He still hasn't worked up the nerve to actually do something with the polished ring, and instead is content with lying on his bed, watching as rays of sunlight glint on the platinum band. The ring is of simple design, with thin lines crisscrossing into a heart, where a small diamond rests.
Peeta was surprised he was able to find something so delicate and expensive in District 12, but the shopkeeper explained it had been in the family, given to his grandmother by a Peacekeeper when they had married.
Peeta had politely listened.
He twirls the ring in his hands, thinking again of only Katniss.
He thinks of how it was nice to have someone else in his house for company, for conversation, because he hadn't realized just how lonely living in the huge Victor's house was. As he shifts around on the soft sheets of his bed he wonders if he had been her first.
She had been his.
He thinks of her close relationship with Gale and realizes that even if he was her first, he probably wasn't her last.
It's an awful thought.
He shoves the ring back in its box, and heads to the kitchen, to agitated to paint and desperate for some sort of release to end the sudden pain that's building inside of him. He hadn't felt this poorly in weeks, and the unexpected ache hurts more than he remembered.
He grips the island counter tightly, his knuckles turning white. Peeta thinks of how only two days ago he was sitting at the counter, laughing and joking with Rye with an ease that offered tremendous amounts of comfort. Only two days ago he told his brother that she made him happy, and yeah, it doesn't make sense, but isn't that what love is supposed to be? Something that is confusing, heart-wrenching, but something so impossibly good that it'll always be worth fighting for, worth suffering for?
He had told Rye that she made him happy. And some days she did.
But all that Peeta could think of is the misery he's suffered because of her, the depression he's felt, and the bleakness the corners of his once simple world carries now, all because of her.
He's loved her since he was five years old; he's loved her for forever.
Yeah. I know it doesn't make sense, but she does.
Peeta runs a hand through his hair, completely at a loss of what to do now. When something you've believed in since childhood is suddenly ruined and you're told what you've thought for all your life is worthless, what are you supposed to do?
He can already see her in the woods, running through the trees with a large smile on her face as Gale chases her. Gale makes Katniss happy, and she's survived this long without needing—loving— Peeta, so where does that leave him?
Fuck you, Katniss.
He doesn't need to be reminded that Gale probably already is.
A/N: I am pleased to announce that a major climax/point is upcoming (somewhat) shortly, and then Like Crazy will enter the Catching Fire realm, in effort to keep this somewhat running with the storyline of the trilogy. Yay!
Let me know what you think of what's happening so far, so please drop me a review!
—O