CHAPTER 36

~Sakura~

I looked up at Suigetsu. I was kind of embarrassed because, if you think about it, it wasn't that much of a deal, certainly not enough to make you all depressed, and I was worrying that he would laugh at me or something. However, he didn't laugh, instead he acted serious on this. As serious as I had ever seen him since I met him.

"Look." He said in a soothing but determined voice. "He has always been like that. Before, he wouldn't practically talk at all, and I tried what you've and are still trying to do. Believe me; I couldn't even make him laugh before, and now it happens all the time, naturally. The change you've made in him is amazing. But I think that you are expecting too much on that matter because that is just who he is. You've, managed to balance him and that's great. But I think that if he changes more, he won't be Sasuke anymore."

I was surprised. Was that true? 'Cause if it is, it'll be even more embarrassing. And, at least the last part, is true, this Sasuke is just the way he really is, or was supposed to be… no, that still doesn't explain it right, more like what he should be if he hadn't been broken so many years ago. I had only uncovered his happiness. Like cleaning something that was dirty with dust –sadness, betrayal, revenge, loneliness- to reveal the beautiful true form of it, the way it should really look. If I keep on asking for that much, I would be molding him, until I won't be able to recognize him anymore. I frowned.

"I'm not blaming you or anything, okay? I just want you to understand. Besides, on the other matter, knowing how protective he is, he'd be hiding things from you for your own safety, so don't worry about that much either." He added. Somehow Suigetsu had the ability to put people at ease with just a little talk, make them see their mistakes and accept them, and I found myself smiling, not any negative feeling or doubt left on my body.

"Now then, much better, you are pretty, and when you smile, you're even more." He said, but he didn't sound like a guy complimenting a girl, he sounded like an older brother or a not confused best friend complimenting his sister.

That thought made me smile even wider. It felt like such a long time since I'd smiled like that, or had been around someone like him, someone that felt like family, my brother.

"Thanks Sui, I'll follow your advice." I told him.

That week was dreadful, but I kept consoling myself, repeating Suigetsu's advice and telling myself that it could all be worse. Sasuke and I didn't talk much, I tried to make small talk with him, but he wouldn't cooperate, he just nodded and turned away, locked in his mind thinking about only-he-knows-what. He kept on having bad dreams. Every time I woke up during the night he was awake, staring at the ceiling or sitting, grabbing his hair.

The next week, however, things go better. Apparently his meditation time was over and he was almost himself again –almost because I still found him caught up on his own thoughts and I sometimes had to repeat things around five times before he acknowledged my presence, but this was better from before when he wouldn't even talk.

This was happening an afternoon after lunch. We were outside, sprawled in the grass, enjoying the hot sun on our skin. Actually it was extremely hot today, but things were gloomy enough for us to stay inside. It had taken me a while, but in the end he'd agreed to come. We were talking, I had asked something about the weather around here but he hadn't answered. I turned my head and called him. Still no answer.

"Sasuke? Are you listening to me?" I asked but he neither answered nor turned, just stared up at the endless sky, inside his endless mind, thinking endless thoughts. What a stupid question, considering that the answer was so obvious.

"Sasuke." I repeated, annoyed. Nothing.

"Sasuke! I'm talking to you!" I finally yelled, exasperated and contemplating violence if it didn't work.

Hopefully for him he finally turned and looked at me, the tips of our noses almost touching. I gasped and felt blood rushing and pulsing hot in my cheeks.

"I'm sorry Sakura. What were you saying?" He asked in a gentle voice. His expression was pained, confused, and broken, and I didn't care if I was asking for too much, I couldn't stand looking at him like this.

"What is wrong Sasuke?" I asked in a low voice while lifting my hand to place it on his cheek. He stared back, directly into my eyes.

"Saku-" He started saying when we heard a strange noise. We both turned up and saw something shining an iridescent rainbow and crystal color. Water. It moves in slow motion above us, slowly making its fall, warning us about the soak it'll produce on us. However this didn't help me react fast enough. But we –or at least I- realized this too late and I barely had time to close my eyes before it splashed on us.

I sat up gasping and felt Sasuke doing the same. I heard the sound of someone choking behind me and when I turned, I saw Karin, Juugo, and Sui laughing –not choking- like crazy. The first two with buckets on their hands and Sui making water float in his hand. I narrowed my eyes at them. When I turned to look at Sasuke he was turning to me as well. He gave me a look. Go for the buckets. I answered with one of my own. Got it. Adding a nod at the end. And we sprang; snatching the buckets from Juugo and Karin's weak of laughter hands and running to the spring in the meadow. The others were still too busy laughing to stop us or run. We filled the buckets and appeared behind them.

"Knock, knock." Joked Sasuke.

"Who's there?" I played along.

"The water."

"The water who?" Asked Suigetsu between chortles.

"The water that drowns your laughter!" Yelled Sasuke.

I only had a second to see Suigetsu and the other stop laughing abruptly as they realized what was happening and the 'o' on their mouths before we both threw the water –bucket included- at them. Karin was able to dodge the flying pails but the guys weren't as lucky. At the sight of the three soaking wet and Juugo and Sui rubbing their heads Sasuke seemed to revive and burst out laughing with me following suit.

"This is WAR!" Yelled Suigetsu in a revolutionary voice and the war begun. Water floated like transparent clouds in the air before splashing on each of us. It had been a while since I've had –since we'd had- such a good time, and it had come with excellent timing. This "war" was working miracles Sasuke, he was all laughs and smiles besides me, thought he had his competitive-amused look on. Karin had rushed to the hideout and brought two more pails for her and Juugo, while Sui showed off his water-master skills.

I saw water flying giving a low dramatic scream and laughing before it hit me, the impact on my face leaving me breathless. I opened my eyes and saw Juugo and Karin rolling on the floor –literally- laughing like hyenas, making me happy to see Juugo having such a good time. I couldn't help but laugh as well, not caring if I was dripping wet. I felt someone's gaze on me and when I turned –drops of water splashing around, coming from the tendrils of my head- I saw Sasuke and smiled warmly at him, my eyes closing. I heard him gasp and when I opened my eyes he was staring back at me with an expression of horror, shock, surprised, and disbelief, all mixed together to create the most disoriented and broken expression ever. I stared back at him in confusion, my own pain from watching his expression arousing inside me, taking an unmeasured step forward, half-extending my arm.

"Sasuke is somethi-" But I never got to finish my question, because he ran away, one moment he was there and the other he was out of sight, the forest swallowing his silhouette.

"Sasuke!" I exclaimed and was about to run when I felt someone grabbing my arm. I turned and saw Juugo with Suigetsu on his side. I looked down, shocked, on Juugo's hand around my hand, his grip was secure and serious, but his expression was kind as he looked down at me and smiled, though I knew he was faking it for my sake. However it was Sui who made the talk.

"Let him go. He won't listen to anyone right now."

I turned to see him, my voice dripping with anger. "You know what's wrong with him?!" I exclaimed in and accusingly and betrayed voice.

"I've got no idea."

"Then how do-"

"We know him Sakura." Interrupted Juugo. "Believe us, right now for whatever reason, he'll just want to be left alone."

"Yes Sakura, I think that'll be the best for now, for both of you." Karin said in a low, soft voice.

I stared at them before nodding lightly. Their words were meant to be reassuring, but the worried expression their faces pretty much cut off the effect. I turned my gaze to the place where Sasuke had disappeared.

~Sasuke~

The sound of the door slamming on its frame kept on echoing in my ears and the same image on my mind. Keep running Sasuke, I heard all the way to my room, our room. Like a coward, as if I was still a little boy, I'd run from there, escaped because I knew I wasn't prepared to face reality, I couldn't bear to see another second of my nightmares. It would have been too much for me, way too much for my control. It was pathetic to see how I hadn't matured that much at all, I was still the same, something I thought had been long left behind was still with me. I didn't want that to happen. But then, was I selfish enough?

Would I actually be able to make her stay? To hold her here when I knew she longed, ached even, for her home, her friends, her life? Was I selfish enough to keep her here just so I could be okay? I kept on calling myself her protector, but was I actually one? What kind of protector, of guardian, would hurt the person he took care and cared about just for his happiness? None, because you would be failing. You would be failing by not protecting her from loneliness and homesickness. You wouldn't be protecting her from yourself.

I slid down slowly until I was sitting on the floor, my back still resting on the door.

…but I don't like it when I see him literally crumbling into pieces in front of me and he still refused to talk. It hurts.

It hurts… those words now popped into my head. Could it be trued that this –my being depressed and hurting over protecting her- is actually affecting her so badly? Wouldn't this count as another failure on my side?

I stood up in a swift more. It was, but this I could change. I won't fail her anymore, even if it kills me, all I want is for her to be happy, even if it's in return of my own grief, I would give that and more, I would make this time here with me the best. I opened the door and walked back outside, no more urgency in my pace. I felt like a complete moron, running like an idiot inside and then going back outside in just a few minutes. This made my face flush a bright red.

I stepped outside and saw the others coming my way, they looked surprised to see me –they probably believed I was going to stay in my room longer, a totally logic thing. However, Sakura wasn't with them. Karin passed next to me and gave me a gentle squeeze on my arm on her way. Juugo was behind her and he regarded me with a kind smile –apparently they had already agreed who would face me- for Suigetsu stayed behind and waited for the others to get in before he said something.

"Whe-"

"Sakura is still in the meadow. I thought you wouldn't come out for a while so I told her to come back inside with us. But… she somehow knew you would go back with her…" He said in a confused voice before walking past me and entering the hideout. As soon as I heard the door close I was running to find her.

~Sakura~

I kept on staring at the spring's water, straining my ears in case he came back. Though I wasn't even sure he would, it was just an intuitive feeling I'd had. But even trying my best to, I didn't notice him until I saw his reflection on the water behind me.

"You better now?" I asked without turning to look at him. The water made his face blurry and then clear as if I were seeing him in a mirror and it was being covered with fog at other times, making me feel like I was drifting in unconsciousness and coming back in slow intervals of time.

"Sakura…"

I was a little taken back at the sound of his voice, because it had certain urgency in it, he was desperate to tell me something. But then, why did he always hesitate?

I turned to look at him, wishing the water's reflection could come true, and yet turning away from it. The way he was placed behind me made it look as if he were resting his chin on my shoulder. I wanted him to do that, and to hug me, if it wasn't too much asking. It all came to me asking for too much in the end.

"What's happened to you Sasuke? You've been so different these days. And just some time ago… what was that about?" I asked; my face showed trust, sympathy, and openness to whatever he needed to say.

"That… I saw something… I'd had seen before… but I never expected to experience it again, not in real life…" he said, his tone grave, his eyes filled with confusion and loss and need, need for someone to help him.

"Sasuke." I said. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

He stared back at me with those grave dark eyes. Right now they had absolutely none light in them, they were off. But I could see, beneath them, something waking up, turning back on, and fighting to come back.

"Remember the first time you found me awake?" He asked and stopped long enough to see me nod. "I… I had woken up from a nightmare… and that nightmare happened today…"

"In my dream, we were having the water war of a while before. Then I would stop to look at you, you would smile at me just as you did and then you'd simply disappeared, you'd disintegrate in golden dust while I only stared in horror, unable to prevent it, not even attempting to stop it because I was too in shock to do it. Then I would ask the other where you were and suddenly they didn't know a thing about you…" I could see he was having trouble by telling me this…Maybe I shouldn't have pushed him…

"I know what you are probably thinking, 'What's the big deal about that? It's just a stupid dre-"

"I would neve-"

"And it's okay, because it's probably true; it's not such a big deal at all… but… I couldn't stand to watch it all happened again. I'm sorry."

I stared at him; his eyes were half closed, his fists tight. I laughed a kind laugh. He looked up at me and stared in wonder.

"Ok, first of all that apology is unnecessary. Second, I'm very glad you told me this; I had already told you, you shouldn't lock yourself inside yourself. And third…" I stopped, my voice trailing off, biting on my lip, unsure if I should phrase my next words.

"And third…?" He inquired, and I was glad there was a slight trace of amusement in his eyes.

"And third…" I started and looked up at him, determined, my voice no longer held doubt or insecurity. "I won't just disappear of your life Sasuke, that won't happen, ever. It's impossible."

I was surprised of myself, of my boldness. Maybe I shouldn't have said that, perhaps he wouldn't have liked me to say that. But I guess he did. He grabbed the top of my arms and spun me completely, catching me in a big hug while my hand lay limply on his chest. I gasped at his sudden change. But still, I didn't move.

"Thanks, Sakura." He muttered somewhere above my head in a husky voice, my eyes opened wide. His voice didn't sound restrained or pained or nothing, he was himself again, treating me the same way again, kindly and sweetly, not at arm's-length. I smiled, my hands tightening their grasp on his shirt.

"Anytime." I muttered and laid my head on him. The spring reflecting us, making the scene even better.

Hey everyone! I think I confused you on the last chapter making you think Sasuke was going to do something specifically, but actually he was like letting things cool down and letting Suigetsu confort Sakura since he couldn't really say everything to her. Sorry for the confusion and hope you liked it ^^

Thanks for Following the story and for reviewing( if you don't review often at least leave one now and then please!:D)! I love you all!