When they got back to the house, Lisbon headed for the living room, where her brothers and most of the kids were watching football on the big screen, but Jane stopped her with a hand on her arm. "I need you to go to the kitchen," he whispered.

She frowned. "What? Why?" The experience of Jane suggesting she actually spend time in the kitchen doing something other than eating something he'd cooked for her was unheard of. Well, unless there was sex involved, but he had to know that wasn't going to happen here.

"Because I need to bond with your brothers and it will be easier if you aren't around," he whispered back.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

She eyed the crowd in the living room dubiously. "You're going to bond with them over football?"

He grimaced. "Whatever it takes."

"You know you have to actually know something about football in order to bond over it, right?" she couldn't resist asking.

He looked pained. "Teresa, please. I have a plan, remember?"

"The plan you refuse to tell me about? That plan?"

"Come on, don't be like that. Don't you want me to win over your brothers so they'll realize what a catch you've got?"

She sighed. "Fine."

He patted her lightly on the hip. "Excellent. Now, go into the kitchen."

"Why the kitchen?"

"All the other women are in there. You need some female bonding time."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Right."

Xxx

At Jane's insistence, Lisbon headed into the kitchen. Nell, Laurie, and Annie were all there, with another woman she didn't know, her hair in a pixie cut. Her hair was blue.

Nell looked up and smiled when she came in. "Teresa, hi. Good game?"

"Yes, thanks."

"We totally kicked ass," Annie confirmed.

Laurie rolled her eyes. "I see you're just as gracious a winner as your dad. He was rubbing it in my face the whole way back here."

"Teresa, have you met Elspeth?" Nell cut in, gesturing to the woman with the blue hair.

The name clicked into place. "Not yet. You're Tommy's girlfriend, right?" Lisbon said, giving her a smile. She reached out to shake her hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Elspeth returned the handshake with a dimpled smile. "Nice to meet you, too, Teresa. I've heard a lot about you. Though I gotta say based on the way Tommy and Annie talked about you, I half expected you to be eight feet tall."

Lisbon grimaced. "Don't believe everything you hear from my brother and niece. They're prone to exaggeration."

Elspeth quirked an eyebrow. "Really? Because my experience is that they're pretty tough to impress."

"Yeah, was it exaggerating when I showed her that video of you taking down that guy in front of the courthouse?" Annie demanded. "A picture's worth a thousand words, right? A video's gotta be worth like, ten thousand. I didn't have to say a thing."

Lisbon cleared her throat, anxious to get off the subject. "So, Elspeth, how did you and Tommy meet?"

"Oh, I saved him from committing a crime," Elspeth said cheerfully.

Lisbon tensed. "What kind of crime?"

"A crime against music," Elspeth answered. "I stopped him from buying an album no grown man should ever buy. He tried to buy it from the music store I work at, but I stopped him just in time."

Lisbon relaxed. "You work at a music store?"

"Yeah. One of the last brick and mortar music stores on the planet," Elspeth confirmed. "They'll probably go under within the next year or two, but it's a good gig for now."

"Go under?" Nell asked. "Why do you say that?"

Elspeth flapped her hand vaguely. "Oh, you know. The shift to digital content, streaming subscription services, all that. It's only a matter of time before the place I work at goes belly up."

"What'll you do then?" Lisbon asked curiously.

"Who knows?" Elspeth said airily. "I'm sure something will turn up. In the meantime, I get paid to talk about music all day."

"So what album did you save him from buying?" Laurie asked.

Annie made a face and answered for her. "Justin Bieber."

Laurie wrinkled her nose. "Tommy was buying a Justin Bieber album?"

"In his defense, he didn't actually know who Justin Bieber was," Elspeth said fairly. "He was trying to find a gift for Annie, and he'd heard that teenage girls liked him."

Annie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, if they're like, twelve. Elspeth told him to get me the new 'My Morning Jacket' album instead. Sooo much better."

Elspeth shook her head. "Typical guy. Completely clueless when it comes to gift giving."

"I don't know," Lisbon said, thinking of Jane. "Some of them aren't so bad."

"The Lisbon men sure are," Laurie said, rolling her eyes. "Last year for Christmas, Michael gave me an alarm clock in the shape of a football with the Packers logo. He thinks this is a romantic gift because he knows I like the Packers and he can't stand them."

"James gave me a sweater last year that I'm certain my grandmother wouldn't have worn," Nell said with a shudder. "He tries, poor thing, but…"

"…totally clueless is a pretty apt description when it comes to the Lisbon boys and gifts," Laurie finished for her.

"Well, I'm not so sure anything can be done for you two, but at least I managed to save Annie from a crime against rock and roll," Elspeth said loftily. She winked at Lisbon. "See, Teresa. You're not the only hero around here."

Lisbon decided she liked Elspeth.

Xxx

Lisbon asked Nell what she could do to help prepare for Thanksgiving dinner, but her sister-in-law seemed reluctant to accept her assistance for some strange reason. It was very odd—Laurie, Elspeth, and Annie were all helping. Lisbon insisted, not wanting to shirk her fair share of kitchen duty. Nell bit her lip and finally set her to chopping celery for the stuffing. Lisbon completed that task in fairly short order and reported back to Nell for another assignment. Nell regarded her with a faint air of mixed exasperation and affection and finally asked her if she would mind setting the table. Lisbon had the distinct feeling she was being placated somehow.

Lisbon went to the cupboard to get the plates, feeling slightly disgruntled. "I don't get it," she hissed to Annie, who was standing at the counter mashing potatoes with savage satisfaction. "Nell obviously has a ton to do, but she doesn't seem to want me to help."

Annie looked up from the potatoes. "It's kind of obvious, don't you think, Aunt Reese?"

"What's obvious?"

Annie cleared her throat. "Well, you're not exactly Martha Stewart in the kitchen."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lisbon demanded.

"It means she doesn't want you screwing up anything complicated, but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you so," Annie said bluntly.

"I'm not that bad," Lisbon protested.

Annie shrugged. "Just calling it like I see it."

Lisbon set the table, then gave it one more try. "Nell, can I help you with anything else?" She idly picked up a pastry knife. "I could help with dessert."

"No, no, Teresa," Nell said, hastily taking the knife from her. "We've got everything under control."

"You sure?" Lisbon said. "I hate not being useful."

"Nonsense, we're just glad to have you here," Nell insisted.

"Told you," Annie muttered to Lisbon.

Lisbon sighed.

"Here." Nell pulled out a bar stool by the kitchen island and gestured for Lisbon to take a seat next. "You can make yourself useful by serving as our entertainment."

"I'm not sure I'm really cut out for the role of entertainer," Lisbon said dubiously, taking the proffered seat next to Elspeth, who was assembling a fruit pie.

Nell resumed her place at the cutting board opposite them. "Don't be silly," she said, chopping ingredients for the casserole she was preparing. "We're all dying to grill you about Patrick. All you have to do is allow us to interrogate you and we'll be perfectly entertained."

Lisbon froze like a deer in the headlights. "Uh…"

Laurie, at the stove behind Nell, looked up from the pot of cranberry sauce she was stirring with interest.

"Sounds like the perfect entertainment to me," Elspeth said with a grin. "Patrick's your boyfriend, I assume?"

"He likes to call himself my 'suitor,'" Lisbon said, making a face.

Nell chuckled. "He does seem a little old-fashioned in certain ways."

Annie brought her potatoes over to the island so she could be part of the conversation, too. "He's the one I told you about," she said to Elspeth.

"The one who taught you how to pick locks?"

"Yeah."

"And pick pockets," Lisbon muttered.

"So, is he cute?" Elspeth asked.

"Super cute," Laurie answered before Lisbon could reply.

"Total dreamboat," Nell confirmed.

Elspeth turned to Annie. "What do you think?"

Annie shrugged. "Not bad, for an old guy."

"Good in bed?" Elspeth asked Lisbon slyly.

Annie wrinkled her nose. "Ew. I don't want to hear about that."

"Cover your ears, then," Elspeth said, unrepentant.

Annie rolled her eyes but did as she was bidden.

Elspeth turned her attention back to Lisbon. "Well?" she said expectantly.

Lisbon wished the ground would open up and swallow her. She never had gotten the hang of girl talk. Especially not with women who were married to or dating her brothers. "Oh, well," she mumbled. "We do all right."

"All right?" Elspeth repeated, raising an eyebrow. "That's not much of a recommendation, is it?"

"Yeah," Laurie said. "It's kind of disappointing."

Lisbon couldn't understand how this information could have any impact on her brother's wife. "Why?"

"It just seems like a terrible waste for a man that beautiful to be mediocre in bed," Laurie sighed.

"Jane is not mediocre," Lisbon protested.

"No?" Elspeth asked, dimpling. "What is he, then?"

Lisbon stopped, caught. She glanced at Annie, who was still covering her ears. She'd squeezed her eyes shut and was muttering 'lalala' to herself. Lisbon cleared her throat. "He's… amazing."

Elspeth laughed in delight. "Now we're talking. Just how amazing is he?"

"Phenomenal. World class," Lisbon admitted. She thought about the things the man could do in a bathtub. "Life-altering."

"Well, that explains it," Nell remarked.

"Explains what?" Lisbon asked.

"You just seem different since the last time you were here. You have a kind of glow about you."

Lisbon sighed. Not that stupid glow again.

Annie opened one eye and uncovered her ears. "Is it safe yet?"

"Yes," Lisbon said hastily, eager to get off the subject.

"Now that we've got the important stuff out of the way, tell me a little more about him," Elspeth instructed Lisbon.

"Oh—well… I've known him a long time," Lisbon said. "I'm not sure where to start."

"He sounds like an interesting character, from what Annie's told me," Elspeth commented. "What with the lock picking skills and all."

"Picking locks is the least of it," Lisbon said. "You should see some of the other stuff he gets up to."

Elspeth looked interested. "Like what?"

"Hypnotism, lying, cheating at cards, planning heists… to name a few."

"Really?" Nell said. "He seems so sweet."

"He is sweet. But he also gets bored easily. He's always coming up with some scheme or another to manipulate people into giving him what he wants. Half the time it's because he lacks the patience to wait for results produced through more traditional means, but the rest of the time, I swear he pulls all his crap just for the sake of his own entertainment." She shook her head. "Actually, it's usually a combination of the two."

"Tell me more about the sweet side," Elspeth requested.

"He like, dotes on her," Annie put in before Lisbon could respond.

Lisbon blinked, taken aback by this characterization. She stopped, flummoxed. It was sort of true, she realized. Jane always went out of his way to watch out for her. He devoted a significant amount of his considerable brain power to thinking up and performing small acts of kindness to ensure her comfort and well-being.

"How so?" Elspeth asked.

"Oh, well," Lisbon said, flustered. "He cooks a lot. And makes me coffee. He makes really good coffee."

Laurie raised her eyebrows. "He cooks?"

"He just cooked breakfast for the entire household this morning," Nell reminded her.

"Yeah, but I figured that pancakes were just his signature dish. Like Michael. He thinks he's Gordon Ramsay because he can grill a steak. But forget about getting dinner on the table the other six nights a week. You and Patrick actually share the cooking?"

"Not exactly," Lisbon admitted, embarrassed. "He pretty much does all the cooking." She cast a sidelong glance at Nell. "He's like Nell, here. Doesn't think I can be trusted in the kitchen."

"I never said that," Nell protested.

Lisbon smiled to let her know she was only teasing. "It's okay. It's true. I tried when I was younger, but I never really progressed beyond spaghetti and meatloaf. When I was finally on my own, I was so relieved not to have to feed the three human hoovers anymore I never really bothered to cook much after that."

"Okay, what else is involved in the doting?" Elspeth wanted to know. "I get the sense there's more."

"He brings her flowers," Annie piped up.

Lisbon hadn't realized Annie had been paying such close attention on her visit to Sacramento. Apparently she'd tracked on the addition of the rose to Lisbon's kitchen after one of Jane's impromptu visits.

"You mean when he picks you up for dates?" Laurie asked Lisbon.

"Uh, no," Lisbon said, blushing. "He brings me roses. He never lets me catch him at it, though. I just find a fresh one in my office every week."

"That's so romantic it makes me want to punch you," Laurie commented.

Lisbon decided not to mention the poem he'd written her.

"So tell me one thing I could share with Tommy about him to make sure he doesn't go into that protective little brother mode over your relationship with Patrick," Elspeth said.

Lisbon struggled to find the right words to make them understand all he did for her. "He just… he takes really good care of me. Emotionally, I mean. I'm, uh, not exactly the best at sharing my feelings. But Jane always knows what I'm thinking without me having to explain it. He anticipates my needs and makes it his business to meet them before I'm even conscious of having them."

"Well, I for one am happy for you, Teresa," Nell said. "You seem happy."

"I am happy," Lisbon said, thinking of Jane and his golden smiles and charm. "He's a good man. I'm lucky to have him in my life."

Nell reached out and patted her hand. "I'm glad you have each other."

"Enough about me," Lisbon said, clearing her throat. "Isn't it someone else's turn?"

"You're absolutely right," Elspeth said. "Time for the next victim. Annie, you're up. Who have you got your eye on these days?"

Annie blushed to the roots of her hair. "Nobody."

"Really?" Elspeth asked wickedly. "Not even Derek?"

"Who's Derek?" Lisbon asked. "Someone you know from school?"

"No. He works at the mechanic's across the street from where Dad works," Annie said, shooting Elspeth a murderous look. Elspeth grinned back, completely without remorse.

"He has a full time job?" Lisbon asked, eyebrows climbing.

"How old is he?" Nell asked severely.

Annie rolled her eyes. "He's seventeen. It's his dad's shop. He works there part time to help out."

The group of them good-naturedly grilled Annie for a while, but once the subject of boys had been exhausted, there was a slight lull in the conversation.

"So," Lisbon said, changing the subject. "The Bears are looking pretty good this year, aren't they?"

"Yeah," Laurie said. "Their offensive line is doing really well this season."

"All they need now is to tighten up their defense," Nell agreed. "If they managed that, they might actually have a shot at making the playoffs."

"Not gonna happen," Annie said, stealing a bite of Laurie's cranberries. "The managers think as long as they have a quarterback that can throw seventy yards, they don't need to worry about anything else."

They passed the rest of their time in the kitchen discussing football strategy.