Ugh I have been trying to upload this forever but my ratchet desert internet is giving me crap.
Okay, to the anonymous reviewer who posted the long review, I simply HAVE to respond to what you said I'm so moved.
The fact that you thought I portrayed PTSD ridden individuals well is an honor to me. I started writing this story to deal with being drugged and raped in the military in addition to my first desert deployment and the mess that it left me as a person. This story is what got me through some of my darkest moments and I am so, so happy that you think I've done a good job. Naomi, in particular is honestly, for me a metaphor on dealing with things like sexual assault, because sexual assault is really about control and power, something that Naomi had none of. When people review this story and they're like "GO BACK TO THE CHIEF" and stuff it's really hard for me because honestly writing Naomi is a lot of the struggle that I personally have been through in the last year. (No, she's not some mary-sue self insert of myself obviously, I keep her pretty in character, I feel, but we both have a lot of the same problems and issues). There is a LOT of her coming up and I know it's gonna piss some people off but what I have written of her is honestly some of the best stuff I've ever written so people will deal. Thank you so, so much for your kind words, it really warmed my heart. If that was the only review this story received, I would be happy forever. (That doesn't mean don't ever review again but yeah. Lol!). I'm also glad you liked how I portrayed her and her resentment towards Halsey. I didn't want to make each Spartan have the same opinion. They're all different people and I think Naomi was much more hurt by Halsey in some ways, or at least she felt like she was. It's interesting to me and I wanted to explore the different feelings. Kelly and Fred are kinda on the "we don't give a fuck" side of the spectrum, Naomi wants her dead and John is in the middle (if it's a spectrum).
With that long and kinda personal review response, here's the next chapter. Thank you so much for your patience and reviewing. The hours here are long and exhausting, I don't get much sleep because it's loud, but when you guys review and I get to read them it makes me so, so happy.
"Beach, beach, beach, beach, BEACH!" sang Joan excitedly running back from outside where she and Sam seemed to have been pacing outside the car in excitement.
She continued to sing that same song as they drove to the beach. John swore that he had just started blocking the chatter out.
They parked and Joan started kicking, barely able to contain her excitement.
Cortana couldn't help but laugh. "You're a really excited little girl."
She giggled and shouted her agreement.
John grabbed the blankets and their various beach accessories.
"I want to carry something too," Joan whined.
Serin and Naomi walked up to their car and waited for them to get their things together.
"You can carry something if you don't whine like that," reprimanded John.
Joan sighed and rolled her eyes.
"May I please carry something?" she said dramatically.
"No, not with that attitude, you need to be polite," said Cortana.
"Yeesh, you guys are tough," commented Serin dryly.
"She knows that John is a softie and she can get pretty much anything she wants from him and knows to take me a little more seriously, I'd like to keep it that way as long as I can," said Cortana sardonically.
"May I please carry something?" she asked more politely.
John handed her an umbrella that was at least double her height somewhat carelessly.
The little girl hefted it over her shoulder and smiled, happy to feel like she was doing something.
"Kelly where did you get Sam's swim suit it's the cutest thing I've ever seen," cooed Cortana as she spread out their large beach blanket.
It was a little one piece that was white with polka dots and blue anchors all over it.
"It was a gift from one of my squadmates on fireteam Kronos that I met up with a few days ago, I think they got it on base, see Sammy has anchors for the Navy, yaaay!," she cheered and Sam clapped her hands excitedly.
"Okay girls, come over here," said Cortana.
"Go to Aunt Cortana she has sun screen for you," Fred said to Sam.
Cortana sprayed them down and instructed them to wait five minutes until they went swimming.
Kelly took off her wrap to reveal a somewhat edgy and rather revealing one piece swimsuit with chunks cut out of it on the sides. It wrapped around her neck but had a deep cut out between her breasts that Serin had to admire–it was without a doubt a suit intended to be sexy.
Serin whistled. "Damn, Kelly that is one hell of a swimsuit."
Kelly smiled. "Thanks, I found it a few blocks from John and Cortana's place in New York and I couldn't pass it up, it's so weird, I like how it covers up the worst part of my burn on my shoulder but it has an open back so I can get some sun," she twirled around.
Naomi was still feeling a little pouty about her swimwear options. She looked at Serin who was wearing a reasonable, green two piece tankini.
"Why couldn't I wear that swimsuit and you wear this skimpy magenta monstrosity?" she sighed, begrudgingly taking off the sheer cover up.
Serin scoffed. "Because I'd fall out of it, I bought that when I was pretty fresh off of the Spartan program, I've gained plenty of weight since then, filled out other places, it's in the best interest of everybody that I don't wear that suit."
"I understand that, since I had Joan my ass has never been the same," Cortana sighed dramatically. She smiled softly at Naomi and handed her some sunscreen. "You look nice Naomi, don't worry about it."
After sun screening himself, John scooped Joan up and ran towards the ocean, Joan kicking and giggling the whole way.
"Ooh," Cortana gasped when she watched John throw Joan very high up into the air and catch her in the water.
"I really don't like it when he throws her that high," she said anxiously.
"Eh, she'll be fine," said Kelly.
"You see I know that rationally but the mother in me just keeps going 'no, no stop that!'" she chuckled.
Everyone ended up swimming.
Joan loved swimming. She liked to pretend she was a little fish. She could swim by herself now but liked to stay close to Dad and where she could touch. The water was salty but it was exciting. She had to wear a floaty belt that she didn't really care for but it was okay.
"Mom!" she called.
"Yes sweetheart?"
"Watch me do a trick!" she yelled excitedly.
"Okay I'm watching," she said looking at her.
"Dad come help," she demanded.
"Which trick do you want to do," he asked.
"The one where I stand on your shoulders," she whispered–she wanted it to be a surprise.
He crouched down underwater and Joan put her feet on his shoulders. When she was ready, he stood up to his full height.
"Look Mommy!"
Cortana felt her heart beat quickly, seeing Joan that high up and on top of her towering father's shoulders.
"That's great sweetie," she said nervously.
She's fine, she's fine, there's water if she falls she's okay.
Joan giggled.
"Dad I'm taller than you!"
"Yes you are, what's the weather like up there?" he joked.
"Sunny," she looked around for their friends swimming.
"Dad I wanna jump to the man who talks funny."
He frowned. "That's rude Joan, he just has an accent because English isn't his first language. People can talk differently," he explained. "His name is Mr. Beloi, you should ask him if you can jump to him, shout at him," he coached.
"Mr. Beloi!," she shouted. The man looked up at her. "I'm going to jump to you!"
"No Joan you should ask–"
Too late. She jumped, yelling and laughing while she did and John watched Vaz's eye's widen with shock and heard him say something in Russian as he moved to catch Joan.
Joan bobbed underwater and Vaz pulled her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and giggled, wiping her hair out of her eyes.
"That was so fun!" she splashed excitedly with one hand and kept another wrapped around his neck.
"I'm sorry," sighed John.
"No, it's fine you're a little rybka aren't you?"
"What's that?" she asked.
"It's a fish, just like The Golden Fish," he said, thinking about one of his favorite childhood stories.
"Okay, let's play pretend, Sam come over," she called.
Naomi watched Vaz and Mal play an elaborate game of pretend with the children, along with John and Cortana. Cortana was rather theatrical, pretending to be whatever the girls demanded for their scenario. It was sweet to see them having fun.
Serin laid on the beach with her eyes closed. She loved the sun on her skin and the dark tan she got with it.
"Why don't I do this more, I live in Sydney, this is fantastic," she sighed.
"Because you're busy, I have your schedule memorized," said Naomi thoughtfully.
Serin moved to her side and propped herself up on her elbow.
"How are you holding up Naomi?" she asked softly.
Naomi sighed. "I'm okay. I'm glad that we did this, I'm glad we had everyone over. It's frustrating for me because Fred and Kelly are just so…" she struggled for words.
"Willingly oblivious?" supplied Serin sarcastically.
"Exactly," agreed Naomi.
"They drank the same kool-aid we did growing up, they just don't want to shake it off. They're happy and that's what matters to them. It's not right or wrong, it just is."
"I know you're right. I just...I guess I feel envious of them, they weren't forced to confront their past like I was," she commented.
"But you met your father. You got to see where you got your eyes and hair from, and more importantly you know that someone in the world has loved you, loved you more than words can express. No one can take that away from you, not me, not Halsey, it's yours," said Serin.
Naomi sighed. She'd told herself that at least a hundred times but the sharp pain she felt made it difficult to remember. She felt grief whenever she thought of her father.
"I know. It's just hard, it's still hard every day. I wonder if I should have went with him, if I would have been happy with him. There are so many things I wish I had done, I wish I had let him hold me and I wish I remembered how he smelled, how his hands felt. I was just too shocked to even do anything like that and now I'll never get the chance again," she whispered.
"I'm happy, happier than I've ever been but simultaneously so angry and so, so sad," she finished.
"That's normal, it's all been a crazy couple of years to process. But you will, and we're here for you."
Naomi looked at Fred, Kelly and John.
"You know, as much as I do love them and will always care about them, I am so thankful for Kilo-5. I'm thankful that I have you all. It's different. I feel more like I chose to make you my family whereas the other Spartans were made my family through terrible shared experience," she chuckled. "I know you understand, I know you're a Spartan but you just get how I feel about the whole thing. I don't know how you do it, how you remain so strong."
Serin scoffed. "It's not easy and I'm not always strong. You hear me sometimes at night I'm sure."
Naomi did. Usually once a month she could hear her wake up screaming in her sleep, panicking and yelling until she woke herself up.
"Fact of the matter is it's not always easy but you do what you have to do," she said.
"I understand," she agreed. She reached over and put some more sunscreen on her pale stomach.
"You're getting some looks, surprised Vaz hasn't come over here to glare at people," Serin said raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Here, watch that group of college guys walk past us," she nodded her head at a group of five or so guys carrying beach towels and a cooler.
Naomi watched as they walked past and sure enough, one saw her out of the corner of his eye and did a double take, hit his friend on the shoulder and gestured at her, the friend looked and glanced at her from over his sunglasses.
Naomi frowned as they walked away.
"It's that 'hot Swedish model bod,' I'm telling you," she said sarcastically.
"The funny thing is, I know that if Vaz was over here they wouldn't look twice," chuckled Serin.
The notion was ridiculous to Naomi. She was more than capable of kicking anyone's ass.
"Whatever, men are stupid," she grumbled. She flipped onto her stomach. Serin chuckled
"What?," she said, clearly irritated.
"I just don't think that's going to help your cause," she said glancing at her muscular back and shapely backside.
Naomi groaned.
"After today I'm going to go and buy the frumpiest swimsuit I can find so I can enjoy myself at the damn beach."
"Psh, enjoy the beach today, there are worse things than being hot, Vaz doesn't stop looking at you," she teased.
Naomi swatted at Serin and she chuckled.
"What, are you embarrassed, I know Mal saw more than he wanted this morning."
Naomi groaned and buried her face in her hands.
"Who knew that all of this stuff was so complicated?," she lamented.
"People are difficult, I'm in the business of understanding people and I tell you it can be hard to keep up," she agreed.
"I just didn't expect to care this much or to want this. I went my entire life without anyone, without a kiss or even a casual touch from anyone and now I just feel weird. I'm not like Kelly or Fred where you can tell they can hardly keep their hands off each other," the way she said it sounded like she was a little nauseated at the concept, "but I just like it. I like the attention and that kind of scares me."
"Naomi, I think that's pretty normal. It's probably the most normal thing you've ever worried about so don't overthink it. Enjoy it, you deserve it," she sipped at some lemonade.
"Have you had a boyfriend?," asked Naomi.
The fact that she even felt comfortable asking this was not only indicative of how much she had changed since leaving the military but how much her relationship with Serin had changed. She had truly become her closest friend and confidant as opposed to her commanding officer. It was a casual topic, but Naomi wasn't used to asking people questions of a personal nature.
Serin shrugged. "If you could call it that, I went through a somewhat rebellious phase. Like I said last night, sex was never anything that great for me but I think I did it to feel in control of myself, feel like I had choices and because I could. No one was breathing down my neck telling me what to do or what not to do. There was a guy on my first assignment that I liked, we'd sleep together, get food together and stuff like that, then he got himself killed and I stopped really getting to know anyone I slept with, made things too difficult. Then when I started getting promoted and hit my thirties I just stopped doing that kind of thing, didn't see much of a point to it."
"Do you...do you think it will be that way for me?," she asked quietly. She felt nervous speaking like this, speaking more in terms of the inevitability of her having sex with Vaz than in terms of if, like she always had. It was so difficult for her to imagine it, but as her relationship with Him developed she knew that it was something she wanted more and more every day. It was something deep within her that wanted closeness with him, she just didn't understand why, how, or what it would be like and it was absolutely terrifying.
Serin shook her head slightly.
"Nah, you love Vaz and he loves you. I'm sure it's different with someone who loves you. That's why people do things like get married and have a ton of babies or whatever," she gestured to John and Cortana who were getting splashed by Joan and laughing.
Naomi sighed. "What if I'm terrible at it? Vaz has…" she searched for words, "been with plenty of other women, what if I'm not like them or...I don't know, what if he laughs at me?" The words flew out of her quickly and irrationally, her worry evident in her tone.
Serin snorted. "I don't know when you're planning on taking the plunge so to speak but those are absurd worries," she watched Naomi frown and she let up a little. "I know it's scary but just know you don't have to do anything you don't want to."
Naomi frowned even more. "I know that. Vasya is almost too careful with me. He often views me as fragile, and I don't blame him, I have been pretty fragile for a lot of the time he has known me but I am capable of making decisions."
"I think he feels like you deserve to be treated kindly and taken care of for once in your life, which is true. You do deserve those things."
Naomi turned back on her back and rested on her forearms. She thought of him and his rare smiles, the way he looked at her, the almost reverent way he would run his hands over her body, his breathing when he slept, how he held her if she had a nightmare, how he was vulnerable with her and told her about things that haunted him and how fiercely he would defend her to anyone. It made a warm feelings spread through her, starting from her chest and overwhelming the rest of her until she couldn't help but smile. "You're right. He's...he's really a special person."
He is my special person.
"Mom, Dad watch, I'm a puppy dog!," exclaimed Joan. She went to the shore where the water was only skimming the sand and shook herself off, imitating a dog.
"Can you bark like a dog?," asked Cortana. Joan started pretending to bark and walked around on all four of her limbs with surprising agility.
After she was done playing puppy dog she decided that she wanted to play in the sand.
"Sammy, let's go dig a big hole!"
"Okay," agreed Sam, walking clumsily out of the water.
John and Cortana followed the girls out of the ocean while Kelly and Fred kept swimming and making what Joan aptly referred to as "smoochy face," at one another.
Cortana sat down next to the Admiral after she had toweled off and watched as Sam and Joan started digging their big hole with their hands.
"Are they always like that?," asked Serin uncomfortably looking at Fred and Kelly.
Cortana snickered. "You know, I never noticed it before but after spending some time apart I've realized they're pretty touchy. Yeah, I think they're pretty much always this way but they also didn't take a real honeymoon or anything. Last vacation they took was to Reach for that feature story on them and Kelly was massively pregnant. There also isn't much to do on Reach yet, so I think this is a good excuse for them to have a good time."
"They're pretty disgusting," commented John, sitting down and handing Cortana something to drink.
"Ooh, thank you," she said excitedly sipping the icy drink. "This tastes better than the one I had on our honeymoon, this is great!"
"Where did you two go?"
"Oh we just stayed at the resort we got married at for a few days. I was pretty pregnant and crabby when we got married but it was really nice. Did you want to see some pictures?" she asked.
"Sure," Naomi said. Cortana pulled out her tablet and searched for their wedding photos.
"Here we are," she said after a minute of looking. She handed the tablet to Serin. Naomi leaned over to glance at the pictures.
"That's me and Kelly at the salon getting all done up," Cortana chuckled. She was gesturing animatedly while she talked with the hairdresser and Kelly looked uncomfortable as she slouched in the chair so she could get her hair cut.
Cortana continued to scroll past one of her and Catherine standing together in their hotel room, smiling.
"Go back," asked Serin. Cortana sighed and did as she asked.
Cortana was smiling anxiously. The doctor had a small smile on her face.
"Your dress is very beautiful, Cortana," said Naomi calmly.
"Thank you, I really loved it, the material was so soft," she said quietly.
"Hmm, Halsey looks kind of human in this picture, almost like she could care about someone besides herself," Serin said sarcastically.
"She was weird that day. I think I remind her of Miranda or at least what she imagines a relationship with Miranda would've been like," she shook her head, trying to dismiss the awkwardness the entire thing made her feel. "Whatever, anyways, look at this one," she flicked to a picture of Kelly and John.
"This is one of my favorites, look at her she's so beautiful," Cortana smiled.
Naomi smiled. "I like her dress too."
"Oh yeah, Kelly has really great style, she's always putting something fun together, she spent a whole day shopping when she got here," mused Cortana.
"Check this one out," she flicked to a photo of John and the Arbiter standing together, talking by the waterfall at the ceremony site.
"You had the Arbiter at your wedding?"
Cortana nodded. "It was some paperwork but it was worth it, I think he really enjoyed it and these photos are priceless."
There was a photo of her and John holding hands as they said their wedding vows and a photo of him leaning down to kiss her.
Naomi stared at the photo. It was a little strange to see John in that way, to see him getting married and so clearly in love the way he seemed in some of these photos.
"This next one is probably my favorite," Cortana flicked to the photo. Their wedding guests stood up around them clapping and John was carrying her, her dress had hiked up to her knees and tightened a little around her stomach making her baby bump more visible. Most notable of all was how they looked at each other. Serin could just tell how happy they were and how in love they were.
"Look at my baby bump," Cortana laughed pointing at her stomach. She sighed and looked at her daughter who had moved onto building a sand fortress with Samantha and Mal.
"You look so happy," said Naomi softly.
Cortana smiled. "We were. We are," she chuckled. "He's a pretty okay guy," she put her hand affectionately on his leg and smiled at him.
"You're tolerable, I suppose," said John lightly.
"Do you have any more pictures?" asked Naomi.
"You kidding? Fred doesn't stop taking photos, probably took a hundred photos last evening. John actually took a few of these though," she scrolled in the tablet looking for a specific album.
"Here we are," she tapped the album.
Naomi gasped slightly at the photo. Cortana had clearly moments ago had a baby, she had blood and sweat all over her, her hair was going every which way and she was clearly weeping but also smiling. The most shocking part of the photo was John–he looked like he was about to cry, his eyes were shiny as he kissed Cortana on her temple.
Naomi looked at John who was also leaning and looking at the picture.
"You cried?," she asked.
He looked at the picture more closely. "I did," he said softly. "There's nothing I've ever experienced that compares to seeing your child born," he looked over to Joan who was currently scavenging for sea shells to adorn the sand fortress.
"I just can't imagine you crying," said Naomi quietly.
John shrugged. "I love my daughter. Raising her is the most important task I've undertaken."
Serin was overwhelmed by how raw the photo was, how truly human. It was an event that took place every minute of every day but never seemed to lose its miraculous quality.
Cortana kissed him quickly on the cheek.
"Then look at these," she flicked to a few photos of Joan after she had been cleaned up. One was of Cortana holding her, one of her feeding Joan and a few just of Joan.
"John took those ones, and I took these ones," she flicked forward a few more for photos of John holding her. His facial expression was solemn and stern but seemed very emotional at the same time.
"Wow, she's so tiny," sighed Naomi.
"Yeah look at this one," she flipped to a photo of Joan's tiny little hand in John's huge palm that was at least five times larger than hers.
"That's amazing," said Serin. "For someone who finds the entire notion of childbirth absolutely terrifying and disturbing on many levels, I think these photos are pretty neat."
"This one of Kelly is really sweet," Cortana searched for the photo and pulled it up.
"Wow, she really was huge," commented Serin.
"Oh yeah, giant but easily the most beautiful pregnant woman you'd ever see, she could still walk and move around easily, smiled all the time and just glowed. She had Sam about two weeks later, and here's a picture of me pregnant," she scrolled and found a picture of John rubbing her feet while she ate ice cream out of the carton. Naomi and Serin both laughed.
"And that was basically every day of the last trimester of my pregnancy. If that picture isn't sufficient birth control I don't know what is," said Cortana sarcastically.
"This is my favorite picture," John said grabbing the tablet and pulling up a picture of Cortana and Joan, who looked about one, sleeping in a bed together. Cortana had her arms wrapped around her.
Cortana sighed. "I miss home."
"Me too," said John.
"What's it like where you live?" asked Naomi.
"Simple, our house is a lot smaller and we have tons of beautiful land surrounding us, we're just a short ride from Fred and Kelly, John has a workshop that he builds things in, we have a garden and we have all of John's medals and ribbons on a shelf. I miss little things like the glassware we got for our wedding and the bedframe that John built. Some things just feel like home. We're happy to be here and we're having a good time but there's something to be said for the seclusion of the Outer Colonies. Something about it is exciting, there's so much optimism to make things better," Cortana explained.
"You should come and visit us sometime, I think you would really like it, Naomi you could bring Vasily, we could make room, if you ever get the time or just want to get away you'll have to let us know," she looked at Serin, "You're obviously welcome but I'd assume you're far too busy for that type of thing."
"You would be correct, but if I'm ever in the system for work perhaps I'd be able to sneak away for a while," she said.
Cortana smiled. Having friends and acquaintances was nice for her.
"This is my favorite of you and Joan," said Cortana, grabbing the tablet and finding a picture of Joan making a silly, scrunched up face and John looking on somewhat stoically with the smallest of smiles on his face.
Naomi laughed. "Some things don't change."
"That's what happy John looks like, I know, overwhelming isn't it?" joked Cortana.
She turned off the tablet and sighed.
"We have a bunch more at home, when we go home we'll have to send you some, now that we have friends we should start sending out photos of Joan, she's growing so quickly," Cortana smiled.
"Please don't sell them to the press, I can see the headline, 'Sociopath Spartan Has Child, War Officially Over,'" John said sarcastically.
"You two have lived an amazing life together," commented Naomi softly.
"Never a dull moment," agreed Cortana.
Okay, not quite sure where I want to go from here, I have like, 70k in Naomi stuff written but I've gotta bridge it with this stuff. We shall see what I end up doing, I have a couple things I would like to do with John and Cortana before they leave Earth. *shrug* anyways, I will see you all when I see you, thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate it. :)