Chapter 36: On the Down Low

This story arc will take a few chapters. I will try to make it as entertaining as possible.

True to her word, Penny knocked on Sheldon's door at 9:30 sharp and they proceeded towards the elevator on their way to her car. If he was nervous, he gave very little evidence of it. In fact, his mind seemed a million miles away from his coming driver's test.

"What's up, Buttercup?" Penny asked him in a teasing voice.

As they entered the elevator, Sheldon told her, "Penny, I'm worried about Niki being alone with that menace of an intern. The wretched girl's voice literally drips with venom whenever she addresses Niki about anything."

Penny pushed the Ground Floor button, "Yeah, Nik was telling me all about that. Do you think she's going to be okay?"

Sheldon looked up at the ceiling of the elevator and sighed, "I suppose so. Niki is in possession of a fairly stern foundation, but you know how it can be when you have romantic feelings for someone. You always worry."

The elevator stopped and the two friends emerged into the building's lobby, "I never stop being amazed at how much you've changed since meeting her."

Sheldon looked over at her and explained, "Penny, the change didn't start then. The change actually began when Amy became ill. There is nothing like a terminal illness to make a man reassess his life."

They reached her car and Penny commented as they buckled their seatbelts, "But you have to admit, Niki did have something to do with it."

Once they were on the road, Sheldon looked out the window at the passing traffic and sighed once more, "I have told a longer variant of this to Niki, but I will now offer you the condensed version. Amy's cancer made me realize what a cold, selfish, person I had been all of my life. Niki has shown me how to grow and move past that. I love both of them very much."

They stopped for a traffic light and Penny swung her head to look at Sheldon, "You still love Amy?"

"What a ridiculous question, Penny. Of course I do. Amy died, not the love I had for her. That will last forever I would imagine."

Penny drummed her fingers on the steering wheel while waiting for the light to change, "And Niki is okay with that?"

Sheldon nodded as he continued to gaze out the window, "Yes. She understands. She still loves her late husband very much as well. Penny, loving Amy and Paul has not prevented us from being able to love each other. In fact, it has enriched it. We greatly value all the time we have together because we both realize that it could all be gone tomorrow. It sounds odd to you, I am sure, but Niki and I understand each other completely on this matter and that is what is important. I will love Niki forever, the same way I will always love Amy."

Penny smiled at her husband's bestie and told him, "In a weird way I can't really understand, that sounds sort of sweet. Oh, here we are, Ye Olde Pasadena DMV. Let me try to find a place to park this beast and we'll go check in."

As they walked towards the entrance, Penny drilled him. "Sheldon, be pleasant and polite to the tester. No sighs, eye rolls, or condescension allowed. Got it?"

Sheldon looked at her and smiled, "Yes, Mother."

"Just put Sheldon Cooper aside for half an hour and become Leonard Hofstadter. That ought to do it."

He opened the door to the building and let her pass through first, "Very well. If you think that's for the best."

"Trust me, Sheldon, it's for the best. You want to pass this thing, right?"

He began to walk away from Penny to get in the proper line marked Appointments, "Of course I do. I want to make Niki proud of me."

Penny spoke to his back as he walked away from her, "Sheldon, trust me, she already is."

One hour later, Sheldon Cooper was in possession of a valid California Driver's License. True to form, he had obtained a perfect score on his driving test and had impressed his tester immensely.

Penny gave him a huge hug. "Congratulations, Sweetie! Now, in celebration, I'm inviting you and Nik over to our place for dinner tonight. Say, about 7:30?"

"That is fine, but if you had planned on serving drinks, I'll have you know that Niki and I will require no alcohol for this celebration."

"I won't be drinking, either. As of the 4th, I gave up drinking."

Some time passed as Penny concentrated on her driving. Sheldon finally broke the ice, "May I inquire as to why?"

"Well, you will be the first person to know this, but Leonard and I are trying to start a family."

"Oh, you are now using coitus for its utilitarian purpose? Very well. I wish you good luck on your endeavor." Penny pulled up behind Sheldon's building, "Now, could you wish me good luck with mine?

"Sheldon, you passed your driving test, so what is there left for me to wish you luck with?"

"Keep a good thought that neither Niki nor I kill our intern. It would be appreciated." With that, Sheldon left Penny's car and made his way up to his office.

Niki arrived at the office, as usual, at 8:30. Much to her dismay, she found Merla Krane sitting on the floor outside of the door.

"Excuse me, Merla, but what are you doing here this early? I thought you would be here at 9:00?"

The girl ignored Niki's question completely and demanded, "Where's Dr. Cooper?"

Niki inserted her key into the lock, "He had some business to attend to this morning. He will be here later this morning. Now, shall we get started?"

Merla seemed to ignore her once more, "What time is he getting here?"

Niki turned to face the girl and told her, "I have no idea. He said he would try to get here by lunch time. I'm not holding him to that, though."

The girl looked as if she were ready to stomp her foot, "Why not? Don't you want to know when he'll get here?"

Niki sighed and entered the office, "I'm not holding him to that statement because he is at the DMV. Heaven knows what time he will be finished there."

Merla put her backpack down and made herself at home at Sheldon's desk, "What's he doing there?"

Niki thought of a plausible white lie, "I do believe he is renewing his license."

The young woman turned on his computer, "Couldn't he do that online?"

Niki picked up her clipboard and studied the day's agenda, "I wouldn't know, I didn't ask him. Please don't do that. He hates people touching his things."

Merla ignored Niki's warning and asked her, "Why couldn't he do it online? Don't you care?"

"Merla, why should I care about how Dr. Cooper's getting his license? It's enough to know that he is. Now, let me repeat myself, shall we stop this nonsense and get to work? And please, do not get on his computer. He doesn't even let me touch it without permission. So please… stop."

The girl brightly chirped, "Oh, he won't mind if I use it. He let me on it yesterday."

Niki sputtered a response, "But that was while he was here. This is different. Didn't you bring your own laptop? All interns are required to have one."

Merla began to play Solitaire, "Yeah, it's in my backpack, but I want to use his."

Niki took a step towards the girl, her body rigid with anger, " . .Computer."

The young intern did a fairly good imitation of Sheldon's eye roll, "I know, I'm not stupid."

Niki slammed the clipboard down on her desk loudly, "Then get the hell off of it!"

Merla hastily turned Sheldon's computer off, but then began rifling through his desk, "Okay, okay. What a grouch. How can someone as cool as Dr. Cooper stand to work with someone like you?"

Niki put her head down on her desk, "Oh, we manage, we manage." She suddenly brightened and asked Merla, "Would you like to truly help us in our research?"

The young girl's face lit up like a Christmas tree, "Would I!"

Niki handed her some pages full of collected data. "Good. Yesterday, I measured the frequency of these assorted light rays emanating from various stars. What I would like you to do is calculate the energy level of their photons."

Merla looked up at her, perplexed, "How do I do that?"

Niki could not believe what she was hearing, "Uh…by using Plank's Constant? You're a grad student, I'm sure you have used it before."

The girl shook her head dismissively, "Nope, I haven't. Why are you studying this anyway?"

Niki tried to be patient as she attempted to give a very basic explanation, "Because I am studying Black Bodies and their rates of absorption of light rays with differing frequencies, that's why."

Merla looked down at the pages of data and then up at Niki, "Does that have anything to do with what Dr. Cooper is doing?"

Niki walked over to her desk and started her own computer, "Yes. We are each researching different areas and aspects of light traveling in and possibly out of Black Holes in an effort to see if time and space navigation is possible through wormholes."

"Why would you study that?"

Niki collapsed into her chair and stared at the intern in disbelief, "Oh, dear god, girl! We are physicists and that is what we are curious about right now. The task I just gave you is an integral part of quantum physics." Niki scribbled down the equation for Plank's Constant on a piece of paper and handed it to Merla. "Here, this should help you. Now, please get started and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me."

She studied the paper for a second and then had a question for Niki, "That's a pretty ring you're wearing. Where did you buy it?"

Niki looked up from her computer, "Huh? Oh, I didn't buy it. It was given to me."

Merla continued to ignore the printouts in her hand, "When?"

Niki thought hard of a way to satisfy the girl's curiosity while not revealing anything about her relationship with Sheldon at the same time, "At a party a couple of months ago."

"Why did someone give you such a pretty ring?"

Niki felt cornered and finally admitted, "Merla, it's an engagement ring."

The girl looked at her incredulously, "You're engaged?"

Niki closed her eyes and attempted to maintain her composure, "Yes, even scientists get engaged, Merla."

She kept her entirely too personal questions coming at a fast pace, "How did you meet him? You are straight, right? I can't really tell with you."

"Yes, Merla, if you must know, I'm heterosexual, not that that is any of your business. As to how I met him? I met him through a friend of his." Not a complete lie. Raj was one of Sheldon's friends.

Merla probed further, "Is he cute?"

"Yes, I think he is very handsome." Niki thought frantically of how to redirect this conversation away from her personal life and back to the work at hand. "Now, let's get started on those measurements, shall we?"

"Sure. Does Dr. Cooper know him?"

Niki struggled to find an appropriate answer that wouldn't give too much away, "Uh, yes, they're fairly close." She then focused on her computer screen, hoping to encourage the girl to begin the task she had been given.

Merla suddenly nodded and smiled, "So that's why he has you working with him. He's doing a favor for his friend."

Niki found herself trembling with rage, "That has nothing to do with why I am here. I am more than qualified to assist Dr. Cooper in his research. He invited me personally to be his partner based on merit, not on any favor to anyone."

The girl dismissed Niki with a shrug of her shoulders, "If you say so."

The rest of the morning passed in much the same manner. Merla attempting to avoid any actual work by peppering Niki with mildly insulting personal questions and comments, which the impatient physicist attempted to deflect to the best of her ability. When Sheldon finally made it to the office, it was all Niki could do to keep from throwing herself straight into his arms.

Sheldon walked through the door, made note of the look on Niki's face, and motioned her to join him out in the hall. Niki got up from her desk and began to follow Sheldon out the door when she noticed Merla walking closely behind her.

Niki looked back at the girl, "Excuse me, but Dr. Cooper wishes to speak with me in private. This will not take long."

Merla stubbornly refused to back off, "I can come, too, can't I Dr. Cooper? I am your intern, after all.

Sheldon pointed at Merla, "You stay put. I wish to speak to Dr. Horner alone. As she informed you, this will not take long."

Once outside the door, Sheldon found them a recessed alcove in the hall and took Niki into his arms. "God, I need to do this!" he said as he began to kiss her passionately.

"And good afternoon to you, also, Dr. Cooper." she said when he eventually broke the kiss. "How did this morning go?"

He grinned broadly, "Most excellently." He reached into his wallet and showed her his temporary driver's license.

Now it was Niki's turn to kiss him. "That's fantastic! I am so proud of you!"

He smiled at her and touched her on her nose briefly, "Penny said something to that affect, also. Oh, she and Leonard have invited us over for a celebratory dinner tonight. I accepted on both of our behalves. That wasn't too presumptuous of me was it?"

"Of course not. I always love going to Penny and Leonard's place. Maybe we should be getting back to the office, though. Merla will be coming out here to check on us in another minute and I don't want her to find us with our arms wrapped around each other. She's asked me enough questions for one day."

One of his eyebrows lifted significantly, "Such as?"

Niki let out a long breath, "She noticed my ring and began to grill me about my personal life. Don't worry, I told her nothing about us. In fact, she thinks I am engaged to a good friend of yours. I hated to lie, but under the circumstances that seemed the right thing to do."

Sheldon nodded. He hated lying, also, but as Niki had so succinctly put it, that had been the best thing to do in this situation. At work, no one should know anything about your private life, anyway. The only people at the school who knew about him and Niki were Leonard, Raj, Howard, and Kripke. And Kripke was still on sabbatical, so that eliminated that possible disaster.

He smiled at his lady and gave her one, last, hug, "Well, shall we return to Abaddon?"

Niki sadly nodded, "I suppose so. Thank god it's almost time for lunch."

When lunch time arrived, both Sheldon and Niki were extremely eager to escape the plague that was their intern. However, as they readied themselves to leave for the lunch room, Merla spoke up, "Where are we going to eat lunch?"

Sheldon collected his wallet and his keys and answered, "I do not know where you will be eating, but Dr. Horner and I will be dining in the common lunch room with our friends and colleagues."

Merla almost jumped for joy, "Oh good, I'll just tag along. I'd love to meet your friends, Dr. Cooper!"

It was a good thing Sheldon's back was to her, or his intern would have seen his face fall dramatically. Niki fared little better and prepared herself mentally to spend her sacred lunch hour in the company of the most annoying person she had ever met.

As they made their way through the halls, headed for the commissary, they were greeted by several students with a wave or a nod. They were all familiar with the sight of that strange Dr. Cooper going to lunch with his tall, thin, research partner. If they noticed Merla at all, they gave her little thought.

Further on, one of the male students stopped the group and addressed Sheldon with a smile and a wink, "Hey, Dr. Cooper, who's the hot babe I saw you with at the DMV this morning? Is that your old lady?"

Sheldon was extremely put off by the question and was quick to correct him, "Excuse me, young man, but Penny is not an 'old lady', she is my friend. And for your information, we have no romantic attachment to each other. She is my neighbor as well as the wife of my best friend who also happens to be a colleague of mine."

The student grinned and assured Sheldon he meant no insult to Penny with his question, "That's cool. I didn't think you could have a hot old lady, but I had to ask you anyway."

Sheldon was about to answer that he did, indeed, have a hot lady of his own and that she was walking next to him. But he quickly remembered Merla was walking on his other side, so he merely smiled and let the matter go.

Eventually they arrived at the lunch room and each grabbed a tray. Sheldon hoped his friends would not reveal his true relationship with Niki, but he took some amount of reassurance from the fact that Leonard would surely have filled them all in with the particulars of this situation.

They each paid for their meal and looked for a place to sit. As they scanned the room, Leonard, Raj, and Howard waved them all over. Sheldon eagerly made his way to their table, momentarily forgetting Merla tagging along behind him.

"Hello, gentlemen. How are you today?"

Leonard greeted him first, "Hi. We're all fine, Sheldon. Niki, it's good to see you again." He pointed to Merla, "Is this your intern?"

Merla smiled at all of them, "Yep. I'm Merla Krane, Dr. Cooper's intern. It's nice to meet all of you."

Sheldon sat Merla as far away from himself as possible and thought, So far, so good. Then it happened. "Which one of you has the hot wife that some guy told us took Dr. Cooper to the DMV today?"

Sheldon almost choked on his sandwich. "Merla! That is a highly personal question!"

"I know," she responded, "that's why I asked it."

Raj, Howard, and Leonard all looked at each other uncomfortably. Finally, Leonard spoke up, "That would be me. My wife, Penny, took Sheldon to the DMV this morning."

"You've got a wife that hot?" she blurted out. Niki wanted the ground to open up and swallow her.

"Uh, yeah." Leonard pulled out his phone, "Want to see a picture of her?" Merla nodded.

Sheldon attempted to intercede, "Leonard, I don't think that's a good…" but he was too late, Leonard pushed his phone, with Penny's picture on it, towards Merla.

"Wow! She is hot. Are you sure Dr. Cooper didn't try to bone her?"

"Merla!" This time, it was Niki who shouted at the girl.

"What? She's gorgeous and Dr. Cooper is a man. It's only natural he might get a chub around her."

Sheldon spat out angrily, "I can assure you, young lady, I have never gotten a 'chub' around Penny. She is like my sister. The mere thought of that disgusts me!"

"Hey, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. It's just that your friend there," she pointed to Leonard, "is batting waaay outta his league."

"Merla," Niki warned her in a stern voice, "that will be enough. Penny is a fine, loyal, person."

"What," she showed NIki the phone, "do you know this chick? I wouldn't think a Plain Jane like you would get to hang around a girl this good looking."

Niki turned and gave the girl a death stare, "She's my best friend. She also loves Leonard very much."

"You're sure of that?"

Niki nodded and packed up what remained of her lunch, eager to exit the room, "Oh yes, quite sure."

"Well, there's no accounting for taste." She pointed at Howard, "You, with the geeky bowl cut, is your wife hot, too?"

By this time, Howard knew better. "Yes, I guess she is, but sorry, I don't have any pictures of her on my phone."

Merla gave him an evil grin, "Yeah, I'll bet she's really a dog, huh? That's okay; you're nothing to write home about, either."

By this time, Sheldon and Niki's humiliation was complete. Sheldon cleared his throat and said, "I think it's time we returned to the office."

Merla answered him with a scowl, "Wait, I haven't been introduced to the cute one." She stared straight at Raj. "What's your name and is your wife a hottie?"

Raj felt his selective mutism returning and just shook his head. "Raj is single." Howard informed her.

"Got a girlfriend?"

"Yes." He squeaked.

"Got a picture of her?"

He shook his head no.

She turned away from him, "Just as well. Our conversation wasn't going anywhere, anyway."

Sheldon nudged Niki under the table and she nodded. "Well, we hate to eat and run, but we have work waiting for us back at the office, right Sheldon?"

"Yes. The effort to understand the universe never stops."

Merla smiled at all of the men at the table, while patently ignoring Niki. "It was nice meeting all of you. I'm sure I'll see you guys again. But my dad's family will be in town soon, so I probably won't be here much next week."

Sheldon muttered to himself, "Now that's a thought that could give me a chub." Only Niki and Howard were near enough to hear him and they almost spit their water out onto the table.

Merla looked over at them and asked, "Are you guys choking or something? Too bad if you are 'cause I don't know that Heinie maneuver or whatever it's called."

Sheldon addressed her in a severe tone, "That will be enough, Merla. Bid the gentlemen good day and let's get going."

Merla gave a half-masted salute and called out, "'Bye everyone!"

Niki smiled and waved to her friends, "Good bye, guys. Leonard, tell Penny I said I will see her later, okay?"

Leonard merely nodded, aware of the secret code being used by his friends to hide their relationship. From what he had seen today, he had to say that his wife had been spot on with suggesting that idea to his friends.

As Sheldon, NIki, and their intern headed for the door, Leonard, Howard, and Raj heard Merla exclaim, "Hey, we're kinda like the Three Musketeers, aren't we?"

Sheldon and Niki both shuddered.

At the end of the work day, Sheldon and Niki bid Merla goodbye without encouraging her to ask for a ride home. They walked to Niki's car and for the first time, Sheldon offered to drive home. He put the key into the ignition, but before Sheldon started the car, he turned to Niki, took her hand and told her, "I don't know how much longer I can sit by and watch Merla disrespect our friends and you. I try to keep calm, but Niki, I sometimes have such anger for her welling up inside me I can barely contain it. I am very afraid that one day, I will hurt the girl."

Niki squeezed his hand and gave him a sweet smile. "Sheldon, can we talk about Merla later? There's nothing we can do about her right this minute and I want to enjoy being the passenger for the ride home. This is thrilling me no end. So let's enjoy this moment and worry about that little tart another time."

Sheldon nodded and started the car. "Agreed. Are you ready for me to be your chauffeur, little lady?"

Niki gave him a huge grin and settled back into her seat. She was so proud of Sheldon and she wanted to enjoy every second of this ride home. The Sheldon sitting in the driver's seat bore scant resemblance to the arrogant, aloof, and judgmental man she had met that day with Raj. It had only been a little over six months, but she felt as if she had known and loved Sheldon Cooper her entire life. From what his friends had told her, the Sheldon she had met that day was also very far removed from the man they had known years prior. Niki shrugged to herself. Life was a learning and growing process. God knows she was a far different person than she had been when married to Paul. Maybe change kept one from becoming stale and old. She smiled faintly at that thought, and then relaxed and let Sheldon guide the car home.

Sheldon opened their front door and they both collapsed on the couch. It has been a long, trying, and eventful day for both of them and their body language displayed full proof of that. They both closed their eyes and remained silent for several minutes. The only way you would have been able to tell that they were even aware of the person next to them was that their hands were entwined and one or the other gave a squeeze occasionally.

Eventually, their eyes opened and they turned to look at each other. "What time are we due at Leonard and Penny's?" Niki asked.

"I believe she said 7:30. I suppose we should start getting ready. I don't believe we have time to shower, but I do believe a change of clothes is appropriate."

Niki agreed with him, "Okay, I'll just wear my black dress pants and a nice top. Maybe my red one."

Sheldon pleaded with her, "No, Niki. Please wear your blue one, the one that you wore the first time you met Leonard and Penny. I love that blouse on you."

Niki smiled and answered him, "Fine. The blue one it is. I wonder what we're going to have for dinner."

Sheldon began to lay out his clothes for the evening and answered her, "Does it matter? It's the company we really value, is it not? All the same, let us hope it is not Thai again."

Niki ran a comb through her hair and checked her makeup, "Right again, Cooper. Sometimes you're handy to have around."

They arrived at the Hofstadter apartment precisely at 7:30, as per Sheldon's usual habit. Penny greeted them and motioned them to come inside. "Have a seat and make yourself at home. Leonard's on the phone talking to his dad in the other room. He should be out in a couple of minutes."

Niki went up to Penny and hugged her while Sheldon made his way to the couch, "Thank you for taking Sheldon to get his license this morning, and thank you and Leonard for helping him practice his driving. God knows I couldn't do it. I suck at teaching people to drive. I was assigned a Driver's Ed class when I taught high school and I only lasted a week before I drove the students crazy and was replaced."

Penny hugged her back and answered her, "Hey, we were glad to do it. Think about it, Sheldon is now driving!" The two ladies then joined Sheldon on the couch. "Hey, Mr. Driver Man, how's it going?" she greeted Sheldon. "Nik, did you know he got a perfect score on his driving test?"

Niki turned and gave her love an affectionate smirk, "I'm not surprised. Sheldon excels at just about everything he tries."

He pointed at Niki, "Penny, now do you see why I fell in love with this woman? She is very appreciative of my many talents."

Penny noticed something in their interchange that bothered her, but she decided to keep it to herself. "So, how goes the intern? Leonard gave me an earful about her and she sounds hella rude."

Niki nodded and studied the ring on her finger intently, "Yep, that about sums it up. It's hard to keep our relationship from her, also. She just idolizes Sheldon even when he's rude to her, and she insults me even when I try to be nice."

Penny eyes went wide, but danced with mirth, "Sheldon? Rude? I'm shocked! No, really. It sounds like she's totally cramping your style."

Sheldon gave his pretty friend a look that took all the light out of her eyes and replaced it with worry, "It's not just that, Penny. She is greatly interrupting our progress. With constantly having to correct her work or explain the most basic of physics laws and equations to her, our research has, for the most part, stalled since she has been 'helping' us." Sheldon once again used air quotes to make his point.

Niki gave Penny a sad look, "The man speaks the truth. He gives her data to organize or equations to apply to the simplest of problems and she always gets it wrong."

Sheldon sadly shook his head, "Her capacity for being incorrect appears to be infinite."

Niki rubbed her temples as if in pain, "If I hear Sheldon say, 'Actually, no, but somewhat correct' one more time, I think I'm going to blow chunks . I still think her uncle got her this position. The truth is, it is more than likely she has spent very little time in an actual graduate level physics class."

Sheldon shook his head and responded with some anger in his voice, "You give her way too much credit, Niki. I would say she has spent little time in a high school physics class. Niki told me the girl informed her that she had never used Plank's Constant. That is taught at the undergraduate level. The depth of her ineptitude is mind blowing."

Penny had been studying the body language of her two friends. As a trained actress, she knew that whenever a person was suppressing something, it would come out eventually, most generally in the way their body interacted with, and responded to, others close to them. She looked at both of them and phrased her words carefully, "Would you guys mind if I asked you a few questions? I may be able to help you with your intern problem."

Sheldon gave Penny a kind, but condescending look, "Let me see if I understood this correctly, you are going to help us? Penny, that is very nice of you, but really…"

Niki cut him off sharply, "Sheldon, let her talk. Maybe she can help us and maybe she can't, but she's our friend and I want to hear what she has to say."

Sheldon backed down, somewhat embarrassed by his outburst, "Very well. Proceed."

Penny's first question was for her girlfriend, "Okay, question number one. Niki, when you guys are at work, do you ever think of Sheldon kissing you?"

Niki almost laughed, "Of course I do."

"And do parts of your body get, shall we say, warm, when you have those thoughts?"

Niki's face went beet red, "Well, yeah."

Penny continued, her tone serious, not teasing, "Do you ever think of him touching you and vice versa?"

"From time to time."

Penny probed further, "Does he ever touch you and kiss you at work?"

Niki looked toward her friend and answered, "He used to, before Merla."

Penny nodded soberly and turned to Sheldon, "Okay. Now, my dear, do you ever think of Niki kissing you while you're at work?"

He answered her in a calm voice, "Sometimes, yes."

Penny's next question was far more personal, "Do parts of your body 'react' when you think of kissing Niki?"

Sheldon's head reared up and his nostril's flared in indignation, "That's a bit personal, don't you think? I don't see how that has anything to do with Merla or our research."

Penny put a hand softly on his knee to calm him, "Work with me here, Sweetie, it's all for a good cause. Now, I repeat, do parts of your body react to the idea of kissing Niki?"

His face went scarlet, also, "If you must know, yes."

She ignored his embarrassment and continued with her questioning, "Sheldon, do you ever think of touching her and vice versa? I'm not talking about when you're in the middle of your research, I know nothing but physics gets in your noggin then, same with her." She pointed to Niki. "I mean, you know, when you take a break. Do you ever think of running your hands down her body or copping a feel?"

His eyes telegraphed a warning that she had gone too far, "Penny! That is an inappropriate question."

Penny calmly replied, "Good cause, Sheldon, remember?"

"If you must know, quite often."

She was very close to making her point, so she quickly asked a follow up question, "Now, do you ever touch and kiss Niki at work?"

He nodded, "Of course. When the time is right."

"How about since Merla started hanging with you guys?"

He shook his head, "No. Not as often at all."

Penny now zeroed in on the point she knew she needed to make, "Now, Sheldon, don't you want to anymore? Because let me be blunt and tell you guys what I've noticed. Nik, there was a time in the past when I doubted Sheldon had ever had a hard on. These past few months, it's strange to think of him without one. You guys are the touchiest, feeliest, couple I know. He kisses your hair, you stroke his cheek, and you guys hold hands all the time, you guys can't even watch TV without touching each other. Am I wrong?"

Sheldon answered her in a small voice, his mind already at work, "No, I find you correct on all points you have made."

Penny aimed and fired, "Okay. What's stopping you from doing that now? Look at you two. There is actually six inches of space between you. I haven't seen that in months. Merla's not here now. How come you two aren't all over each other like white on rice?"

They turned and looked at each other in shock. Penny was right. They were sitting on the couch like they had when they were mere friends. It was a troubling revelation for both of them.

Penny pressed, "Well, why aren't you?"

Niki answered in a confused voice, "I don't know, Penny. Mental block, maybe?"

Penny jumped up excitedly and pointed a finger at them both, "Exactly! Caused by everyone's least favorite person. She's keeping you guys from being yourselves even when she's not here. Answer me honestly, either of you. Have you guys made love since Merla came into your lives?"

Niki answered hesitantly, "Well, it has only been two days…"

Sheldon tried to evade answering the question in an indirect manner, "Define what you meant by 'made love'…"

Penny stared hard at both of them, "No, huh?"

Niki hung her head, "No, huh."

Penny's voice once more became kind and caring, "Why not? You guys are the horniest couple I know. Or at least you used to be. Here's what I've figured out. Listen up. You guys are handling this all wrong. From what Leonard told me about what happened at lunch, you aren't dealing with an evil witch or a love-besotted young girl, you're merely dealing with a spoiled brat whose middle name is Entitlement. Much like yours used to be, Sheldon. She doesn't care who she hurts or how. So, why hide your relationship from her? You guys are going crazy trying to do that. Just be yourselves. What's the worst that could happen? She tells her uncle you two are in love? You two are equals in the eyes of the school. Just what is the crime there? Niki is not a student and Sheldon, you are not a professor. You are research partners. As long as you don't do the nasty in public, you're not doing anything criminal. I say go for it and let the little chit suffer. Now, we have to come up with a plan to get her good." She gave an evil chuckle, "I love a good revenge story. Say, are you guys going to the annual University Welcoming Picnic next weekend? You know the one where they welcome all the incoming freshmen?"

"Not that I know of, at least we hadn't planned on it. You hate those kinds of things, don't you?" Niki turned and asked Sheldon.

"Almost as much as being ill."

Penny crossed her arms in front of her, "Too bad, you are going now and Sheldon, you are going to invite the little bitch to go with you as your date."

His look was total confusion, "I'm not following you."

Penny beckoned Sheldon and Niki to come closer and began to outline her plan on a piece of paper. The grins on their faces became wider the more Penny wrote. "Don't worry," she said to them, "I'm gonna get Raj and Howard in on this, as well. Maybe Stuart, too. It will be fun. Just watch."

Sheldon's face suddenly turned sober, "You forgot one thing, Penny."

She looked up briefly from her writing, "What's that?"

"What if she gets angry and tells Siebert or Human Resources I sexually harassed her? That has been done before."

Penny addressed his concern in a practical voice, "Yeah, okay, Sheldon. She's probably going to get pissed off and then what? She's gonna say you came on to her? You grabbed her privates? Propositioned her? Let's get real here. Outside of those of us in the know, not one person on that entire campus has ever seen you act in a sexual way to anyone. Have they?"

He shook his head once more, "Not that I'm aware of."

"Look, sex and Dr. Sheldon Cooper are foreign concepts to each other in the minds of most people at the school. So relax about that. She may just do what you said, but who's gonna believe her? Nobody, that's who. Rest easy, my friend. Besides, Sheldon, done right, this will be wicked, wicked, fun"

Niki began to smile and grinned at him, "Like the lady said, Honey, relax. This will be fun!"

At that moment, Leonard emerged from the bedroom and greeted both of them with, "Are you guys going to be busy tomorrow night?"

Sheldon turned to address his friend, glad for the diversion, "No, Leonard, not that I know of. Why do you ask?"

"Because Alfred and Mary just invited all of us out to dinner tomorrow after Penny's finished for the night, that's why."

Sheldon gave an exasperated sigh, "What is my mother up to now? Is she going to inform us she has signed up for a twerking class?"

This time it was Niki who rolled her eyes, "Sheldon, for the last time, let the pole incident go."

He sighed in defeat, "If you say so. Okay, Leonard, what is the significance of this invitation?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow at work. Right now, it's time to eat." The doorbell rang, "And there is our dinner."

Niki looked at Leonard, sniffed the air, and gave a crooked smile, "Let me guess, Thai?"

"You got it. I know how much you guys like Thai food."

Sheldon put his arm around Niki and tried to sound enthusiastic, as though they hadn't eaten Thai the night before, "That sounds…fabulous, Leonard! We can hardly wait to dig in, right Niki?"

"Right. Thanks, Leonard." She whispered in Sheldon's ear, "Let's hope Alfred and Mary hate Thai."

He put his lips close to her ear whispered back, "Agreed."

Sheldon unlocked the door to their apartment and he and Niki entered and sat down at the breakfast bar. He grabbed Niki's hand and asked her, "What do think of Penny's plan? I must admit, it has its merits, but will it actually produce the desired results?"

Niki chuckled softly, "I don't know if it will work or not, but it sounds like a whole lot of fun. Just think, we get to fuck with her mind instead of vice versa. I like that part."

Sheldon made a lazy outline of her breast with his finger and grinned at her, "What about the picnic? What do you think about her plan concerning that?"

"To be honest, I don't like the part about you asking her to the picnic. That could backfire on you if she did file a harassment charge. Why don't we tweak it a bit and you invite both of us?"

His hand crept under her blouse and wandered, "Yes, I much prefer your idea. The rest, though?"

She stifled a moan, "You mean at the picnic or in the office?"

His other hand joined the first, "Both, actually."

Niki leaned in and nibbled his ear, pressing her body closer to his, "Sheldon, for the first time since I've met the girl I am looking forward to working with her tomorrow. This will be a gas! Now, shall we take a shower and prepare for bed?"

Sheldon nodded and followed her into their bathroom. About ten minutes later, her voice rang out from the shower, "Sheldon Cooper, you were telling the truth; parts of your body do react when we are kissing!"

Was Penny correct in her evaluations? Where does everybody go from here?