A bell rang as the prisoners were marched out into the courtyard of the prison. Several Dusclops guards walked along the single file line of Pokémon, batons at the ready. The prisoners all wore handcuffs and had one to three feet, depending on the species, chained in a line. The courtyard was surrounded by a large wall with watchtowers on each corner. A Dusknoir sat in each tower, never taking their attention off of the ground. The courtyard itself was nothing more than hard purple ground and a couple rocks. Then again, so was most of the Distortion World.

The chain gang was marched to the center of the courtyard before being ordered to stop. One of the Dusknoir blew into a whistle, and the cuffs were unlocked all at once.

"Okay, you all have thirty minutes of free time before we take you back in for dinner," said the lead Dusknoir. "After that it's Lights Out!"

The prisoners left the line and began exploring the empty courtyard, the Dusclops watching their movements carefully to make sure none of them escaped. Among the prisoners was a deranged looking Wigglytuff, a couple overweight Blastoise and Pikachu, some Golbat with Gene Simmons-esque tongues, a group of Gastrodon with bumps on their heads and a blue, froglike creature that constantly puked blood.

Among the strange set of Pokémon sat a single Jynx with a face that was black, not purple. It casually threw and caught a stone as it watched the other Pokémon. While the stone was in mid-flight, the Jynx was distracted by a sudden flash in the corner of his eye. The Jynx missed the stone on its return trip, but it suddenly floated in midair, inches from the ground.

"I understand that you're a man that knows how to get things," a voice said from behind the Jynx. The Pokémon turned around to see what seemed to be a white cat fetus staring at him with bulging black eyes. The Jynx, unfazed, picked the stone up from the air and frowned.

"I've been known to get things for people from time to time," the Jynx responded in a deep, surprisingly manly voice. "Isn't Giratina's daughter supposed to be watching you in your psychic bubble?" The creature, who we all know as Origin Mew, chuckled.

"Teenagers can easily be bought off," he responded, causing Jynx to look at him in mild surprise. "I have my ways."

Somewhere else in the Distortion World, a teenage Giratina laughed happily as she drove a red convertible up a waterfall.

"Regardless, I need you to do something for me," the slimy cat continued. "You have said that you can get things, correct? Well I need you to get this letter to someone I know," Origin Mew held a white envelope out for Jynx, who took it and examined it carefully.

"And why do you need me specifically to send it? Did you plant explosives in it?" The Jynx pondered, feeling out a rectangle-shaped object in the envelope.

"No, just a note and a book," Origin Mew confirmed, folding his arms. "Unfortunately the guards here tend not to trust me after I broke out of prison last year… Twice."

"I can understand why," Jynx answered dryly before handing the envelope back to the cat. "Another thing they did since you escaped was tighten security. I'm surprised they haven't found us this fast."

"They amp up security by turning this place into a 50's style prison?" Mew questioned, making Jynx laugh.

"Unfortunately, unless you can make it worth my while, I'm afraid you'll have to use the mailbox like everyone else," Jynx said, putting his hands in his… pockets…

"Name your price then, Ice type," Origin Mew said. "What is it you most desire? Money? Power?" He took another look at Jynx's body "Er… gender of your choice?" Jynx rolled his eyes and began to walk away, causing the cat to panic and block Jynx's way. "Wait, you don't know how hard it was to get this book!" he cried, causing Jynx to give a rueful laugh.

"You want hard? Try getting bombarded by accusation after accusation from civil rights groups over your design. Then we'll talk." Origin Mew sighed and let Jynx walk away before an idea suddenly came to him. Once again, he blocked Jynx's path.

"How about this," he said, getting Jynx's attention once again. "If you deliver this letter for me, I will make you my right-hand man when I topple Arceus off of his throne and gain control over the entire universe!" Origin Mew laughed manically while Jynx pondered the idea.

"Throw in a pack of playing cards and you have yourself a deal," Jynx said, extending a hand. Origin Mew eagerly shook it.

Kyurem fired an Ice Beam at the giant fissure in the middle of his castle. The ray fired straight into the black crevice and seemed to disappear. After a few seconds, however, the large crack began to fill up with ice from the ground up, getting shallower and shallower. Once the crack was nothing more than an indent, Kyurem stopped firing his attack. Nodding in satisfaction, the legendary Pokémon turned towards the rest of the larger and wider fissure. Several Cryogonal flew in and out of the crevice, taking down various tools and firing Ice Beams at the sides of the hole. A Cryogonal holding a clip-board flew up to his boss.

"How's the progress going?" Kyurem asked the supervisor, who flipped to a page on his clip-board.

"Good news, sir," The snowflake responded. "We've almost sealed the cave. We could be finished filling in the hole by today!"

"Fantastic," Kyurem nodded. "It took all summer, but we've finally sealed this hole to the gates of the Distortion World. Don't forget to bill Giratina for the repairs," The Cryogonal nodded as a group of Ice-types behind him floated out of the hole, all of the firing Ice Beams into the crevice. Soon a layer of Ice sealed up the majority of the gap, and the Cryogonal stopped their attack and cheered.

A split second after the snowflakes finished their cheer, the ground began to shake. Everyone froze in their place, trying not to fall during the earthquake. The recently filled fissure exploded, causing Cryogonal and shards of ice to shower Kyurem and the few Cryogonal that weren't in the blast zone. Once the debris stopped falling and the dust cleared, Kyurem opened his eyes to find the fissure even longer and wider than before. In front of the crack sat an envelope, completely untouched by the carnage. Kyurem slowly lumbered over to pick up the envelope and opened it with his claw. Inside was a small book and a note. Kyurem first read the note.

Dearest Kyurem,

How have you been faring this past year? I do hope that you've been doing well, as I cannot say the same for myself. Unfortunately for me, I have been subjected to the worst prison can offer as well as an admittedly terrifying encounter with your excuse for a replacement for me.

Regardless, I do hope in my heart that I can pass some of my torture unto you in the story I've sent you. Enjoy!

Love,

O.M.

Kyurem placed the note on the ground and picked up the book next. He turned the hardcover around to look at the title. It read "Pokémon Dead Channel 3 by Dream-Senpaii"

Kyurem's hands shook as he read the title. He put his head down, his claws tearing the cover as he gripped it tightly. The dragon threw his head in the air, roaring.

"OH, GIVE ME A-"

Kyurem the Critic

Pokémon Dead Channel 3

(Pokémon Creepypasta)

"Hello and welcome back to Kyurem the Critic," Kyurem said, sitting in his normal chair. "The show where we can go on a three-month hiatus and still have an easier schedule to follow than Gravity Falls.

"Let's talk about sequels. Unless you're Star Wars or The Amazing Spiderman 2 video game, they tend to be seen as not as the originals. Now let's talk about this show's baby, Pokémon Dead Channel. I reviewed both stories, and concluded that they are no exception to this sequel rule." Kyurem gave a smile. "So that's the end, right? The story's over. Game over, man. Game over." The grin suddenly dropped from the ice-type's face.

"But what if I told you… That there was another? Hidden deep within the Amazon rainforest, protected by a tribe of people that worship Game Cubes and can only be seen by explorers with the last name Unidostres?" Kyurem held up the book from earlier. "Well, there is. And we're going to read it."

"So, believe it or not, Star-byte, the author of Pokémon Dead Channel was smart enough to not, ahem, 'ruin' her masterpiece and didn't write this sequel," Kyurem explained before giving a smirk. "But don't worry; Star-byte is making sure that the legacy of BRVR is never tainted by anything like crappy fan-art or stupid shipping-" The dragon's monologue was cut off by a picture of BRVR kissing another Creepypasta Pikachu called Baxter appearing on the screen.

"…Oh."

"But regardless," Kyurem quickly said, trying to get back on track. "This story is a spin-off. And hey, considering what we've dealt with before, maybe this'll be a step up from the past two," he shrugged. "After what we've been through, how bad could it be?"

The legendary suddenly donned a creepy smile as the camera began to slowly zoom in on him.

"You know that feeling on Christmas day when your Grandmother gives you a gift and you're all excited that you got the latest Pixar movie, but you open it and it's some foreign rip-off that looks vaguely like the original… And then your Grandma turns out to not be your Grandma but actually Krampus in disguise and he punches you in the gut? It's a bit like that," The camera quickly zoomed back to its normal position as Kyurem lost his demonic smile. "Welp, let's dive in."

After seeing my mom throw away my game... i was actully relieved.. until the next day.

"This is going to be one of those stories, isn't this?" Kyurem bemoaned, sighing. "As you can see, we are back in the perspective of our depressed teen with the psychopath friend who is being punished because she got bored of a video game. And you can also see that this author has absolutely no concept of anything related to writing."

It was normal at first..

"Yes, most days tend to start that way," Kyurem said. "But let me guess; you started playing Pokémon Dead Channel again because that's the obvious thing to do."

but then, when i got back home I decided to play The legend of Zelda, The Windwaker (witch i had gotten for my birthday).

Kyurem looked surprised at the new information.

"That, I was not expecting," he admitted. "But let me ask a few questions first. For starters, are we going to get any explanation on what the heck happened in the endings of the last two stories?

"The first one ended with BRVR coming to life -style and tormenting the narrator for all of eternity. But then the second one had the kid's mother play the game and at the end her daughter appeared and seemed to be unharmed by BRVR. But the mother started to see things from the game appear in the real world," Kyurem finished. "This ending would've been okay if the third story didn't bring back the original protagonist, but now we're forced to ask questions about not only this story, but the other two as well," Kyurem shrugged his shoulders and began clapping.

"Well, I believe this story deserves a round of applause. Never has anything I've reviewed on her been bad enough to ruin three stories at a time!"

I reached in and pushed the open button and screamed. Pokemon Channel was in there.

Kyurem immediately stopped clapping and dropped his hands to his sides.

"Well, never mind, then. I guess the author couldn't have been bothered to take this in a new direction," The dragon said.

I don't know why my mind made me... but i for some reoson.. had to keep playing.

"No, no, I understand," Kyurem smiled, raising his hands up. "You're obviously too busy to think of any actual motivation or new plot-lines. Sure, whatever."

I once again went to my game, and, of coarse i immediatly saw my twisted and sick pikachu, BRVR.

"Of coarse?" Kyurem questioned. "Sounds like BRVR needs some lotion."

" H-hey brother." i faltered. "

Hulk Hogan: "I fear no man, no beast or evil, brother!"

BRVR wants you to feed him." the text scrolled across my screen. "o-ok BRVR. I need to get some food from the Poke-mart, ok?"

Fish at the Krusty Krab: "Did you take a can of Stupid-Pills this morning?"

I had gotten used to the fact that BRVR could hear me.

"And I've gotten used to reading this dreck two years ago," Kyurem responded.

"BRVR needs flesh to eat." My heart pounded "BRVR says don't be scared. not your flesh" That did make me feel a little better. "BRVR wants you to skin a pokemon for him"

"Still feeling better, you insensitive jerk?" Kyurem asked.

" B-but.. you already killed all of the pokemon." i said. BRVR tossed me a dead evee.

"Woah, wait a minute," Kyurem looked at the screen, confused.

I chose it and a mini game began "press a" i did so and a disturbing scene appered of me cutting the tail off of the poor evee.

"Is this supposed to make us feel bad?" Kyurem questioned.

This continued until the entire pokemon was all flesh and bone.

"I mean, not to be gruesome," Kyurem explained. "But that Eevee is already dead. It's not like it's feeling pain or anything. At least there were some suffering Pokémon in the first two stories.

I wasn't too grossed out when BRVR ate it, since i had seen him eat other pokemon before

"I'm not too grossed out either," Kyurem said. "You know why? Because this is just a story! Do you know why there isn't a novelization of the Saw movies? Because simply reading words about something gruesome isn't scary! Not to mention the fact that you didn't even bother to describe BRVR eating the corpse."

" BRVR... What exactly are you going to do to me? A-are you going to kill me? BRVR I'm sorry!" I cried, tears rolling down my face " I didn't understand! I'm sorry!"

"It's odd," Kyurem pondered. "That for all of the stupid things this main character has done, and all of the reasons she should be punished, these stories attempt to justify her torture because she got bored of a video game."

BRVR looked at me and a tear rolled down his face as well.

The legendary put his head in his claws, mumbling "Oh, give me a break."

"BRVR says he won't kill you. he just wants you to suffer like he did. He didn't die." I almost smiled at BRVR. But i couldn't. "BRVR wants to see you smile again"

"First of all," Kyurem started. "It's pretty obvious that BRVR isn't dead. Also, you just told the main character that you want her to suffer like you did. That's not a very productive thing to say if you want her to smile."

" I'm sorry brother, i can't smile." I said.

Hulk Hogan: To all my little Hulkamaniacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.

"I used to weigh 1,000 pounds before Hulk Hogan's Ultimate Grill," Kyurem said as he picked up a grill from behind his chair. "After a year of using the grill I slimmed all the way down to a healthy weight of 716!"

The room changed back to the way it was before... before BRVR went crazy. And a smile crept upon my face. But only for half a second. The room changed back and my smile dissapeared.

"You're real fun at parties, aren't you BRVR?" Kyurem asked, rolling his eyes.

"BRVR is glad you smiled." BRVR looked at me. He just stood and stared. Then he pulled out a DvD and placed it in the disturbing looking tv.

"Even though this Pikachu has the demonic power to kill every other Pokémon in the world, he is still limited to watching basic DVDs," Kyurem said.

I watched the title... it was called "How i suffered"

"Directed by M. Night Shamalamadingdong," Kyurem finished before grabbing a bowl of popcorn.

"I can't wait to play today." text scrolled across the screen. BRVR fast forward to a few hours later. "Where is she? She must be busy. oh well... i'll wait till tomorrow."

"Ah, so BRVR is the way he is because he didn't get a playdate?" Kyurem asked. "The poor widdle baby!"

I then saw multible days, each one BRVR wrote a tally mark on a wall. A while later I saw BRVR go to the beach. Pokemon played around happily... "Happiness... I forgot what it feels like." the text said. "IF I CAN'T FEEL IT, YOU CAN'T EITHER!" BRVR Ripped his claws through the bodies of the pokemon.

The legendary scoffed and gave an exasperated smile.

"I know that BRVR's motive for murder has been just as stupid in the past, but actually reading about it myself just makes it look even dumber!"

"BRVR doesn't want to watch anymore." The tv turned off.

"I feel you, BRVR," Kyurem said, nodding. "Those summer blockbusters aren't as good as they used to be."

"BRVR I-i" I studdered. BRVR pulled back a curtain. Underneath was millions of tally marks.

"Now I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty sure that there aren't millions of days in a couple years," the Dragon pointed out. "Are you sure that you double-checked your algebra, BRVR?"

I stared at that. I couldn't believe this. BRVR isn't the monster... I am.

"No, the real monster here is the author of this horrible Creepypasta," Kyurem said.

"BRVR says to suffering must begin"

"Let me translate that for you," the legendary said. "BRVR said "Must begin" to a guy whose name is Suffering."

I cried as the text came. Suddenly.. i was inside the game.

Kyurem face...clawed and gave an exasperated sigh.

BRVR stood there in the dark with me and he shut off the light and left.

"So it was dark before you turned the light off?" Kyurem asked. "You'd think that the author of this story would at least understand basic concepts like light-switches."

I relized he was going to leave me , just like he was.

"That's actually pretty terrifying," Kyurem admitted. "Considering that BRVR thinks that a few years equates to millions of days," the legendary paused for a second before continuing. "But then I'm reminded of the fact that BRVR thinks that a few years equates to millions of days and I laugh."

"BRVR is letting you go untill tomorrow." instead of text itwas a voice. I was back into reality.

Kyurem held his claws up in confusion.

"Then what was the point of putting the narrator in the game?" he asked.

the game shut off and i turned. inside my room...was BRVR

The End

Kyurem stared at the screen for a few seconds before regaining his ability to speak.

"…Well, I guess that this really was directed by M. Night Shyamalan," he said, frowning, before turning to the screen. "No, I'm serious; that's the ending to the story. A fitting ending, I suppose. And now that we're here at the ending, I suppose you want my final thoughts.

"This story is at such a level of terrible that it cannot even be compared to the stories it's based off of. Almost every word is both written and conveyed in every possible wrong way. Even for a fan-story of a fan-story. The only good thing it has going for it is that, while most terrible Creepypasta is just a chore to read, this one manages to fall to a level so bad that it's funny," A Cryogonal flew in and took the book from an annoyed Kyurem.

"What a stupid idea that story was," Kyurem said to the snowflake, who nodded. "I mean, who would be so unoriginal as to create a fanfiction of a fanfiction?!" After a slight pause, the realization hit the two Pokémon, who simply turned towards the screen and stared.

Kyurem the Critic

Credits:

The Shawshank Redemption

Gravity Falls

Star Wars

The Amazing Spider Man 2 video game

Aliens

Pokémon Dead Channel 1, 2 and 3 by various authors

Some story with Baxter the Pikachu in it

Hulk Hogan and his Ultimate Grill

Pixar

SpongeBob SquarePants

Special Thanks to DeviantArt

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses. Creepypasta-related reviews can also be associated with "Bull**** Creepypasta Story Time" By Yuriofwind on YouTube.