Sorry for the forever long delay, I was feeling a little discouraged after last chapter, but an email from one of my dear readers picked me up enough for this chapter- this one's for vc :)

Manda

Chapter 36

*_*_*_*_Jasper*_*_*_*_*

She's finally asleep. It's been a long and trying day, but she's finally here with me, safe and within my reach. It calms my nerves. Her breathing evens out quickly and I can tell that she's more peaceful than usual. I hope that the exhaustion of her day causes her to rest well. What a pair Rosalie and I are, each scrutinizing the other, questioning the other's methods or intentions. Alice is too kind to both of us; I don't know how she stands it. I look down at the tiny woman sprawled across the bed. I push her arm down a few inches, she is well and truly asleep, but her last few shifts in her sleep have started her arm wandering up higher across my thighs, so I move it carefully back toward my knees where it was originally located.

I hear heavy footsteps in the hallway and the door clicks open, the hinges quietly protesting their use. I look up to find an uncharacteristically calm looking Emmett with a very characteristic grin on his face. It's enough to make me wonder if he somehow knows about my readjustment of Alice's arm only a few moments ago, but whatever the reason for his smile, he doesn't share it with me. I can feel from his emotions that although his demeanor is confident, he is looking for any sign that I don't want him there and he'll leave. I nod over to the window seat where I usually pass my time and his smile gets bigger as he lumbers over and sits himself down. Although the action seems thunderously loud to my ears, Alice doesn't even flinch, so it must not have been that noisy.

I speak quietly, hoping that I can manage to steer the tone of the conversation to something quiet enough to allow Alice to get her sleep.

"So, Emmett, what can I do for you?"

"How is she holding up? Going to take a little time off of school already?"

"Yes, just until I'm sure of the location of the nomads. I don't want to take any unnecessary chances and I think a break will be good for her. She's had to jump into everything pretty quickly."

I don't feel the need to defend the decision to Emmett, only to fill him in on enough to answer his question.

"Yeah, she's a fighter though. She and Rose aren't so different, when you get past all of her jumpiness."

"Something like that happened to Rosalie too, right?" I can't bring myself to clarify further than 'something like that', as if avoiding the words somehow might make them untrue. He doesn't seem to need further clarification.

"Yeah, it was why she was turned."

"Were you there in the beginning? Did you know her before then?"

"No, I came after her, a few years after she was turned. I'd been out hiking and was mauled by a bear. She was barely out of newborn years and managed to carry me back to the house and demand that I be changed."

"Impressive."

"I know. But no, I wasn't there in the beginning. No one ever really talks about it, I think they all had a hard time adjusting at first, she was dying when they found her and when she woke up she was pissed. She never wanted this life, she was angry that the choice was made for her. It made everything difficult for a while, I guess until she found me in the woods, and that gave her someone else to focus on."

"Do you ever wonder what she was like before that?"

"Not really. She remembers some of it. She was sort of shallow back then. If I could have chosen immortality for her without such a high price of that night, I would have, but without it she wouldn't be who she is now and she certainly wouldn't have been changed. I wouldn't have her if not for that night. It changed her, but it woke her up too, and eventually it brought her to me."

"I wonder what Alice was like before everything."

"Man, you can't do that to yourself. Its part of who she is now and it'll get easier, but it'll never go away."

"I think she was only a little kid. She told me that he was human, and she was changed pretty young."

"There are some sick people out there. I can't imagine."

"How do you do it? How do you go about every day knowing what happened to her? I'm afraid to let her out of my sight, afraid that someone else will hurt her or even pick on her or look down on her. I'm driving myself crazy trying to protect her from everyone because at some point there was no one there for her and he got to her."

My attention shifts to the window behind his head, my gaze intense. I feel like the thing might crack under the pressure of my glare.

"One step at a time. You can't just let him win, she's stronger than she knows, and your job is to help her figure that out. You can rescue her in every situation for the rest of eternity, but it isn't going to be helping her, it'll just help you feel better. If you really want to help her, you need to teach her how to help herself and prove to her that she's able. I know Rosalie can come across a little bit strong, but that's what she's trying to accomplish with the training downstairs. She just wants Alice to feel like she can control a situation like that, because the truth is, she can."

"I don't want her to ever be in a situation where she has to defend herself."

"You can't make that call for her. She has to be able to do her own thing, decide for herself, and then feel safe enough to act on her decisions. She can't heal if she doesn't have to work at it."

"I have no idea what I'm doing with her. My world has been military for so long. I feel like a wild animal being put in charge of a nursery. If it was anyone else, I wouldn't care that I was messing this all up, but it's her."

He chuckles to himself, none to quietly. "Jasper, if that statement wasn't proof of a mate bond, I don't know what is. Can you really not see it?"

I cut my eyes to his face, irritated that he's baiting me. He seems to get the message and he does his best to rearrange his features into a more neutral expression, but I can tell that he is still amused. I roll my eyes at his antics, still more than a little irritated. Although I respect Emmett's experience in this area, I can tell that this conversation is probably not going to continue much longer, especially if he can't wipe that amused smirk off his face.

Luckily for him, he doesn't get the chance to continue in his train of thought as he's interrupted by Alice shifting in her sleep. Her breathing is picking up and I wonder if I should wake her. I know that she hasn't been getting much sleep lately and I don't want to interrupt her rest unnecessarily, but I don't want to let a nightmare continue, either. I don't get much help from Emmett as he leaves me to decide, but I do hear him trying to rally the others for a hunting trip. I take a deep breath, knowing that he'll be back in to try to recruit me before long.

*_*_*_*_Carlisle*_*_*_*_*

"Esme, lovely, how was your day?" The hospital has been busy with a nasty flu that's been going around and I'm home late, again. My wonderful wife doesn't say anything about it, as usual, but I know that it bothers her when I'm gone so much longer than I already work.

She sits down on the edge of the bed, moving her hair off the back of her neck in a request for me to unclasp her necklace. I do so and she carefully places it on the dresser, flicking off the lights before returning to sit on the bed next to me. The absence of the fluorescent light makes little difference to our sight, but it's part of the routine, and it's familiar, even if unnecessary. Every night we get ready for bed, turn off the light, and settle in to talk as if we really were getting settled down to go to sleep. Some nights we talk all night, some we just lay together, others we find ourselves… otherwise engaged. Whatever we do, the nights are our time to spend together and reconnect. I get through days like this by looking forward to these hours with my wife. I've always missed being able to sleep, but I wouldn't give up these nights with my wife, even for the ability to sleep and dream again.

"It was interesting, if nothing else." She finally responds, snaking her arm around my waist and pulling herself closer.

"Really, did your client finally call back on the order?"

"No, it was actually much more unexpected. I was home with Jasper, and I was thinking back about the last few days they've been with us. It made me realize that we've been so focused on Alice that we haven't really had much time to interact with Jasper. I wanted him to know that we were glad that he was here too, not just that we were glad he brought Alice here. He's had a hard time of things too, and it's just so hard to include him when he's so used to being on the outside looking in. I feel as though we're going to be able to help and incorporate Alice without much trouble, with our experience as a family with similar issues, but we're going to have to work a little harder with him. None of us can really identify with him like we want to, and I think it's going to be difficult, so I wanted to make sure that we got started on it now.

"I asked him to talk with me, and I told him that I was glad he was here. I mean, it might not have meant anything to him, but I wanted him to hear it from me, either way. I also told him that all of us in the house have some experience with the sort of issues Alice is dealing with, and therefore also the sort of things he's trying to accomplish for her, and that we'd all be willing to help out in any way we can. I don' think he's comfortable with attention on himself for very long, not emotional attention, anyways, so we mainly talked about Alice.

"I wanted him to understand what I was talking about, so I told him some of my story and he wanted to know how I was different from Rosalie, always lashing out at people if I'd been through what I said I had. I had to tell him the truth, just what you told me. That I couldn't move on until I found the strength to forgive, even if that doesn't excuse responsibility for the wrong things he did."

I'm curious to see where this is going. I doubt Jasper took that advice well, considering his background and experiences, but I've visually examined my wife from her toes to her light pink nightdress and every other inch of skin and I don't see any sign of injury.

"I don't imagine he approved of your suggestion?" I ask, trying to coax her back to the conversation from her thoughts, the faraway look in her eyes fading again.

"No, he didn't. He told me that he didn't care about his peace of mind, but that he would consider my advice for Alice. Does it really do Alice any good to forgive him if Jasper's going to hunt him down and kill him? I don't know if it would still be cathartic to tell him at his grave."

"I doubt whoever hurt her is still alive. Partly because of Jasper, but also because she behaves as if these are old wounds. I bet whoever she's remembering is long gone."

Her responses match a lot of cases I've seen, so I hope that's the case. I know Esme will be upset if she finds out anyone in our family hunted him down and killed him, even if it was Jasper.

"I hope so. Both of them could use a little peace of mind. When the kids came home from school, Alice and Rose didn't come. Rosalie took Alice on some sort of strange shopping trip for training mats and workout clothing so she could start her in self defense lessons. I think I missed something, because I have no idea why Rose even decided on this or why Alice let her, but either way, she seemed to do pretty well in her first lesson. I think Rosalie plans on her and me working with her for a while and then eventually incorporating the men, to help work on her fears. I don't know if it is a good idea, but Rose is set on it."

"You have had an eventful day, haven't you? What did Jasper do when the other two came home without her?"

"About what you'd expect. He nearly took Emmett's head off when he exited the car without her and they barely got through an explanation in time. I thought he was going to go after Rose when she brought her back, but he was so intent on Alice that he all but forgot her. It's amazing to see those two around one another."

"I know what you mean. They're clearly meant for one another, I guess opposites attract after all."

"Do you really think the nomads you were looking into are as dangerous as Jasper thinks? We've run into our kind over the years and never had any major trouble, why would this time be different?"

"I don't know. They may be young and are certainly careless, which could be a problem, either for the humans in town or even for Alice, if they get too close. That in itself makes them more dangerous and unpredictable than any of the others we've encountered. I guess we'll see soon. Given their traveling patterns, I expected them to be here today, so maybe tomorrow we'll find that they've already passed through. Although I plan on warning them if I see them, I don't think I'll track them down if they miss us. The Volturi will take care of them soon enough and I don't want to possibly risk Alice unnecessarily."

"I guess that's wise. I wish we could step in to stop the bloodshed, but I guess they'll be killing to feed either way, it's just a matter of how clean they are."

"I'm afraid you're right."

She nestles into my chest and I lean back, taking her with me, until we're lying together on the bed, each lost in our own thoughts. I hear the creak of the door from upstairs, but I don't pay any attention. It's pretty late, but that doesn't matter much in a house of vampires.

I wonder if Rosalie knows what she's doing. I've been carried away with work lately and I haven't been around, but my reasoning is partly because of Alice. I want her to feel safe in the house, and for some reason she still distrusts me. I have some ideas of my own as to how she might move forward in her recovery, but I know that they won't be well received from me, not yet, so I hang back.

When Rosalie came into the family, it was more like adopting a vindictive outlaw- especially for the first few years- than a daughter. Now, with Alice, I feel as though we've been given another chance, but even though the rest of the family is making progress with her, I still feel obligated to stay back. I would love to be able to just spend time with her and Jasper, get to know the two newest members of my family, but Jasper is still hard to engage without Alice present and Alice is terrified of me. I thought we were making progress after the trip into town a few days ago, but every time I've seen her in the house since she's seemed startled and once even left the room.

I'm not sure what makes me uniquely the subject of her mistrust, although I have theories. It could just be that I'm still unfamiliar, as she's been with the others more, between going to school with the boys and Rosalie and having breakfast with Esme. I might also be connected in her mind to her past abuser, in whatever way; it could be as simple as some physical similarity or even a certain turn of phrase. I've also considered that being the male authority figure of the house may have something to do with it. Whatever the reason, I hope that I can overcome in someday soon and be able to get to know my new daughter and her chosen mate.

"She sure is something, isn't she, Carlisle?"

It's as if she's reading my thoughts. I look down to find her gazing at the east wall, toward the guest bedroom.

"Yes, love. They both are. I wish there was more we could do."

"Scars aren't just physical and mental, darling. There is much to healing that can't be assisted or predicted. They need to find their own way more than they need us to show it to them."

"Maybe you're right; I just wish I could be of some help."

"It bothers you that she still hasn't come around to you."

It isn't a question, after a hundred years together she knows me as well as my mind reading son.

"She will, love. All in time."

Next chapter is big, please tell me what you think :)