, cheeks now soaked. Lexa squealed in pure happiness and flipped them over, kissing Costia with everything she had, only breaking their kiss moments later just so she could rub her nose with Costia's.

"You and me, forever," Costia agreed, pouring her entire soul into Lexa's through their eyes. "That was always the plan."

"Are we actually sneaking out in the middle of the night like children to do this?" Costia whined.

"I don't want to wait a second longer," Lexa turned to her and offered her a cheeky grin. "And it's not sneaking out when all the night guards saw us," she pointed out teasingly.

"I just can't believe you prefer leaving the tower in the middle of the night over what we were doing right before," Costia shook her head. "It was very… satisfying."

"Yes, but being promised to you would be even more satisfying," she stopped abruptly, making Costia walk right into her, which she took advantage of by wrapping her arm around Costia's hip and pulling her in for a passionate kiss.

"No, don't!" Costia pushed her gently. "You are distracting me. We left Gustus in the tower, I'm responsible for your safety now, do not distract me!" Costia scolded, making Lexa laugh happily.

She used her fingers to put some of Costia's hair behind her ear. "You drive me mad," she declared lovingly and stole one last kiss before she untangled herself from the embrace. She laced her fingers with Costia's and they kept walking quickly, giggling as they went.

"Which arm do you want yours on?" Lexa prompted. "I'm okay with whatever you choose."

"You are getting yours on your right arm," Costia stated matter-of-factly. "That way I'll always be standing to your right, be your right hand woman," Costia explained softly.

Lexa looked at her dumbfounded. She didn't know what to say. For quite the faithless person, Costia somehow managed to always find symbolism in everything. Lexa thought how there was no other person who was as devoted to another in the whole world as Costia was devoted to her. Lexa was wondering if she deserved being the object of such a strong emotion.

Costia leaned closer so she was mere inches from Lexa's ear. "You deserve everything, and I plan on giving it to you and make sure you always feel like this," she blew a shallow breath into Lexa's ear, making Lexa shiver.

Costia knew. Costia always knew.

It was the following day. Lexa hardly got any shut eye at all. Between the initiation ceremony, the celebration she did with Costia after, the sneaking out of the tower, the sneaking back into the tower and then even more celebrating, she was exhausted. She was sore, too. For all the right reasons and with a special twist of pain in her right arm. Her tattoo was beautiful all on its own, but when she was standing next to Costia, Costia's matching tattoo created a whole with her own. She couldn't help but smile as she took off her armor and considered taking a nap. Her morning meetings were over, Costia was briefing the guard, it was a golden opportunity.

Just as she was about to drop herself on the couch, a knock was heard.

"Enter," she ordered, assuming it was a member of the guard, maybe even Gustus, informing her that the guard's meeting was over and the Fosgona would be back by her side soon. But instead, it was Titus.

"Heda, I'm sorry to interrupt, but the Louwoda's delegation is about to depart and…" he stopped abruptly.

She turned to look at him and found him with mouth agape, staring at her exposed arm. It didn't even occur to her to cover herself. She was done being with Costia on the down low. Costia wasn't just her lover anymore. Costia was her promised one. The whole point was that she could shout it from the rooftops. Costia was about to become the Commander's binded one, her houmon. No more sneaking around. Everyone knew, anyway. No one cared. No one, except for the Fleimkepa.

"Heda, what is it on your arm?" he asked cautiously.

"It's a promise tattoo and you know that, Titus," Lexa replied flatly. She wasn't going to explain this decision to her subject.

"Why do you have a promise tattoo?" he glared.

"Because I promised myself to someone," she shrugged, putting her armor back on, realizing that her napping attempts were futile. She'd have to go and see the delegate off.

"Heda," he took a deep breath, preparing himself for what they both knew was going to turn into an argument, "if I walk out of here to look for the matching tattoo who would have it?"

"You know who would have it," she replied challengingly.

"You cannot bind your life to a mountain girl!" He was horrified, but he knew he was too late. Even though the two haven't done their ceremony yet, the promise tattoo was a sacred tradition. Only death could undo the vow that was made for a life together.

"She's a Natblida," Lexa reminded quietly, venom clear in her voice, "the daughter of a fierce warrior and my Fosgona. You are forgetting yourself, Fleimkepa," she warned.

"No, you are forgetting yourself!" he shouted. "She has been a problem since she got here but she made you better, so I turned a blind eye. And then the perfect solution presented itself and I thought you'd kill her and that'd be the end of that! I thought you'd mourn her for a while but then you'll be stronger for it!"

Lexa looked at him in utter shock. His admission was on the verge of treason.

"Be very careful with what you say next, Titus," she spat. "You already crossed a line."

He took a deep breath, knowing that he was walking on thin ice.

"Heda, I beg you, this is a bad idea. Your enemies will know of your weakness," he pleaded. She was the closest thing he had to a child. They both knew that. His love for her was true and he was speaking out of worry. "It was bad enough that two Natblidas stepped out of your conclave alive. Remember, Heda is meant to be alone…"

"No," Lexa cut him sharply. She had no patience to have this argument again. "You always say that but none of us is ever truly alone. I'm not alone. I have you, I have my family, I have Indra," she reminded softly, thinking that if he would just understand, everything would be easier. "Without all of you, it's like I'm navigating alone in the dark."

"You are the Flame. You don't need us to see in the dark!" he objected. As far as he was concerned darkness could fall on the entire world, but Lexa, alone, would still be standing, shining bright.

"It's being isolated which makes us weak, teacher," Lexa concluded. She wasn't mad anymore, she felt sorry for him. He dedicated his life to his duty, she did, too, but she learned how to have more. "I might be the Flame on my own, but with Kostia?" she paused, smiling as her lover's face appeared in her mind. "With Kostia I'm a blazing fire."

Notes:

1. Louwoda – "Shallow Valley Clan" in Trigedasleng.

2. We are now up to eleven out of the twelve clans the coalition was made of when we first met Lexa in canon. We're closing the gap with canon more and more with these last few chapters of volume 1. The text I used for the initiation ceremony was partially from what we saw on the show when skaikru joined the coalition and the rest I made up trying to keep the general vibe. We never did get to see the full initiation of the sky people because all hell broke loose. We also know that Azgeda is next on Lexa's agenda. Yet another catching up with canon's starting point.

3. Costia knowing that Azgeda will fall in line - they did, as we know, but at a cost. Here's my terrible joke: Nia is like – "we can join your alliance, but it's gonna Costia."

4. "You and I, forever. That was always the plan" - right after the conclave Costia was overwhelmed by the fact that for the first time ever she didn't have a plan. Except then she realized Lexa was her new plan, that they could actually have a future together. Then, in chapter 31, Lexa got her conclave tattoo and Costia was somewhat saddened by the fact that she's not represented there. Lexa's response showed that this wasn't just Costia's plan. Them, forever, was Lexa's plan, too:

"I'm not there with them," Costia observed sadly.

"And I wouldn't want you to be," Lexa pointed out. "You'll be here one day," she took Costia's hand and put it on her own right arm, where a promising tattoo would traditionally go, to mark that two people have chosen to spend their lives side by side.

5. Regarding the promising tattoos – This actually meant a lot to me. First of all, again, we're catching up with canon. I wanted Lexa's another famous tattoo that we've seen on the show to mean something of great significance. I wanted us to be there when she got it. I mentioned earlier in the story that Alycia recently commented that this tattoo had to do with different stages of leadership, but by that point this was already written, and I wanted to keep it. The Grounders honor their kills with tattoos, Lexa honored the fallen novitiates with her back tattoo. Their society marks events of importance by putting it on their bodies. Lexa's body is relatively "clean", meaning that if she did get something tattooed it was of great importance. From the little we do know about the clans is seems that marriage do exist, even if, like I mentioned before, they don't use the word marriage. I had to make up a whole terminology. So instead of "engaged" I liked "promised," and instead of "married" I liked "binded." Trigedasleng has one word for spouse that works for both wife and husband and I love that. A long time ago, before we knew what Lexa's back tattoo was even about, I sent Kim Shumway a question. I told her I was wondering if Lexa's back tattoo was actually a promising tattoo and if maybe Costia had a matching one. I told her I was wondering if all the circles were originally white and if Lexa colored one black after Costia's death. Clearly, she couldn't tell me then what it was about, but she liked the theory. So for quite some time I liked the idea of matching promising tattoos. I like that they create something new when they stand next to each other, like each one of them is a half of a bigger picture, and I like that Lexa got to carry a piece of Costia with her, always. And since they've discussed it straight after the conclave, I loved finally bringing them to this point.

6. Letting them sneak out in the middle of the night was so much fun. It gave me the chance of offering them a light moment to enjoy their lives, and do some role reversal. Costia was more of a rule breaker. Lexa was always the good girl. It was nice to let Lexa be the bad influence for once.

7. Houmon – Spouse in Trigedasleng.

8. Another important thing about the tattoo – at first I thought about naming it a fealty tattoo. I know this is Lexa and Costia's story, but both me as a writer, and Lexa's character I believe, have tremendous respect for her love story with Clarke. Lexa wouldn't use the same terminology with Clarke that she used with Costia out of respect to both the women she loved. I don't think she'd specifically swear fealty to Clarke while carrying Costia's fealty tattoo, so I preferred choosing a different name for it, letting each love story have its own unique language.

9 "Heda is meant to be alone" - The never ending argument with Titus about the same core subject that was always between them. It wasn't the first time they fought about the fact that to be the Commander is to be alone, and it's not the last (he tells her this exact sentence in a tone that indicates repetition in 3X07.) Every time they fight about the subject strengthens the fact that when they fought later about Clarke in 3X07 Lexa's says "this again." Here she might be respectful even though they've had this argument in the past, but on 3X07 she's at the end of her rope. And that moment in 3X07 when she finally explodes is when he mentions Costia and it being Lexa's mistakes that led to her death.

10. I seriously am so happy they called it the Flame. I mentioned time and again how much I love using all the fire related phrases and whatnot. The last few paragraphs of this chapter were an absolute joy to write.