Gaius smiled warmly at her in the golden sun, and Morgana's face crumpled.

The lady didn't even bother trying to fight the tears, torn between overwhelming joy at seeing him, and crushing emptiness at the realization of what this must mean.

"Am… am I…?" She said shakily, unable to even form the words. "...dead?"

"I'm so sorry, my child." Gaius replied sadly, instantly pull her into the strongest hug he'd ever given her. Morgana sank gratefully into his withered arms, burying her face into his shoulder. So, it hadn't been another horrid nightmare; she truly was gone from this world- or the world she had left behind, at any rate. But… if she had felt such peace at the end- falling asleep in his arms for one final time- then why… why did it hurt so much to hear it said aloud?

Because I left Merlin all alone. Morgana answered herself longingly.

Gaius pulled away just enough to look at her carefully, his worn hands softly taking either side of her face to force her to meet his kind gaze. After a moment of analyzing her, he nodded to himself, as if confirming a theory. Morgana gave him a weak smile despite herself; she had so missed watching him perform science, even if it had always bored her. It was as much a part of him as the 'brow of discontent.'

"It seems Merlin's attempt was not enough to truly bring you back…" Gaius was saying sadly. "I'm sorry, my lady; like myself, you are now stuck between life and death."

Morgana pulled back. 'Merlin's attempt'… what…?

Seeing her confusion, Gaius crossed his arms and nodded. "It's no surprise, I suppose, that human life should be given to resurrect a human death… for all his prodigious talent, even Merlin cannot be a master at this lost art so quickly." His wry smile died as quickly as it had arrived. "My child, I'm afraid… I'm afraid that Merlin has just murdered the Great Dragon, in an unsuccessful bid to try to bring you back to life. And once he realizes he needs another sacrifice, your killer will be the first person he goes after."

My killer… A shouted curse, a flash of steel and blonde locks, watching her father's dying breath as they were both impaled on her sister's sword… she remembered it all. Morgause- her sister- had struck without sight, too eager to have her revenge, and taken both of their lives. The chill that crept up her spine, when she imagined the guilt that must be consuming her sister, was nothing compared to the ice in her stomach when she realized that she was all alone with Merlin and her body right now.

"Oh my God-!" The curse left her lips before she could stop it, as she remembered all those times- oh, all those times- when she was in danger, and Merlin saved her with eyes blank and vengeful and now she was dead and-and-

"Morgana, please listen to me." Gaius' stern look broke her out of her panic, making her note the level of gravity in his voice. "Merlin had to have left Morgause in order to find the dragon; she is safe, for now. And more importantly, she is not the only one in danger."

She looked at him like he was mad, laughing almost hysterical through her tears. "Surely, you cannot mean-"

"I-I'm afraid I do, my lady." He said gravely. "In this moment, all that matters is that we find a way to bring you back so that…"

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "So that…?"

Gaius swallowed, and said the last words she wanted to hear. "…so that you can stop Merlin before he destroys Camelot."

…

"What?"

Morgana clamped down on her earlier panic for her sister, for Merlin, because what she was thinking and Gaius was saying was ridiculous. With an irritated huff she turned away, grass crunching under her soles as she approached the tomb she had been laying in, carefully avoiding the crystal shards littering the area. She stumbled halfway, as a pain unlike any she had ever experience impaled her on its sword, and a hand yanked her into a mirror of liquid, and then… then…

There is a bath, a cold bath of water, rising up slowly from her feet, freezing her solid until she cannot move. But there is no submergence, no lake nor river; she is being drowned in the waters she had just drunk, and even as the paralysis reaches her lungs she realizes what has happened, hands clawing at her own throat as she look up at him;

'Why…?" She tries to scream, in vain.

Merlin turns slowly to face her in front of the throne, lit strangely by the waning light, and though he tries to hide them she can see his tears. He is killing her, and he is crying for her. (Saint and sinner, all at once.) She fights away his hands, his warm grasp, as the world goes dark and she is dying in his arms again, but there's no peace to be found here, no love-

Morgana's world rights itself as she stands straight again, and she shakes out her hair to yank the hurt and the image from her mind. A nightmare without sleep; a dream looking not forwards, but sideways; a cold reminder of how far her beloved could go, without her by his side…

No. Morgana thought firmly, projected at Avalon at large; reminding it that she would not be swayed in her faith in him. To death do them part, and beyond. So she buried the cruel vision with extreme prejudice; that was the last she would think of… that.

"You are stark raving." She said at last, glancing at Gaius over her should as she fought for composure.

The Lady Morgana had grown accustomed to internalizing outlandish things in very short periods of time. Confirmation of her magic, learning of Merlin's, realizing her love for him, being told of her secret family history, even having her own death and partial revival laid out for her … she had dealt with all of these harsh surprises exceptionally well, she thought. But this was one theory she would not subscribe too, not-dreams be damned.

"My lady, please listen…" Gaius was saying, approaching her from where she stood with her back to him next to the tomb. "As hard as this must be to hear, Merlin-"

Morgana turned to him in a swirl of hair and fabrics, feeling her own eyes burn amber. "Is a good man, Gaius! And a strong one, stronger than anyone gives him credit for. He will not- he could not-" Her voice died along with the light of her eyes, but the desperation remained. "He is the kindest soul I've ever known…"

"My lady- Morgana, please." Gaius began again; a single lift of his brow cutting off her coming shout. "I did not wish to believe it either, and yet I have felt the proof myself. Merlin's rage reached us even here, and it was terri-!"

Morgana snorted derisively in the middle of his distressed pleas. "If that is so, why did I not feel it, hmm?" She spat. "Where is this so called evidence of my husband's… descent?"

Gaius merely grimaced, and looked pointedly behind her. Morgana turned to the tomb she had risen from, plagued by broken shards of the crystal that had been encasing her. A small crunch alerted her to her sandals crushing a few as she stepped up to it.

"According to the priestess who have welcomed me during my stay; this tomb was meant for the Once and Future King," Gaius said matter-of-factly, the slightest note of wistfulness in his voice. "To keep him safely between life and death while he recovers from the wounds he should receive from the traitor Mordred, until the day the crystal encasing him breaks and he can return, to put right what was lost. That dream is dead, now that Merlin has co-opted Arthur's tomb to save you… though I don't think he meant too."

Morgana swallowed audibly, despite herself, and shook her head to free it from that same piercing sting that flashed through it. She let out a pained cry as her hands cradled her face, trying to flee from the cold knowledge that a nightmare was coming to her on leather wings, but she was awake, how was this hap-

Arthur lies inside his crystal coffin, gauntleted hands holding the hilt of a grand sword, humming with fire and promise. From all across the grove they come, the Nine, the sisters of Avalon, to assist the old magic in guiding the world's king back to life.

Morgan le Fay walks among them, but apart from them, leading the way as if she is the only one truly fit for this job. In a way, she is… the others only care of what he will do, but she is the only one who is here for Arthur himself. They are well accustomed to her ways, though, and Morgause shakes her head affectionately at Nimueh, the only two among the holy priestesses to understand why she is like this.

Morgan stops in front of her brother, cool eyes of pale green stone taking in the many lines on his face, white gloved hands reaching up self-consciously to trace the smooth places where they should be. So many years, she muses, so many centuries spent tending her long lost family, and you would never know it to look at her. She can barely remember the pain that brought her here, the madness that devoured her whole until the end; until it was just her and Merlin, the way it always was, standing in a field of broken bodies.

The turn of the Earth may blur many things for her, but she is incapable of forgetting that face. Coolly condemning and finally forgiving, as together they loaded Arthur's corpse onto the boat and she set off to Avalon, to redeem herself. And he set off into the brush, to find himself at last, now that there was no king and no kingdom left to serve.

Merlin is never far from her mind, and never closer than when she is with the man they both defined themselves by. After all this time, she finds it not hard at all to at last forgive him. She wonders where he is, what he is like now; if perhaps, in another time and another place…

Morgan le- no, Morgana Pendragon- shook her head and sighed.

So much time lost.

Morgana's scream dies in her throat; she is fine, she is back now, she is herself. The cold Morgana, the hollow Morgana, recedes back into the abyss of time, and she is Merlin's wife once more. He had never betrayed her, she had never betrayed everyone else, and- and- was someone holding her?

"Th-thank you, Gaius." She murmured distractedly, grateful she had not fallen on the sharp glass, when her eyes caught his worried ones and another flash pierces her, less hard this time;

There is a woman, beautiful and blonde, excitedly showing the young Gaius pages from her book- Merlin's spellbook, she realizes, the one he gave to her- and the candlelight catches her eyes in such a way that for the first time he truly believes in magic; for no science could ever describe the beacon that is Alice. And the fireplace is abruptly lit aflame by the strength of his passion, a passion he will never reach again, and he blushes under her knowing gaze-

There is a teenager crying, desperately trying to stifle tears she no longer wants to shed, as she sits alone in the bed of a familiar room- it is Merlin's old room, in the back of Gaius' chambers. The young woman jumps when the door opens slowly, expecting to see her friend, the gentle prince, with hands drenched in blood and face lined with years and madness. Instead it is Gaius, smiling weakly down at her, and it is all she can stand before she has wrapped herself around his frame. And for the first time in years, the young woman allows herself to believe in someone-

And there is Morgause, young and scared, running from a crazed woman- the same woman- in the dark, running from her newly twisted mind and the dark plans she had to use Uther's daughter against hi-

And there is the dragon, whispering to the woman in her sleep, telling her how she was the only one capable of stopping him, how important Camelot's destiny was, how to save Emrys by sacrificing-

And there is Merlin, her Merlin, eyes cold and blank and she remembers now, oh she remembers, just how terrifying he is to behold when acting in defense of those he loves. And the woman- it is Nimueh, she knows at last- cries again, as she is consumed by the light-

…

"Wh-what is this?" Morgana shouted, trying to break away from his surprisingly firm arms; only making it a few paces before stumbling back into Gaius' concerned grasp. Her head was pounding, Gaius was calling for her with fear lining ever contour of his face, and she couldn't-

A young couple kisses over brewing potions, they complete each other, they are Gaius and Alice, she is running into the night as guards chase her and he is staying behind as Uther's right hand, promises never to practice her art again, if he please just spares this one, for his sake-

"Deep breaths, Morgana." Gaius whispered in her ear, and she tore away again, pressing against her head as if trying to force out the nonsensical storm of events. It began to calm, somewhat, as she finally realized just what had kept Gaius on Uther's side all these years.

"That's why you stayed with Uther-" she mumbles, as the pain begins to finally leave her. "You made a deal, so he wouldn't go after the woman you loved."

Looking over her shoulder, she watched Gaius nod sadly. "I was a fool, Morgana. I thought I could protect her by separating us; instead, I have only bought a lifetime of heartache and loneliness for us both."

Morgana's gaze fell to the ground. She knew what that felt like, far too well. Memories of the look on Merlin's face when she had told him she didn't love him, and the agony of their parting that followed, still cut her to her core. But that pain is nothing as compared to the way the breath leaves her body with the snippets of new memories trickling in. Destinies where Merlin is dead or an enemy or does not even exist, lives spent mired in cruelty and loneliness and his ringing absence. An eternity of Morganas stretching from side to side, all losing or hating or never even knowing him; and in this moment, she thinks she understand separation more than anyone who has lived.

"This… place… I believe it lets one See without sleep." Morgana stated at last, shaking the threads of foreign knowledge out of her head as the Sight tried to claw its way back in. The entire world- or at least, this entire world- seemed to be whispering to her, gifting her with arcane knowledge she wasn't even sure she could comprehend, trying to pull back a thousand different curtains to show her destiny after destiny. She wondered if this was what Merlin felt like, when magic just came to him the way it did.

"I am not surprised." Gaius conceded, stepping close enough to put a cautious arm on hers. "Avalon lays at the juncture in-between all things; life and death, magic and science… even the waking and dreaming worlds are united within its boundaries."

Morgana looked at him as if from very far away, as Avalon continued to speak to her from across time. He had left out the most crucial one; in this place, reality and possibility were bedmates.

"Yes… it is here that a Seer's true potential is unlocked, and she can See beyond all veils." The words left her lips as if they weren't her own. The probably weren't.

"Then look, Morgana." Gaius rejoined earnestly, keen eyes forcing her to finally focusing on him. "See what Merlin's path is, now that he has lost you."

Morgana shook her head.

"I don't need to. I know who Merlin is, and what he's capa-"

An image pierced her, seared her to her soul; golden eyes the only light in a world of eternal midnight, no hope, no love, only grief; staring sightlessly through his hair, through time, through her-

Screaming his name, Morgana collapsed… into the dark.

###

"What did you see, my dear?"

Morgana shot an unreadable glance towards Gaius, as he checked over her head while she lay propped up against the tomb, scarcely able to believe that there was no wound from the fall. (She kept trying to tell him they were practically spirits, but that must be quite a lot to swallow for a man of science…)

The Seer had only been unconscious- or whatever the equivalent was in a world without sleep or death- for a few minutes, but it had been more than enough.

"I saw the world unfold before me." Morgana whispered. For a moment, she swayed, as if blown by the force of what she'd been exposed to, before a sudden laugh set Gaius off guard. "It's funny, isn't it, Gaius?" She giggled inappropriately. "All this time I've been fleeing from my dreams, and now that there's nowhere to run, I find them almost… nice?"

Gaius just smiled at her, in a way that said 'I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm happy for you.' She thought he must have perfected it on Merlin- or, perhaps, even Nimueh. "You can control it, then?"

Morgana shook her head; the future wasn't something to be bossed around, she knew that now. "It's more like… I can rest easy, finally, for I believe Avalon has helped my Sight show me all that it wants me to see." She groaned and lifted a hand to rub the back of her neck, where something not quite like pain was radiating. She could feel her inner eye closing for the last time… "I don't think I'll be having anymore nightmares, after this."

Gaius heaved a sigh and settled against the tomb next to her, after brushing some stray shards off the ground. "I am pleased, then." He said, with the air of someone putting their affairs in order before getting into bed. For the first time she noticed the basket of apples he had left on Arthur's sacred resting place, and it was all so very un-Gaius, to disrespect decorum like that… perhaps Merlin had finally managed to make him lessen the hold he had on his reigns, after all. So, on a whim, the lady slid her smooth hand into his rough one, smiling warmly at her oldest friend. And for a time, they simply sat there, admiring the light glistening off the apple trees.

Morgana closed her eyes, and almost wished that Merlin were here with them. A place all their own, with no destiny and no one to kill; it was exactly what they had always wanted. No, that's not true; she didn't mind killing if for the right cause, and perhaps even enjoyed the thrill of it on some dark level, as a good knight does. It was Merlin that had always wanted an end to it… because it was always him who had to take life, wasn't it?

Morgana could see it all now, stretched throughout time. Merlin the servant, the gentlest man in the world, forced to murder over and over again in the name of destiny, and burying the guilt and the disgust further and further each time until it becomes frighteningly easy to do. She had made a promise to protect him from that, to kill all their foes before they could even touch him, and even in trying she had failed spectacularly. When the chips were down, it was never she who had to make that terrible choice to save Camelot, never Arthur or Uther or anyone truly capable of it. It always came down to Merlin, the last man who wanted to hurt anyone.

She is choking, and dying, and hating him, all the while she takes comfort in his arms. Never once after is she strong enough to admit why he had held her and cried into her hair… to admit that he didn't want to do this to her.

Morgana sigh internally.

And the whole time, there I was, trying to get you to become even more of a killer. Morgana rolled her eyes skyward at herself, unable to tolerate the self-loathing slithering in her gut. Because, when the day she had prayed for finally came, and Uther was gone; she had felt nothing but sorrow. There was no righteous thrill, no avenged elation; he was a broken old man haunted by voices real and imagined, and her father through and through. In the face of his madness, she knew that Merlin had been correct after all; that even a soul as black as Uther's deserved a second chance. You were right, Merlin, you were always right. Only, the funny thing is; now I've made you think that my selfish quest for vengeance was the just course, haven't I?

Her Merlin was broken, Morgana knew; she had broken him clean in half, and if Morgause didn't pay the price, Camelot would.

Gaius opened his mouth at last to speak, but she beat him to it.

"I know what you're going to say." She whispered, meeting his eyes with a tearful smile. "I Saw it in my dream, and my answer is no."

Gaius frowned. "If it is a matter of difficulty, I assure you, I have watched the ceremony performed many times now and you are a very talented sorceress, I'm sure I could teach-"

Morgana cut him off with a wistful smile. "I've Seen all I need to do it myself… but I'm sorry, Gaius, I will not sacrifice your life to bring myself back to Merlin."

Her face fell sadly, and she turned back to watch the non-existent sun set in the horizon, lighting up the sky with every color she could imagine.

"If Merlin has taught me anything," she mused quietly. "…it is that the greater good is rarely serviced by offering tributes in its name."

"You and I both know that that is a child's view of the world." Gaius grumbled beside her, his grip tightening almost roughly on her hand. "Nothing worth anything comes without loss, Morgana… and my time has far passed."

"And what of Alice?" Morgana bit out, scoffing at his wise old face. "You will never see her again, never be reunited!"

"I believe- I have to believe- that wherever we go when we die will allow us to be together once more." He replied, his old voice tired and bittersweet. "I have already failed her in this life, failed so many; I cannot fail anyone else. And it's not as if I am going to recover from the injuries to my true body; I can feel myself slipping from the living world with each passing second."

Morgana bit her lip as he continued, listing the reasons for his sacrifice as plainly as potion ingredients.

"So you see, my dear, I will die regardless. And to be honest…" The old man let his head fall back against the stone, eyes shut tightly. "I really could use the rest, Morgana." The words spilled from his mouth in an exhausted sigh.

And Morgana sat, and watched him, waiting for him to move or speak or… something. But he stayed still as if sleeping, and she knew what he was waiting for. Just as she knew how pointless it was to pretend she couldn't do this, wouldn't do this, hadn't always been going to.

Because in all the world, there was nothing more important to her than saving Merlin.

"I had to try, you know," She whispered, as her hand drifted out of his and she rose to stand above him. "…To trick myself into believing that I would not to be able to do such a thing."

"Then thank you, Morgana." He smiled warmly, eyes still closed. "For making an old man feel important."

"But you are important, Gaius. You're important… because you are loved." Pale blues opened to meet hers, stunned and touched. Unashamedly, she let her tears break yet again, no longer afraid to sob for those who deserved it, strong enough to admit that… "I don't want to do this."

"Oh, hush child." He said gruffly, but waveringly, as if she wouldn't see his own tears if he again shut his eyes tightly enough. "I've lived a good life in the service of my loved ones; let me die a good death in the same manner."

In spite of herself, Morgana laughed a genuine laugh.

Always the caretaker, even to the end.

And for the first time, rain began to fall on Avalon.

###

As Merlin falls into the dark, so does Morgana rise into the light. Destiny is broken and the Golden Age lies bleeding… the designated hero is poised to become Camelot's greatest threat, and the only one who can save it is it's fated villain. But what will this new future look like, when the dust settles?

2-3 chapters to go… (still…)