AN – Thank you all SO MUCH for helping me get to 2000 reviews. I'm freaking ecstatic. This chapter is about 1000 words longer than the rest. I wanted to make it even longer, but I fail. I hope you enjoy this.

Best review last chapter FolsomBoogie, for pointing out where else could we give Emmett a water gun but in fanfiction?! It's true and it made me laugh so hard. I wrote that part as just a bit of comic relief and I'm so glad everyone found it so funny.

Enough of my rambling, on with the chapter.

Bella's POV

The next few days passed quickly. I didn't know where the time went, but at 3a.m. on Thursday morning I found myself waking up as Charlotte's cries began. Sighing, I slid out of bed and fed her silently, not wanting to wake Edward. Eventually Charlotte was quiet and her eyes drooping as sleep began to take over again. Smiling in contentment, I placed her in the crib and walked to the bathroom. I was happy that the bleeding was starting to slow, but it still required multiple trips to the bathroom. I began to wonder how Edward could've touched me that day while I was bleeding so profusely. I suppose he wasn't fazed by it. I sat on the edge of the bathtub and put my face in my hands.

Even with Edward's constant reassurances that he was there if I needed to talk, I still found it difficult to broach the subject of loneliness. Something just told me he wouldn't understand. Amazingly, I wasn't tired, so I walked back into the room, grabbed my diary, and left the room to sit in the barely used nursery. I began to write a list of things I wanted to talk about in the session with Elizabeth later today.

The feelings of emptiness and loneliness made the top of the list, followed by my inappropriate frustration and anger when Edward said and did little things. I know he meant nothing bad by them, if anything, he thought they would help. But telling me that I was doing better sometimes made me feel like I had something to live up to the next day, and the day after that. I felt tears start to fall as I wrote about feeling so isolated, even though I felt suffocated at the same time. I stopped writing and snapped my diary shut as I heard footsteps just outside the door, and a soft knock on the nursery door. I wiped my cheeks, trying to hide the evidence of my tears and softly said "yeah?"

The door opened gently, and Edward walked in looked at me worriedly.

"Are you ok?" he asked walking toward me. I nodded and held up the diary.

"I was just writing down some things that I want to talk about today... you know... with Elizabeth there..."

Edward bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. I knew that he almost wished I could just talk to him without having to use a psychologist as a mediator of sorts, but at the same time I knew he was just thankful that we'd be talking about something.

"Ok... are you coming back to bed?"

I resisted the urge to yell at him. I know it was irrational to be angry about something so simple, but at the moment I just wanted to be writing this down. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself.

"I'll be in soon, ok?"

Edward seemed to get the hint, and leaned in to kiss my head gently. "Ok, love. Take your time..." With that, he left the room. Despite my internal willing for him to leave, suddenly to room seemed even emptier than it did before. It was almost metaphorical. Like the room was telling me if I keep pushing people away, eventually I'll just end up completely alone.

Great, Bella. Now the room is telling you things. That's fantastic.

I sat by myself, staring at the beautiful, unused, room that I was sitting in. Minutes passed, and slowly I felt myself starting to grow tired. Eventually my eyes started to droop, and my body was begging me to return to the safe, warm confines of my bed.

"Fuck it," I muttered to myself. I picked up my diary and pen and walked back to the bedroom. Glancing at the bedside clock, I saw it was now closer to 4a.m. I'd been up for an hour without realising the time had passed. If you were to ask me, I would've said it had been ten minutes, maybe fifteen.

I placed my diary and pen on the bedside table, and slid carefully into the bed. Immediately I felt Edward's warm arm wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to him in my sleep.

Maybe he is just worried I'll leave. Maybe even in his sleep he's scared I'll disappear. Maybe... maybe he does understand a little bit...

I drifted off into an uneasy slumber, tossing and turning with dreams that did nothing. Nothing happened. In them I was just standing still, outside, looking up. The sky was black; there was nothing around me as far as the eye could see. No trees, no houses, nothing. I woke again once just after six to feed Charlotte, and then continued to beg my mind to let me sleep.

Eventually 8a.m. came around, and Edward woke. I feigned sleep as he brushed a lock of hair from my face and gently stroked my cheek. Eventually he left the bed with a sigh, and I heard the shower turn on. Edward showered quickly and came back in the room to dress. Minutes later he walked out of the door, leaving it slightly ajar behind him. Something he didn't normally do.

I sat up in bed looked over to the crib to see my daughter, sleeping soundly, wrapped up lightly. I was glad that she didn't seem to be dreaming of monsters yet, if she was dreaming at all. Something about knowing her mind was peaceful made me feel lighter, and I found a small smile gracing my face, despite my otherwise emotionally and physically exhausted body.

I heard the door push open again, and looked to see Edward walking in with two steaming mugs, and a plate resting on top of one of them. His skills at balancing things never ceased to amaze me. I would've tripped up the stairs or dropped the plate already. Upon seeing I was awake, Edward smiled at me and walked over.

"Hot chocolate for you..." he placed the plate free mug next to me on the bedside table. "And... chocolate chips muffins!" He grinned at me like the Cheshire cat, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Chocolate chip muffins and hot chocolate for breakfast?"

Edward nodded sheepishly. "I thought you'd like a muffin. Esme must've baked them last night. I snatched two before Emmett woke up."

Smiling at his thoughtful gesture, I picked up the hot chocolate and brought the mug to my lips, taking a tiny sip. It was still boiling, and burning my tongue would ruin the good mood that seemed to be rising.

"What are you drinking?" I asked, already knowing the probable answer.

"Coffee... Sorry love..." Edward smiled apologetically at me. I'd been craving coffee since Charlotte's birth, but knew it wasn't a great idea to drink it whilst breastfeeding. Scowling playfully at him, I picked up one of the muffins and took a bite.

"Mmm..." Edward had warmed them up, and the chocolate chips had melted, making them run into my mouth.

"Good?"

I nodded at Edward, taking another sip of my hot chocolate. "Delicious... thank you..." I said softly, looking at the plate.

"That's ok, love. Sorry you couldn't have coffee."

I shrugged and took another sip. "At least the caffeine addiction is way out of my system now," I said, grinning.

"True. So what time is this appointment again?"

"Um... 11... So we should leave here at 10:30... Are we bringing Charlotte?"

"Would you like to?"

The thought of being away from Charlotte today scared, and so I nodded slowly. "I... I'm not sure I can leave her... not today..."

Edward nodded his understanding, and leaned in to hug me. But, as if on cue, Charlotte's cries filled the room, begging for the attention of her mommy and daddy. Attention that was taking away from the little time we got to spend together in the first place.

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Edward and I made our way through the hospital doors, Charlotte in my arms, refusing to sleep. I think she could sense my apprehension, and it worried her too. I was glad we had 10 minutes to spare, because making our way to the psychology department proved more difficult this time around. Apparently hospitals enjoyed confusing patients.

Eventually we found ourselves knocking on Elizabeth's office door. A few seconds later, Elizabeth opened the door.

"Edward, I assume." She held out her hand with a smile on her face before she turned to me.

"And this must be the little one."

I nodded, and Elizabeth peered over to look at Charlotte's face, grinning. "She is a beauty isn't she?" I smiled back.

"She is indeed."

"Ok, come in." Elizabeth walked in and held the door opened for us before closing it again.

Edward sat next to me on the couch, awkwardly looking around. I could tell this wasn't his thing, but I really was glad he was coming along anyway.

"Ok, how about we start with a little bit about you two..." Elizabeth looked between Edward and me. "How long have you been together?"

"Nearly four years now," Edward answered quickly. I knew he could probably tell her the exact amount of days. It was just something Edward was good at. He kept track of the time more closely than I did. I'd almost missed our three year anniversary because I didn't realise the date.

"That's a long time for a young couple. And you're engaged now?"

I nodded. "We've started planning the wedding, although a date isn't set as of yet."

"Ok. So how have the past few days been for you, Bella?"

Into the psych shit now.

"They've been... okay, I suppose. I've had my ups and downs, but I'm still here aren't I?"

"And it's great that you're still around. I'm happy that you decided to come to this appointment today. What about you, Edward?" Elizabeth looked at Edward. "How have you been coping the past week?"

"I've been doing okay as well. I mean... it's been hard, ups and downs, as Bella said. But I'm coping alright."

"So is there anything is particular you'd like to talk about today?" Elizabeth asked.

"Actually, I wrote a few things down. Edward, would you be able to hold Charlotte for a minute?"

Edward grinned and gently lifted her from my arms. Charlotte started to stir, but Edward quickly calmed her. Reaching into my handbag, I pulled out my diary, opening it, and glancing over the list.

"I suppose a good place to start would be emotional stuff..." I ran my finger along the line describing how I've been feeling. I'd like to explain to Edward some of these things. I realise we haven't been very good at talking to each other about it, mainly because I'm scared to."

Elizabeth nodded. "I think that'd be a good place to start too. Perhaps you'd like to first tell Edward why you're scared to talk to him about these things?"

"Well..." I thought for a moment. Why am I scared to tell him? Is there something in particular? "I suppose that I'm just scared that he won't understand. That he..."

"That I won't understand?!" Edward exclaimed incredulously.

Elizabeth shot a look between us, possibly trying to decide if she needed to intervene. Edward looked at me, his eyes full of disbelief.

"Edward, please; just let Bella talk." Elizabeth shot Edward a stern look, before turning back to me and smiling. "Bella, Edward does have a point though. Perhaps you should explain to him just how you feel..."

Taking a deep breath I tried to calm myself, yet again. Edward wanted to know, he wanted to understand, and I wanted to tell him.

"Edward, I want you to understand. I want to tell you, I really do. I'm just scared that it's too much. I'm scared... I'm scared that you'll run."

"Ok... but I promise there is nothing in this world that could make me run from you." Edward looked into my eyes, and I saw that he believed his words. But how could he be so sincere when he didn't know what I thought, what I felt?

"Ok, so let's move onto something you want to tell him, Bella. Maybe you could start with your feelings about being a new mom?"

I nodded, reading my diary again. My words were clearer when I wrote them down. This was going to be hard enough without having to explain myself again and again, trying to make what I was saying make sense.

"I'm scared, frustrated, upset, and tired. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so over my head in everything. I feel like I'm drowning, and no one is coming to save me." I kept my eyes focused on the page, avoiding looking at Edward. I didn't want him to see the pain in my eyes, even though this session was about opening up. I suppose that most of all, I didn't want to see the pain in his eyes. I didn't want more guilt. I couldn't handle that.

"Do you want someone to save you?" Elizabeth asked.

Do I? Do I want to be saved or do I just want to drown? I couldn't give an answer. I didn't know. I knew I wanted the feelings to stop. I also knew that there were days I wish Edward would sweep me up off my feet and make everything better. But I also knew that I had to do most of this myself. I had to be my own strength, because other people's strength only lasts so long. I couldn't bring everyone else down with me.

I whispered, "I don't know..."

"The other day you said you want to get better. Is that still the case?"

I nodded. I definitely wanted that. "Yes, but I don't know how. And I don't want to bring everyone down with me if it doesn't work."

"I would prefer to be on the ground with you than looking down from above knowing I'm powerless. I want to help Bella. Please just let me..." I brought my eyes up to meet Edward's. He was glancing between Charlotte, asleep in his arms, and me. "I know you think you're no good with Charlotte, but you should see yourself with her. You're amazing. She is quieter with you than with anyone else."

"Bella, would you like Edward to tell you how he feels when he sees you upset?"

I nodded again.

"Edward?" Elizabeth prompted.

"Well... it breaks my heart. You've always been so full of life, so... accepting of everything that happens. You were always my strength, when I was weak. Now all I want to do is help you, but you won't let me. It hurts. But what's worse is that I don't know what to do to help if you do let me." Edward's voice was soft, and I could hear the tears threatening to fall. My gaze dropped again to Charlotte as I spoke.

"We can work on that... I just don't want you to do everything. I still want to be able to do some of this on my own... I need to help myself as well."

"Do you have any ideas on how Edward could help?"

"Well... what he did this morning was really sweet. He brought me breakfast in bed; chocolate chip muffins and a hot chocolate. It cheered me up... just small gestures like that; but not all the time. Because a thousand small gestures feel... suffocating. The other night you picked up Charlotte when she was crying, and you let me sleep. That was nice... Like I said, little things make all the difference."

"Ok." Edward's voice was laced with sadness. I knew it hurt him to know he couldn't make me feel better with a snap of his fingers. Maybe....

Charlotte's cry broke through and stopped my thoughts. Edward tried rocking her to quiet her but her cries continued.

"She needs to be fed..." I said. "I'll just take her outside for a bit. Would you like to stay here, Edward?" I asked, silently hoping he would.

"I'd like to have a talk with Edward while you do that, if you don't mind?" Elizabeth said. I nodded, and took Charlotte gently from Edward's arms.

"Is there a room around or something I can do this in?" I really didn't like the idea of breastfeeding in public. I know a lot of women did that, and honestly, I thought it was amazing. I could barely stomach the thought of Edward looking at my breasts, let alone hundreds of strangers walking the corridors of this hospital.

"Oh, yes. If you walk down the corridor, to the left there's a restroom for mothers."

I smiled, and stood to walk out the door.

I found the restroom and sat on a vinyl chair. Flicking the latch on my bra, I held Charlotte up and she latched on quickly.

"It's a bit scary in there isn't it?" I whispered to her as she suckled.

Edward's POV

"So how are you coping with this session, Edward?" Elizabeth asked me. "You seem a bit uncomfortable."

"I'm just worried of saying the wrong thing," I replied, already missing the feel of Bella by my side.

"It's better that you be open than to just say what you think Bella wants to hear. You'd be surprised. A lot of the time people just want to hear the truth."

"But I'm scared that the truth, that telling her just how much I was worried, would upset her even more. I don't want to push her even deeper."

"How are you handling everything? Truthfully."

"I find looking after Charlotte easy enough. Sometimes I get frustrated and tired. Sometimes I want to scream. But most of the time, I'm just marvelling at how Bella and I created a being so beautiful."

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The session with Elizabeth finished soon after Bella came back. We were both under instructions to talk to each other when we felt upset or if something was worrying us. I couldn't stop thinking about the sadness in Bella's eyes as she had admitted how she was feeling.

The next few days passed quickly. We set a date for the wedding. April 10th. Esme was ecstatic that we had decided to have the wedding here, and was planning the rearrangement of furniture for the reception already. It would be spring, so Bella and I hoped we could have the wedding in the garden. Bella and I brought in the New Year, 2010, vowing to be honest with each other, no matter what comes, and I knew we would both keep our pact.

I woke on the morning of the 1st of January to a sheet of snow covering everything outside. The window sill was white, and the glass fogged up. It was one of those days that you just wanted to stay in bed and hold the one you loved. Bella woke not long after I did. Of course, Charlotte quickly followed. By 10a.m. Bella and I were sitting on the nursery floor, Charlotte lying between us in her little bassinet staring up at the mobile turning and playing an unidentifiable lullaby.

"Perhaps... maybe it's time that Charlotte sleeps in here?" I broached the subject gently, knowing that if I was apprehensive about it, Bella was likely to be ten times as much.

My worried were confirmed as Bella answered, "But what if she cries? What if she needs us Edward?"

"We have a baby monitor. We'll be able to hear. She'll be just two doors down the hallway from us."

"Edward... I don't know. I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet."

Bella had made progress over the past few days, but it was clear to anyone that the anxiety and depression still loomed, threatening to break her down at any moment. For this reason, and the fact I was reluctant to be separated from Charlotte myself, I decided to leave the conversation for the moment.

"Okay... but we both know it has to happen sometime, Bella," I said gently.

She nodded. "I know, Edward. Just not yet, please..."

AN – The story is drawing to a close. We're in the home stretch now, with probably another 5 or 6 chapters to go.

Please review. Review=Teaser, and I love every single review I get. I tried to think of a witty analogy, but once again failed.

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