Twilight: Retarded Edition
Me: Hey Edward! Have you seen Seth? I was supposed to walk him.... *BWAHAHAHAHAHA*
Edward: *Shrugs* Hey, just a quick question, but do you think I look like that guy Rob Pattinson?
*Author averts eyes to Edward and then to picture of Rob Pattinson picture that random appears out of no where may I add, from that very weird new movie 'Twilight'*
Me: No, not at all.
Edward: Okay thanks
Me: Mhmm
***Short; yes. Over; Heeelllllllllll no! :D***
next day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: BELLA!!!!!
Bella: WHAT?! I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE YOU DEATH SON OF A BITCH!
Edward: O-O.... T-T!!!!!!!!!!
Bella: Oh my poor baby!
*Bella picks up Edward like baby and rocks him back and forth while singing hush little baby lullaby)
Edward: :)
Me: .............If that's not considered weird, then I speak fluent Czech.
Emmett pops out of no where
Emmett: You don't.....
Me: .......... :/ *Author turns to readers* Guys? I'm sorry but, I'm going to have to keel him. I'm sorry Emmett fans, but he gots to go. Avert your eyes.
*Author stalks creepily over to Emmett with a daggering death glare*
Emmett: O,O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: EDWARD TAKE OVER THE STORY! *Lunges at Emmett*
**********************************************
Author (Edward now): Um.....uh.......erm......what do I do?
*SCREAMS AND PUNCH SOUNDS; NOT TO MENTION THE CHAIN SAW, ARE HEARD IN THE BACKROUND*
Me *still Edward people*: Umm.....Well, I guess I have to continue on with the story then........ um.....BELLA HELP ME!
Bella: Don't ask me! I don't know how she does it! But whatever she does, people seem to like it well enough, so maybe we can do something good too! Just think of something entertaining and fun!
Edward: Okay! :D!!! Um.....okay I think she did something like this.........
Twilight; Not quite smart, but semi-funny Edition
Edward: It's better than retarded. That's so uncuth! (A/N wtf is uncuth?)
Me *Is it even necessary that I say that it's still Edward?*: Bella!
Bella: Yes?
Me; How are you today my love?
Bella: I am excellent
Me: That is absolutely remarkable.
Bella: Indeed
Me: Am I granted the permission to ask you a question?
Bella: Of course
Me: Do you have the pleasure of knowing what the square root of pi is?
Bella: No, I do not know that! Gee willikers! I need to brush up on my studies!
Me: Indeed!
Bella: My dear Edward, would you mind telling me, the square root of pi?
Me: Indeed! It is;
1.77245385
(A/N i think so.........)
Bella: That is fasinating!
Me: Indubulately!
Me: now, shall we review our french verbs?
*Real author comes back*
Me: *YES REALLY ME!* Phew, I'm tired as hell.....what I miss?
Edward and Bella suddenly become funny again
Edward: We-
Me: No need, I'll just read what you did from up top.
Real author reads up top
Me; ........... *slowly turns to Edward and Bella with even more scarier death glare than before*
Edward and Bella: O_O.......
Me: (in extremely scary man's voice) .............Run.
Edward: *Knows better and runs like there's no tomorrow*
Bella: Wha- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Author (MEEE) Runs after Edward and Bella.
Me: WTF!? THE SQUARE ROOT OF PI!?!? YOU SON OF A B-
Edward: IT WAS ENTERTAINING!! WASN'T IT READERS!?!?!
Readers: ....... *readers take out guns, baseball bats and chain saws*
Edward: MOTHA F-
Wow.....You know, I'm sorry you had to suffer threw that.........YOU'RE TRYING TO GET UP!?!!? *Power drives Edward* NOW WHAT!?!?! Wait..........wait!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! CRAZY EDWARD FANS WITH TORCHES!!!!!! *Runs like hell for I don't know how manyth time* :)