Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders.

Christmas was almost every kid's I know favorite time of year. It was such a happy time….. For them. I don't know… it just… It was different for me, sadder. There was always something missing. Mom and dad they were just running through the motions for Soda and I. There was always... Something missing. It was like having no tree. Things just felt wrong.

Those first few years were the worst. Soda still believed in Santa back then again He was such a sweet kid. Every letter I took a peek at he just asked for Pony back. One time he even asked the Santa at the mall. I can still see that look on mom's face. It made me sick.

When he was nine Soda bawled his eyes out. I remember coming down the hall and seeing him crying. "Mommy am I bad boy?" Mom stiffened. She looked so sad.

"No dear never..."

"Then why won't Santa bring back Pony? I like the football but I won't Pony. I just want Pony..."

That was the year Soda stopped believing in Santa….

I guess this Christmas will be better. At least I think it will. Things still don't feel right. Ponyboy, I just can't get over it. What kind of sadistic masochistic does that to a kid? He's hardly smiled since he came home. He's so scared of everything. Like when he went and got our tree….

We went out to the forest like always. Pony he'd always been too young to go but he was supposed to go that year… So we took him with us. He didn't want to go, you could tell. He shivered and nearly cried the whole way there.

When dad got out the ax he let out a shrink and started to have a panic attack. He thought we were going to kill him and leave his body out in the woods. It took a half hour for dad to calm him down. That was the first fit I've seen him have. He didn't speak he just hyperventilated and he cried. That's not normal for a teenager. What must he have been through for something as simple as Christmas tree hunting to be so terrifying?

He's in the kitchen now, with Soda and mom. Soda was able to coax him into helping him and mom with the Christmas cookies. That always used to be Pony's favorite thing. Soda's really great with him. He really is.

I peaked around the corner. Mom and Soda were rolling out dough. Pony had a paintbrush in his good hand. He was painting a sort of glaze on the cookies. They looked awful pretty, like art. I didn't know he was that talented. At least he was placitated.

Soda was singing out loudly. "Joy to the world the teacher's dead. We barbequed his head. What happened to the body…?"

"Sodapop Patrick!"

I watched as Pony flinched and stiffened. His face went pale. Mom walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay Pony. I'm not going to hit him. Soda was just being rude. I'm not very mad. "Pony eased slightly.

Soda flashed him a grin. "I got a better song. Wanna sing Pony?"

Pony did nothing.

"Glory glory halleluiah, teacher slapped me with a ruler….."

Mom grunted.

To my utter shock and amusement Pony's mouth twitched. It was if he wanted to smile but couldn't bring himself to.

I walked in. "So I met her at the door with a loaded forty-four…."

"And she aint my teacher no more." It got quiet. It was the most any of us had heard from Pony. He slinked back a little. I think he was afraid. But Pony he had sung... He had acted like a normal kid. He had seemed happy if only for a moment. There could have been no better present.

Mom hugged his neck and he stiffened. "Oh honey…." I grinned at Soda. It may have been the first time we were not reprimanded for singing carol parodies.

"Where did you learn that one little buddy?"

Pony looked down. I waited but he didn't talk. I sighed. We were always one step forward and two steps back with this kid…..

I am sorry this is so short but there is a method to my madness. Besides I owed my wonderful readers an update. Thank you for your support.

Oh the songs are from my brother. He taught them to me when I was a kid. I figure they might have been popular back then too.