36. In the Shadows (The Rasmus)
A/N: I was actually watching an Akira/Takumi (Mai HiME) amv to this song, and I just kind of went "Royai!" Spoilers through chapter 95.
It would be creepy to admit the truth, but he watched her.
See? Told you it was creepy.
He wasn't a stalker, wasn't obsessed with her, per se. The obsession was more making sure that she was okay, that she wasn't going to disappear because of something stupid he'd said or done.
The quest to get to the top was never-ending and perilous. Maes's murder had been a reminder of that in the worst way. He'd be damned if he lost her, too.
He wasn't sure if it was true, but he had the feeling she was watching him for the same reasons. They had to be there for each other, after all; the littlest thing being off was usually the first and only sign of anything being wrong.
When she was finally taken from his sight by one more observant (and in the know) than himself, the world seemed to shift off-kilter. It wasn't right, not being able to tell just by the way that she entered whether the day was going to be good or bad.
He wasn't going to rest until they were safe again, that much he knew.
There was plenty to do, too. Endless amounts of information were always pouring in, and from some of the least-expected sources, to an outsider, anyway. Chris's establishment had always been something of a gathering place for valuable information of relatively good reliability. Military records were a bit more obvious, but it was more often what wasn't in them that was of interest.
But the most off-the-wall informant that, really, when it came down to it, he actually should have seen coming was the flower lady.
That information, important though it was, had cost him dearly. Not only was he out of money, but the minute he knew something was wrong, even though it was by the tiniest of sighs, he had lost a bit of confidence. He hadn't been able to protect her, after all, and now something had happened, and he got the feeling he wouldn't know what until it was too late.
He considered going over and demanding an explanation or devising a way of passing a message that didn't involve flowers, but gut instinct told him that things were too risky for even the most clandestine of communications. It wasn't that he didn't trust her to take care of himself; it was that he knew things were too far out of his hands to do anything.
Those bastards knew just where to hit to cause him the greatest pain possible. He despised being useless, loathed it, hated it. And nothing vexed him more than really knowing that he couldn't do anything but watch and not do anything remotely suspicious for the time being. She would die for him, he knew that, and even though they probably needed her alive, he didn't want to watch her suffer at all, as he knew he would be made to do.
No, he had to bide his time, plan things slowly, spread the word, and not get caught doing any of it.
For what it was worth, Havoc was a veritable fountain of information. Roy knew that there was probably suspicion, but considering the state Havoc was in, not to mention just how obvious that would actually be, Roy figured it was one of the safest ways to go for the most reliable information.
Riza's information about Selim had been invaluable in its own right, and had explained a lot. Not only that, but Roy had been able to take a closer look at her. There was, perhaps, a shadow of a bruise on her neck, a cut on her cheek mostly concealed by light makeup, and another cut on her hand she hadn't bothered to cover up at all. They could just be simple moving injuries, to be sure, but Roy knew better, and Riza had never been clumsy.
After the attack on Bradley's—Wrath's—train, he couldn't wait to meet up with her. After those warning injuries, who knew what else might have been done to her?
But no, she was there, and in one piece. Still, he had to be sure. He just kept quietly observing. She really did seem to be as well as she could, given the circumstances.
She was watching him, too, and more intensely than ever when it came to fighting Envy. But even through his rage, he was actually hyper-aware of her, and in the end, that was probably what saved him, not that he'd ever tell.
Then again, with the way they both watched each other, he'd never need to.
A/N: Not sure what to think about this one. I think it's okay. It skips around a bit, definitely, and is pretty vague at some points, but I might have designed it that way. Who knows? (I don't, and I wrote it!)
The lines that struck me the hardest from this song were "They say/They say that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe/But I/I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave". Just in case you care.
Let me know what you think!