-HOLY SHAMALAMADINGDONG I CAUGHT A MISTAKE..*FIXING FIXING FIXING*
Well, I'm sorry for getting your hopes up readers :/
As I said before in the previous disclaimer, "I got my mojo back"...well just as quickly as I got it, I kinda - well- lost it. :(
I know, it's terrible. But good news is I've started writing the next chapter, so maybe I really am getting inspired again. But I won't say for sure - don't want to jinx myself. Well this chapter is kind of...heavy on the roxiri side, hopefully you guys'll like the end. I worked hard on the end T_T. Also it should feel a little familiar.
Completely irrelevant things concerning the author:
-Got inspired for a Nami/Kai story...yeah... I like Yuri too get over it :)
-So I'm pretty upset...watched the Mtv version of Skins ._. (fail)
-Saw Black Swan. It was totally epic, if you haven't seen it you must immediately! O.O
Uh well, not much else to say. Saw the new Kingdom Hearts game...and I'm pretty iffy on buying it. I think I'd rather watch the cutscenes on youtube, lmao (cheater)
Anyway, I hope you lot enjoy this long awaited chapter. Oh and sorry about the monthly updates, I'm really trying to finish this already.
x.X.x
Ch. 35
x.X.x
No one really spoke of the party after that. Xion went about as if nothing had happened, as if we hadn't seen her completely break down. It was almost like it never happened. Almost. Namine and Xion; that was a huge significant change in the dynamics of our whole group's friendship. The both of them topped the cake when it came to the best of friends on the planet.
I didn't barge or try to rekindle my friendship with either of them. After all they had something in common, something that united them into this kind of bond that I knew I could never get close to.
It hurt, but I learned to accept it.
So I planned to wallow away my whole winter vacation.
But my plan never really existed, seeing as Sora would try to set up dates with me almost every day. I knew he was trying really hard, almost too hard where it made me a little suspicious.
"Why are so pushy?" I mumbled over the phone, lying on my bed. I didn't even feeling like getting out.
He laughed shortly on the other line. "I can bet that you're probably still in your pj's."
I flushed angrily, throwing the covers away and rolling off my bed.
"Am not...jerk." I snapped.
"Come on get ready, I'll be over in an hour." He said.
"Where are we going so early?" I complained.
"Kairiiii it's like almost noon!"
I felt a smile on my lips. It was a long time since I felt this excited to meet with Sora. I felt a little guilty for giving him the cold shoulder and ignoring him the past couple of days. It wasn't his fault really. And maybe I'd been getting too obsessed with Roxas.
So what if I'd just had an epiphany that I suddenly am thoroughly attracted to him, he's not the one I'm with.
x.X.x
That little logic didn't last very long.
x.X.x
Sora – as promised – arrived at my doorstep exactly an hour after that phone call. He was wearing a large sweater – looked like he double layered – and cargo shorts.
"You're wearing shorts," I deadpanned, stepping out, zipping up my sweater. "In the cold." He looked down at his legs and then looked me over. His blue eyes narrowed slightly.
"That sweater is awfully big isn't it?" He noted, putting a thoughtful finger on his chin. "I don't remember owning a sweater that's has checkered squares on it Kairi."
My face flushed despite the tight glare I held on my face. I turned my head away with a loud sniff, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Whatever, ok, let's just go." I grumbled, sticking my hands in the pockets. "Where are you taking me anyway?" I added, once we were climbing down the porch stairs and heading towards the sidewalk. The deep chilly breeze hit me square in the face and I was so tempted to just run back inside my house. It was freezing cold.
The sky was even beginning to get murky looking again. More rain.
"Don't worry about it." Sora said in a sing song sort of way, looping his arm with mine. "You're my prisoner remember?"
My lips curved into a small smile. It felt like such a long time ago, when things were just… simple.
"Where's the rope and duck tape?" I teased. He looked down at me with his blue eyes, and winked. The playful banter didn't last as long as it would have done in the past. In fact, even in the beginning it seemed a little strained.
x.X.x
"We're going to the movies, aren't we?" I deadpanned, sitting on the bus stop bench, with my arms crossed. Sora choked and bent over.
"What?" He spluttered out nervously. "What makes you think that?"
"I don't know, we're taking the bus route, that kind of sort of, leads directly to the theaters." I said snidely. He pouted, turning away.
"I knew it would have been more of a surprise if we hitched a ride with Xion." He mumbled under his breath. His eyes still glued to the cement floor.
"Eh? Who else is going?" I asked suddenly at his mention of Xion. Immediately, upon asked this question he smacked his forehead as if he said something he shouldn't have, which only made my suspicion increase. "Sora?"
He didn't answer me though, and continued to avoid the question the whole bus ride to the theater. I shouldn't have noticed the light flush across his tanned face, or the way he was practically bouncing in his seat. This behavior – it was very familiar.
x.X.x
I should have realized immediately why he was so – so excited for this date. I could feel my own anticipation dampen when I caught Xion and Namine sitting on the benches with sea-salt ice cream in their hands.
Upon seeing me, I caught Namine's expression falter slightly. Her lips quivered into a tiny frown, and I knew I was the only one that noticed.
"Namine!" Sora called out, bounding toward her like a puppy. It felt like déjà vu, it seriously did. I trailed behind him slowly, watching the scene in front of me. Sora grinning like a kid on Christmas, Namine smiling back shyly, and Xion just laughing at the both of them. I felt awkward, when I know I shouldn't have.
Where did I even fit in this scene?
"Ugh! Sora you idiot, you dropped my ice cream!" Xion exclaimed breaking me from my thoughts. I turned to see the thoroughly sour expression on her face, at the ice cream splattered on the cement.
"Sorry! You're the one with the butter fingers." Sora defended, crossing his arms over his chest childishly.
"You tackled me!" Xion retorted. "And it went flying into it's untimely death."
"You're so dramatic, c'mon I'll buy you a new one then. I want one anyway." He said with an eye roll, grabbing her arm and yanking her with him. I opened my mouth to protest, or attempt to follow him, but he called over his shoulder. "We'll be back, do you want anything?"
I took too long to respond because he just shrugged a shoulder and continued to drag Xion in the direction of the ice cream shop.
Aghast I dropped on the nearest bench, glaring daggers at their backs. How could they leave me alone here with –
Speaking of whom, Namine sat down too.
She squirmed slightly in her seat, her ice cream pressed against her fingers untouched. I could feel her leaning away from me as far as possible without it being so noticeable. It didn't really offend me, maybe it was because I was so uncomfortable.
Besides after all, I kind of suspected she'd still be this way around me. Awkward. Shy. Embarassed. Ashamed. It was so obvious reading the emotions flit through her expression as she sat there.
A miniature stream of the blue ice cream trailed down the Popsicle stick, running through her palms and landed on her jeans.
"It's melting." I found myself saying without even realizing it. Her head snapped up as she stared at me with confusion. My face heated up, and I looked away. "You're ice cream; it's melting." I clarified. She looked down, noticing the tiny puddle on her knee.
"Oh." She mumbled, trying to rub it away, only to just realize her hand had ice cream on them too. Automatically, her hand reached upward, and she licked her palm, but stopped. Her face turned red immediately, and I knew what was coming. I couldn't have prevented it even if I wanted to.
A loud snort escaped my mouth, causing her gaze to flash towards me with surprise. Soon the snort turned into actually laughter upon seeing Namine's face slowly fade into a pout.
"Kairi, stop laughing! You're making me feel like a – " She came to a sudden halt.
Pretty soon my own laughter died out after seeing the confusion in her face. I probably could understand, that it might have slipped out. She probably didn't realize exactly who she was scolding. It was a little disappointing, I'll admit. For one brief second, it felt like before, before it got complicated in our friendship.
I pursed my lips and looked down.
I didn't say anything; I didn't know quite exactly what to say. What do you say to a best friend that probably wanted nothing to do with you?
"Kairi," The sound of her whispery voice almost made me jump in my seat. I blinked abruptly before turning to look at Namine. I could still clearly see confusion in her blue eyes, but I caught something else. Her lips were pulled into a miserable frown, and she looked like she'd burst into tears at any second.
"Kairi." She repeated, abandoning her ice cream and turning her body to fully face me. She opened her mouth, but then closed it quickly, her expression struggling.
I would have let out a few encouraging words but they caught in my throat as I noticed someone walking towards us.
"Roxas!" I didn't mean to sound so happy, but my voice sounded like a kid's squeal Christmas morning. Even Namine briefly shot me a surprised glance.
Roxas lifted his head to meet my face, and just nodded in response. He didn't even give me a second glance. There was something odd about the way he was carrying himself. No, not odd necessarily, but oddly familiar.
His hands were shoved in his pockets and he was looking towards the left with a deep scowl on his features. He didn't even come to sit down next to me, or greet me with a better response than a nod.
It took me a few moments to realize that he was acting the same way in the beginning of the school year. Cold, distant and closed off.
I was staring at him, and I knew he was aware of my gaze, but he firmly kept his in the left direction. He was hiding something. I knew this behavior was all a façade; it was when he was trying to hide his feelings from me in the beginning.
After an agonizingly long minute, he turned to meet my gaze with a cold harsh glare. I probably would have flinched if I wasn't expecting it. His ice hard blue eyes, melted for a split second. I raised an eyebrow questioningly and he just shook his head warningly. As if he was brushing off my concern like dust on a table.
I would have said something – done something stupid, completely forgetting Namine in or presence – if it wasn't for Sora's voice breaking our staring contest.
"Hey Kairi! I got you an ice cream!" He bellowed, galloping over towards us, Xion following with a sheepish expression.
He broke away from my gaze first to look at Sora, who stopped in front of me. His eyes narrowed before turning away.
I coughed and snapped my attention towards the brunette who was holding the frozen delight in front of my face.
"It's sea-salt ice cream, your favorite right?" He exclaimed, reaching for my hand and placing the popsicle in it.
"Sora," I hesitated, flicking my eyes to the blue treat. "I haven't even eaten yet."
"That's what you get for waking up so late!" He scolded, his mouth already blue from dipping into his popsicle. "Besides, I don't see the point in people wasting their appetites on silly things like meals. Dessert's the only dish people actually care for."
I rolled my eyes at his logic, and I heard Namine let out a soft giggle. Sora's blue eyes flickered in her direction, a wide smile gracing his lips.
"See even Namine agrees with me!" He continued, walking over towards her and patting her blonde head. She winced, but I still caught the way her face lightly flushed at his touch.
Sora's smile faded when he notice the blonde standing awkwardly off to the side.
"Roxas," He muttered. "Didn't think you'd be joining us today."
Roxas's jaw clenched and he turned towards Sora with a stone cold glare that sent shivers down my spine.
"Don't." Roxas said lowly.
"I'm just saying –"
"I said don't."
x.X.x
Quite honestly I was feeling a little miffed that whatever it was that was bugging Roxas, he couldn't confide in me. Did we really come back to this? This weird, awkward, friends-but-not-friend's, relationship?
It would have been an understatement to say he was being a downer in our little friend's group. I was worried, I mean who wouldn't be?
Sora, on the other hand, seemed to ignore Roxas's fun sucking vibe, and did everything in his power to make the day enjoyable. We went out to that burger place Sora and I ate at in the past. It felt like visiting a distant family's house.
Sora immediately reserved the big booth, and hurried us in there before someone else took it. I found myself sitting across from the surly blonde. He was glaring out the window, through the narrow gap between the blinds. I could see the sun casting gleaming in little stripes on his face. It would have been more attractive if he was – well – not angry.
His dark blonde eyebrows were pulled together tightly, and his lips were tied down into a deep frown. His hard blue eyes flickered in my direction, and he shot me an annoyed look.
"What?" He snapped.
I blinked abruptly feeling my face heat up at being caught.
"I-is something wrong?" I mumbled.
His eyes narrowed, and he shook his head roughly, turning his attention back towards the window. I frowned.
"So what do you think Kairi?" Sora's bubbly voice sounded so far away, he had to address me twice. "Hello, Kairi?"
"Hm?" I answered, turning to look at him abruptly.
"So what do you think?"
"About what?" I asked, staring at all three of them with a confused expression. Namine looked away hurriedly, Sora stared at me incredulously, and Xion's eyes were flickering towards me then Roxas, suspiciously.
"The baseball game we're planning this Friday."
I felt myself frown when I heard the word baseball. Oh joy. P.E is still coming to haunt me, I thought bitterly.
"Baseball game for what?" I deadpanned.
"So we can get together with our friends." Xion answered, that suspicious look still in her eyes. "Besides what were you planning to do the whole vacation? Wallow away?"
I felt my face flush at her question.
"You were weren't you!" Xion broke out into laughter.
Am I really that easy to read?
"Yes you are 're like an open book." Xion answered, causing me to gape.
"What how did you know what I was thinking?" I demanded. Xion shrugged her shoulders, and slurped on her drink. I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Why baseball anyway?"
"I don't know, it beats being at home with… " Sora trailed off, sending a pointed look in Roxas's direction. It upset me how Roxas didn't even bother coming back with a retort or a glare – just ignored us all together. "Anyway I miss that lil' perv Pence, and Hayner and Olette's overly affectionate behavior, don't you?"
"I guess." I sighed.
Xion opened her mouth to counter my remark, but a loud ringing paused her speech. She quickly dug in her pocket and pulled out her tiny cell phone. Immediately when her eyes found the screen, she frowned.
"Oh great." She snapped, flipping her phone open.
"What is it?" Namine probed timidly.
"My cousin sent a text…" Xion trailed off, pressing a button – looking as if she was reading the text message. Then all of a sudden her blue eyes widened in horror. "Oh no!"
"What?" I questioned seriously, seeing the panic in her eyes. "Is she okay? Did something happen?"
Her hand found its way in her hair, and she tugged at it silently, with that same shocked expression on her face.
"Xion!" Sora yelled, waving a hand in front of her face.
"She's coming." Xion said in a small voice. Her eyes flickered to Roxas then to Sora. Sora's curious eyes fell and turned dark, his lips down in a frown. Even Roxas managed to look at Xion with a raised brow. Obviously they knew what was going on.
"Who?" I asked, feeling utterly confused
"I thought you didn't tell her you moved!" Sora said exasperatedly looking just as scared as Xion did.
"I didn't!" Xion snapped, closing her phone. "I don't know how she found out." She paused, both hands raking in her short black hair. Her expression was screwed up as if she were thinking really hard. "Ugh, it must have been the parentals."
"Why would they do that?" Sora cried, banging his head on the table. "Why!"
"Wait, what's wrong with her coming?" I asked, looking at the two in their nervous breakdowns.
"Kairi, she's terrible!" Sora said with wide eyes. "You have no idea how terrible she is!"
"I don't understand." Namine said quietly.
"She's the reason I had to cut my hair." Xion seethed. "It was so nice and long, and pretty, and then she had to sneak up on me with scissors. It was horrible!"
"One time, she pushed me in the pool, when I was wearing my brand new air breather shoes." Sora said seriously.
"You wear air breather shoes?"
He flushed an angry red. "Look that's not the point of the story. The point is that she's terrible."
"Okay…" I deadpanned, staring at the two of them with raised eyebrows.
"So we have an extra player for the baseball game…" Xion muttered sullenly.
"What why are you inviting for?"
"I can't just not invite her!"
I stayed quite the whole while they were planning their little fun baseball game, now with Xion's fun little cousin thrown into the mix.. I was totally against this idea. It was just another opportunity for me to make a complete idiot out of myself. I was not too keen on that happening, especially in front of Roxas.
I turned my head towards said blonde. He was still glaring out the window. What on earth could he be staring at? I followed his line of sight to be met with the streets and the cars driving by.
I came to the conclusion that he was probably just thinking and wasn't staring at anything in particular.
x.X.x
The movie was finally going to start. I don't know why we had to wait an hour for a movie when there were probably other showings. Anyway, it was this typical scary movie. Don't ask why there was even a scary movie in theaters around Christmas time – I had no idea.
When we walked into the film room, the previews were still rolling. Carefully, I crept through the darkness and took a seat, Sora following with Namine at his tail, Xion at hers, and to my disappointment Roxas behind her.
I didn't question the seating arrangement, but I was still allowed to sulk right?
x.X.x
Throughout the whole movie I couldn't help but constantly glance down the row at Roxas. He was still pretty upset. That much I was sure of. I was tempted to walk up from my seat and sit down next to Roxas, but I resisted. Sora had stretched out his arm behind my chair.
I probably would have enjoyed it, but right now the gesture was annoying me to no end. I mean, hello, his cousin is upset for some weird reason, and all your concerned about is trying to touch me?
Boys.
I wasn't enjoying the film. I wasn't even watching it. So I had no idea what was going on when the main character (I think) walked into the car with her friends. They drove the car, the music loud – howling on the streets. I tried imagining that in real life. How annoying would that be to see a bunch of rowdy teenagers yelling out of speeding car?
My thoughts were soon broken when the music suddenly quickened in anticipation, and a loud crash broke out through the room.
The teenagers ran into another car, the main character was screaming her head off at seeing her friends unconscious.
I'll admit I wasn't expecting this to happen in the movie, and I was pretty sure no one else was, because as soon as that scene was over, Roxas stood up abruptly and stalked out. Automatically I felt myself rise, and attempt to chase after him.
"Where are you going?" Sora hissed, as I passed by him.
"I-I, uh, bathroom." I stammered, going off at a run. I barely reached the end of the row when I caught the back of a blonde head storm out the door into the lobby.
I didn't even take more than two steps when I felt a hand clamp around my wrist. I spun my head around to find myself face to face with Xion. Her expression was grim, and the lighting of the room only made her face creepier looking.
"I don't think that's a good idea." She whispered.
"Why not?" I questioned, prying my wrist away from her grasp. "Something's wrong with him."
"Kairi, he's not… I mean," She struggled for a moment. "I'm not sure there's much you can do right now."
I pulled my eyebrows together and stared at her intensely. She knew.
"Why's he upset, Xion?"
She looked away with a deep frown.
"I told him not to come-"
"Xion!" I half yelled.
"Ok ok!" she snapped, covering my mouth with her hand. "Well – uh – today's the day that y'know…the accident happened."
x.X.x
I was running around the whole cinema, trying to find him.
I should have known. I was too stupid to notice. Of course he'd leave the theater after watching a car accident in the movie.
He was nowhere to be found
Xion volunteered to help me look for him, although reluctantly; I could tell didn't really want to look for him. Maybe it was best to leave him alone.
After about ten minutes of running in circles by the concession stand, it finally occurred to me that maybe he was outside. I jogged towards the nearest door and yanked it open to find the exact person I was looking for.
I chewed my lip as I found him sitting outside the theater and leaning against the brick wall, looking like some kind of helpless stray cat. My stomach squirmed nervously; at the way he seemed to be stock still. If it weren't for his clothes, anyone could have mistaken him for a hobo.
My foot was still jammed to prevent the door from shutting me out of the theater. I was worried, but I wasn't about to lose out on the ten dollars I spent for the ticket.
I was close to calling out to him and making him come back inside, but the way his face was buried in his knees made the words catch in my throat. I felt myself shiver.
Something was wrong.
With a small sigh, I moved my foot, letting the door close with a small snap, and made my way towards the lonesome blonde. He didn't see me approaching him, or if he did, he didn't show it. I awkwardly stood in front of him, staring down at him with a mixture of worry and curiosity.
It wasn't until I notice the way his shoulders were shaking, that I immediately dropped down.
"Roxas." I whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder. I could feel his body trembling under my fingertips. I could hear the way his breathing was coming out uneven and harsh. I wanted him to stop this, it was freaking me out. Was he having some sort of panic attack?
My heart raced as I thought of the possibilities. What if he was having a seizure?
"Roxas-"
"Go away!" His voice was thick and strained. It broke in all of the wrong places, and it didn't sound like him at all. He didn't even sound angry, only just as if he'd been –
I felt my own eyes burn, as I stared at him curl up even tighter, shrugging my hand away from his shoulder.
"Roxas." I tried again, tried to reach out to him. "Please, talk to me."
"I told you to go away!" He spat, his voice sounding even more muffled than before.
"Roxas, come on, what's wrong-"
"Nothing! Just go away!"
"Please, let me-"
His head snapped up immediately, and I almost jumped back when my thoughts were confirmed. His face was deathly pale, but his eyes – they were bloodshot red and glaring back at me with so much pain I felt hurt just staring a back at them. His lips were trembling as he tried to keep his frown in place, but failed miserably.
"Let you what?" He growled. "What can you do?"
I hesitated.
"Xion," I paused, seeing the way his face twisted angrily. "She told me today was the day that the accident happened."
Roxas scoffed.
"You don't know me; you don't know anything about what I've gone through! You're just – you're just…"
His words hurt me more than I would have liked to admit. And I knew that my expression betrayed me because he looked away abruptly burying his face in his knees again.
It took me a moment for me to even actually come up with something to say. I was so caught off guard and so upset over it, my mind needed to process over it.
"Y-you're right." I uttered out weakly. "I don't know anything about what happened to you in the past. That part is true, but, you – the Roxas here -" I reached out and pulled his face to look at me. "I know you, here in the present. You – you like riding skateboards. And making fun of me because I can't do anything nearly as cool as you on the stupid skateboard. You don't use crazy gel to make your hair gravity defying. You like checkered patterns in the most random places. You can be such a bully one minute, but incredibly sweet the next minute. You wear thick sweaters to the beach. You smell like winter fresh gum, which is kind of weird but attractive at the same time. You stole my first kiss, and were the first person I've ever – er, you know – made out with."
He was looking at me this time. His eyes were round and wide as he took in everything I was saying. I didn't quite feel as embarrassed as I should have been feeling, which was odd considering the things I was telling him. But I didn't mind, I honestly didn't.
And with the way he was staring at me, I was actually really glad I started this whole speech.
I shook my head, sighing.
"You… you told me you loved me," I said slowly. "Roxas, so don't tell me I don't know you."
His blue eyes squinted slightly, before widening. His eyes were still a little swollen and red, but I'd never find anyone who was as beautiful as this person in front of me. Beautiful; that's it, Roxas was beautiful.
"Sorry." He whispered softly, his eyes never leaving mine. He was staring at me as if I was the most incredible thing he'd ever seen. I felt my stomach churn nervously. A part of me wanted to hide from his intense stare, but another part of me wanted to remain where I was.
So, I had absolutely no idea what I was thinking when I started to lean in towards him. Maybe it was the fact that he was letting me see him. See everything. No more hiding.
Or it could have been the way my lips felt like they were being pushed into his like magnets. Either way, it didn't matter.
My mind was all scattered and in a huge disarray to set off a red warning alarm. My fingers ran their way on his chest to the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer to me. He didn't seem to protest when I planted my lips on his, in fact he did quite the opposite. His hands moved from his knees, pressing themselves on my back then my waist and back again. Soon I found myself pressed against him, pinning him to the brick wall he was leaning on.
My heart beat abnormally fast, and my pulse quickened when he parted his lips, moving, exploring mine. I reciprocated almost immediately, moving my hands up to his wild blonde hair. He pulled away to kiss the corner of my mouth, then my cheek, and then he trailed down my jaw line to my neck. My lips were still burning from the contact of his.
It took only a moment before he was back on my mouth. His lips tasted like salt, maybe it was because of those tears that were trailing down his face, and I wasn't sure. And I didn't really care.
I tugged at his hair pulling him closer. How much closer did I want him to be, I didn't know. I just wanted him to be close to me, I didn't want to leave him; I was scared of leaving him. I didn't want to see him like that, not again. It hurt too much.
I wanted to him to feel wanted, to feel loved. I opened my eyes to see Roxas' eyes closed; his face pink and completely lost in lust. I'm just comforting him, I thought. No, this is wrong. I have to stop, I thought furiously.
But I couldn't.
My body was just not cooperating with my mind. I'd tell it to do one thing, and it'd completely blow me off and do whatever it wanted to. Like, barge into Roxas' mouth for example.
I felt a surprised gasp escape from his lips and echo inside my mouth as he realized what I was doing.
But thankfully before I could even attempt to do anything in there, I felt myself pull away from Roxas. His breath came out in ragged pants that beat against my lips.
He looked completely flustered and surprised. I couldn't help but think how adorable and – well – hot that was. He was right here with me, and I was kissing his brains out. And I didn't want this to end, I didn't want it to stop. The thought of just walking away from here and pretending as if nothing happened almost sent me doubling over in pain.
I hated this, how easily I was able to lose myself to him. He had me at the tip of his fingers right now, and I was completely helpless. I didn't care; I wanted to be completely helpless to him. I wanted it. I needed it, I needed him.
Oh god, I needed him.
What am I some complete loser?
The sweet aroma coming from his mouth was drawing me back in. I tried hard to resist from jumping on him again.
"Roxas, I-I," My heart was beating fast and I couldn't just say what was on my mind. It kept getting stuck in my throat. My head was just spinning as if I came off a roller coaster. "I think I might- I mean- I might need some time to think this through. No, I mean I might actually - "
"Kairi," He interrupted, my eyes flashed up at the sound of his voice. He was nervously staring back at me, looking incredibly red. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt but…"
I couldn't help but stare at his mouth the whole time. Before he could say anything else I found myself leaning into him and began pressing my lips against his again. I heard him mumble my name against my mouth but I ignored him.
"Kairi!" He said firmly, pushing me away and backing up, making sure to put some distance between us. I looked up at him, his face was still red. "I… What the hell?"
"Huh?" I mumbled.
"What are you doing?" He asked me slowly.
I couldn't respond. What was I doing?
"I know you might want to comfort me, but this isn't the way to do it." He started, looking completely angry. His blue eyes narrowed and I couldn't find any trace of the initial tears I saw earlier.
"I-I "
"You're making it worse by doing this." Roxas said. "It's like you're rubbing it in my face. What the hell is your problem Kairi?"
"I didn't mean to, honestly-"
"No, whatever this is –" he said gesturing towards me and him. "It's over. I can't stand your games, I-I don't think I can take it anymore. You kiss me and then you run back to Sora."
"Roxas, please, just listen to-"
"You listen to me, I love you, but that doesn't give you the right to just mess around with my feelings, no matter how much I let you." He spat furiously.
"Roxas." I started, but my voice cut off when he shook his head angrily and turned away. "What do you want me to do?"
His blue eyes softened for a moment, as they darted between my own.
"I want you to just… want me." He murmured pathetically.
"I do want you!" I blurted out.
He shook his head, sighing.
"Stop it, I want you Roxas." I cried out, reaching out and putting my hands on his shoulders. He shrugged them off again.
"No." He said quietly.
"I want you, what more do you want me to say to you?" I pleaded, reaching out to him again. This time he didn't push me away, but sat there limply.
"Do you love me?"
The question shouldn't have caught me off guard. It shouldn't have made me nervous or my heart speed up irrationally. It shouldn't have made me want to pull him back in for another kiss, shouldn't have made me want to say yes.
"Kairi, do you love me?"
"Don't ask me that." I whispered.
"Just answer the question!" he snapped heatedly. I could feel his temper rising again. "Do you love me or not -"
"I need you, isn't that good enough?"
Roxas backed up against the wall, scooting away from me. His expression shifted quickly from pain to anger. I knew he was angry. I couldn't blame him. But I couldn't believe we were going back into this territory again.
Why wouldn't we? You're the idiot that jumped him.
He clenched his teeth, and bowed his head, shaking it slowly.
"No," he said in a low voice. "It's not."
"Roxas, please – "
"Just leave me alone, please Kairi." His voice was strained, reminding me of how I found him earlier, but he was actually mad. I didn't even have enough time to explain myself; he rose up from his seat, dusting his pants.
"Where are you going?" I demanded rising from my seat to clamp my hand around his wrist.
"Away from you."
"Roxas, please, I'm just… confused. If you give me a little time, maybe –"
"Funny, I thought practically two years would be enough time." He pulled his wrist away from my grip, stuffing it in his pocket. He glanced over his shoulder to shoot me a pained expression. "Maybe I'm the one who needs time."
And with that, he walked away, leaving me alone staring after him.
I didn't know what to think, besides, maybe this was how he felt when I left him alone after rejecting him.
Like sorry excuse of a love-sick person.
I love you.
I hated the way it sounded in my head – how right it sounded.
x.X.x
Dun dun duh! What will Kairi do next? :O
Until next time!
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