Friday, August 7th
"Would you get hip to this kindly tip and go take that California trip get your kicks on Route 66." Greg sang with the Rolling Stones. They were on the Route 66, started at the Santa Monica Pier, through West Hollywood up to Upland. Sara used Ford Mercury Mountaineer brought them there in ninety minutes now they were on their way back to Silver Lake, windows down and music loud.
"Do you want to get some kicks with me, Sara?"
"Maybe some sticks – chopsticks."
"Is that a hint you want lunch? Alright baby." Greg had taken over the steering wheel on their way back to test Sara's car. The Mountaineer was four years old, in good condition and so far, there was nothing they could complain about.
"Or do you have to save yourself for tonight?"
"She's jealous." Greg smirked. "My Sara is jealous, oh sweet Jesus, thanks for that."
"Jerk."
"Right, so right. Oh Sara, I love you."
"And I won't take you back to Silver Lake if you're a pain in the ass."
"Come on, it's not my fault, she asked me. More or less."
"I don't want details!"
Greg grinned. He had picked Sara up after therapy and when he and Jules met for the brief moment she escorted Sara out of her office, they had talked and ended the conversation with a new appointment for dinner. Something Sara didn't want to hear.
"You all go out for dates, I stay at home, take care of the dogs. They want to spend time with me."
"I'm sure Sofia also wants to spend time with you."
"She wasn't home this morning, she'll stay the rest of the weekend with Ellen. Rebuilding an old relationship."
"I still can't believe that. Ellen is…not whom I would choose for Sofia."
"Who would you choose?"
"I don't know, somebody who is more…sensitive. Ellen is hot, but self-centered. I can't see her in a long term relationship. I doubt she's capable of putting herself behind for somebody."
"Love doesn't make sense all the time and it certainly doesn't think."
"Lust even less. Sofia is a sexy woman, exactly what Ellen needs to show off."
"So why is Sofia so stupid and let her ex use her?"
"Sometimes you know you're acting stupid but you can't change it."
"Yeah." Sara looked out of the window. She had no idea why, but she felt a little bit disappointed that Sofia let herself pull into whatever Ellen planed with her. For Sara it had looked the whole time like the blonde didn't like a single thing Ellen did. At the same time, she wasn't able to stop herself from getting dragged in. That wasn't the Sofia she knew.
"So after being the proud owner of a car, when will you come to Vegas?"
"As soon as I've two days off."
"Good, that can't take too long. I'll try to have the same days off but you won't leave the city without a visit in the lab. They guys want to see you."
"Five minutes."
"Come on."
"Okay, a breakfast in our old diner, where Nick's car got stolen one day."
"Don't remind me of that day, that wasn't funny."
"We all were at the same crime scene and saw different things."
"You flirted with a best man."
"He flirted with me – tried to. Absolutely drunk."
"You were involved with Grissom at that time, did you feel …like you wanted a wedding too?"
"No."
"Oh come on, you never thought of marrying Grissom?"
"We weren't that long together when we worked this case. Later I might have wasted a thought or two how it could be to be Misses Grissom and have a wedding. I mean, we were engaged, we had plans to get married. But not that kind of wedding. A simple ceremony, no guests, no celebration. If I ever get married, it will be in private."
"Can I be there?"
"You have to be there, you'll be my groomsman."
He held his heart. "Ouch, that was painful. For years, I didn't want anything else than being your husband, now that I'm over you, you play with me and my feelings. You're so cruel Sara Sidle, a really cruel woman with no heart. When will we get married? Shall I drive us to Vegas right away?"
"You said, you're over me."
"One of your cute smiles and I'm yours again."
"Get us to an Asian take away shop, Lover Boy."
"A wedding lunch."
"Last supper?"
"There is the cynical Sara again, I like her too. Always good for a cynical and sarcastic comment when other women would talk sweet things about romance and love. You're a woman, I can invite to a rock concert for a date."
Sara blinked at him, put her hand on his and enjoyed the warm wind, that came through the window. This was good, this felt right. Her own car, a warm late summer day and an old friend by her side. There were no words to thank him for last night. Greg had simply been there, had taken her in his arms, made sure she was fine without really knowing what was haunting her. He didn't need explanations, he saw what she needed and gave her, what was good for her. No thoughts of what he'd get out of it. Was it worth staying in L.A. or was she better off to go back to Vegas, to have him close?
A new beginning in a new town, a new job, a job she had never worked in before. She was an absolutely beginner, her time at university was useless, she had to learn a lot of new things. No more CSI, no more law enforcement. A brand new start. Was it a good idea? Was she capable of doing the job, she had applied for? What, if she wasn't good enough, got kicked out? Would she try to find another job in L.A. or would she move on? Go anywhere else. Maybe back to San Francisco. Her old home town. Was it possible to make the things, that went wrong there years ago, go right? Was it better for her…disorder…to be at the place, where all the bad things had happened? Could she fight her fears there better?
A hand, that was placed on her shoulder and gently shook a bit, got her back in reality.
"Did you sleep?"
"No, I was thinking."
"You don't look like you had happy thoughts."
"So many things have happened the last days, weeks, I made plans for a brand new start and sometimes I've got doubts, if these plans are good. What if I fail?"
"Sara Sidle doesn't fail."
"If I fail, if I can't work as a ranger because I'm not good enough, then what?"
"Won't happen. You can and will work as a ranger. You're a smart woman, you'll learn everything fast, no doubt about that. You were a great teacher when I became a CSI, without I'd be still a lab rat. You can only be a good teacher when you were a good student."
"I hope so."
"I know so." He hugged her. "Come on, ranger, time for some lunch. A chopstick duel."
"D'Artagnan?"
"I prefer Charlie's Angels over the three musketeers. The angels are sexier."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"You know me too well." He pulled her in his arms and walked with her to the little Asian take away shop. His week with Sara was almost over, time flew. He had to talk with Grissom about the next two or three days off. Maybe it wasn't enough to see Sara once a month. Maybe he wanted to see her more often.
When they came back home in the late afternoon, the house was empty. Neither Sofia nor the dogs were around.
"Looks like I'll have an evening on my own."
"You can join me."
"I won't join you on your date with my therapist."
"Not date, dinner."
"Same shit, different name."
"My grumpy Sara, I love you." He kissed her cheek and went away to get ready for his dinner.
With a book and a juice, Sara sat down in the garden. She didn't feel like going out for a run, she wanted a quiet evening and read. A good preparation made her feel more safe. She had always been an avid reader, that helped her now too.
"Your last chance to change your mind about dinner." Greg came in the garden. He didn't wear anything fancy, only some blue jeans, a shirt and black shoes. He looked more like he wanted to spend the evening with some guys in a bar. Somehow Sara liked that more than a Greg in a suit. This looked more casual, not formal, not like he wanted to impress doctor Weinberg.
"No, thanks."
"Your choice. I'll see you later."
"If you don't come home too late."
"Before midnight, mom." He bent down and kissed her cheek.
"Good." She smiled.
"If there is anything, you need anything, call me. Okay?"
"Okay."
She watched him vanish in the living room. Now she was alone. A big house, not her house, and she was alone. On a Friday night. She was the same poor show she had been in high school and college. Everybody was out, having fun while she sat at home and read. Some things never changed.
Like feelings for your ex? Sofia was apparently still or again out with Ellen. She had probably taken the dogs with her and wouldn't come home tonight. What would happen if Sara came to Vegas? Would she fall for Grissom again? Would her old feelings for him, feelings, that made her come from San Francisco to Las Vegas, take over and she fall for him again? Could a relationship, that didn't work out the first time, have a happy ending when you tried it for the second time. Going back to your ex meant, you knew the person, you knew about the mistakes and the good sides, you knew what the other wanted, what the other one could give you. You knew why it didn't work out first, can make sure, it would be different the next time.
Which mistakes did she make in their relationship? It took two to make a relationship work, it usually took two make it fail. Sure it was easier to concentrate on the mistakes of your ex, but she hadn't been easy nor fair either. She hadn't talked to him when she felt, she wasn't alright, that she needed some time away from Vegas. She hadn't told him, her past was haunting her, was inferring with her life, her cases, their relationship. She had written a letter and left it. No real goodbye.
When he didn't follow her immediately, she blamed him. She sent him a video message that it was over because he didn't make a decision. Now she knew, it wasn't fair to end it because he didn't quit his job and followed her. She had never asked if he wanted another life, if he was alright with being somewhere else. She had left, started a new life, went to Costa Rica and when he didn't follow her like a puppy, she sent him the video that it was over. Maybe they weren't meant for each other but he had deserved better.
Something wet and cold was suddenly on her hand. She pulled it back and realized, it was the wet and cold snout of Rantanplan.
"Hey boy, where do you come from?"
"A long walk on the beach with my best pale Scoob and my mommy." Sofia came out of the living room, a bottle of beer in her hands.
"Sounds like a good day."
"Wasn't too bad. What about your day? How is it to own a car again?"
"Great, I feel independent now."
"You took it out for a little drive?"
"Greg and me drove to Upland, the old Route 66 for a nostalgic day with some oldies coming out of the radio."
"Sounds like a good day too. Where's Greg? In bed?"
"Out for dinner."
"Don't tell me he's having another dinner date with doctor Weinberg."
"I can assure you, I won't say that." Sara grumbled.
"Okay." Sofia smiled a bit. "Do you mind?"
"You sitting here or he dating my therapist?"
"Both."
"Both are things I've no influence over."
"When you tell me to get lost, I'll go."
"Your house."
"You pay rent."
"I don't mind you here, Sofia. Why should I?"
"Because I'm not a good friend."
"Why's that?"
"When you needed me last night, I wasn't there. I told you, you can stay with me, I'll scare the nightmares away and I wasn't there."
"You're not my slave, you're entitled to your own life. Besides, Greg was there and he did a good job."
"I bet he didn't mind."
"No, not at all. Did you have a good time?"
"Let's say I'm not proud of the last twenty-four hours and I rather not talk about them."
"It's nothing wrong to reconnect with the ex."
"Believe, me, everything of that was wrong. But it won't happen again."
"That means, you won't go out tonight?"
"Only if you want to go out with me."
"I'd rather stay at home."
"So we'll stay home. How was therapy?"
"Alright. I told her about my dreams, that I blame myself all the time and I don't have so bad nightmares when you or Greg are with me."
"What did she say about that?"
"At the end I've to sleep alone in my bed in order to handle my life alone."
"A typical therapist answer."
"Yeah, she's a spoilsport, only jealous that I've company while she has to sleep alone."
"You never know, she might not be alone tonight."
"He'll be back until midnight, she has to sleep alone and that's all I want to say about that topic."
"Okay." Sofia smiled a bit.
"How is Don?"
"Better. I talked to him for a while, he'll be back on Sunday afternoon. So far it doesn't look like we'll lose him to New York. He keeps his past in the past and won't plan his future around it."
"That's a good thing. A difficult but good thing. I'll try the same."
"Same here." Sofia finished her beer. "Want one too?"
"Yeah, why not. Thanks." The good thing about sharing a house was, she wasn't alone. She used to be a loner, tried to keep people out of her live, the last couple of days made it obvious, she liked to spend time with people she liked. So far it hadn't bothered her, that she had only her bedroom and bathroom to her own. That was enough. When she was in her bedroom, the door closed, usually nobody came along and bothered her. Don had a little sign on his room, one side said 'coffee break', the other one 'interrogation'. When you could read the coffee break, you could come in, the interrogation meant, please stay out. Not once she had seen the interrogation side.
"There are little smoke clouds above your head, you're thinking too hard, Sara." Sofia handed her the cold bottle of beer with a smile.
"I'll dowse the brain fire with beer."
"At least you don't look like you it was something bad you've got thought of."
"No, I thought that it's good to be here. That even when I share a house with two people, I've got my private time and everybody accepts the private time and space of the other."
"Of course. If you don't want to see anybody, we'll accept that."
"Not like in the motel when somebody got the second key to come in."
Sofia smiled. "You wanted to see me, you were only unable to say or show that. Lucky for you, I'm a smart woman most times and I understood you."
The door bell rang. "Stay, I'll have a look. Probably it's Greg and he forgot his keys."
"That was a short date." Sofia grinned.
"Only dinner, all for my therapy." Sara grumbled and got up. She hated it when Sofia put pictures in her head, she didn't want to see. With Scooby right behind her, she went to the front door. Instead of Greg she found Ellen there.