Chapter 36

Kelly

NOW

"Kelly!" Howls Alex as he motions his friend inside his room. He then walks quickly to a painting speaking with an excited voice, "So glad to see you. Thought you had a late shift, didn't expect to see you tonight. You should see my painting. I think it's almost there! I feel so inspired as of late." When he hears nothing from his friend he turns, "What's wrong. You look really upset."

"My shift is over, it is time. Is your roommate expected soon?"

Alex stares hard at his friend as he asks, "What the hell is going on? And no, Jason is not expected for at least a couple of hours. Diana has him doing some, who knows?"

He sighs and sits in front of the computer, his fingers move quickly across the keyboard. Then he checks his device, "Just making sure no monitoring equipment. We're safe." Kelly turns and looks directly towards Alex with a concerned look. "Brian has changed, I mean really changed in the last few days. Scary the change it was slow at first and now it is like triple speed. We are enacting the program now!"

"I wanted to do this a while back, but you were fearful of weird things you found in the program. Do you know what that Avena thing is?" Alex pulls up Jason's desk chair and leans over to Kelly giving him a hard look. "You are scaring me. You found out about the Avena thing that was there before?"

"NO!" Kelly screams at Alex who appears even more shocked. "Sorry, this morning it got really bad. You are sure that Jason guy is not coming?"

"Yes, we are fine for now. What did Brian do?"

Kelly turns his head away remembering this morning. Brian's only true concern is for the Great One as are the other Youth Leaders he has come to know. Their feelings about having their own lives and making their own decisions have left them. It is all for their Great Leader. The sick feeling has not left him, he should have stuck to the plan and accepted whatever repercussions came if discovered as soon as the new bonding was completed on the Youth Corp. He sighs deeply, "Remember I told you Brian lied about his human friend Robin."

"Humm, he told Victor her family might be at some beach house. Personally I thought that was good. He tried to protect his human friend as best he could."

"Not now. Brian was at his computer last night trying to remember anything, anything that he could give to Victor. He is currently trying to betray his friend and her family." Kelly shakes his head, he remembers the way Brian spoke. A cold shiver runs down his spine just remembering the passion in his roommates voice. "All he wanted to do was find her and her family and give them to the authorities. Why, well to serve the Great One as he now feels he has betrayed the Great Leader. Just before going to bed though he did ask if he should not betray her if he did find her." Kelly leans back in the chair staring off in the distance for a moment as he remembers the details. "I did not know what to say. What do I say, no you idiot she is your friend and then an hour later he changes his mind again. He is unbalanced I am telling you. It was frightening, but that isn't the only thing. There is this human named Daniel." He winces at how Brian at one time was very iffy about Daniel, but now all he can do is praise the human endlessly. "He has urged Daniel to give any and all information to Victor that he may have on anyone that may be working against the Regime. You weren't there, it is not Brian anymore. Oh, and George; he scared me as well. He's not George, he makes me want to run in a different direction."

"You mean George of the endless smile?" Asks Alex with a confused look, "That guy. I think the human phrase is; can sell ice cream to an Eskimo." He tilts his head, "Ah, sell ice cubes. No, that's not right. Sorry, got caught up in something stupid. George though is the happy one."

"He's not smiling now, he is contemplating turning in two human friends he has made. He talks endlessly about the Great One. He and Brian, their eyes look like, I don't know. Ah, like glowing fire of dedication." It comes to Kelly that there was one person that has been different or has not really changed, he has no idea why. Gordon's eyes and his voice lacked that total dedication. He remembered Gordon staring at him as Brian and George went on and on about what and how to find the information so they could turn their human friends in. Gordon never said anything, he simply shifted his eyes to each of them with a blank look.

Alex face may not be his, but at this time he looks as if he could be pale. "What about; doing our own thing. Will they turn us all in? What are they saying to everyone at Beautiful Smoke?" He groans placing his face in his hands for a moment.

Kelly scowls, "It is odd, I hate what is happening and it's all on me for not allowing us to do the; let us wake them up script in the program." He takes a deep breath, "Gordon has told both Brian and George that he will handle Beautiful Smoke while they perform their duties of finding these people. One day I watched him and the trooper whispering. I heard the trooper later tell George not to worry he was helping Gordon to take care of things. So we should be okay there. However, we won't be for long if this continues and I believe it will only get worse. For now Brian and George really want to help the troopers with their pain and I have no idea why Gordon seems different. I was worried about all of the hacking I have done, but Brian has been so involved it may take him time to turn me in. I believe that their true selves are still there though, but is being masked over. You know they were chosen because they really care about people, not that you would know that now." Kelly places his face in his hands and the pain is evident in his voice, "It really is all my fault, should have done it sooner. I hate the Regime and what they have done to us."

"It is not on you. . ." Alex tries to say something, but is interrupted.

Kelly sits up and glares at Alex as he says, "It is all on me and I know it. We could have saved them and we didn't because of my fear of what the original Avena program intended to do. I have no idea what it was used for, what poison it inflicted on them or is someone knew what was happening and was trying to help the Youth Corp." He turns his eyes to the ceiling for a moment, "All on me."

Alex is playing some game with his fingers as his brow deepens. "Then we agree, we light this program up for tomorrow and hope for the best. There are three of the daily Youth Corp meetings, two in the morning and one in the evening for those that missed one of the morning meetings. They are required to attend a meeting or if ill watch on their device. It will be finished by tomorrow night. If we are caught, well they execute us only once. As we die we know we tried our best." He is still looking at his fingers as he moves them about, "Tired of this Regime. If we do one thing and it fails." Alex looks up to Kelly, "Even if it fails we tried." With a shrug, "Is that not what youth is about? Passion and the wish to do something that truly means something?"

"So unless you have questions, I am going to compile the program and do my best to cover my footprints." Kelly nods to Alex, his friend points to the computer and for a few minutes all is quiet. "Okay, we did it. We can't take it back."

"I am glad," Alex says. "Sorry we can't hang out the same way we did in my old room. How long do you think before we see a change in them?"

"Wish I knew." Kelly gives a quick smile, "Right away maybe. Most likely days or not at all. We just have to pay attention to their actions. Anxious how they react, if it takes time it will give them a chance to protect themselves and learn to not betray that they have or are coming out of the sick bonding conversion thing."

Neither speak for several minutes and then Alex looks up, "What do you think of my roommate?"

Kelly shrugs and speaks calmly, "He doesn't make you uneasy?" He knows that having a roommate that works directly for Diana would make him nervous. "He seems okay, though. Your not saying anything though?"

Alex has a grim tone, "Diana is who you really mean. I don't think he cares much for the Regime either, but he knows nothing about the Twenty and Under Gang or Doing Our Own Thing." Alex bites his lip for a moment. "I am very careful about that, but he knows I am not one with the Regime. Funny is it not, just how many younger members on this ship seem to be unhappy, but are so afraid to speak up." He shakes his head, "Actually if you want to keep breathing it is better to say nothing." He then turns music on and they just listen for sometime before he turns to Kelly again. "He makes you scared. Besides being all gung-ho for the Great One what else is bothering you about Brian. I had the feeling there was something more."

Kelly grimaces so that his teeth show, "I have caught him at least three times and I think there were two more as well." He waves his hands around for a moment in frustration. "I catch him staring at the wall. You talk to him, but he doesn't seem to know you are there. Then he comes out of it and tells you he has been dreaming. He'll shrug and says something like he was talking to someone. Then he laughs, but his eyes were like wide open when he was supposedly dreaming. Once he was mouthing words as if he was having a conversation with someone. Just weird, he's sitting up straight, supposedly dreaming and even if you shake him he just stares at the wall."

"What do you think was happening?" Alex stares intently at his friend, "You seem troubled about it."

He blinks, "You don't think this weird bonding thing is making him," Kelly shrugs, "Insane."

"I don't know about insane," Alex just stares at the wall for a moment. "I don't know what to say, we have talked about this before. Let's do this; imagine your just a kid, your selected to be trained for the Youth Corp and they begin their brainwashing thing on you. Then you are older and they begin that bonding conversion thing every forty days. Then they do all the training and preparing you for your work here. Next comes the blurred facial training; those are aliens, but go blind that they are aliens and different from you. Inside your head there is not to be a difference." Alex cocks his head smirking as he says, "Well, actually that is kind of a good thing. Okay, now say good-by to your family and friends, bang now you are here on Earth to manipulate and use the humans. Then back at home they arrest your relatives and execute them." His face seems sad and he begins playing with his fingers again, the tone he uses is aggravated. "Lastly let us do a more intense bonding on you, so have fun you Youth Corp idiots as your now one with the Great One."

Kelly has no illusions, if only they can wake them up to who they were before the last intense bonding he will be happy. "You know I was talking like their huge change has happened so fast, but actually this has been happening since that unkind bonding. When I think about it every day Brian and his friends seemed a bit more. . . " He and Alex look at one another, "Unlike themselves. It is just that it has escalated now." He sighs, "I miss my know-it-all roommate. When you think about it, Brian without all of that he could have been a passionate radical fighting the Regime and inspiring his friends to strike out. Look at what he was doing before he took that hard change. If not that, than maybe a priest, he really thinks he is going to go back and do that or be a farmer."

Alex slaps his knee and chuckles, "He's never going to be a farmer." Then he looks serious, "If I remember their temple thing is really strict. He will never get out of here without crossing one of the laws for their priests. None of them will likely get out of this without crossing some inner line they have set for themselves."

He lets his breath out loudly before he speaks again, "I remember one day when Brian told me he found this cat who had kittens at the Visitor Friends Headquarters. He was taking food out to her whenever he was there, one day he said he found the kittens dead. Their little necks had been broken. He said he felt if he had not fed her no one would have seen him and they would be alive today and he had no idea if it was our people or a human. He said someone very sick had to have done it." Kelly looks down for a moment shaking his head. "Now, I think he would probably be the one who would break their necks if asked. He would never question it, he would just do it. Yeah, I miss my weird roommate. Maybe he has always been that way since the first bonding procedure, always the one to fulfill ranking officers goals without question. Maybe there never was and will be anything about him that will fight for the return of his true self."

Alex tilts his head, "Actually Brian and his friends have been fighting to be themselves before that last conversion bonding. Think of Brian when he was turning his socks inside out, you know before the last hardcore bonding procedure. He was losing points for just his stupid socks. The whole Doing Our Own Thing, which includes troopers and humans." He shakes his head and snorts, "He and George and of course Gordon. I just know they will find their way back. They have to as I need to know if we can quietly fight our own fight. Hate to say it, but we need them for that. The way they manipulate and are so fast to think up things, they use the Regime training to fulfill whatever goal comes to their minds. We can't do even the silliest, dumbest stuff without them. We have our talents, but we need them. I need to strike back even if it seems dumb and useless, it's not useless to us. All I wanted was to be an artist, I didn't care if I was starving and homeless; just wanted to do what made me, me. So doing what were doing makes me feel good about me in this hateful environment. So they have to get rid of that last bonding procedure if that is all. We need them back."

"I hope so," Kelly feels the sickness in his gut. "What happens if they don't, because you are so correct we need them. I don't care either, I stopped smoking herb and although I griped about it..." He shrugs, "I was still feeling good about me, about me; just like you. Brian may be a know-it-all, but he is really smart. His passionate nature and the way he can make one of those inspiring speeches out of nothing. George and his beyond happy nature, if you feel gloomy go to George, he will tell you why you should go on. Shy who can make people who hate each other work together and be happy to do so. Gordon who is the one that is there to ensure each stays to his goal. Who do they become if this continues. They really can become the greatest weapons the Regime has ever had." He tilts his head to Alex, "Your art is inspiring, you deserve to be you."

"I don't expect to do anything, but do weird stuff. Our weird stuff, we aren't fighting the Regime, but we are working to be ourselves. Helping that trooper and others to find a way to grow a herb that may help with pain, it's a good thing. I am not a hero and I am not looking to be one. However, all of this fear that I have felt since I was a child is daunting. So many are becoming of tired of his Great Shit. Paying with our freedom, our lives and just the ability to be just be us; now that is beyond daunting. Why? I'll tell you why, so he can be a god. Just, just, just; sucks." Alex says quietly then he picks up his device. "Looks like Jason is going to be gone a day or two on some assignment. Oh, well." He looks up solemnly to Kelly, "I am so tired, so tired of this."

"Me as well, and I mean tired of it and I am not looking to be a hero either." They look at each other and without another word Kelly gets up and walks to the door. "Hopefully, we aren't executed in a few days. If so, well we tried. Now we just wait."

Kelly walks out the door, right now he can't hate the Regime any more than he does now. Yet, striking out for all to see will benefit no one. He remembers a story his mother told him. Basically it came down to walking down a path; it is not always going to be traveled quickly. Weather, illness and obstacles in the path will slow the journey down; but just keep going as best you can. Enjoy the journey, the flowers, the antics of animals enjoying their life, warm sun on your back and the rain on your face; enjoy it best you can and work through what is tough. Yeah, it is just the Twenty and Under; but a few together can make a rocky journey an adventure and keep you moving forward when all you want to do is...well, just stop.

He suddenly finds himself smiling, he gives a quick jerk of his head; yep he is going down that path and all of his stupid friends are going down that path to, even if they like the idea or not. He is not leaving them behind and yeah, they are not doing anything important. Help a Downstairs Kid with his project, helping troopers with their physical pain, figure out how humans can maintain their business. Giving Alex a chance to do his art and vent when needed. Hack into human game places and get their games, put funny messages up on the learning site; heck turn your socks inside out. No, these aren't important, but you can't live like breathing robots. What Alex had said was important; we will never be heroes, or activists. Just live best we can making peoples lives better quietly, we don't have to make a big deal out of something to feel like your lives mean something. It is our life and yes they can stop us from breathing, but they can't stop us from trying to live our lives as ourselves.