A/N – No waffling today, just shout-outs to JYLlian, SweetSas, GreekLia, CalGrl93, imlying, Brenda, Gaara-Love, SmearedLipGloss, quibbler149, niinjjakiiten, Blood Red Kiss of Death, jen, hyacinth, xoxo – Amber, Krazy4Spike, ggxoxo, dysenchanted2, LittleRed22, voldemort14, ellend, gossipgirl2780, :D, Sailor Cyanide, xoxogg4lifexoxo, RustyJimmy, addisonkarev, laurienlaurie, toocrazy and flipped for being awesome and reviewing last chapter.
Hope you enjoy this one :)
Five Doors Down
Chapter 35: The Mistletoe Appreciation Society
"Hey baby." Cassie smiled, kissing Asher before he'd even got through the door. "No Nate?"
"No, he's…" he glanced at Blair who was staring straight back at him from behind her textbook on the couch. "Busy."
"Oh, well then Blair will just have to be the third wheel."
"I hope I didn't just hear my name mentioned in reference to being the odd one out." The brunette replied. "I had enough third wheel action with Serena and Cabbage Patch in high school, I'm not going to watch you two paw each other over almond croissants."
"We don't paw each other." Asher replied. "And Cass wants chocolate brioche today anyway."
"When you know that your girlfriend prefers one French pastry over another at certain times of the month, you know a little too much about each other."
"You're just worried that Nate's avoiding you or…you're trying to avoid Nate or whatever it is that's going on between you." Cassie returned, bundling a red scarf around her neck. "Did I mention you've been acting weird?"
"Several times." Blair muttered. "And I told you that it's all in your head. And you're wearing my scarf by the way."
"I know." The blonde shrugged. "I figured seeing as you've been a complete bitch since we came back from Winter Break, the least you could do was loan me your horrendously expensive, but completely adorable knitwear."
Blair shrugged and Asher checked his watch. "Um, so can we go now?"
"If you wanted to watch America's Next Top Model as opposed to shopping with your girlfriend you should have just said." Cassie huffed, pulling on her gloves. "I can shop and eat pastries on my own you know."
"I know." He replied. "I just…"
"What?"
"Well I thought you might be buying lingerie."
"You two are gross." Blair mumbled from behind her textbook again.
"And you're just bitter because the last time you and Tyler were romantic he punched Chuck and then you guys had a fight. Then you ate that entire apple pie."
She rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the reminder."
"You're welcome." Cassie sung in the way that always made her friend smile, even if she didn't want to. "Bye bye."
Blair shook her head with a conceding smile. "Bye guys."
-
Since returning to Yale after Winter Break, there'd been no major parties to speak of. A few of the smaller frats and sororities had held 'welcome back' mixers, but most had coincided with upcoming presentations or assignment hand-in times.
Mid terms were now over for the second year students and so the KKG girls had decided on a 'school's out' theme for their upcoming beginning-of-semester-two party; something which Blair found to be very tacky, yet not entirely unexpected. Her Constance uniform had still been residing in her closet at home, just as it had done since high school ended. Serena had suggested she take it with her, just in case of such a social event, yet the brunette had been adamant that should she ever attend any such event, it would not be wearing something with thread count as high as her Constance blouses. A number of factors (namely, poor quality chain store shirts and skirts) however, had resulted in Dorota mailing the outfit to her via Fed Ex, and the previous morning, the parcel containing her old uniform and a hand-written letter from the maid made it to her apartment.
"That is your old school uniform?" Cassie asked in surprise.
"Yes." Blair winced, fingering the delicate fabric. "And it kills me that I'm wearing it as fancy dress."
"I'll wear it for you. You can wear mine."
She eyed up her friend's lean stomach and then the almost-see-through blouse covering the rest of her skin. "Pass."
Cassie pouted. "Thought you might say that." She fingered the over-the-knee socks with their tiny bows. "I can't believe you wore this to school! I bet for the guys it was like going to school on the set of a porn film."
"Cassie!"
"Look at you! You look so hot! And you're not even trying." She raised an eyebrow. "Tyler's going to love it."
Blair swallowed the guilty lump in her throat. "Yeah."
"Well that didn't sound very convincing."
"It's just…" She dipped her head. "God Cass, I hate myself so much."
"Why?" The blonde asked gently pulling her friend down onto the couch beside her. "What is it? Is this why you've been weird? I knew there was something wrong!"
"I kissed Nate."
"When!?" Cassie shrieked.
"At the Alpha Delta Phi Christmas party."
"And I missed it!? Where was I?"
"Practically getting it on with Asher in the corner of the living room."
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"How was it?"
Blair shrugged. "It was just a kiss under the mistletoe."
Her recipient looked unconvinced. "How was it really?"
"Gorgeous."
Cassie clapped her hands excitedly. "You have no idea how happy I am for you guys."
Blair's expression didn't match. "Chuck saw us."
"Oh."
"I can't imagine how much he must hate me right now." She mumbled. "I kissed my ex-boyfriend in front of my other ex-boyfriend whose child I aborted, while I'm still with my current boyfriend who punched said ex-boyfriend in the face while we were on a date."
"Man that's messed up." Cassie replied.
"You think I don't know that? God, I didn't tell you about what happened because it's bad enough that Chuck knows. Now you do too, that makes four of us. None of those four is Tyler who, since the whole Chuck thing, has been so sweet and apologetic."
"Now I'm confused." Cassie wrinkled her forehead. "You hate yourself because you kissed Nate behind Tyler's back or because you aborted Chuck's baby and he was the one who saw it all happen?"
"Both." She answered honestly. "And Nate and I agreed that we wouldn't tell Tyler because it was nothing, but Chuck hates Tyler and even though he said he wouldn't tell him, I'm not sure I trust him to keep quiet. I mean, it's Chuck."
"You know what would make you feel less guilty? Telling Chuck the truth. You shouldn't have to live with what his father made you do."
Blair shook her head. "His guilt would make me feel worse."
"Then tell Tyler before Chuck does. If Chuck does."
"I don't want to hurt him." Her voice was quiet. "It was one time. And it was nothing."
Her friend shook her head. "A gorgeous nothing?"
Blair sighed. "Nate said it was nothing. That it was just a kiss."
"Well if that's what it was." Cassie replied sceptically. "You don't need to worry. So get your hot little ass off this couch and over to that party."
-
"That was Blair's old uniform?" Asher asked Cassie as they watched the brunette pour herself a rather stiff 151 and coke.
"I know. I went through high school thinking that wearing a black bra under a white shirt was risqué."
Asher smiled. "I guess they're used to a completely different world than us huh?"
She nodded as Nate placed a hand on the small of Blair's back to steady himself as he reached for a beer out of the ice bucket. "They should be together."
"I know. I'm so sick of seeing Nate moping over her. Maybe we should give them a helping hand. Tyler's a douchebag anyway, we'd be doing Blair a favour."
Cassie shook her head as they watched their friends make awkward small talk by the drinks table. "I think Blair needs to figure things out for herself."
"Can't we just lock them in a room together?" Asher asked. "Since we got back from Winter Break, Nate's been weird. He hasn't even wanted to go to any bars and get drunk."
"Well things might be about to get weirder." She nodded toward the pair who were sporting ambiguous expressions. "That doesn't look good."
"It was your fault." Blair replied, the liquid in her plastic cup sloshing dangerously from side-to-side. "You didn't take your lips away."
"Well you didn't take your lips away either."
"You kissed me first. It was your responsibility."
"You have a boyfriend. Surely it was your responsibility."
"You knew I had a boyfriend, you shouldn't have kissed me in the first place."
"It was you who said we were supposed to kiss."
"Yeah. Supposed to. I didn't mean you had to do it!"
"Well you weren't suggesting otherwise."
"You're making me cross!" Blair hissed. "Just admit it!"
"Admit what?"
"God you're such an ass Nathaniel Archibald."
"For kissing you?"
"Yes!"
"How does that make me an ass?"
"I have a boyfriend."
Nate sighed. "We were under the mistletoe the mistletoe and you said yourself that it was the rule."
"And you said that it was just a kiss."
"Yeah."
"And it didn't mean anything."
"Exactly."
"Then…" She trailed off, making a noise that sounded somewhere in between a scream and a sigh before turning on her heels.
"What are you doing?"
"Leaving."
"Blair..." He sighed as she made her way past Asher and Cassie and toward outside where she knew Tyler would be hanging out. "Blair!"
"Should we-" Asher pointed to Nate and then to the direction of Blair's exit.
Cassie shook her head. "Leave them. They'll work it out."
-
"Blair?" Nate asked to the back of the bouncing brunette flowing down the hall. "How come you're-"
"I came to see Tyler."
The air between them was thinner than it had been the previous night at the sorority party and the fact that she knew he knew where she'd spent the night only made things worse. The look in his eyes made her want to tell him that nothing had happened between her and Tyler – that she'd pretended to be asleep when he'd run his hand along the side of her body; from her breasts to the curve of her hip, yet it seemed so wildly inappropriate that Blair refused to even acknowledge her relationship details.
Nate glanced along the hallway in the direction of his president's bedroom, sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I need to talk to you."
"Nate, I'm tired and I just want to go home, eat my way through Cassie's potato pie and go to bed."
"Please?"
He had puppy-dog-cute eyes and even in high school, when she exactly what he'd been doing with her best friend, she'd found them impossible to resist. She didn't blame him – he didn't know. She rolled her own eyes and conceded. "Okay. But-"
"Five minutes." He cut. "That's all."
He was silent when they got to his room and he closed the door, and his opening and closing of his mouth only served to push her boundaries higher.
"You asked me to come here to talk." She said finally. "So talk."
"Did you feel anything?"
"What?" She asked. "Just then? I told you months ago there was a draft in here but you didn't listen."
He chuckled slightly, but even the creased corners of his smile did nothing to encourage hers.
"At the Christmas party." He continued. "When we kissed, did you feel anything?"
"Why are you asking me this?" Her voice was cracking. "Are you trying to make me feel guilty?"
"No." Nate shook his head. "I just…I…"
When he faltered, Blair made a silent deal with herself to admit nothing. If he couldn't put into words what he felt – if he felt anything at all – the least she could do was keep quiet. Her weak knees and loss of breath wouldn't count as a secret if it was only her who knew.
"Sometimes." He started again. "Sometimes, you don't look happy. Not like you used to."
She tried to swallow the lump in her throat and it didn't move.
"If you weren't happy with Tyler, with anything, would you tell me?" Nate asked. "We're friends, right?"
"Yes." Lie one.
"And if you'd felt something more than friends when we kissed, would you have told me?"
"Would you?"
Nate shook his head. "I asked you first. Would you have told me?"
"Yes." Lie two.
"So if I'd said that for me, it wasn't just a mistletoe kiss; that I thought my heart was going to stop beating when we finally stopped, that ever since we got here I've wanted to do that; what would you have done?"
"I…" She cleared her throat. "I…"
He nodded, bowed his head. "Thought that might be the answer."
"Look, Nate-"
"It's alright." He nodded. "I get it."
She nodded, felt the lump in her throat press so hard that it made her want to throw up, and trailed her fingers over the wood of his furniture, her eyes pricking as she kept them staring at the shirts peeping out of the open drawer.
Nate's own fingers were too busy pulling at his skin in frustration and correct assumption to notice her gaze snap straight and her fingers clasp a box underneath his clothes.
"What's this?" She asked, running her fingertips over the long navy blue velvet box that had been nestling in his drawer.
"Nothing. Just…can you put it back please?"
"It's not nothing, it's in a jewellery box."
"Blair, I asked you to put it back."
It seemed lately (and always, really) that she wouldn't do a thing he asked, or advised, or wanted. She opened the box and gasped. "It's so beautiful."
Nate dipped his head in embarrassed agreement but held his hand out for the box.
"How come you never gave it to her?"
"What?" His expression was confused.
"Serena. How come you never gave her this necklace? We saw her at Thanksgiving."
"I didn't buy it for Serena." He replied. "Blair, I bought it for you."
It was the brunette's turn to wear a confused expression as they stared at each other without any explanation.
"For Christmas." He added.
"Then why didn't you give it to me?"
"I got it before the party. And then when we kissed, I didn't know if it would change things; if giving you the necklace after that would mean something it wasn't supposed to, or whether it would be crude or inappropriate."
Nate figured this was the most he'd ever talked about what he was thinking in his life. And it didn't feel good or exhilarating or calming. It was sad and depressing and embarrassing because he was admitting thoughts and feelings that she didn't share.
Still, he continued. "I wanted you to wear it without feeling guilty. And then I felt guilty for buying it in the first place."
After too long of not being able to say anything without interrupting, Blair's mouth suddenly seemed to stop working, and all she could manage was "Why?"
"I was hoping it would tell you all of this." He gestured between them. "So that I wouldn't have to."
She left without saying another word – without him saying another word or trying to stop her – and the sudden realisation that he'd told her everything he'd felt since December hit him harder than the thudding in his chest.
Blair knew he loved her. She hadn't even replied.
-
"It's open." Nate sighed as the knock on his door prevented him from putting away the crumpled shirt that was in his hand. It was past one in the morning and the last thing he needed was another member of the frat forcing him to go to a bar to get drunk and pick up women.
The door opened and it wasn't that. "Blair, hi."
"Do you have a blatant disregard for ironing?" She asked, curling her nose up at the shirts littering the floor. "Or even washing?" She continued, picking up a dirty shirt between her thumb and forefinger.
"Yeah, sorry about the mess." He smiled, more than a little embarrassed. "I've just been-"
"Moping?"
"I don't mope."
"Brooding?"
"I don't brood!"
She rolled her eyes. "You do, but it's rather endearing."
He sat down on the bed and Blair followed suit, smoothing down her coat first. "You look amazing."
She'd changed her outfit and her hairstyle since they'd last spoken five hours ago, and even though Nate couldn't remember what she'd been wearing before, he knew it wasn't that.
She smiled, took off her coat to reveal the lightest blue cashmere sweater he'd ever seen. It was so pale that it was almost white, and yet against her skin it had the slightest of hues, a scoop neck to show her bare neckline. "Thank you."
"Are you okay?"
"I had to break up with Tyler first." She explained, though it didn't necessarily answer the question Nate had asked. "Tell him that I didn't love him and that it wasn't fair to carry on like I wanted to be with him."
"Did you tell him about the Christmas party?"
She shook her head. "No."
"Then-"
She cut him off, with her finger tracing his frown lines, removing them before she pressed her lips against his and that peppermint gloss taste was familiar again. Nate opened his eyes, blue and piercing and confused. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I have a new-found appreciation for mistletoe." She smiled, kissing him again. "And that I want you to fix that necklace in your drawer around my neck." Her eyes sparkled at his aghast expression, at his trembling hands. "And, Nathaniel Archibald. I'm saying that I want you."