Hey guys, once again I have to apologize for how long it has taken me to get this to you, but I've had my hands a little full recently. My wife had to be taken to hospital as she developed shooting pains in her chest, and it turned out that she had somehow managed to contract Pneumonia & Pleurisy! She had to spend several days in hospital hooked up to a drip, which left me holding the kids (literally with the little one!), and I had to take a week off work to try and keep things going at home (which meant NO writing time).
Your reviews & messages have kept me going during this time, please do keep them coming, I love each and every one.
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Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and as ever, please do let me know what you think.
Chapter 36
'What..., what do you remember?'
Spencer has removed her mask and is staring back at me with just as much surprise plastered over her face as I feel.
I stare at her in shock, my brain whirling as I try to process the fact that I suddenly remember my relationship with Emily, and find the sudden influx of memories completely overwhelming. 'I...I'm not completely sure, it's all so...confusing'.
'Do you remember your accident?' Spencer frowns at me and I see worry flick across her face, her eyes watching me carefully, but I also see her defenses go up a little, and I wonder at it.
I try to work out what could cause her to be so defensive, but it is impossible to make sense of all the new information in my head; it is all so jumbled that my brain aches with the attempt, and the harder I try the worse it hurts. I shake my head and groan in frustration. 'It's all muddled, like they're a big ball of string that's bundled up, and I can't find the ends to unravel it'.
Spencer gives me a small smile, though she still looks slightly wary, and speaks softly. 'It's definitely a lot to process, and I'm sure that it will all begin to make sense as soon as you've had a chance to think it all through properly, but right now, I need your head firmly in the game'.
Spencer's words remind me that now is not the time for processing, and all that matters is Emily's safety, so I hold my hand out to her. 'You're right, now is definitely not the time to be second guessing my memories, so why don't you hand me my kit and we can go get our girl back'.
Spencer's eyes search mine for a minute, as if trying to see something behind my words, but after a moment or two she takes a few paces back and collects a bag from the shadow she emerged from earlier. She hands the bag to me, but as soon as I feel it I can tell that the weight is different than I was expecting, given that I know what should be inside, and I look at her in confusion.
Spencer seems to revert back to her old self at my look because she grins at me and tips her head at the bag. 'I made a few alterations to your gear. Hope you don't mind'.
I put the bag on the ground and squat down so that I can look inside, my confusion turning to surprise as I pull out the items within. Instead of my normal uniform of hoodie and harness to secure my staff, I find a sleek black, form fitting top, one that seemed to be made from a lightweight but strong looking material, and stroke my fingers over the expensive looking garment.
'Try it on'. I look over at Spencer and find her watching me intently, her eyes giving nothing away as she looks at me.
Instead of voicing the multitude of question in my head I decide to do as I am told and wedge the garment between my knees so that I can free my hands to lift my current top over my head, taking the T shirt I was wearing with it, leaving only my vest still draping my body. As I pull the other items over my head I feel my vest ride up, the static in the material clinging to the T shirt, and I feel the cold night air brush over my bare stomach. Once I am free of the tops I bring my arms down and brush my vest back into place, feeling uncomfortable at having my scars so exposed, but freeze when I catch sight of the look on Spencer's face.
Spencer's eyes are locked onto my stomach, her gaze focused exactly where my midriff was just on display, and I swear the look on her face can only be described one way. Hungry.
I find my mouth go completely dry as I remember back to the night Spencer had come racing over because of my nightmares, and how I had ended up half naked under her. The way Spencer had kissed and licked her way over my stomach that night, whispering in that sexy voice of hers that she found my scars as beautiful as the rest of me rises in my mind, and I feel my body heat at the memory of the look in her eyes that night. Spencer had that same look on her face right now, like she wants nothing more than to press her lips against my skin, and I find my knees get weak at memory of her mouth on my body. I must make some sort of involuntary noise because Spencer's eyes flick up to mine and I see the lust so clearly in them that I feel completely stunned, but then it is gone, the open and raw look of longing is wiped from Spencer's gaze as her barriers come slamming down so fast that I almost get whiplash from them.
'So,' Spencer clears her throat and averts her eyes from mine, a trace of embarrassment coloring her voice. 'You just going to stand there flashing your abs all day, McCullers, or are you going to get dressed at some point?'
Spencer is trying for levity but all I can hear is the breathless quality to her words, like she's finding it difficult to draw a full breath into her lungs, and I feel my heart beat quicker at the knowledge that just the sight of my body can affect her so much. Hope blooms in my chest, a warm unfurling at the chance I might stand a chance at proving to Spencer that we are right for each other makes the edge of my lip curl up into a tiny smile, and I feel my spirits lift at the thought.
'Watching someone change is a bit pervy you know, Spence'. I grin as I see a flush creep up her neck and take a moment to savor it, my fingers itching to stroke along the smooth length of skin that is giving away her emotions. 'Besides, any time you want a free show, you know all you have to do is ask'.
Spencer lets out a less than graceful noise as she practically chokes on her tongue and she swivels round to face me again, only to find me smirking at her. I reach between my knees and grip the top I had been holding there. 'But, seeing as how you didn't...'
I pull the top on in an exaggeratedly slow fashion, drawing out my point for all its worth, and once it is in place I smooth my hands over my stomach to bring her eyes back to where they were before. '….I guess I'm just going to have to keep my 'assets' hidden'.
Spencer's eyes flick up to mine, the question and confusion in them plain for me to see, but instead of addressing either of them I decide to simply wink at her mischievously before turning away.
I walk over to the edge of the roof and stare at the building opposite, knowing that I should be focused on the task at hand, but seem to be unable to stop myself from flirting with Spencer any chance I get. Even after Hanna had dropped the truth bomb about Spencer's interest in Emily I had been powerless to resist Spencer's draw, and I remember back to a few nights ago when I had come incredibly close to throwing caution to the wind, despite the situation, and just kissing her.
Two days ago
'Hanna, remind me again, WHY are we still here?'
Hanna doesn't stop trying to catch the bartenders eye but half turns to me so that she can be heard over the noise in the room. 'Because moving was incredibly stressful, and we deserve to relax a bit'.
I roll my eyes at her but the move is wasted as Hanna has already turned back to the bar. 'Hanna,we've been here for HOURS, which is more than just a 'bit' of relaxing. Plus, the only contribution you made to the actual moving part was bossing everyone around while they carried stuff. I'm pretty sure Spencer ruptured a disc from carrying that stupidly heavy, fugly excuse for a lamp you own, by herself!'
Hanna shoots a drunk, but still stern, look at me. 'I'll have you know, that lamp is an antique, and as such should be awarded the respect it deserves. Besides, I was supervising the move. You can't supervise and carry boxes, its the law'.
I ignore the fact that I'm clearly not going to win an argument with a drunk Hanna and continue. 'Exactly how were you supervising? Because from what I could tell, you had your nose stuck in your phone the entire time!'
Hanna finally manages to get the bartenders attention and leans in to place her order, the red haired guy behind the bar wincing slightly as she yells straight into his ear at full volume. Once her order is given, Hanna turns back to me. 'Honestly, the only downside of coming to a gay bar is the fact that flashing your goodies doesn't do any good at speeding up your service!'
I sigh as I take Hanna's avoidance of the question as her signal that she is done listening to me whine about being dragged out of the house when I'd stated I'd rather stay in and help Charlie unpack, and I concede that she is in no state to be left on her own so resign myself to staying, scanning the bar to try and find inspiration on how to get through what has been so far, a rather crappy night.
Right in the middle of my scan of the bar I spot Emily heading towards me, elbowing her way through the packed bar, and my heart jumps into my mouth when I realize that she is dragging a reluctant looking Spencer in her wake. Emily reaches us and gives me a wide smile, her face alight with happiness as she drops Spencer's hand in favor of wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug, and I feel her lips brush across my cheek in a soft, slightly lingering, kiss. The move surprises me and I stand there frozen as her lips move against my skin, speaking into my ear. 'I'm so glad I found you!'
Emily doesn't release me after the usual three seconds a 'friend' hug normally lasts for, and continued to talk as she presses our bodies together, the alcohol on her breath wafting over my skin as she speaks. 'Spencer was ready to give up and go home but I told her that there was no way Hanna would leave this early and I was right, because you are here. I'm SO glad we didn't give up and stayed for that last drink, because I was hoping to see you tonight!'
I feel her hands gently stroke across my back as we part and as I go to step back Emily slips her arm through mine in an intimate and familiar way, effectively joining us at the hip and making it look like we are a couple. I frown at the move but don't say anything, not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of a packed bar, and simply lift my arm out of hers as I turn and greet Spencer. I can tell Spencer had witnessed the entire exchange between Emily and I, her sharp eyes not missing a thing, and as I wrap my arm briefly around Spencer's shoulder in a quick hug I can tell that she is troubled by it.
I feel bad despite the fact that its not my fault, and I take the opportunity to make sure Spencer knows I'm not interested in Emily by whispering in her ear, my words covered by the loud, obnoxious voice that is currently doing an awful rendition of Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. 'Thank god you're here gorgeous, now I finally have something pretty to look at!'
As I pull back I make sure to make eye contact with Spencer and throw in a mischievous wink to add to my words, knowing that Emily can't see as she is currently behind me. Spencer doesn't say anything, but I see her throat bob as she swallows rather hard, and a slight flush, almost imperceptible in the low light of the bar, appears on her face. The moment is broken as Hanna launches herself at Spencer, her squeal of excitement audible despite the background noise, and Spencer just has time to brace herself before she is engulfed by the blonde. 'Yay! You're both here. Now the fun can REALLY begin!'
Spencer looks up at me in question, and I hold up my hands, all the fingers on my right, and the thumb on my left, raised. 'Six Shots. In two hours. Plus two Jager bombs'.
Spencer raises her eyebrow in surprise and looks down at the girl bear hugging her, who simply giggles and says in a slightly slurred voice. 'Buttery nipples are so yummy, way better than slippery nipples, but a screaming orgasm is good too!'
The look on Spencer's face is priceless, and I almost wish it was light enough in the bar to take a decent picture because I'm not sure I've ever seen such a wonderfully confused expression as hers before. Spencer's sensible side is clearly at war with her reckless side, her face a healthy combination of horror and respect, and it looks likes she is trying to decide whether to lecture Hanna on the dangers of alcohol poisoning, or to just high five her for being able to down so much in such a short period and still be standing.
Finally she decides on a course of action somewhere between the two. 'Hanna, are you trying to see exactly how much your body can take before you pass out?'
'Someone had to pick up the slack when little miss sober over there turned them down'. Hanna giggles again and turns to point at me.
I raise my eyebrow my her. 'One of us needed to stay coherent'.
'Oh...foof'. Hanna scrunches up her nose at me. 'You just didn't want to let your hair down and have a little fun!'
'Hanna, when guys start buying you multiple shots in a bar it means they're looking to have sex with you, and they're wanting to get you drunk so you agree'.
Hanna scoffs at me, waving off my argument, just like she had done at the time. 'It's a gay bar Paige, they were just being friendly!'
I roll my eyes at her. 'Yeah, they were real friendly, especially the one that kept his hand on my ass, even after I told him to remove it'.
Emily places her hand on my arm, a sympathetic look on her slightly flushed (drunk?) face, but my attention goes to Spencer as she practically growls in anger as she speaks. 'Where is he? I'll teach that fucker not to put his hands on my...my friend!'
Spencer's reaction surprises me and I look up at her, only to be caught by the intense look in her eyes. Even in the low light I can see the fury glowing in them, the desire to inflict injury against the man that has stepped over the line with me clear as day, and the sight of such a stark reaction shoots sparks of confusion through me. On the one hand I feel amazing, because Spencer clearly cares about me enough to be so vocal with her displeasure about the situation, even in front of Emily; but on the other hand I feel annoyed because despite clearly finding me attractive, she won't agree to date me, yet she is reacting like an angry girlfriend would.
'It's ok, Spence, Paige took care of him plenty. This one here...' Hanna hiccups and sways slightly as she moves from Spencer's side to mine. '…..she broke his arm'.
Emily and Spencer both look at me, one in disbelief and the other with admiration, and I flush as I suddenly feel on display. 'I didn't break it..., not exactly'.
'Well, that's what he mumbled to me when he stumbled passed as I came back from the bathroom'. Hanna giggles at my side, drunkenly.
I feel Spencer's eyes on me and avert mine as I am unable to deal with the mix of emotions I feel for her right now, walking a little way over to claim a table that a group has just vacated. The others follow me, clearly not ready to let go of the conversation, and because the table is further away from the karaoke I hear Emily's question loud and clear.
'What did you do to him?'
I shrug at Emily, not completely comfortable with her knowing about my violent tendencies, but knowing that the guy had deserved it. 'I told him, several times in fact, that I wasn't interested, and asked him politely to remove his hand from my posterior. He didn't, and simply laughed at me instead'.
I don't add that he had condescendingly told me I was welcome to try and remove his hand myself, if I could.
Both women are still staring at me, waiting for me to continue, so I do. 'I, er...I kinda grabbed his hand and bent it so far back that his knuckles touched his forearm. His arm isn't broken, but I'm pretty sure I felt the ligaments in his wrist pop'.
'Oh, wow'.
Emily breathes out her exclamation on a whisper, but Hanna is far less restrained. 'Yep, she totally fucked him up. He was crying and everything when he ran out'.
'Good'. I glance at Spencer and see her face is set in a hard line as she talks. 'That's exactly what men who sexually harass women deserve. Now, maybe he'll think before putting his hand somewhere that its not wanted'.
'Its a shame though, because his friend was caaa...ute!' Hanna chirps up drunkenly, her words slurring even more than before. 'And before you say it Spencer, no, I wasn't thinking about sleeping with him. I was however, thinking about spending some serious time sucking face with him!'
I laugh at Hanna as she makes elaborate kissing faces at Spencer, her eyes scrunched up into slits as she contorts her mouth into random shapes, mimicking kissing someone. 'Well now, THATS attractive Hanna, I'm sure he would of stuck around if you'd shown him such a seductive expression!'
Hanna stops and attempts to glare at me, though it comes out more of a squint. 'Well of course it's not attractive to you, you're my sister. If it was attractive to you then it would be all shades of wrong!'
I risk a glance at Spencer and see that her serious expression has slipped slightly, a hint of a smile on her face as she looks at Hanna and I bantering, which makes me smile even more.
'Yeah, Han, THATS whats making it not attractive to me'. I roll my eyes and grin as I see an opportunity to try and get Spencer to loosen up. 'So why don't we ask an impartial third party?'
I gesture at Spencer and see her eyes widen in surprise, not expecting to be brought into the conversation. 'What...me?'
'Yeah, you'. I wink at Spencer playfully. 'You like the ladies, so you should be able to tell if Hanna's seduction face is attractive or not, correct?'
'I...how...wha...?!'
Spencer's panicked babbling is interrupted by Hanna, who cuts her off with her own babbling. 'Hey, Spencer is one of my best friends. Its just as icky for her to find me attractive as it would be for you! Besides, Spencer is more into yo...nettes anyway'.
Hanna's eyes had widened as she'd belatedly realized what she was doing, and changed the end of her sentence just in time, enough to stop herself from completely letting the cat out of the bag anyway. Luckily, because she was already slurring her words, it sounded enough like brunettes to be believable. I can do nothing but laugh nervously and send her a warning look which, even in her drunken state, Hanna manages to understand and flushes with embarrassment.
Emily however, looks at Hanna in confusion. 'How do you know Spencer likes brunettes?'
Hanna shoots me a guilty look, apologizing for making things awkward, and I roll my eyes at her.
'The night we all played Never Have I Ever at Hanna's apartment, Spencer took a drink when Hanna's question was Never Have I Ever kissed a girl'. I answer for Hanna, least something else slip out of her alcohol loosened mouth, and try to sound nonchalant about it. 'You got all excited about Spencer liking girls, and then Aria asked if she had a type'.
'Oh yeah, I remember now'. Emily smiles at the memory and looks at Spencer fondly. 'Its just, we've had so many conversations since then, that I kinda forgot that I wasn't the only one privy to that information. But as your roomie, I still know more than Hanna, right?'
Yes, you still know more than Hanna'. Spencer gives Emily a soft smile, and I feel my heart seize up a little at the sight.
Spencer loves Emily, I've told myself that a thousand times, but to see it in person still hurts like a knife to the heart. I lower my eyes as I can't bear to look at the pair of them any more for fear of uncontrollably blurting out my feelings for Spencer, and stare at a scuffed and dirty beermat on the floor next to my foot.
'Still having trouble telling that girl how you feel?'
My eyes jerk up at Emily's words and I stare at her in shock as she teases Spencer. 'You know she'd have to be an idiot to turn you down, right? You're totally hot, and I mean that in a completely platonic, friend, way!'
Spencer blushes at Emily's words and I see her eyes flick to me for a heartbeat, but before I can even register the meaning in them they are gone again, now staring at a spot just in front of her feet as she rubs the back of her neck self consciously.
'She's right, Spence, you're incredibly hot'. Hanna pipes up beside me, her voice deafening in my ear from where her head was resting on my shoulder, and elbows me in the ribs. 'Paige thinks so too, don'tcha?'
Three sets of eyes focus on me; one drunkenly, one tipsy and curious, and one guarded. I feel cornered, and dearly wish I'd gone home when I'd first entertained the idea, two long hours ago, because Hanna seems to be making it her mission to make things as awkward as possible tonight.
'Do you find Spencer attractive, Paige?' Emily tilts her head to one side as she asks her question, a mixture of curiosity and jealousy visible in her eyes.
I am about to laugh off Hanna's words and refocus the conversation on something else, like the fact that Hanna has clearly had WAY too much to drink, but just as I am about to I look at Spencer, and stop. Just for a second, a fleeting half second in which I think I may have imagined it, I see a look of such vulnerability and nervousness in her eyes that it takes my breath away. The look is quickly gone, replaced by her usual guarded blank stare, but in that moment I saw the girl that will fearlessly take on an armed assailant (or several) without blinking an eye, actually cares about my answer, and suddenly I can't find it within me to dismiss the question.
Instead I answer, truthfully, and honestly, pushing aside all though of consequences to my words. 'I don't think Spencer is attractive...'
Spencer looks down at the ground, her face averted from mine.
'…...I think shes heart stoppingly beautiful'.
Spencer's gaze shoots to mine and I lock eyes with her, wanting her to see that I mean what I'm saying, while answering Emily's question. 'Spencer's outer beauty is a reflection of the beauty within her soul, which shines brighter than any star in the night sky I've ever seen, and I honestly believe that any girl lucky enough to be loved by her should spend the rest of their life showing her, in every single way possible, just how truly amazing she really is'.
'Wow'. Emily is the first one to speak, her words cutting through the sudden silence in the group. 'Don't sit on the fence there Paige, say what you really think!'
I keep my eyes on Spencer as I talk, not willing to break the connection between us. 'I don't think it, I know it'.
Spencer flushes at my words, and it is she that looks away first, her right hand raising to rub the back of her neck self consciously again as she does.
'You don't know what your parents middle names are, but you know what Spencer's soul looks like enough to describe it as "brighter than a star"?' Emily huffs at my reply, clearly not happy with me.
'I don't need my memories to be able to see the heart of a person, Emily'.
Emily rolls her eyes and flounces off with a dismissive wave of her hand, a parting 'I am still WAY too sober for this!' comment dropping into the silence she leaves behind.
'Well..., this is awkward! Hanna looks between Spencer and I, her face a picture of drunken delight. 'I think I'm just going to go help Emily rectify that sober situation...' With that, she turns and trots off towards the bar, leaving Spencer and I alone, in silence.
Spencer is still not looking at me, her gaze averted enough to look like she is paying attention to the stage where a middle aged woman is currently screeching her way through a poor version of Survivor's Eye of the Tiger, and I can tell she doesn't know what to say. I consider leaving, just turning around and walking out the door without saying anything to anyone, because its seriously what I really want to do right now. I've just made a complete fool of myself in front of Spencer, made Emily pissed off at me by admitting I find Spencer attractive, had more than enough drunk Hanna time for one night, and leaving the whole mess that is tonight behind so that I can go crawl into my bed and try to pretend it didn't happen is really appealing to me right at this moment.
I don't do that though. Instead I stand and stare Spencer, hoping she'll say something, anything, to cover up the horribly awkward silence we now find ourselves in, but eventually realize that it will need to be me that makes the first move.
'I'm not sorry, you know'.
Spencer turns and looks at me, surprise written all over her face, and I can't blame her for it as I am just as surprised at the words that have just left my mouth. I was going to say sorry, but somewhere between my brain thinking it and my lips saying it, the message changed. What I thought I was going to say was"I'm sorry for embarrassing you like that in front of Emily", but it seems my brain and my heart are at odds with each other, because I can't find it in me to be sorry for telling the truth.
'You upset Emily with what you said'. Spencer is looking at me but can't seem to make eye contact, as she is currently looking at my left shoulder, and I wonder if she is embarrassed by what I did.
I sigh as I sink into one of the chairs and turn to place my elbows on the table, lowering my face in my palms for a moment. I shouldn't have said it in front of Emily, I know I shouldn't have, because it is just going to make things even more complicated when Spencer eventually tells her how she really feels; but in that moment, after seeing that look in Spencer's eye, I just hadn't been able to stop myself. I scrub my hands over my face and look back up at Spencer, knowing that I've just made things more difficult for her, and I need her to know that wasn't my intention. ' I'm sorry it upset her, but I'm not sorry I said it'.
'I'm pretty sure all Emily was expecting from you was a simple yes or no answer, so to get such a …..' Spencer pauses halfway through and a slight blush appears on her cheeks. '….detailed answer was a surprise, for both of us'.
'I'm honestly sorry if I've made things awkward between you and Emily, Spence, but I simply told the truth when asked a question'. I stand up again as I feel too restless in the chair and Spencer's eyes flick to mine at the sudden move, though they quickly skip away again once she realizes what I'm doing.
'Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done in my life but it's certainly not the stupidest either, because I'm pretty sure that honor goes to the Paige that didn't pursue you when she had all her memories'.
'Paige, we've talked about this...'
Spencer goes to cut me off and I hold my hand up to stop her. 'I know you think that I'm going to suddenly get all my memories back and magically fall in love with Emily all over again, Spencer, but I can assure you, I'm not. My memories are gone, and so is my love for Emily, because the only person I have feelings for now, is you'.
'You say that now, but when your memories return...'
I sigh in frustration, knowing that Spencer genuinely believes what she is saying. 'Even if I do somehow recover all my memories and remember that I was wildly, passionately in love with Emily, it still doesn't mean my feeling for you are going to stop'.
'You and Emily had something...'
I cut Spencer off again, not wanting to hear her wax on about what Emily and I had, especially as I get that enough from Emily herself. 'The only word in that sentence that matters Spencer, is the word "had". Emily and I had something, that's true, but that something ended a long time before the loss of my memories. From the way Hanna tells it, and yes, I know that she's a far from impartial third party but she knows both sides of the story, Emily and I had problems for a while before we split up, and when we did, we imploded in a spectacular, and rather final, way'.
'That kind of love doesn't just disappear'. I frown as Spencer once again tries to convince me of my depth of feeling for Emily.
'I'm sure it doesn't, and I'm sure that if I ever get my memories back I'll remember that I loved Emily very much, but it also won't change the fact that our love wasn't enough to stop our relationship ending'. I take a step closer to Spencer and place my hand on her arm, the action forcing her to make eye contact with me. 'Emily and I are over, Spencer. I'm sorry for embarrassing you in front of her, especially because I know how you feel about her...'
Spencer's eyes widen at my words, the first time I've spoken out loud my knowledge of her feelings for the dark haired girl, and her eyes dart away from mine once more.
'….but I need you to know that I simply want you to be with the person you love. Even if that person isn't me'. I release Spencer's arm and take a step back from her, feeling defeated all over again,.
'Paige, I...'
Whatever Spencer is about to say is cut off by the loud, and worryingly familiar, voice that suddenly booms over the microphone.
'…...is dedicated to a very special woman'.
Spencer and I both turn to look at the stage in horror and sure enough, there is Emily, standing under the spotlight with the microphone in her hand.
'This woman...' Emily takes a few steps closer to the edge of the stage as she speaks to the crowd, her gait far less secure than it was when she stomped off a few minutes ago, and I swear to myself when I remember Hanna's vow to "rectify Emily's sober situation".'...is someone I care about very much'.
I shoot a sideways look at Spencer and find her staring at the stage with a shocked look on her face, clearly not believing what she is seeing either. From what Emily has told me about our past, I know she HATES singing in public, and the only times shes done karaoke is when I've cajoled her into singing with me. So to suddenly see her on stage, willingly engaging with the crowd, is a bit of a shock.
'I don't know if you can tell but I'm really shy...'
The crowd, already enraptured by Emily's charm, choruses a bay of disbelief at her words.
'…..yet this woman always managed, somehow, to talk me into standing on stage and singing with her'. Emily cups the microphone in her hands, as if whispering a secret into it. 'It might have had something to do with the fact that she is REALLY hot, but don't tell anyone, ok'.
The crowd cheers at Emily's 'confession' and I can see her grin in delight at their reaction, the noise spurring her on with her tale.
'She went through hell for me, and I don't just mean that figuratively, because this woman literally almost died for me...'
I swallow hard, forced to listen as Emily pours her heart out to total strangers about our relationship, and wish there was a way I didn't have to witness this.
'Unfortunately I managed to cock things up, and I lost her...' The crowd lets loose with a sweeping 'awwww' as Emily pouts sadly. '…..but I wanted to sing this song for her to let her know how I feel, and I hope you'll help me with it, because I'm a pretty terrible singer!'
As the first strains of the song sound, Hanna comes bounding over to me, and grabs my arm, dragging me towards the stage. 'Oh my god, Paige, she's singing it for you!'
I tear my eyes away from the stage long enough to pull my arm out of Hanna's gasp and stop our forward movement, glaring at her as I do. 'What the hell, Hanna? Emily was fine a few minutes ago!'
Hanna shrugs at me and giggles. 'The girl wanted alcohol, who am I to stop her?'
'Exactly how much alcohol did she have?' Spencer had followed us and now speaks up, though keeps her eyes on the stage. 'Emily is a lightweight at the best of times, not Aria lightweight but still pretty easy to get drunk, and she'd already had a few when we found you guys'.
Hanna has the good grace to look sheepish. 'She may have downed three shots back to back...'
'Hanna!' I go to admonish her further but my attention is drawn to back to the stage as Emily starts to sing.
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you, and you'd stay
Emily gets a cheer from the crowd, despite her rather off key singing, and the encouragement boosts her to sing louder.
I don't know why I did the things I did
I don't know why I said the things I said
Loves like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes
I shoot a glance at Spencer, only to find she is staring at the stage with an expression of horrified fascination on her face, her mouth dropped open in shock at the scene before her.
I didn't really mean to hurt you
I didn't want to see you go
I know I made you cry, but baby
The volume increases as the crowd takes up the chorus, the song a well known anthem in the gay scene, and I turn back to the stage in time to see Emily beam as they all sing along with her.
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do
If I could turn back time
The crowd falls silent as the chorus ends but Emily doesn't seem to mind as she turns and picks me out from the crowd instantly, her eyes locking with mine as she continues to sing.
My world was shattered, I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart
You walked out that door, I swore I didn't care
But I lost everything darling, then and there
I gape at Emily, not quite believing that she is currently standing on stage, in the middle of a gay bar, singing a Cher song to me.
Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong
I know I was blind,
And darling...
Emily breaks her gaze so that she can address the crowd 'Everybody, help me out!'
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay
The crowd bellows along, wild in the delight at the drama playing out on the stage, as Emily turns back to look at me.
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do
Ooohhh
If I could turn back time
If I could turn back time
If I could turn back time, ooh baby
I hear Hanna singing, badly, along with Emily, and I know that she had a part to do with this. After her shenanigans with Tory blew up in her face Hanna had been distraught, and she'd thrown herself into a self styled "Operation clean up", which had involved her and Emily spending a lot of time together, even more so than normal. All her hints made sense now, and I find myself digging my nails into my palms with frustration at failing to spot the signs before.
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay
Hanna had recently started taking Emily's side when I'd recount her latest attempt to convince me to give us another go, though at the time she swore she was only "looking at it from another angle", and would drop into conversation bits of information about our past from when we were happy together.
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do
Hanna had even gone as far as to say, on a "purely theoretical, basis" that if I did decide to give it another go with Emily, that I would have her full support.
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
Then maybe, maybe, maybe,
You'd stay...
The crowd erupts into a cacophony of clapping, whistling and cheering as the song ends, clearly enraptured by Emily's rendition of a timeless favorite, and I realize that they had been planning this, or something like this, all along. The girl in question takes several, wobbly, bows in recognition of the crowds fervor and participation, before turning and making her way down the steps.
To my horror Emily makes a beeline straight for me, her eyes locked on me as she pushes her way through the sea of people trying to congratulate her on her performance, and I feel my blood rush from my face as I realize she is going to force a confrontation about our relationship right here, right now.
I shoot a glance at Spencer and find her staring at me, her eyes reading my face, and as my eyes lock with hers she nods softly. 'Emily sure knows how to declare her intentions, huh'.
'Spencer...' I step towards her, knowing that Emily will be here any second. '...I'm not interested in Emily and I swear, before this night is through, I am going to make sure she understands that, once and for all'.
Spencer sighs and shakes her head. 'It doesn't matter Paige, I just can't compete with what you two had'.
Spencer's words make me grit my teeth in annoyance and I grip her arm firmly, shaking her slightly as I do. 'Look Spencer, you need to stop this goddamn pity party, right now!'
Spencer's eyes grow wide at the look on my face, one I imagine is a mixture of anger and determination, and I feel her try to pull her arm free of my grasp. Instead of letting go I grip tighter, and pull her closer to me so that my words reach only her ears.
'You're amazing Spencer, and you deserve everything you've ever dreamed of, including the girl you love...' I glance across at Emily and see that I only have a few more seconds, so I make sure to pick my words carefully. '….but that girl is going to disappear out of your life, maybe with someone that won't treat her the way she deserves, and it will all be because you didn't have the courage to tell her how you feel. Is that really the kind of Hastings you want to be?'
'What am I supposed to do?' Spencer has lost her normal composure, from my unusually aggressive tone or at the thought of losing Emily for good I can't tell, but her wide eyes clearly show me the fear she is feeling. 'Every time I try to confess how I feel something happens to thwart me, and I can't help feeling like it's the universe telling me we're not suppose to be together!'
'If Emily can find it in her to get up on stage and bellow out an off key song like that, then I'm sure you can think of something, Spence'. I smile softly at Spencer and take a step closer, whispering my final words as I look into her eyes. 'Besides, I think the universe is just telling you to try a little harder. This is the love of your life, so you need to do something you never normally would to prove to her how you feel'.
My words are spoken softly but I see them resonate with Spencer, her eyes shining with emotion as she stares deep into my soul to see the truth of my words, and I desperately wish I could kiss her, just one last time. I don't realize that I am actually leaning forward to do just that until Emily barrels up to us and latches onto my arm, unceremoniously pulling us apart before our lips can connect.
'Paige, I need to talk to you. Now!'
'You ready to do this?'
My thoughts are pulled back the present by Spencer's words and find her standing next to me, staring at the building in front of us.
I nod at my head, not looking at Spencer, as I find myself suddenly not trusting my voice. I'm incredibly nervous, knowing that this is the most critical thing I've ever done, but I can't let it show right now. Spencer is not only trusting me to help rescue one of her best friends, but also the woman she loves. This is completely different to all the nights we've gone out, helping people; because I know that if I fuck up here, I will have to live the rest of my life with the knowledge that I cost Spencer yet another person she loves.