PIRMU (Prison Is Really Messed Up)
Summary: Randy and Howard get send to prison on a remote island called Prison Island for Criminal Youths after innocently downloading a song from the internet. It's up to the ninja to create a prison riot and regain their freedom.
A/N: Sorry if the end seemed rushed. It's been five months since I've last updated.
A/N: Part one of "Music from the Heart" was supposed to be in this chapter, but a computer crash occurred and it completely deleted the finished first part of "Music from the Heart". So until the first part can be redone, "Music from the Heart" will be postponed until further notice. Sorry about it, Stinkfly3
Howard looks at the cold, slightly damp ceiling of his prison cell. Not as comfortable as his bedroom back home. Heck, his own bed is a lot softer and more comfortable than that itching, cold, uncomfortable bunk bed that was provided for his cell. Speaking of uncomfortable bunk beds, at least whoever's running the place has a least the heart to let him and Randy be roommates. Just the thought of either one of them getting separated and be forced to share a cell with different roommates just seems ... scary. What if their new roommates are thugs, murderers, drug-dealers or rapists? That would not be bruce for either teens.
Speaking of Randy, Howard had heard the purple-haired teen playing the harmonica in the top bunk. It almost sounded sad, as if they have no hope left for either one of them. Howard doesn't mind Randy playing the sad harmonica. Usually, from what he knows of before, harmonicas are generally common instruments in prison. They're supposed to symbolize the fact that all hope is lost when you're thrown into prison, whether you committed a crime or not.
Sadly, these boys were thrown into prison, and neither one of them committed a serious crime.
"Remember when life used to be cool and free, Cunningham?" Howard asked Randy.
Randy stops playing the harmonica for a moment. "Not really. Life hasn't been cool and free in the first place."
Randy continues to play the harmonica and before Howard knew it, he heard a lot of banging on the cell bars. He looks away from the ceiling and looks at a buff, drill-sergeant-like, nasty police officer whose got small, angry brown eyes and a huge chin in the shape of a person's butt. Just thinking about the butt chin made Howard snicker a little. But the police officer paid no attention to Howard; he was focused on Randy playing the harmonica. He bangs the cell bar again with his stick which finally stops Randy from playing the harmonica. Randy didn't yelp at the noise. Instead, he stops playing and calmly puts the harmonica down.
"No music in this prison." The police officer told Randy with a drill-sergeant-like voice that made the prisoners scared and unwillingly to obey him without questions asked.
"What the fuck?" Howard cursed at the police officer.
"No swearing in this prison!" the police officer yelled at Howard this time.
"I can swear if I want too, you big asshole with an ass for a chin!" Howard talked back at the police officer.
The police officer grabs Howard by the collar of his prison uniform and pulls him closer to the bars.
"Now listen here, you little punk." The police officer threatened Howard. "We've got orders in this prison, and I expect you two to follow them and obey them at all times."
"Oh yeah? What about freedom of speech, asshole?" Howard cried. "We have rights too!"
The police officer whacks Howard on the head again. "OW!"
"Not anymore you don't." The police officer replied as he lets go of Howard's shirt. "A new law has been made last week and no one but the rich and powerful have their own rights anymore."
"So all of a sudden, America stops being the Land of Free and becomes the Land of Corporate Greed from now on?" Randy asked the police officer with disbelief. "So we can't do anything? We can't express ourselves for what we believe in? We can't say whatever we want? We're just gonna let greedy millionaires and powerful authority figures control our lives and future from now on?"
"You got that right, kid." The police officer replied to Randy before looking at Howard with a mean glare. "You should take notes from your friend over there. He seems to know what's going on here."
"Fuck off." Howard cursed at the police officer who whacks Howard on the head with a stick. "Ow!"
"No swearing!" the police officer yelled at Howard again before walking away from the boy's cell.
"Smartass." Howard whispers a swear word while rubbing his bruised head. "How did we end up here in the first place?"
"I think it has something to do with downloading a song from the internet." Randy replied. "Last time I downloaded a song before everything went downhill, it was okay to do so."
"Yeah, but when we downloaded a song that we wanted to do a cover of for our band gig yesterday, look where it fucking put us?" Howard yelled.
Unfortunately for Howard, the police officer with a butt chin returns and whacks Howard on the head with a stick. "Ow!"
"No swearing in this prison." The police officer told Howard.
"Fuck you asshole!" Howard cursed at the police officer again. This earns him another whack in the head. "Ow!"
Howard was about to swear again when Randy silences his friend.
"Don't." Randy warned Howard as they watch the police officer walk away from their cell.
As soon as the police officer is out of their sight, Randy removes his hand from Howard's mouth. Unfortunately for Randy, Howard just won't keep his swears to himself.
"Fuck the police! FUCK EVERYONE!"
This time, Randy whacks Howard in the head with a harmonica.
"Ow! What the fuck was that for?" Howard asked Randy. Randy whacks Howard in the head again. "Ow!"
"Seriously Howard. You've just become a man of a thousand swears." Randy replied.
"Well, don't blame my big fucking mouth. Blame the fucking law!" Randy whacks Howard in the head again. "Ow! Will you stop that?"
"Will you stop swearing from now on?" Randy asked Howard.
"Fuck no! I can swear whenever and wherever I want! I have fucking rights too!" Howard cursed again. Randy signs as he whacks Howard in the head once more. "Ow!"
()()()()()
Much later, Randy and Howard are at the prison cafeteria where they saw thousands of prisoners who, for some reason, are all teenagers.
"At least we're not in prison with older prisoners." Randy said to Howard.
"Yeah, that would've been fucking terrifying, having to deal with pedophiles who want to fuck us in our sleep." Howard replied with twp foul word in his sentences. Unfortunately for him, a police officer whacks Howard in the head with a stick. "Ow!"
"No swearing." The police ordered Howard as he whacks both Randy and Howard by their backs.
"Ow!" Randy and Howard yelped in pain.
"He didn't fucking swear!" Howard yelled at the police officer. "So stop fucking beat him you big asshole."
Howard gets more whacks in the head and a few more on his back. "OW!"
"Get moving!" the police officer ordered both Randy and Howard as he whacks them both again by their backs, forcing them to move forward until they reached an empty table. They saw two bowls that have some kind of gray mush inside.
"That looks like shit, man." Howard complained about the food. The police officer whacks Howard in the head again. "Ow!"
"No swearing!" The police officer ordered Howard. "Sit!"
Randy and Howard obeyed and took their seats.
"Eat."
"No fucking way, dude. It looks like shit." Howard refused. Another whack on the head for swearing. "Ow!"
"Eat."
This time, Howard and Randy obeyed as they, unwillingly, eat their meals in such a fast pace. But this caused them to get whacked in the heads.
"Hey! We're fucking eating like you said asshole!" Howard yelled. Another whack in the head. "OW!"
"Eat slowly." The police officer ordered Randy and Howard. "The warden doesn't want two dead kids in prison."
"Well, fuck him. It's his fucking problem, not us." Howard cursed. Another whack in the head. "Ow!"
"No swearing. Eat." The police officer ordered Randy and Howard. "Slowly."
This time, Randy and Howard eat their meals in a really slow pace. Unfortunately, this caused them to get whacked in the heads again.
"We're fucking eating this shit slowly like you said asshole!" Howard yelled at the police officer. Another whack in the head. "Ow!"
"Too slow." The police officer told Howard and Randy. "Eat faster than that."
"Fuck you asshole!" Howard just wouldn't stop swearing at the police officer. Howard receives triple whacks in the head. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"
"It'll be a lot more painful if you don't stop swearing." The police officer warned Howard.
"Well …" Instead of swearing this time, Howard gives the police officer the middle finger.
Well that's smart. Randy thought after seeing his friend giving the police officer the middle finger.
Despite not swearing this time, Howard gets whacked in the head. "Ow!"
"Offensive use of hand gesture. Move." The police officer said as he whacks Randy and Howard by their backs, forcing them to walk away from the table.
"Hey, we didn't fucking finish eating our shit!" Howard yelled. Another whack in the head. "Ow!"
"Move." The police officer demanded as he whacks the boys away from the cafeteria.
"Could this get any shittier than this?" Howard asked Randy.
Before Randy could answer, the police officer whacks Howard in the head so hard that the chubby teen fell onto the cold floor, unconscious from the fatal blow. Randy looks at Howard's body, then at the police officer.
"Well, who didn't see that one coming?"
The police officer couldn't help but give Randy a small smile as he picks up Howard's unconscious body and proceeds to walk away from the cafeteria with Randy following behind.
()()()()()
At the prison courtyard, Randy and Howard are seen sitting on the benches, watching the other teen prisoners walking miserably and talking to themselves.
"Prison sucks." Howard whined. "Like shit."
A police officer walks up to Howard and whacks him on the head with a stick. "Ow."
"No swearing." The police officer told Howard before leaving the two prisoners alone.
"So, whatever happened to the Nomicon?" Howard asked Randy. "We could really use her help right about now."
"She's at home." Randy replied. "Haven't talked to her or shloomped into her book form for a while since that Nomi!Randy incident."
"Sevres her right for trapping you in there and making your life shit." Another whack in the head by the police officer. "Ow."
"Don't you dare pin the blame on Nomicon!" Randy lectures Howard. "Whatever happened during that Nomi!Randy incident, I deserved it for being too dependent on her in the first place!"
"Well that's kinda true. But still, serves her right for making your life shit." Another whack in the head. "Ow."
"Yeah … I suppose."
Howard scratches his head. "We need to find a way to get out of this hell hole."
"There's always a prison riot." One of the prisoners told Howard. A goth boy wearing an orange prison uniform whose sleeves are ripped off.
"How do you know it'll work?" Randy asked the goth boy.
"Trust me, it'll work." The goth boy pulls out a megaphone from under his outfit and throws it at Howard.
"Where did you get this?" Howard asked the goth boy.
"You don't want to know." The goth boy replied as a purple aura surrounds him and in a blink of an eye, he disappears.
"Do you think he might have ghost powers?" Randy asked Howard.
"Who cares let's get this riot started." Howard turns on the microphone and stands on a bench. "Check one … two … check one … two … HEY YOU INMATES! DO YOU WANT A PRISON RIOT!?"
The other inmates stop whatever they were doing as they pay attention to Howard. They cheered for him.
"Fuck yeah! I want a prison riot!" Brad Buttowski yelled at Howard.
"HOW ABOUT WE START THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! GRAB ANY FUCKED UP GUARDS YOU CAN FIND AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM!"
The inmates cheered again as a horde of them gang up on unsuspecting guards and beat the shit out of them.
"VIVA LA FREEDOM! GIVE US FUCKING LIBERTY OR GIVE US FUCKING DEATH!"
"I can't believe I'm saying this but," Randy got up beside Howard and grabs the megaphone off of Howard's hand. He lets out a huge grin. "LET FUCK THIS JOINT!"
"About time, Cunningham." Howard smiled at his best friend. But their fun began to end when a couple of police guards knocked the teens out cold with their clubs.
"Take them to the warden." Said one of the police as they drag Randy and Howard's bodies out of the courtyard.
()()()()()
Melody Times: "Anarchy" performed by Cindy Buttowski and Sierra Antfee (also featuring K.C. Cooper and Bobby Buttowski):
Mellowbrook, 9:00 PM on a Friday night. A lot of kids, teenagers and adults from Mellowbrook are standing in line at the doors of a concert stadium. Among the massive line, Kendall Perkins and Avery Buttowski are seen standing in line. Whilst Avery is shown to be calm, Kendall is annoyed.
"Who'd want to see Cindy and Bobby make stupid punk music?" Kendall, in a haughty tone asked Avery. "They should be spending more time on reading, studying, do their schoolwork and be proper citizens instead of being punk rebels."
"Kendall, they're my cousin. I know you're not too fond of them, but for Kick's sakes, show them some respect." Avery lectured Kendall as she bought the tickets.
"Alright, but I'm just saying ..."
Avery and Kendall managed to find their spots as the stadium gets filled up in such a fast pace and the lights went out. Dim lights took over as the audience saw Cindy, Sierra, K.C. Cooper and Bobby on stage. Cindy is shown holding a microphone. Sierra is holding the guitar. K.C. is by the drum sets and Bobby is shown holding a bass guitar.
Then, the music plays...
Cindy: My name is Cindy, the rebel
Maroon-brunette, and I'm not dumb
I'm breaking the news now boys
Us girls we're full time gothic too!
Hey check out that ninja
Damn, he's got a big sword, powerful
It's time to get serious so now will y'all excuse me
Beat the air, I'm nasty
K.C. Cooper, can you dial N-City-2-800
Answer line, copy that, cleared the city
Cindy and Sierra: Anarchy, everyone wants to be us
Anarchy, yeah, get it up so I can see
Anarchy, let it flow wild and free
Anarchy-y-y-y-y-y, you're ready for the game
Sierra: By the way my name's Sierra
The daughter of a butt whooper
And I got sweet tooth for magic tricks
80's punk, I make good
These looks must not fool you
I got no mercy for stupid rapists
My friends they all love me cause I can get real nasty
I get high being tricky
K.C. Cooper, you keep kicking dad's butt around
Answer line, freaky cutie coming your way
Cindy and Sierra: Anarchy, everyone wants to be us
Anarchy, yeah, stand in ovation please
Anarchy, shake that thing wild and free
Anarchy-y-y-y-y-y, standing ready for the gig
Cindy: I know you know those wings inside of you
I know you know, they do get nasty too
Before I go, there's something I want to say
You sleeping anarchy ... wake it up, wake it up!
Cindy and Sierra: Anarchy, everyone wants to be us
Anarchy, yeah, get it up so I can see
Anarchy, let it flow wild and free
Anarchy-y-y-y-y-y, you're ready for the game
However, the crowd had gotten into a bloody riot and it didn't take long before the police showed up and arrested everyone in the concert, including Cindy who attacked a police officer in self-defense. Everything that had happened in the concert ended with Cindy giving the readers the middle finger before being hauled into the police van with the others.
()()()()()
"Well, well, well. If it isn't our two finest troublemakers that started the riot?" the warden, old, and gluttonous sneered at the sight of Randy and Howard being hauled into his office by the police officer, speaking in such a thick Southern accent. "How do you boys like my … hospitality?"
"Your hospitality stinks like shit." Howard cursed at the warden. A whack in the head by the police officer. "Ow."
The warden snickers. "I see that you are a man of a thousand swears, m'boy. Such a shame that you won't be cursing any creative swears in Prison Island for Criminal Youths."
"Wait? We're in Prison Island?! FUCK THIS BULLSHIT!" Howard swore again. Another whack in the head. "OW!"
"If you stop fucking swearing all the time, your head wouldn't be bruised all the time!" Randy angrily yelled at Howard. Unfortunately for Randy, he yelled out a swear word which caused the police officer to this time whack Randy in the head with a stick. "Ow."
"So the man of a thousand swears began to teach you some of his lessons?" the warden sneered at Randy as police guards grabbed the skinny prisoner by the arms. "To see that you will not be influenced by the man of a thousand swears again, I hereby sentence you to spend a whole month in solitary confinement with no food or water."
"What?!" Randy and Howard cried at the same time as the guards start hauling Randy away.
"You can't fucking do that to him, you fucking fatass! He'll die of starvation by the time the month ends." Howard yelled at the warden while unsuccessfully trying to free Randy from the guards' iron grips. "Hope you'll die of heart attack, you fucking fatass!"
The warden gasped like a drying fish. "Why I'd never. Guards! Take the prisoners away! By the end of the month, I want them separated from each other from now on!"
Two more guards grabbed Howard and pulled him away from Randy as the guards take both Howard and Randy out of the warden's office.
"NO!"
()()()()()
Minutes later, Randy was harshly thrown into a dark, windowless cell by the police officer. He slowly got up to his feet just in time to see the police officer closing the iron doors in front of him, leaving him in a cold room of darkness. He couldn't see anything in the dark. Everything was pitch-black around him. All Randy did was find a spot to sit on. Luckily for him, he felt an uncomfortable bunk bed located to his left. He sat down and buried his head into his hands.
"Remember when life used to be cool and free, Cunningham?" Howard's voice played through Randy's mind.
"Not really." Randy's own voice played through his mind. "Life hasn't been cool and free in the first place."
Randy sighed. If only he had the ninja mask with him right now.
Wait a minute … Randy thought as he takes off one of his prison shoes and then takes off his sock. His hand reached for his sock and pulls out a glowing ninja mask.
"Looks like it's time for another prison riot." Randy cried as he puts on the mask and transforms into the ninja within minutes.
()()()()()
Meanwhile in the prison courtyard …
"You inmates are to treat your authorities with great respect!" The warden gave the inmates a speech. "You are to follow our rules! You are to do what I tell you to do in this prison! Fail to obey the rules will result in great consequences. In this prison, none of you have the right to speak for your useless minds, nor do any of you have the right to do whatever you want! You follow my rules! I am GOD!"
"SMOKEBOMB!" The warden turns to his right to see the ninja standing right beside him. In his hands is a megaphone.
"HEY INMATES! LET'S GIVE THIS PRISON ANOTHER RIOT AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE!"
Much to the warden's surprise, the inmates cheered.
"Let's listen to the ninja and beat the shit out of these dillweed guards!" Brad yelled as he gives a guard a punch in the face. "Yeah Brad!"
Not believing his eyes out, the warden had seen inmates getting the best of the guards, and it's all thanks to the ninja who helped Howard up to the stand.
"You stupid, stupid ninja!" The warden yelled at the ninja. "You ruined my career."
"Yeah, but it's worth getting our freedom back." The ninja said as he throws out a smoke bomb which goes off, surrounding the ninja and Howard in a puff of red smoke. "SMOKEBOMB!"
When the smoke clear, the warden saw nothing in place of Howard and the ninja.
"Curse you, ninja!" The warden screamed as dozens of inmates began to dog-pile on the obese warden.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." K.C. stops Murray from telling his story at K.C.'s Military Antiques Shop. "You're telling me that in your dream, Randy snuck the ninja mask in his socks and told the inmates to start another riot? That seems out-of-character for him to do that."
"Well how else is he going to get out of Prison Island and restore America to the way it was before SOPA won the battle?" Murray asked K.C. who only sighs.
"When Bentley told me that you were having those weird nightmares and what would happen if SOPA won, he wasn't kidding."
Murray frowns.
"But I'll admit it was pretty entertaining on a boring Monday morning. Even through SOPA didn't get its laws passed."
Murray smiled before falling asleep again, much to K.C.'s annoyance.
"I'll get the drool bucket."
()()()()()
Extra Scene:
Randy and Howard are on the computer in Randy's room, looking for a song to download.
"Oh this song will sound great in my iPod!" Howard said gleefully.
"Uh … aren't you worried that the police might barge in and arrest us for downloading music online?" Randy asked Howard.
"Quit worrying!" Howard replied. "If the police come, you'll just go ninja and beat the shit out of them."
The Nomicon lets out an angry red glow.
"Fine, we won't beat the shit out of them."