Episode 36 of Luckiest Loser

Will and Determination

I held my breath as my homeroom teacher handed back the exams. My fingers were crossed and my eyes were shut tightly as I waited.

I could already see some of the crestfallen expressions of some of my classmates as they saw their scores. Others, however, seemed ecstatic with their results. I hoped I would part of the second group as I impatiently squirmed in my chair.

Please, please, please let me exceed my mother's expectations.

"Good work, Sugiyama," my teacher, Wakaba-sensei, a plain looking woman in her mid-thirties with glasses, said with a smile as she placed a stack of paper on my desk. "Your grades have improved so much this year. If you keep this up I'm sure you'll get into a nice college."

"Uh, thanks!" I responded quickly as I bowed my head. I had never been praised by a teacher before so I was a little flustered and unsure how to properly reply to her.

On my Japanese History test there was a percentage scrawled in red ink on the upper right hand corner. Eighty-five percent.

I breathed a sigh of relief. That was probably the highest score I've ever gotten on a test since elementary school. It was good to know that staring blankly at a textbook all night had paid off.

Shaking from excitement, I looked at my next exam.

Biology. Eighty-one percent.

Okay, that was cutting it close, but I could live with that.

I flipped to my third test, English, and suddenly all hope of reaching my mother's expectations flew out the window.

Seventy-two percent.

Panicked, I checked the scores of my last two exams.

No. No. NO. This can't be happening.

Math. Seventy percent.

Japanese Literature. Sixty-eight percent.

The papers slipped out of my hands as my jaw dropped in horror.

Part of me knew that it was a long-shot for me to get eighty percent on all of my finals, but I had been so optimistic lately that I dared to think that I could pull it off. Bah, so much for wishful thinking. I should have seen this fail coming, really. I was disappointed in myself. What would I tell my mother? How would I explain my absence to Mori and Hunny?

I stretched my arms out in front of me, letting my hands dangle over the edge of my desk. Slowly, my head fell and thumped on my desk in despair.

What was I going to do now?

Everything that had happened in the past few weeks had depended on this moment and I let had it slip through my fingers.

My classmates chattered excitedly around me about their summer break plans with boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, and relatives while all I could think about was my impending doom at the hands of my mother and how much I let the Hunny and Mori down.

I was dead meat. My mother was going to skin me, roast me, then shove an apple in my mouth and serve me as dinner.

These were the highest final exam scores I had ever received. Ordinarily, I would be jumping up and down for joy and praising the heavens.

Instead...I felt like such a failure.

As soon as I had got home, I rushed up to my room and closed the room before collapsing on my bed. I had forgotten to remove my shoes at the doorway and my mother would probably be furious at me for tracking a few little specks of dirt into the house, but I could care less.

I hugged my stuffed animal, Kitsune, to my chest and frowned unhappily as I nuzzled my head against my pillow.

This entire situation sucked.

I was in such a rotten mood I couldn't even muster up the energy to bake Hunny a congratulatory cake or make Mori some sort of traditional Japanese dish like I promised I would.

There was a soft, timid knock on my bedroom door. The only person who was home right now was my little brother and it was a rare occurrence for him to ever come to me like this. Usually he would just barge in without warning like most obnoxious younger siblings would.

I rolled over on my side to face the door. "What?"

He cracked the door open slowly and carefully. "Can I come in?"

"I guess..." I didn't really care one way or another.

He walked into my room hesitantly and sat on the edge of my bed. He drummed his fingertips on his knees. "How did your tests go?"

"I did well, but it wasn't enough," I answered tartly.

"Oh..." he fidgeted and changed the topic. "Kei hasn't bothered you in a while."

"Mori scared him off," I said curtly before adding, "for good."

"I'm glad then. You know, they were kind of surprised to hear that you had had other boyfriends before Kei." Tetsushi mentioned as he swung his legs back and forth over the edge of my bed.

"They?"

"Mori and Hunny," he clarified for me.

I narrowed my eyes. "Why is everyone so interested in my love life?" I grumbled as I pulled a pillow over my head. "And when did this happen?"

"At the hospital a while ago. They were concerned," he answered with half closed eyes, "and you don't like to talk about any of them. I told them that Kei was the only one who gave you any real trouble, but you still had pretty lousy taste in guys."

I sighed. I couldn't deny what he had just said. Though my first two boyfriends weren't abusive, they weren't exactly nice people either. I only dated them because I was bored and I naively thought that eventually it would turn into love. Boy, was I wrong.

And here I was thinking all along that their discussion with Tetsushi had been some sort of super secret...thing. Not some discussion on my pathetic love life.

"You only talked about my boyfriends with them?" I was disappointed, however. I hadn't wanted either of them to know that I had such low standards when it came to dating.

He was quiet for a minute. "They asked about how bad it got between you and Kei before you finally broke up."

I rubbed the back of my neck. I was so ashamed of that part of my life. How could I have ever let something that horrible go on as long as it did?

"It wasn't like they were prying, they were just worried," Tetsushi said hastily, waving his hands around like a frantic little monkey. "They don't think any less of you for it, they just wanted to be able to help you. Or, at least, that's what they told me."

"They're really way too nice..." I trailed off as I thought of all the times they had helped me, all the times they had rescued me, all the the times he had expressed concern over my injuries. "Mori..." I whispered in a hardly audible tone as images of his face flooded my mind.

My little brother exhaled heavily. "You like him, right?"

"Yeah..." I replied airily as I flipped over onto my back, tossing the pillow aside. "Like" wasn't exactly the word I'd use to describe how I felt about Mori. My feelings for him were so much more stronger than that. I didn't know how to put it into words without sounding incredibly cheesy.

"Then why don't you go anyway?" He threw his hands up in the air. "You probably won't get a chance like this ever again!"

I sat up and stared at him awkwardly for a few seconds. He wasn't usually the type to get so enthusiastic over these sort of things. How suspicious.

"Osen put you up to this, didn't she?" I wasn't a complete idiot, I could tell when my sister's handiwork was in play.

He looked away nervously. I saw some of the color drain from his face.. "She just gave me a few flash cards and told me to practice what to say in order to encourage you in case you didn't pass all your finals..."

"Hm, figures. You were acting way too mature for your age." I muttered with a minor twinge of irritation in my facial expression.

"So..." he continued casually as he folded his arms across his chest, "are you gonna go?"

I shrugged and put my arms behind my head as I laid back down on the bed. "Dunno. I'll get into a heap of trouble if I do."

"If you don't go you're just going to mope around here like a wet cat," my brother berated me as he jabbed the side of my ribs.

"Are you forgetting the part where our mother ribs me limb from limb?" I grumbled as I furrowed my brows and skewed my mouth to the side. I wanted to die of old age, not murder at the hands of my mother.

The little brat threw a pillow at me. "Stop being so stubborn and go!" I had never seen my brother look so angry at me. Sure, we had gotten into arguments in the past where we had gone for weeks without speaking to one another, but this was different. "I don't want to see my sister dating another idiot like, Kei!"

I winced. What a low blow.

"Hey, hey, calm down." I said in a comforting tone. I got off the bed and sat down on my knees in front of him. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "That's not going to happen."

He lowered his eyes and frowned sadly. "Really?"

I nodded. "I know I'm not exactly a genius, but I'm not stupid enough to make that mistake again. Besides, I'm getting a little better at this whole standing up for myself thing recently." I forced a chuckle in an effort to lighten the sudden serious mood that had filled my room.

"But you're still not going to go," he said quietly.

"It's not that simple, you don't..." I couldn't finish the sentence. He knew the consequences I would have to deal with if I went without permission.

"I want you to go. I want you to be happy."

I leaned forward and hugged him. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I rubbed his back.

"Where did you learn to be so stubborn, Sushi?"

"From you."

I laughed. Fair enough.

I pulled back and grinned at him. "Okay, I'll go, but only because I'm sure you and everyone else will never leave me alone if I don't." I didn't even want to begin to think about how mercilessly Ranka-san would tease me if I backed out. I glanced at my wristwatch. "I should make it just in time if I run," I said thoughtfully as I left my room and started down the stairs, going two-to-three steps a time.

"You're not seriously going to run all the way there?" Tetsushi asked in disbelief as he wiped his watery eyes with his sleeve. I could hear his footsteps following closely behind me.

"How else am I supposed to get there?" I yelled at him over my shoulder as I threw open the front door. I began sprinting down the sidewalk.

I needed closure. I had to be sure Mori fully understood my feelings because I wasn't sure when I'd be able to see him again after this. I couldn't let him disappear from my life after he graduated because I...because I...

Stupidly, I tripped over a small crack in the sidewalk and landed on my arms and knees. Way to go, Nodoka. You always manage to make yourself look like an idiot. At least no one saw you this time.

I stood back up and brushed myself off a bit then started running again.

It wasn't just the crack that had made me trip, it was a startling realization that had made me momentarily lose focus. A realization that was so obvious. Why hadn't I seen it before?

This feeling that I had for him that was stronger than just liking someone.

I picked up my pace as my face turned bright red. My breathing was already becoming ragged and my heart was beating frantically.

The more I thought about it the more it made sense. It wasn't a feeling that had developed right away. It was something that had happened gradually over the course of many weeks.

I finally understood how deep of an affection I had for Mori.

I was in love with him. Madly, deeply, and hopelessly in love with him.

"Use your common sense and take the bus, idiot!" Tetsushi shouted after me from the doorway, but his voice already sounded so faraway.

I nearly leapt off of the bus as soon as the door opened. The sun had started to set and the air around me felt chilly. An occasional gust of wind blew by me, making strands of my hair fly out in front of my eyes. It was a minor annoyance that kept making me tuck those stray locks of hair behind my ear as I ran.

My legs ached and throbbed. Each step I took got heavier and heavier, but I had to keep going. I was so close.

Thankfully, my memory of how to get to his estate didn't give out as I recalled the time Hunny had shown me the way when I had forgotten.

I skidded to a stop in front of the mansion and tightened my hands into fists again. I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms as I tried to let go of my anxiety. My stomach felt knotted. My legs felt like melted jello.

I marched up to the front door and curiously eyed a huge, decorative white sign that was set up in front that had huge, black cursive letters on it. My english wasn't very good, but I tried my best to decipher it.

I squinted my eyes. "Welcome to...something...Morinozuka, Takashi's and...Haninozuka, Mitsukuni's...something that starts with a g...party..." Damn, no wonder I didn't get an 80 percent on my English final. Most of the cursive might as well just have been random scribbles to me. There was more written on it, but I was too lazy to try and read it.

"Eh, Nodoka-san?" a startled voice said from behind me.

I perked up at the sound of my name.

"S-Satoshi!" My eyes widened as Mori's younger brother approached me. He was wearing a classic black tuxedo and he looked quite handsome in it.

"Ah, you're here for the party, right?" he beamed at me. "It just started. And why are you wearing your uniform?"

My face paled as I looked down at the clothes as I was wearing. Of all the stupid things I've done in my life, this definitely ranked in the top five. Not only was I still in my uniform, but my knees and arms were smeared with dirt from when I had tripped earlier. This was just perfect. Now what was I supposed to do?

A few girls, classmates of Mori's and Hunny's I presumed, strutted into the mansion in fancy, colorful ball gowns. Their hair twisted up into elegant knots and expertly applied makeup. I could hear their high heels clacking down the hallway as they giggled excitedly. Unlike me, they probably were so used to heels that they would never stumble or trip.

I slumped down onto the ground and buried my face in my hands.

What had I been thinking? I didn't belong here.

Satoshi knelt down next to me. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, troubled by my abrupt distressed attitude and crouched posture.

I violently shook my head back and forth. No, don't think like that, Nodoka. You have to do this or you'll just end up regretting it!

I needed to stop being so negative. Sure, Mori had rejected me once in the past and it had hurt, I hadn't forgotten about that. But why else would he ask me to wait just a bit longer unless he shared some of my feelings? I had to make sure, I had to know or else I would beat myself over it for the rest of my life.

"I can't give up!" I sprung up with my fists clenched and raised slightly in the air, a fiery determination blazing in my eyes. My abrupt action had startled Satoshi so much he had fallen backwards. "I came all the way here and I'm not going to lose my nerve now!"

Satoshi, although he had no clue as to what I was referring to, bounced back up onto his feet as well. "That's the spirit, Nodoka-san! But I don't have any idea what you're talking about..."

"I have to tell him how I feel and if he rejects me again then at least I'll know that I tried and that's better than sitting on my ass and having done nothing whatsoever!"

"-uh, that's great Nodoka-san, but what-"

"Okay!" I pounded my fists together. "I can do this!"

"I don't know what's going on..." Satoshi mumbled faintly as I took off speed walking down the long hallways of the Morinozuka mansion.

I could hear music playing. They must have gotten an orchestra just for this occasion. I wasn't all that familiar with classical music, but I was pretty sure they were playing some type of waltz.

I passed several elegant ice sculptures and dodged several waiters carrying trays of food and drink to the guests.

It seemed odd to me though. I was fairly certain that Mori was the type who appreciated traditional Japanese things, this party seemed to incorporate too many mainstream customs than he would have probably liked. I almost drooled at the mental image of him in a yukata or in his kendo uniform. Yes, traditional Japanese garb definitely suited him better.

As I whipped around a turn without paying attention to where I was going, I collided into a tall, immovable object. I was about to fall backwards from the impact when someone caught my arm.

"Be careful."

I blinked a few times and timidly gazed upwards as I knew immediately who I had bumped into from our past encounters. Also, that deep voice was recognizable anywhere.

Mori stared down at me with the same stoic, poker-face he always had, but I saw a small smile curling up the edges of his lips.

I already sensed a deep blush creeping across my face when I locked eyes with him. If I had thought Satoshi looked handsome in a tuxedo then there were absolutely no words known to mankind to describe how great Mori looked in one. He had a hand on his hip and his smoldering eyes were focused solely on me. He had such an intense presence, but he was so kind and caring that I easily able to overlook how intimidating he sometimes appeared.

He let go of my arm and for a while there was only silence between us as we stood in the middle of the hallway facing each other.

My face was bright red and I wasn't able to stop myself from trembling. My palms were sweaty and my heart pounded against my ribcage.

I was out of breath, exhausted, and looked like I had no regard for my personal hygiene.

He was right in front of me, less than a foot away, and all I could do at that moment was shake uncontrollably.

Okay, Nodoka, I told myself, you need to have a backbone just this once. You need to tell him how you feel as clearly as you can. No matter how sick to your stomach you feel...you need to tell him.

I adored so many aspects of him and I eagerly wanted to learn more about the parts of him that I wasn't so familiar with. I wanted to spend time with him. I wanted to bake and cook for him. I wanted to hear his voice more often. I wanted to feel his strong, protective embrace again. I wanted to love him and be loved.

Without thinking, I reached my hands up, caressed his checks, and slowly guided his face closer to mine. I kissed him softly on the lips before withdrawing slightly and all I could see was his gentle expression. His dark eyes were glazed over, his eyebrows were arched up ever so slightly in surprise, and his lips were parted a bit. His face felt warm against my hands.

"I love you, Takashi."

XXXXXX

Musical Inspiration- Your Hand In Mine by Explosions In The Sky

It was high time for an update, don't you think? Sorry, I haven't been in a really productive mood for a long time. ):

ANYWAY, MOVING ON.

Seriously, thank you all for reading and reviewing. 296 favorites and 324 alerts for this story, FEELS GOOD MAN.

And yes, this story is almost over. Like two (or maybe three, eh) more chapters and an epilogue and then over. Will it be a happy ending or will all Nodoka's efforts be for nothing? I'm feeling a bit sadistic so who knows...

;D

Peace out.