Author's Note

I was going to do this all as one chapter but then realized it would have been the longest chapter so far in this entire series, and where I ended this one screamed for it to be the end of this one. I have been on a crazy writing spree, so I am hoping to get back to a much better release schedule as at least one chapter beyond this one is entirely written. I even did a small edit on this one! Woo, progress!

I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always, reviews/comments serve to inspire 3

Naruto

I gasped when the door opened. I gripped the sheets around my legs and plastered on my biggest smile I could muster. Everything is normal. Everything is fine. Not doing anything at all. Not me, why would I do anything? I gave a nervous giggle, but the worry was for nothing. I found myself staring at, well, myself. She looked shocked, eyes wide, the smile gone from her face. "Hey, you, what happened? Thought you were headed to freak out our husband." I frowned at her when she looked up, went to say something, but kept quiet.

Instead she closed the door behind her, soft as not to make much sound. She crossed the floor and sat on the side of my bed in a way which made it seem as though her legs gave out beneath her. "Alright, you are seriously freaking me out here. Say something."

"Seen him."

My heart caught in my throat. "And?" I leaned forward, grabbing onto her shoulder. "Well, and? Freaking tell me."

"Fine."

Fine? "What do you mean fine? What the hell? That's all you got for me is just one word?"

She took a deep breath. "That is all there is to say. Fine. Just fine."

I let my hand fall. "I don't get it." Something didn't feel right about this.

"I..." She turned to me, a crease between her brows, a definitive frown on her lips. "This is something you will need to see for yourself. Forgive me." She stood, headed to the bathroom, and I heard a deep groan.

My mind flooded with memory and I held a hand to my head as I worked at sorting them out. Waking up on the floor, finding the little red dress in a drawer in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror for a while. The talk I had with myself before deciding to go down and confront Gaara. Here is where my memory split from what I already had known. I closed my eyes and let the memory replay in my mind. I left the room, down the first flight of stairs. The motion was easier than I remember, maybe I was starting to get better, if my clones were having a better time at maneuvering about.

I paused at the bottom of the stairs. Where would he be anyway? He wouldn't still be having meetings in the house... Would he? I took a deep breath. This might be more complicated than either of us had thought of. I bit my lip. Baby. My daughter. Her daughter. If I could just talk some sense into the stupid man, my main counterpart could finally meet her. First, however, I had to find him. I proceeded on, passing by what I knew as the siblings' rooms, down one more flight of stairs and froze. The guestroom. The room I had spent most of my pregnancy. Without thought my hand drifted to my stomach to the place my baby used to be. Where was she? Why wasn't I allowed to see her? Had something happened?

Tears stung at my eyes and I wiped them away. Just a look. A reminder of what I had been through. A few minutes wouldn't hurt. My hand hovered over the handle. I took a deep breath and forced myself to move. It was just a room. Nothing major, Naruto, you idiot. I shoved it forward.

I stared. No fucking way was I seeing this right. I rubbed my eyes and stepped forward. Yup. Not blind. Maybe delusional. Otherwise, why in the damned hell would Gaara be lying on the ground smack dab in the middle of the freaking room, staring at the damn ceiling? I took a few steps forward to take a closer look. There he was, wearing his usual black undergarments, arms loose at his sides, his eyes focused upward. I followed the line of sight.

My spiral. Wait. I thought... I held up a hand to my mouth. I had thought he somehow moved it into his room. No, instead he drew it himself on the ceiling himself. Another step. He had to know I was here. Deep breaths. I felt my heart thump in my chest. I looked back to the door. Was I ready to confront him? Nope. I looked back down to the man on the floor. Hell. Had to anyway, I was too close to turn back now. "Gaara?"

His hand twitched. He heard me. The single twitch was the only hint he gave which let me in on he wasn't just a body. I shuddered. Body. An image of him laying on the ground, stiff flooded my mind. No. No matter how mad I was at him, it was not a memory I would want to remember. I clenched my jaw.

Hell with this. I went over to him, knealt down next to him and looked right into his eyes. "Pay attention to me, will ya?" His eyes were still unfocused. I waved my hand in front of his face.

His eyes shifted, then focused on me. His face stayed still, expressionless. Then they wandered, they took me in, raking me over, traveling down. There was a heat in his eyes. Then, the heated gaze was gone, shifted away towards the wall.

Jackass. Ignore me for a freaking month and- "Oh fuck it." He was going to pay attention to me even if I had to maul him to death. I smirked. That's it. I moved forward, lifted my leg over him and straddled his body, using his chest as physical leverage to get myself positioned.

His eyes returned to me. Jackpot. I leaned into him, shifting more of my weight onto my hands. I tried not to get lost into the fact my body entangled his. I could feel him breathe with the gentle rise and fall of my hands. "I knew that would get your damned fucking attention, you bastard." The words were out before I could stop them.

The focus in his eyes disappeared. Shit. His eyes drifted back to the ceiling. I lost him. What in the hell was wrong with him? I felt my heart sink. Come on. I groaned. "Look at me. Will you look at me?"

Nothing. Not a flinch. Not anything. I bit my lip. Pay attention to me Gaara. I did a quick scan of the room. Where was the baby? Not here. I had to do something. I needed answers.

I needed to know he was alright. I needed to know the baby was alright. I felt him breathe. A deep breath. He was trying to ignore me. I narrowed my eyes at him. Of all the people in the world, I was not about to be ignored by him.

Now to figure out how to get him to pay attention to me. I felt another breath. I looked down to my hands and I knew what I could try. It might get me killed, but it might work. I slid my hands down his body until they latched under the thin black fabric of his top. I pressed my hands flat to the skin under the fabric. Sand. Screw it, I was already in the process for this and I was just a fucking clone anyway. I slid them up his body ignoring the pain of the grit against my hands. I moved them up from his stomach, up his ribcage towards his chest.

I was rewarded by a slight hitch in his breath and I heard a small cracking sound. I smirked. Ignore that, you jerk. I halted in my motion when his hips bucked upward underneath me, his eyes widened. My own heart lurched at the sensation the movement created in my own body, an electric jolt from the spot our bodies touched. What the hell was that? I didn't have the time to contemplate the reaction in myself because sand surrounded then deposited me on the floor just a few feet away from him. The sand retracted. He remained on the floor. I checked myself for damage. He hadn't killed me. Why didn't he kill me?

I was just a clone. I knew he would know. He always knew, to the point I thought it was freaking creepy. He always killed the clones, so why now? I felt my stomach twist. I didn't care anymore. Fuck him. "Well, you still fucking react to me, huh?" I couldn't control the words, and hell with it, if he was going to be this way, then I didn't care. I just didn't care. "Then why? Why in the hell won't you see me?" Look at me. Fucking look at me.

Nothing.

"And what about my fucking baby?" Where was she?

He looked sick with this one. Great. I was on to something. "I want to meet her Gaara." Truth. My baby. I felt sick to my stomach. I want her. "What is her name? Is she ok? I want to see her, I have to-" A sound came from his throat. It was deep, strangled sounding. "What?" Butterflies. It felt as though I had butterflies in my stomach. I finally got him to speak, but he did not respond to me. He continued to just lay there, staring at the ceiling, nearly lifeless. I felt my stomach twist.

There was definitely something wrong with him after all. I crawled to him, wanting to be closer, wanting to inspect him, make sure he too was ok. No matter how annoyed and angry I was at him for keeping my daughter from me I couldn't bare to see him like this. His head turned to me then. For once, his expression wasn't blank. Instead, there was a full wrinkle between his brows, a frown. He looked tired, very tired. His eyes flitted around, searching my face. "Fine." His voice was hoarse, even for him. Strained. Fine? What? I blinked at him as the word's meaning dawned on me. He was going to let me see her then? I was about to ask when an unexpected touch made my mind go blank. My breath caught in my throat when rough fingers touched my thigh, crawling across the skin. I tried not to wince, letting him have the touch.

The movement paused, his eyes widened followed by a pained expression. Then he gave a muffled squeak and I found myself back on the floor where he had plopped me before. I looked back to him and he was staring up at the ceiling again, this time, the hand he had touched me with clenched tight. "Gaara?" I wanted him to talk to me. What was wrong with him? What could I do to help? Could I?

His chest heaved upward in a deep breath. He didn't respond. I bit my lip. Should I try again?

I looked to the door. Fine. He said fine. Maybe he would come to me once he was past... Whatever this was. I hoped he would get past it. He had to. He just...

I buried my head in my hands as the memories caught up to me. Gaara. Was he ill? Had something happened? Where was our daughter? Had something happened to her? What was troubling him?

Fine.

The word echoed inside my mind. Gaara's deep voice, his look of shock, his complacent agreement. I lost my companion in order to gain the memories, but I wanted to see him. Hear him. What was going on? And...

My baby girl. I want her. I needed to know she was ok, I needed to know he was ok. Seeing him only raised more questions of the things I didn't understand.

Fine.

Did he mean it? Was I finally going to see her with my own eyes, hold her in my own arms, check to make sure she was perfect and healthy and... Damn it. My vision blurred and I wiped at my eyes. My daughter. Gaara's daughter.

I still didn't even know her name. I didn't... I fell back onto the bed. If Gaara brought her here, I would finally see him. I could hit him, and then kiss him, then ask him not to freak out again. I knew there would be no guarantees with it, after all Gaara was Gaara, but one could hope, couldn't they? I had honestly thought he accepted the idea of me. Of us. I had no idea what was keeping him back this time, but I needed to figure it out. Then I needed to figure out a way to fix whatever he was being weird about.

Because let's face it, Naruto, your husband is freaking weird. "Even has skeletons in the closet, real ones."

"Um, skeletons?" A feminine voice sounded behind me, one I didn't recognize.

I froze and looked over to the door. My heart leapt to my throat at the sight. Hinata? No wait, she was thinner, her hair was not as dark. I hadn't even heard it open. "Uh... Hey." I gave the girl a half hearted wave. Dark hair. Too dark, at first glance it looked black, but it still didn't hold a candle to hers. I looked away, hoping the thoughts I was having weren't showing on my face. Why was I remembering her, now, just before I get to see my baby? I shifted in bed, uncomfortable with the thoughts I was having when someone I didn't know was staring at me. "So... Who are you?"

"I'm... I am..." She trailed off and did a small twirl, her eyes wide. "Is this the Kazekage's room?"

I stared at her. She wasn't serious, was she? I scoffed. "Still don't know who the hell you are. Why are you in my room?" Since Gaara hadn't stepped foot in this room in the past few weeks, I claim it. Mine. Something should be, damn it.

"Your... This is your room?"

I groaned. This girl, she was starting to annoy me. I sat up and crossed my legs, hell with the hospital gown. They seriously were going to send me a girl I didn't know who obviously was not a nurse while I was stuck like this? Couldn't they let me wear real clothes yet? Then again, I never asked either. I sighed and decided to answer her. "Yeah, well half mine. I claim it. Mighta been the Kazekage's first though." I scratched the back of my head, then rested my arms around the back of my neck. "Again, you mind telling me a name or something?"

"Chuyo." She looked up and frowned at the ceiling. She probably spied the spiral over my head.

"Just Chuyo?"

My voice seemed to startle her as she gave a slight jump. Her eyes darted around the room again and she gave a nod. Didn't Gaara say only ninja and those in power had honorifics or some such rot?

"Suna native huh?" I tested the theory.

She gave another nod.

"Nailed it." I smiled wide and gave a small giggle.

"So... Who are you?" Her voice was barely audible.

I smirked. Then, I frowned. Who? Naruto Uzumaki, Hokage of Konohagakure. But, I couldn't say that, now could I? I wasn't that person anymore. I would never be that person anymore. My heart dropped and looked away from her. Did it even matter who I was? I am freaking weak. I swallowed. I needed to know something. "Hey, you're the first person to really talk to me since I woke up and everything so..." I cleared my throat, feeling nervous. "Could you get me a report about the Hokage's death?" Deep breath.

Silence. For a moment I thought she might have left so I looked back in her direction to find her still standing in the same spot. When I looked she stammered. "I... Why would you want to read about that?"

It was my turn to stare silently at the other. How in the hell do I explain this one? I wanted to see how I died, so will you fucking get me something? Nope, can't exactly say anything around those lines without outing myself now could I? So...

"My name is Kisarei Uzumaki." My voice was hoarse and I spoke without thought. My stomach fell with every word. I was doing this. This was it. I clenched the fabric over my chest. "Naruto Uzumaki he..." I trailed off, feeling the tears come. My vision blurred. I hated crying in front of people. This decision. I had made it just before I had her. My... "He is my brother. I had complications in my pregnancy, they never explained..." I choked on the words. Maybe, if I seen the report, it would be easier to let myself go. Accept this life. Ask Gaara to do the same. I hadn't asked it of him yet. I knew I had to. The ease he still used my old name, it had to stop. I knew it had to.

"You..." With her whispered word I wiped at my eyes and looked back to her. "You are her mother then?"

I froze. She knew my baby? "You've seen her?" I leaned in her direction. "Tell me. Tell me about her. What's her name, does she seem healthy, where did you see her?"

"I..."

I gripped the edge of the bed. I wish I were steadier on my feet. I wish I had more energy. I wish I could shake the information out of the girl. "Tell me, please." I stressed the word. Please. I need to know.

"She seemed healthy when I seen her, yeah." She took a step backward.

"You did see her then, you actually seen her with your own eyes? When?"

"Last week when Lord Kazekage came to the diner and hired me for something. Lady Temari said it had something to do with the woman in this room. Do you know why I am here?"

Last week she was fine. I took a breath. "Her name? Do you know her name? What does she look like?" I wasn't going to let this girl change the subject. She was new. She might give in faster than the others.

"I can't say."

What? "Why?" I swung my legs over the bed. Hell with this. "Why the fuck not?" I pushed. Step. Steady. Step. Shit. I felt my legs give out and hands grabbed hold of me.

"My Lady, are you alright?" I could hear the concern in her voice. It was too close to sounding like pity.

Don't pity me. "Fine."

The door opened and I looked up to see Temari. She was frowning at me. "Can't you just stay in bed until you're ready?"

I glared at her. "Why should I?" This, everything, I was getting sick of it. I wanted to move. I wanted to see more than these walls and the view from my bed. I wanted to feel the air on my skin, the burn of the sun.

Temari helped the girl put me back on the bed. "Why did she get up?" Question not directed at me, but the girl.

Maybe I could run away if I ever get better. Swipe my baby back and make a run for it. See how long I could survive before Gaara slaughtered me for it. I smirked.

"She was trying to get information about Lord Kazekage's baby."

Temari hummed. "That's fair. You're new, probably seen an opportunity."

I groaned. "I am here you know, tsch."

They ignored me. Bastards. "Hey, the other thing though. You going to get it for me?" I crossed my arms. Boobs. Nope. I gave a shudder and uncrossed them. How could girls do that? Freaking weird. Both of them looked over to me, surprise written all over Temari's face. Wait. Temari. What in the hell did I just ask? I froze in place, hoping they would forget about me.

The girl looked at Temari and I think my heart stopped for a moment. "Will I be returning?"

Temari shifted on her feet and crossed her arms, studying the girl. Don't ask what I want. Please, don't ask... "What did she ask for?" Damn.

"Death reports on the Hokage." Double damn.

Temari looked over to me. "This true?"

I swallowed. I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have let her go without a word. "Temari, I just... I..." I looked away.

I heard a sigh. "There is an official report in the Kazekage tower with more details than released to the majority public."

I clenched my hands. This was going to happen. Of the gods, this was actually going to happen. Did I want to see it? What am I thinking?

Temari continued. "I want you to go to the third door within the records office and ask for a copy of the tree report. If there is any questions, tell them to call the residence of the Kazekage and we will confirm your employment within the household. Congrats. You just got yourself hired." She held out her hand and the girl reached out and shook it. Hired? For what?

The girl smiled. "Thank you. You won't regret it." She let go of Temari's hand and stood there, smiling and looking between us.

Temari motioned at the door, she muttered a 'right' and shuffled out of the room quickly. Temari followed to the door, and pushed it shut with a soft click. She stood there at the door for a while, her hands on it. She took a deep breath and turned to me. Her lips turned down into a soft frown and she didn't make eye contact. "With Gaara, you-"

"So who is the girl?" I changed the subject. Gaara was not a subject I wanted to talk about. I was pissed at him. Worried about him. I wanted him. I wanted him to stay away. It confused me, and I didn't want to feel the range of emotions which came with thinking about him.

"Her name is Chuyo, she is going to be your assistant from now on."

"So you are going to keep me locked in here forever then."

The frown deepened. "The council insists you have one."

"A babysitter?"

She groaned. "Damn it Naruto, we can only do so damn much. They still see you as a rival Kage no matter your condition. They haven't even mentioned that part to Gaara and they probably never will. Do you get it?"

I laughed. Seriously? "Have they seen me? Damn, Temari, what in the hell could I even do? I would be lucky just to live like a damn regular person at this point." I laughed harder. I laughed because it was true. I laughed because if I didn't laugh, I would cry. I teared up anyway. I wiped at my eyes and took a deep breath and flopped back into my pillows.

"Why?"

I looked up at my spiral. My familiar thing. "If you haven't noticed, I can't even walk." I looked over to her.

"That's not..." She sighed. "Why did you ask for the report?"

Oh. Right. I took a deep breath. "I should know what happened beyond 'my clone offed himself', ya know."

"When the report gets here I will take out some of the-"

"Don't." My voice cracked and I wrapped my hands around my middle. I swallowed. "We talked about this before. Before I had the baby. Before Gaara asked me to marry him."

Her eyes widened. "He what?"

I felt sick. He hadn't told her? "Oh." Maybe he changed his mind after all. I hadn't seen the necklace since I woke up either. Maybe he had it removed. Maybe he returned it. "It's weird right? Why in the hell would he want to anyway? I mean, the council married us anyway, so it would be a bit pointless. The story was kinda cool though. I got that. I mean, I was a guy not all that long ago and how weird is that? I shouldn't even be here. Not like this. I'm not even me, I don't think I am ever going to be a ninja again, you know. I don't think I have the ability. Kurama's gone. I know it, I can't feel him. Did he die or something? I don't even know if I can grieve for him. I can barely make a clone, I pass out every time. I am married to somebody who is avoiding me for whatever reason and-"

"Shut up."

I ignored her. I needed to talk. Talking kept me sane. I hated the silence. There had been too much silence lately, and if I didn't talk, I would cry. I could feel it. If I allowed myself to think, I would fall back into the darkness which plagued my thoughts. "I haven't even seen her yet. I don't know her name. Will I ever walk again? What about Hinata and the kids? I can't even-"

A hand plastered itself to my mouth. "I fucking said shut up!"

I pulled at her hand, but with the way my body had become, she was stronger than me. It felt as though someone punched me in the gut with the realization I wasn't even strong enough to move Temari's hand from my mouth.

So I bit her.

She gave a yell and there was a rush of air towards my face. I gasped, wide eyed as her hand stopped just inches from my skin. She retreated from me, grabbed a chair and sat it down next to the bed. She fell into it.

I cleared my throat. I hadn't meant to voice all of it. I hadn't. I had to. I needed to. It was crushing me, the weight of my own thoughts. "I don't even know who I am anymore Temari." My throat felt tight. I needed to say it.

"You're still you, Naruto."

I looked up to the spiral. I remembered the conversation we had a few weeks ago, months to her. I remembered what I looked like now, smaller and more frail looking than just before I had my baby. The fact I could barely make a single clone, the fact I no longer had Kurama. My heart raced. I knew what I needed to do. "No. I'm not Naruto anymore. Naruto Uzumaki, my brother and the Hokage, died before I gave birth."

"Brother?" She sounded defeated, her voice soft.

I took a deep breath. "What else can I say? If she's ever tested, they'd know she's a close blood relation to my kids with Hinata. If this is the story, it should keep suspicions low, right?"

She was silent for a few minutes so I looked over to her. Her eyes fixated on me, and she leaned back into the chair when I made eye contact. "You're being serious about it. You're going to kill yourself off."

I flinched at the words. I didn't like them. Yet... "Yeah. I think I have to. I don't know who I'm going to be, but, I can't be who I've been, yeah?" I worked at sitting up and pulled my legs up underneath me. Moving my legs was getting easier. "Do you think Gaara was telling the truth when he agreed to let me see her?"

"Yes. He is getting ready for it now. Might be a few more days, but yes, he is going to."

Butterflies erupted in my stomach. Gaara. "Do you think he hates me?"

"Naruto."

I glared at her. "You should stop calling me that." I surprised myself with the words. The decision felt final this time. It felt more like an idea the last time I mentioned it. Naruto Uzumaki. Deceased. It had to be this way.

She took a breath. "Kisarei."

The name made me feel sick. This was it. The beginning. I needed to move forward. "You didn't answer me." I choked on my own words. Kisarei. My name. The name Gaara, the Kazekage of Suna himself had given me. My husband.

Husband. My stomach twisted further and I leaned forward holding my stomach. I closed my eyes willing the bile back down from my throat. Death. Naruto Uzumaki was dead. From this moment on, the shadow of who I once was will be gone. I did not look forward to telling this to the man who is my husband. Husband.

Husband, husband, husband. It still felt odd. I needed to get accustomed to it.

"No matter what your name is. No matter what health you are in. No matter your state of mind, Gaara will never let you go. He would sooner die himself. Sooner destroy everyone in Suna than lose you." Her words were whispered, but I caught them.

I looked her dead in the eyes. Destroy Suna?"He wouldn't destroy the thing he fought so hard to earn."

She looked away. "You are wrong. I know."

I scoffed at her. "Yeah, sure. Don't get me wrong or nothing, but his dream was to become something precious to Suna. I doubt he'd throw it away just for me."

She got up from her chair and leaned on my bed. "Listen to me. You, the baby, everything that's happened, it was something he never allowed himself to consider a possibility. He has a family now, he would destroy the world sooner than lose it. He's just in shock. Do you get it? He isn't the most stable of people in normal circumstances, so this has him a bit... Off. Even for him. Give him time to cope, will you?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I've been awake for a month. How long do I give him? When our kid's a grown ass ninja? Do you think he'll let me out for the graduation?" I looked away. I didn't mean what I said but-

"You jackass."

I winced.

"You've no idea what he's been through. No fucking idea." She started to shout, every word louder than the last. "Hell with it. I was going to spare some of the damn details of when you were out cold, but no. You are getting the report. All of it. Every freaking detail."

Soon, the door slammed shut and I jumped at the sound. "Damn." I fell back on the pillows. I took a deep breath. "What the hell do you think I have been through, Temari?"

.*. .*. .*.

The next day I woke to an empty room. Empty, except for a file. It was encased in metal and the seal had been opened. Tree Report. Tree, sure. How in the hell would anybody buy that on a file like this? It screamed 'secret'. If I were still a bratty kid and seen this, I would have went out of my way to see what was inside this thing. Honestly, how obvious. I snorted and grabbed it. How long had this thing been here?

Why did I care? I grabbed it off of the side table and I sat up. I pulled the folder from the metal casing. This folder read 'File 8706 - Uzumaki, Naruto - Research and Investigation 7-A-8' . I frowned at it. Seriously? They actually had a system for this shit? "Gaara you ass, I asked if there was a better way to get through the damn paperwork." I scoffed. Maybe my life would have been easier with a better filing system. I froze. Better. I gripped the file. Would I have a better life here? Could I really be happy without being a ninja, without leading a nation, without...

Before I could chicken out I opened it up. My stomach lurched. Right on the front page was me. Blood, bone and... I closed it. My hand was at my mouth and I trembled. "Oh fuck. Fuck." I leaned into myself. "Damn Temari, you were being serious." I focused on my breath. I had seen bodies before. It was just... Weird, looking at my own. It was very obvious the body was me. Naruto Uzumaki - deceased. If I allowed myself to lose the baby, to vow never to see Gaara again... This would have been me. Not just some stupid clone but...

Another deep breath. This, I had to do this. I bit the inside of my cheek and opened it back up. I started to read through the details. The invasion, the explosions. There were reports on captured enemies who gave no information. It was a mystery yet. There was a full report on how the Hokage stood still and let himself get blown up. There were speculations on why this happened. There were theories on whether or not the Hokage had been controlled and ordered a full investigation into it. I laughed at this. I knew. I knew what emotions might have been there. Losing the baby, losing Gaara, losing Hinata. What else was there?

I stared at the paper. What else was there? My heart thudded painfully in my chest. What had I done all these years? Chasing some stupid dream and ignoring the things which meant the most to me. I swallowed, hard. Maybe it was better after all. Giving it up. Letting all of it go. I was a good Hokage, I worked my entire life for it. Gain their respect. Make them want me. Make them see who I was. Let me become something more than just a monster. I worked my ass off. I was always tired. I never had time for anything, I never had time for Hinata or the kids. I never...

I flipped to the next page in the report, expecting more theories or mission files on research and recognisance but this was something else entirely.

=Treaty proposal for Konoha and Suna. The union of an unregistered Uzumaki relative of Seventh Hokage Naruto Uzumaki and the Fifth Kazekage Gaara of the Sand.=

I took a breath. So, this was the letter Kakashi sensei sent out for Suna to marry us huh? I almost flipped past it, but curiosity won out. What all was in this thing anyway?

Konoha proposes a union as a bond and peace agreement after the devastating loss of Naruto Uzumaki. It is a well known fact the peace between our nations is due to the close relation of our Kage and it would be of both nations interest if the peace were to continue without incident. The woman we present as an option we believe is of great interest to Gaara of the sand. We ask for a member of the Kazekage family come and affirm the possibility of this before preceding. If we are correct in our assumption, she will then be transported, in permanence to your nation without return. We expect your speedy response, there is a letter within this which is addressed solely to Baki, which contains the full identity of the woman of interest. He will understand the urgency once read, and the need for secrecy.

I stared at it, the sentence referring to permanence and without return popping off the page to me. Without return? I worried my bottom lip with my teeth. They probably just meant my citizenship, right? That's what it had to be. It just had to be.

I flipped to the next page. The marriage contract. They really had everything pertaining to me and my transfer into Suna didn't they? I skimmed it, the traditional statements within which were all freaking boring. Blah, blah, wait. Here it was. The part declaring the union of Gaara and the Uzumaki woman relation to the seventh Hokage.

With the previous statements acknowledged, both councils of Suna approve the union and declare Lord Gaara of the Sand, youngest son and third born of Lord Fourth Raza and Lady Kurura, current and active Fifth Kazekage of Suna as unified with Lady Uzumaki of Konoha, blood relative to Naruto Uzumaki, Seventh Hokage of Konoha. As per collective law, this union nullifies all relations to Konoha prior and will be hereon be known as a Lady of Suna of Uzumaki bloodline, wife to Fifth Kazekage Gaara of the Sand. Citizenship upon naming shall commence as an attached amendment.

Wow, these people were freaking wordy with shit. No wonder Gaara had an affinity for complicated words. I skimmed through more, everything past this point getting into Suna bylaws and things I didn't honestly give a shit about. Well mostly. I did see something about having to comply to something with appearances, but was hardly readable with all the crap they inserted. I continued on. Blah blah, oh, here...

My mouth went dry. There, the one thing beyond the declaration I had any interest in. Per request of the origin nation, visitation and returns shall not be allowed. The physical return of Lady of Suna of Uzumaki bloodline, wife to the fifth Kazekage Gaara of the Sand, shall not be allowed within the walls of Konohagakure, lest the treaty of peace be nullified. Even if the peace treaty is nullified, per Suna common law, the marriage shall remain in tact and redaction at any point will not be considered once approved by both Councils of Suna. Without dissension this marriage contract is hereby put into motion by the following members of Suna Council Proper:

I skimmed over the signatures, only recognizing the signature of Baki. Then, there was a second section. The Suna Council of Elders. Who were these people? I don't remember anything about a second council of Suna. My stomach twisted. There really wasn't a place for Gaara to sign. Without permission, without a thought, these twenty some people chained us together.

I wasn't complaining, but damn. I mean, I knew Suna was bigger than Konoha, but I never thought about how their system worked. It seemed more organized and had a hell of a lot more people to help control things. We had about a committee of around fifteen people, including myse-... Including the Hokage.

So they didn't want me back at all. I stared at the last paragraph. Konoha would never be part of my life. I'd never be able to go back without causing problems. I let out a breath. Gone. All of it. It was probably better this way. Was it? I didn't want to think about it. I flipped to the next page. It was a citizenship certificate for a woman named Kisarei. I smirked. Hey, that seemed familiar. So, this was me. My paperwork declaring my citizenship. I remembered the ceremony, the way the name sounded as Gaara whispered the name. The way he looked at me.

Had I ever looked at Hinata in that way? Had I ever really loved her, the way I was supposed to love her? My stomach twisted. I'm so dense. I tried. She was important to me. She would always be important to me, I think. I chalked it up to not understanding the whole love thing. After we had married the feelings I thought were love evened out. She was my best friend, my partner. She was the mother of my children.

I stared at the paper. I asked for this. I needed to remember. I needed to let go. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. I had to become someone new. Someone Suna would see as worthy for their Kazekage. Someone worthy of bearing his child. The thought sent my hand to my abdomen. If he still wanted me after everything, if he still wanted to marry me, would I be able to do it again? Would it even be possible? Would he want that, or... I trembled at the thought. I just couldn't see him wanting some big family, hell it was hard enough just to get him to touch me, and if it weren't for me pretty much raping the guy, this wouldn't have ever happened.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I should just be happy he wanted anything to do with me. For him. For everything I had done to him, I needed to embrace what I had condemned him to. I needed to be the wife I had become by making the choice to keep our baby. Embrace the fact I no longer was, nor would ever again be the man I once was. I held my hands out in front of me. My stomach twisted. They left the bandages on. I reached up to my shoulder and pulled the corner of the bandage out of its seal. I began to unravel them, allowing the arm beneath to show. Changes. If I were to let go of who I was, this thing had become a part of me. The bandages were more cosmetic than necessary, and I hated the stares. I went a week without them after the bandages were no longer needed, and everyone would just stare at my arm. It was weird, yeah, but I hated the stares so I just re-bandaged it and it stayed that way ever since.

The dead gray looking skin came into view with every circle of the bandage which came off. Bit by bit it came off of the skin. The feeling was so dull in it, I barely noticed the feel of the air. It wound down past my elbow. Then, past my forearm.

Then, I was pulling it up from my wrist. I paused. I gripped it in my fist, my vision blurred. My stomach churned and I felt acid rise in my throat. "Earlier this year, my twin brother, Naruto Uzumaki passed away in an attack on Konoha. Earlier this year I nearly died giving birth to the Kazekage's daughter. My name..." My voice broke here. I had to. I had to do this. I swallowed. "My name is Kisarei. Kisarei, wife of the Fifth Kazekage of Suna, Gaara of the Sand. I am a citizen of Suna." With these words I pulled.

The last of the bandages unravelled from my hand and I let them fall to the floor. I fisted my hands and doubled over. "Kisarei. I am Kisarei."

I held my stomach and I gave a small cry. "I am Kisarei. I am Kisarei." I couldn't stop the tears. I whispered this over and over between sobs.

"I am Kisarei."

Removing the bandages were painful. More painful than I gave them credit for. For with their removal, it removed what was left.

With the bandages was the end of Naruto Uzumaki.

"I am Kisarei."