A/N: OK hey everyone! Let me start off by telling you all that I kinda surprised myslef in this chapter. I mean, I Made Ijuuin more than just a cool guy. Dare I say, I made him a little...deep o_O''
But doesn't everyone have somethig wrong in thier lives and go through rough times at some point in thier life? Of couse they do. So that's what I did for Ijuuin. The chapter was slightly emotional. You may or may not be surprised.
I was lucky today. I didn't have to separate any words today! I wasn't jumbled up or anything! Please enjoy! ^_^
Misaki waited in the living room for a good half an hour before his worry got the best of him. He slowly got up and made his way towards the hallway where Ijuuin had disappeared around. He was about to look for where Ijuuin had gone, when his nose bumped into the mangaka's chest. Ijuuin seemed as if he barely felt if. He said nothing as he made his way towards the living room area, holding a bundle under his long arm. The only thing that Misaki could do was follow him. Ijuuin made his way towards a closet in the room and pulled out a pillow and sheets.
"Kyou what's going on?", Misaki asked, confused.
Ijuuin seemed to flinch at the sound of Misaki's voice.
"I'm sorry, Misaki. I...I don't think I'm in any condition to drive you home tonight.", Ijuuin said, in a quiet voice.
"Y-you mean I have to sleep here?", Misaki asked.
Ijuuin nodded.
"I'm sorry for the inconvenience", Ijuuin said.
"It's OK. I mean...I understand", Misaki said.
Ijuuin turned and made his way out of the living room, Misaki following close behind him. They walked around a corner to a staircase. He and Ijuuin walked up the stairs, and towards a room at the far end of the hallway. Ijuuin opened the door and let both Misaki and himself in.
"This is the guest room. I hope you'll be comfortable", Ijuuin said. He sounded very tired and strange to Misaki.
Misaki nodded. He looked around the large bedroom that he would be sleeping in. It was clean and very well kept. The bed was already nicely made with clean sheets and quilts but Ijuuin went and placed the extra sheets on the armchair next to the bed, which was situated in front of a large television. Ijuuin handed Misaki a T-shirt and cotton pants.
"You can sleep in these", Ijuuin said. He walked towards the door and looked at Misaki once more before closing it behind him. After he was gone, Misaki changed into the sleeping clothes. He already knew that they would be too big for him. After all, Ijuuin was taller than him, so it was understandable. When he finished pulling on the pants, Misaki knew that he was right. Though he had tied the pants with its string, the pants legs still sagged loosely over his own legs. The long sleeved shirt was big, the sleeves reaching down to almost his waste. He knew that Ijuuin was nowhere as built as Usagi but it still made the brunette feel small and tiny. Misaki sat on the bed looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought.
I knew that there was something going on with Kyou after a while...but I didn't know...it was something like that..., Misaki thought. His eyes stung with tears once again, remembering the death of his own parents in the horrible car crash that claimed their lives when he was barely eight years old. Misaki plopped his head down on the pillow, still looking at the ceiling shrouded in the pitch blackness.
I...I wonder if there's anything that I can do. But I don't want to bother him...Kyou...he must be having a really hard time now, Misaki thought.
Maybe I should just leave him alone tonight...it is really late, Misaki thought looking at the clock on the wall and seeing that it was five in the morning.
Hmmm...if Kyou really doesn't want to be around anyone...then maybe I should stay awake and take the train at six, Misaki thought to himself. He hopped up from out of the bed and opened the bedroom door, peeping outside into the dark hallway that seemed so foreign to him. Easing the door open quietly, Misaki made his way down the hallway, feeling the unfamiliar walls in the dark. He stopped walking when he saw the bright light of the moon streaming into the room that he now stood in front of. Before Misaki could stop himself, he peered into the moonlit room through the cracked door. Straining his eyes, to see further in, Misaki saw a figure slumped over on the bed. He knew it was Ijuuin. The manga author's shoulders were slumped and his was sitting with his hands in his lap, looking down at them. Misaki couldn't see his face but he knew that Ijuuin was deep in thought, probably grief stricken as well. Suddenly, Misaki felt his hands slip on the wall he was clinging to, causing Ijuuin's bedroom door to ease open in a slow creak. Misaki knew he couldn't hide himself, so instead he walked into the bedroom where Ijuuin was sitting on the bed, a strained expression on his face.
"Couldn't sleep?", Misaki inquired softly.
Ijuuin didn't say anything, but looked away from Misaki.
Misaki shrugged and walked to stand in front of Ijuuin. He inhaled and exhaled loudly and then spoke.
"Kyou...Are you OK?", Misaki asked.
OK...that was a stupid question to ask, Misaki thought.
"I mean...Since you've told me what's been bothering you...I-I wish there was something I could do for you", Misaki said.
Ijuuin still did not say anything, so Misaki continued.
"I already told you before...If you need to talk about something...I-I'll listen to you...I mean it", Misaki said.
Ijuuin looked up slightly.
"Really", Misaki pressed.
"We're friends...So I'm worried about you", Misaki said.
"Kyou...Talk to me...tell me what's wrong", Misaki said, placing a hand on Ijuuin's shoulder. He felt Ijuuin's body give a small shudder under his hand, but he did not pull it away. Misaki suddenly heard Ijuuin speak.
"I...Me and my father...we never got along", Ijuuin said quietly.
"Really?", Misaki asked.
Ijuuin nodded.
"He actually never liked me either really", Ijuuin said.
"Oh", Misaki said, immediately thinking of Usagi and the strained relationship he has with both his father and older brother. Ijuuin continued.
"I first met him when I was seven years old", Ijuuin said.
"You mean you never knew him before that?", Misaki asked, surprised.
Ijuuin shook his head.
"My mother got a divorce from him before I was born. She was pregnant with me when she left him.", Ijuuin said.
"Ah", Misaki said, in understanding.
"I loved my step father. He was the only one who I would call father so easily", Ijuuin said looking into space.
Misaki nodded.
"I never knew my real father before...but I always felt as though there was a part of me that still wanted to knew the kind of person he was", Ijuuin said.
Ijuuin let out a light laugh. It sounded cold to Misaki, making him shiver.
"I was wrong about that...", Ijuuin said in a low voice.
"Huh?", Misaki said confused.
Ijuuin had gone silent once again, lost in his own thoughts.
"What...Do you mean?", Misaki asked.
"My real father showed up only a couple of, months after my step father died", Ijuuin said.
Misaki's eyes went wide in shock.
"Y-your step father is deceased as well?", Misaki asked.
Ijuuin nodded.
"Kyou...", Misaki, said apathetically.
"My step father...He...he had cancer...it...it was terminal", Ijuuin said.
Misaki kept silent, wanting to hear the rest of Ijuuin's story.
"After my step father died...My real father showed up in me and my mother's lives", Ijuuin said.
He scratched his head and continued.
"My father", Ijuuin said coldly and continued.
"Told me and my mother that he wanted to be in our lives again...That he wanted a second chance", Ijuuin said. He paused and held his face in his hands.
"Kyo...Excuse me for saying this...b-but isn't that a good thing? I-I mean that he wanted to be a father to you...", Misaki said.
Ijuuin shook his head fervently.
"The only thing he wantedwas to have people who he could dominate over...Who he could control", Ijuuin said in a low voice.
Misaki gulped.
"So he was controlling?", Misaki asked nervously.
"He was more than controlling", Ijuuin said, darkly.
Ijuuin pulled up his black long sleeved night shirt to expose his rib cage. Misaki sat down on the bed beside Ijuuin to get a closer look at what he was being shown. Leaning in closely, Misaki let out a small gasp of surprise when he saw a long scar running down the side of Ijuuin's rib cage. He tentatively raised one of his hands and gently placed them on the long scar. He felt Ijuuin's flinch at him touching it, but he did not pull his fingers away. Misaki could feel his eye brimming with tears.
"K-Kyou...", Misaki said.
"He did it to me...My father...if you would call him that", Ijuuin said with a cold laugh.
He paused before continuing, Misaki's fingers still on the scar.
"I saw him...hit my mother...", Ijuuin said.
"O-oh", Misaki said.
"I really didn't know how long...it was going on...", Ijuuin said.
"I still don't...", Ijuuin said.
Misaki kept silent.
"When I saw that...I couldn't hold myself back...I hit him...punched him in the face", Ijuuin said/
Misaki shivered lightly.
"He did let go of my mother then...But his anger turned on me", Ijuuin said.
He gripped his shoulder tightly and continued.
"He...Had a pocket blade with him...so he brought it down on my side...cutting me", Ijuuin said. Misaki thought he heard Ijuuin's voice shaking.
"We were still yelling at each other...So I didn't even notice when he pulled it out", Ijuuin said.
He paused and looked up into space.
"I finally realized when I felt an icy stinging on my side...My mother took me to the hospital afterwards...I had to get a lot of stitches", Ijuuin said.
He laughed again.
"At the hospital...My mother told me she told the doctors I fell on glass...when I asked why she said we needed my father now", Ijuuin said.
"I...I told her that I would take care of her...that we didn't need him...", Ijuuin said, his voice softer now.
"I was just a kid then...I really didn't understand anything...", Ijuuin said, continuing.
"We didn't have a lot of money...she was in so much grief after the death of my step father...that...she just couldn't do it anymore...she couldn't stand on her own two feet...when my father showed up...she...just...gave in", Ijuuin said.
Ijuuin's hand tightened into a fist in his lap.
"My father got his way in the end...She let him stay...let him did what he wanted...we were literally at his mercy", Ijuuin said.
"He had a good job, and made a lot of money. It was true that he did provided for us financially...he took care of the bills, gave us money for groceries, everything...kept a roof over our heads, paid for everything we ever needed...but at what cost?", Ijuuin said, as if he were asking himself a question.
"He made our lives miserable...He hurt us...and enjoyed it...", Ijuuin said in a dark voice.
"He wanted to keep us closed in and away from everyone else", Ijuuin said.
"The only freedom I got was when I went to school...I'd stay as late as I could so that I wouldn't have to go home...it was a prison there...that's what he made it..", Ijuuin said.
A small smile spread across his face and he laughed lightly.
"You know...I made my first draft of The Kan in my high school library...in my first year", Ijuuin said lightly.
"But of course he had to find a way to take that happiness away from me too...he hated when I did anything I liked...when he found out I was drawing and writing stories...he threw all of my art supplies in the trash...all my paper and pencils too. I had to go school shopping again. He told me that I was worthless...everything about me was...and for a while I believed it...he managed to break me and my mother...it took me months to bounce back...I got determined...the only thing that that I wanted was to take care of my mother...that was the only thing that I wanted...so I started studying...hard in school. My mother always told me that education was the key to any kind of success...I got full marks in all of my classes...I was first in everything...When I was nearing the end of my third year in high school I was so relieved. Graduating meant freedom...it meant that that I could get away from him...go anywhere I wanted...without him putting restrictions on me...not holding me back...I began looking for colleges...ones that were far away...even ones that were in America", Ijuuin said.
He paused and clasped his hands in his lap, a serious look on his face now.
"But...There was always that one thought in the back of my head...what would become of my mother? I...I...really didn't want to leave her...I didn't think I could...not with that man controlling her every move", Ijuuin said.
"I stayed awake so many nights...Thinking of what to do...if I should go or stay...I...", Ijuuin said.
Ijuuin trailed off and paused.
"In the end I...I left her...alone...with him", Ijuuin hissed.
"I ran away to college and enjoyed my life while...She...my mother was...suffering", Kyou said.
"She suffered because of me...The only reason she stayed with him was for my sake...it's my fault that man forced his way into our lived...my fault she suffered...I put her through hell...I'm the reason, the cause", Ijuuin said. Misaki could hear the manga author's voice quiver as he spoke.
"I couldn't protect her...", Ijuuin said.
Misaki placed his hand on Ijuuin's comfortably.
"Kyou...", Misaki said, looking at him.
"The Kan was one of the best things that happened to me. When my manga began to get so popular...I knew it meant that I had a chance to make it up to her. When my father away on a business trip...I told her that I'd come for her and buy her a place of her own. She tried to stop me...she was afraid for me...but I didn't care...I told her that she deserved to be happy...the next thing I knew I was driving up to our old house...I took her to my apartment and then came back later during the day...I packed all of her things...and then brought them back with me. I was just so happy that my mother was safe. I went back the next day to get the last of her things...and then I ran into him. He wanted to kill me...I could tell. I remember him yelling and cursing at me...he told me that I had no right to take away his property. I didn't really need to hear any more that that afterwards...I...I just pushed him over and began punching him. I stopped after a while, however. The last thing I told him was to never come near my mother again...that was the last time I saw him", Ijuuin said.
He sighed heavily and spoke again.
"Then a few weeks ago I found out that he had died in a car crash", Ijuuin said.
Misaki looked up at Ijuuin.
"I-I'm sorry, Kyou", Misaki said teary eyed.
Ijuuin abruptly stood.
"You don't need to be...I don't feel anything", Ijuuin said.
"K-Kyou...", Misaki said.
"I mean it...He...he deserved what he got", Ijuuin said in a cold voice.
"Even so...He was still your father", Misaki said.
"What kind of father was he?", Ijuuin said coldly.
Ijuuin had begun pacing back and forth in the room, like caged animal. Misaki got up from the bed and stood as well, watching Ijuuin.
"All he did was abuse and hurt me and my mother. I don't...feel anything for that kind of monster", Ijuuin said.
Ijuuin sat back down on the bed and buried his face in his hands.
"I hate him...I hate him...I hate him", Ijuuin said weekly through his shrouded face. Misaki could hear his voice cracking, with the grief that he was holding in. Without looking up at Misaki, Ijuuin spoke.
"Misaki...Get out", Ijuuin said.
"Wh-what? Why?", Misaki asked.
"I...Can't be around you, anyone right now", Ijuuin said.
Misaki turned to leave but stopped himself before, just as he placed his hand on the door.
"No", Misaki said, determined.
He walked over to the bed where Ijuuin was sitting and spoke.
"I'm sorry...But I-I can't leave you like this, Kyou", Misaki said, walking closer to the bed.
"Please leave", Ijuuin said again.
Misaki did not say anything.
"Why do you want to be here?", Ijuuin asked, softly.
"Because you need someone to be with you", Misaki said.
"I don't believe you when you say that you...Hate your father", Misaki said, in a small voice.
"I'm not a nice person, Misaki...The Ijuuin Kyou that you know isn't real...this is the real me...I'm hateful and a horrible person. I'm disgusting...and I don't want to bring you down with me...so please leave", Ijuuin said, looking up at Misaki, his eyes full of sadness and despair.
Misaki shook his head again. He walked closer to where Ijuuin was sitting and stood in front of him. Misaki then placed a hand on Ijuuin's cheek and spoke.
"Kyou...You're...you're not dirty. You loved your mother and your father. It's true that your father did hurt you and you have every right to be angry...but I-I think that you still love your father...even after all he's done to you. There's no need to feel guilty for it", Misaki said.
Ijuuin's looked up at Misaki, his eyes wondering and soft.
"I hurt my mother too", Ijuuin said.
Misaki shook his head again.
"You didn't hurt your mother, Kyou...You didn't abandon her either...you did what you could and you took her away from her hurt when you go the chance. You were protecting her...even if you were still a child yourself. You couldn't't have done any better.", Misaki said.
"You're a good person, Kyou...", Misaki said, gently.
"You...Don't think I'm a bad person then...?", Ijuuin asked, his voice almost a whisper.
"No. of course not...", Misaki said.
"But...I was the one who tore my family apart...at least that's how I feel...my mother's unhappiness, her pain, and suffering...I...I feel like I'm the one who's to blame", Ijuuin said, his voice shaking.
Misaki did not say anything, but only stared at Ijuuin with sad eyes for a short moment, before he took a deep breath and spoke.
"Kyou...You're definitely not a bad person...but...you shouldn't hold feelings like this inside and keep them to yourselves like this...I mean...it's OK to feel angry and scared but...don't try to deal with them on your own. You...you don't have to put on a happy face all the time", Misaki said quietly.
He paused for a moment, thinking of the times Usagi held and consoled him.
"It's alright...So please...be a little selfish", Misaki said gently.
Ijuuin held his head tightly in his hands, as if her were having some kind of painful headache. Misaki could see how tense Ijuuin's shoulders were. After a few moments, Ijuuin lifted his face up slightly to look at Misaki. The brunette could see how tired and sad the mangaka's eyes looked. In an instant, without saying another word, Ijuuin pulled Misaki into him, pulling his legs between his own long ones from where he was sitting on the bed and buried his face in Misaki's stomach, wrapping his long arms around Misaki's small waste
"K-Kyou? What are you-?", Misaki began but stopped himself when he felt the tremors coming from Ijuuin's body, his shoulders convulsing up and down. Misaki could feel warm tears slowly soaking the sleeping shirt he was wearing, seeping onto his skin. Ijuuin was obviously crying. The feel of another man's body on his own, other than Usagi's felt so foreign to Misaki and Ijuuin held onto Misaki so tightly. Misaki did not pull away, but instead wrapped his arms around Ijuuin's warm neck and held him close, pulling him further into his stomach, while he ran his fingers through Ijuuin's soft hair, comforting him. He whispered words of encouragement, words of love, and telling Ijuuin that it would be OK. All the things Usagi had done for Misaki whenever Misaki felt this way. He let Ijuuin cling onto him, crying silently. The only thing that Misaki wanted was to let Ijuuin let go of all the pain, sadness and resentment he was feeling. Misaki felt shocked at himself when he felt hot tears running down his cheeks. He remembered the only one who he had every cried for was Usagi. At that time Misaki couldn't help but cry for the silver haired man. Usagi had just lost Takahiro, who he had been in love with because he was going to marry Manami, Misaki's now sister in law, who they had a child with, Misaki's nephew Mahiro. It was true that Misaki did have a tendency to get over emotional when it came to the hardships of other people and their feelings, but it was so different with Usagi. Misaki never felt that way with anyone else. And yet, here he was, crying for Ijuuin, feeling an invisible pull at his heart, feeling that Ijuuin's pain was his own. Ijuuin pulled away slightly and looked up at Misaki, barely raising his head. His tear streaked face, had weak eyes full of shock attached to it. He looked at Misaki in both shock and wonder.
"Misaki...why are you crying?", Ijuuin asked softly.
Misaki sniffed.
"I...Don't know...I just feel sad.", Misaki said.
He looked down at Ijuuin again.
"I...I'm so sorry, Kyou", Misaki said, a steady stream of tears now flowing down his own cheeks.
Instead of answering, Ijuuin pressed his face back into Misaki's soft stomach, wrapping his arms tighter around Misaki's body. There, with Ijuuin's face pressed into his body, feeling the stream on tears that was soaking his shirt, Misaki stayed with Ijuuin, rocking him back and forth in his arms, crying along with him. He decided right there that he would stay with Ijuuin for as long as he needed him.
A/N: Alright then...uh...I was really surprised when I finished writing this part of the story last month. When I was done with it, I was like 'OK...just when did this become a Ijuuin and Misaki story o_O''
Cause' that's what's really happening! I swear, it was unintentional!
Please rate and comment! ^0^