I'M BACK! Did you miss me? Did you miss me? Did you miss me? (Sorry, couldn't resist that Sherlock reference!)

Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed over the past week during the time that I have gone AWOL and I assure you that my cliffhanger has been uncliffed!

Seriously, I've got about four more chapters ready to post when I feel like it.

Anyway, thank you to Wikked, sarahmichellegellarfan1 (x2!), Guest, Charlyxx (x2!), Gurl5678, HT118, MarineAstriella, Daizychains123, Schoolrumberjus, Blueberrytoast, BellatrixD and Guest. Take ten points each to whichever house you're in! (I'm a Ravenclaw!)

I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, and thank you for getting me past 90 follows! That means so much to me, thank you all.

I don't own The Beatles, the song or lyrics to Hey Jude, or indeed Harry Potter.

"Take a sad song, and make it better." - Hey Jude by The Beatles

Chapter 35: Hey Jude

"WHERE IS SHE?" Lucius Malfoy yelled, thumping his fist down on the solid oak coffee table in anger. "TELL ME WHERE MY DAUGHTER IS!"

"Well you see…"

No one who had been at Theodore Nott and Selene Malfoy's engagement ball knew where the girl was. Not Yaxley, not Crabbe, not Goyle, not one person. The last anyone had seen of her was spotting her going outside right after her dance with her fiancé.

At least, he was damn well going to be her fiancé. Lucius couldn't have this… outright disregard for the rules he put in place.

"TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!" He threatened, clenching his fist. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!"

His wife placed a consoling hand on his arm, sending a glance his way. "He does not know Lucius. There is no point."

Lucius sighed, putting his head in his hands. "Get out of my sight." He snapped at the unfortunate man in front of him, who scurried off hastily.

"Maybe she doesn't want to be found Lucius." Narcissa tried to calm him, make him see sense. "You know how she loves that Weasley boy, maybe she's happier where she is."

"I REFUSE TO HAVE THAT WEASLEY BOY AS A SON IN LAW!" Yelled Lucius, almost snapping his cane. "I refuse." He repeated in a slightly calmer tone. "Draco, come here."

Draco moved away from the window and closer towards his father. "Yes Father." He said in a level tone, disguising his fear and annoyance.

"Do you know where your sister is?" He asked dangerously, tapping his cane in a careful fashion. "Do you have any idea why she would go on such an important night Draco?"

Hesitating for a split second, Draco nodded. "I know why she would leave on the night of her ball Father." He said, in a measured tone. "She was most against marrying N- Theodore Father."

"And why would that be?" Lucius snarled, closing his eyes. "Theodore is the best possible match for your sister Draco."

Draco swallowed, and his mother came to his rescue. "Lucius, she does not love him." Narcissa explained, resting her hand on top of her husbands. "Yes, most pureblood marriages are based upon wealth and status, not love, but if we managed it why not our daughter?"

"Don't you remember your aunt Cedrella Narcissa?" Lucius asked, shaking his head. "Your own sister Andromeda. If we do not stop Selene now then…"

He couldn't finish his sentence.

"She loves him Lucius." Narcissa said softly, stroking the back of his hand. "Maybe it would be good if we try to accept our daughter for who she is?"

"SHE WILL MARRY THEODORE NOTT, NOT SOME RED-HAIRED BLOOD TRAITOR!" Lucius yelled, making Narcissa leap backwards in surprise. "You would do good to remember that Narcissa, you too Draco."

Draco could brag about his family's wealth, his father's status in society and elevated rank amongst the Death Eaters, and it could all be true, but the one thing her couldn't say was that he was happy with it. His sister, the girl that had been there for him when his mother was too busy and his father didn't care, the girl that used to bandage Dobby's ears for him after he was made to iron them out, the girl that used to read thick, heavy-bound books under the trees in the grounds of the Manor, had chosen her Blood-Traitor boyfriend over him.

She had chosen her mud-blood friends over him. Salazar, she had even chosen Hermione Granger over her own brother. Selene had told him once that she could have been a Hufflepuff, but weren't Hufflepuffs meant to be loyal? She was no more a Hufflepuff than he was a Gryffindor.

And what if Selene had been a Gryffindor? Would they be standing here now?

Sometimes, 'what ifs' are all you can say.

Selene couldn't meet Mrs Weasley's gaze as she sat at the dining table in the basement kitchen of Grimmauld Place, Arithmancy graphs and sheets of complicated sums spread out around her.

"Take the square of the root and multiply it by the sum of the corners." Selene pondered aloud, making a few quick notes on a spare sheet of parchment. "Then add to the sum of the thirds of the pentagonal prism."

Taking a few more notes, Selene put her quill down and rested her head in her hands. Was it good that she had told Hermione and Ginny about Fabian and Gideon? The way they had looked at her, Ginny especially, it had made her heart snap in two. Now she couldn't look at Fred for fear of breaking down into tears, and she couldn't talk to Mrs Weasley she was so guilty.

And as much as she told herself that they were just two men, they weren't special and they didn't matter, the truth just leaked through the cracks and killed her inside. Because they were special and they did matter, what would Mrs Weasley say when she found out that her brothers were killed right in front of the girl she had so kindly taken in? What would Fred say when Selene admitted that she saw his uncle whenever she looked into his eyes?

It didn't matter that she didn't know before, she knew now and had not even thought of telling anyone else.

The truth is too painful for one person to bear; maybe Selene should make that her motto in life. But this truth was too painful for anyone to bear. Why should she tell him when it would just make it worse? Love wasn't about that.

She couldn't pretend to be an expert in love, but when you've found the one person that you will always love then you know enough. Love wasn't about making people worse with the truth; it was about being who you are for the people that you love. But she was different people for different people, and that didn't seem right somehow.

"Are you okay dear?" Mrs Weasley's voice broke into her daydream, and Selene started.

"Y- yes I'm fine." She said calmly, willing her voice to keep its level tone. "Just a bit stumped that's all."

Anyone that knew Selene well enough would know that one of the subjects she would never get stuck in was Arithmancy, but Mrs Weasley didn't know that. To her, Selene was just like Hermione. After all, she had only known her for a matter of weeks.

It's a common misconception that when two people have similar characteristics that they are exactly the same.

That isn't true.

Hermione had parents that would always love her, care for her, be there for her when everyone else was gone. She had bad memories, sure, but her friends were always in them, there to sort her out afterwards. She didn't need help with her life, because she had always known where she wanted to go.

Selene on the other hand… her parents loved her, but would they always be there? Her bad memories were things that she had to bare alone, things that she had taken for Draco. And her life was only an endless circle, with no stopping, no getting out.

God, was her life always going to be so… molecular? So stupid, they were all heading for death, Selene could see it in her mind's eye. Just by being around, she was bringing the Weasleys one step closer to death.

Ironic really, her lucky number had always been four, homophonous to the Chinese word for death. What else do you have to lose when you fall back on luck for support?

"Are you sure dear?" Mrs Weasley asked, and her voice was so kind that it was hard for Selene to keep it together. She wouldn't be kind if she knew.

Selene nodded, and relaxed as Mrs Weasley moved back to the stew again. The chopping stared up again, a consistent beat that soothed her.

There was always music to think of. Music. Music that wouldn't fit anywhere else, the song she danced to with Theodore Nott that night at the Manor, that Muggle song that was out of place in a pureblood gala. The song that would now haunt me for the rest of my life.

Did they even know what the lyrics meant? It was such a hopeful song, a song full of words that made Selene shiver by just thinking about them. It could be the song that saved her, maybe it was.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better.

Selene had done that. Taken a sad song and made it better. Taken the mess that had been her life and molded it beyond recognition. She hadn't been kidding when she said that she wanted to introduce Fred to The Beatles.

Her complex sum smudged a little and Selene wiped her cheek reflexively, not wanting Mrs Weasley to know that everything was not alright. Take a sad song and make it better.

Sometimes the wisest words of wisdom come from the people we least expect. The Beatles, Queen, Oasis. Not that Selene didn't expect to find wisdom within the songs she loved.

"Selene." Selene's head jerked up again, and she found herself looking into the eyes of her old Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. "I've found a Boggart in the drawing room. I was wondering if you would like to have a crack at it."

"Yes please." Selene nodded, moving to pack up her papers but Lupin placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Leave them alone, it won't be long." Professor Lupin smiled kindly at her, guiding her towards the drawing room without even a hand on her arm. Just with words. "I remember Arithmancy when I was at school, it doesn't look like it's got any easier."

Selene managed a smile. "It hasn't." She confirmed sheepishly. "I just... find it easy."

Lupin nodded at her words. "I was thinking you might like a shot at the Boggart, considering that you never got the chance back at Hogwarts. It'll be a good experience."

Sirius was waiting for them in the drawing room, next to a large writing desk that was shaking from side to side. "Selene!" He greeted happily, leaning against the writing desk. "How are you? Come to take a crack at this old thing?"

"Yes she has." Lupin answered for her quickly, moving closer to the cabinet. "Now, remember Selene, the incantation is Riddikulus, got that?"

Making a yapping face hand from behind Lupin, Sirius smirked at his cousin with vaguely concealed glee. "Let's see how you cope little cuz."

"I'm not little, I'm of age thank you." Selene amended, blinking at him. "And I have a boyfriend, which you didn't have at your age."

"I would hope not! I'm not gay!" Sirius exclaimed hotly, but then shook his head. "Nah, I'm just messing with you cuz. Calm down."

"Stand back." Lupin warned him, opening the doors of the cabinet.

For a few moments, Selene was left to wonder what her Boggart would be. Voldemort? Her father? Being alone? Heights? Her aunt? Or none of those things?

It was something much worse.

Opening her mouth to scream, Selene rocketed backwards from the body on the floor. She should have seen this coming. She should have seen this coming. The body… it stood for everything she was scared of. Not being able to save people, being helpless, terror, blinding panic, sadness, anger.

The body had a gash in its side and blood pouring out of a hole where his cheek should be. His red hair was matted with blood, but he was too tall, too broad-shouldered to be Fred or George. It was Fabian Prewett, Selene knew that with every fibre of her being. But his mirror image was next to him, covered in marks that unmistakably spoke of the Cruciatus Curse.

"R-Riddikulus!" She yelled, and the body changed and morphed into someone else, someone that made her body freeze in fear.

Draco, his blonde hair stained crimson with blood, a hole exploded in the top if his head. His grey eyes open and kept in a state of fear, his expression not peaceful, just terrified.

"R-R-R-Riddikulus!"

George, his throat torn out and a ghost of a last grin on his face.

Angelina, broken and bruised beyond recognition.

Hermione, her bushy brown hair singed and half of her body consumed by the same fiery blackness, turned into charcoal.

Cho, hung from the ceiling by her Ravenclaw tie and her eyes as black as the night.

Katie and Alicia, both killed in the same way – covered in cuts on their arms and legs. Katie giggling rung in her head, along with Alicia's eye rolls.

Then the body that made Selene scream again; a high, piercing scream that penetrated everybody that would hear it to the core. Fred.

"RIDDIKULUS!" Lupin yelled, and Fred's empty body changed into the moon, which Lupin dismissed with a simple wave of his wand. He surged forward towards Selene, digging in his robe pockets. "It's okay, it was just a Boggart."

"They were dead, they were all dead…" Selene murmured, curling up in the corner. "They were dead, they were all dead…"

"Who screamed?" Fred, George, Hermione, Ginny, Ron and Mrs Weasley appeared in the entrance to the drawing room. Lupin stood up, leaving Sirius to go to his cousin.

"Boggart." He said simply, letting his gaze waver over Fred, George and Hermione. "It… wasn't pretty. Molly, I need to talk to you for a moment."

"They were dead, they were all dead…" Selene repeated, covering her ears. "They were all dead Sirius, they were all dead."

Without so much as even looking at the others for confirmation, Fred ran over to where Selene was curled up in the corner. "Selene, love." He said to her, holding her head up with one hand.

"Y-y-you were dead, you were all dead." Selene stuttered, looking at him with big pain-filled blue eyes. "You all died, you, Draco, George, Hermione, Angie, Allie, Katie…" She trailed off, closing her eyes. "I saw him Fred."

"Saw who?" Fred asked carefully, half-knowing and half-unaware of what was coming next. "Selene, you can tell me."

Selene flicked her eyes over to Ginny and Hermione, who elected not to comment or look at each other. "I- I saw… I saw t-the man that died. The man I saw die."

Sirius's eyes widened as he worked out exactly what Selene meant. "No." He said incredulously. "T- they said no one else was there. There was no trace, apart from the five Death Eaters."

"Six." Selene amended, without thinking. "My father, he… he was there too. He just didn't get caught."

Fred looked from Sirius, to Selene, and back again as he tried to make sense of what they meant. "Selene, are you okay?" He asked cautiously as yet more tears fell down her face. "Selene, please, just tell me!"

He almost shouted the last words, and Selene sobbed, falling forwards onto him. "I-I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice hoarse from her screaming and crying.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, it wasn't your fault." Fred murmured into her ear, holding her like he'd never let her go.

"But there is." Selene whispered again, almost inaudibly and yet so loud that everyone in the drawing room heard it. "There's everything to be sorry about."

"Selene-" Hermione began but Selene held one hand up to silence her.

"I need to say this Hermione. You know, Ginny knows, everyone else has to know."

Mrs Weasley enveloped Selene into a hug before she could get any further. "Selene, whatever you are about to say, I will never think less of you." She insisted, letting her go after what seemed like an age.

But she would think less of Selene. It was too personal a matter for any loving mother to bypass, and she wasn't even Selene's mother. To her, Selene was just her son's girlfriend, just the girl that had been crushed by a suit of armour once. No one of importance. No one worth worrying about.

So Selene looked up and around at all the people that were regarding her so carefully, Sirius, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, George, Mr Weasley, Dora, Mad-Eye, Lupin, Mrs Weasley and Fred.

Was it wrong that she felt attachments of some kind to all of the people present, even if it was in the merest way? Sirius teased her night and day, like an older brother of sorts. Mad-Eye valued her opinion, and Selene treasured that more than she could ever admit. Hell, Lupin felt like more than just her old teacher, he felt like someone that would teach her in this present.

And now she was going to smash those attachments with a bloody hammer.

"I can see Thestrals." She began, and Sirius snorted. Mrs Weasley shot him a look, but in fact Selene was grateful for his sense of humour for once. "Because… because I saw people die."

George rolled his eyes. "You're supposed to be clever Cheesecake." He smirked. "Come on, get to the point."

"Because I saw people die George, people." Selene re-iterated. "Not just one person, two people, within the space of a few minutes."

Mrs Weasley clapped her hands over her mouth in shock, and Lupin's eyes widened. It seemed that he didn't predict this at all. Sirius nodded grimly, his previous good humour gone. Hermione and Ginny looked at each other for a split second, before breaking their gazes.

George was being as thick as ever. "What do you mean?" He asked, still smiling.

"Your uncles George." Selene broke. "Fabian and Gideon, it didn't take five Death Eaters to kill them, it took six. My father, and he brought me along for the fun of it."

Selene felt bile rise in her throat and she staggered over to the kitchen sink.

"Selene!" Mrs Weasley said. Typical that the woman that should care the least cares the most. "Selene. Dear, please, look at me."

If she opened her mouth then she would either vomit or scream, so Selene just shook her head. She didn't deserve any of their kindness, not when she had been so selfish. She could have saved them, if she'd shouted louder. She could. Have. Saved. Them.

"I forgive you." Mrs Weasley whispered, and this time Selene was sick.

"I forgive you." He mouths, and the light switches off.

"I forgive you." Fleur smiles at me, pushing me towards my family.

"I forgive you." Draco mumbles, him in green and me in blue.

"I forgive you." I say, smiling up at our Beater. It was only a mistake, after all.

She. Could. Have. Saved. Them. It swirled around her head, making her dizzy and discombobulated, making the faces of people that would now hate her blur into white mess. She. Could. Have. Saved. Them.

That was why she was not a Gryffindor, because she was too cowardly at the time that it mattered so very much. That was why she was not a Hufflepuff, because she was too selfish at the time that it could have changed everything. That was why she was not a Slytherin, because she was too meek when she should have been cunning. That was why she shouldn't be a Ravenclaw, because she had been so very very stupid.

"So many people." She murmured, managing a smile. "Too many people."

She could vaguely hear someone shouting, but she couldn't make out the words. Why was someone shouting? Selene couldn't understand why. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.

It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered. She had seen the expression of anger pass over Fred's eyes, even if it was just for a second. And Selene had always been so, so good at reading eyes. Too good, stupid girl.

He hated her now, he must hate her now. He wouldn't want to talk to her again. She would never feel his lips against hers again; breath in vanilla and gunpowder under the blazing sun, Selene would never feel so safe as he hugged the living hell out of her. She would never see his smile again, his smile that lit up both of them. Selene would never hear his infectious laugh that was so contagious that it made her at least giggle when she heard it.

Nothing would ever matter again if Fred didn't love her.

Selene staggered again, breathing sharply. Her lack of oxygen made her head swim again, and it took all the strength she had left to make it to the sink before she vomited again.

People flashed in front of her eyes, people she thought she'd never see again. Her godfather. Uncle Rodolphus. Aunt Bellatrix. Uncle Rabastan. Fabian Prewett. Gideon Prewett. The faintest glimpse of Lily Potter, stolen in the dark. People she thought she'd forgotten.

Then the people she loved. Just names.

Mama, Papa, Draco, Fleur… were that really that many? Cho, Allie, Katie, Angie, Harry, Ron. Hermione, Ginny…

Then Selene felt another wave of nausea hit as she thought of Fred. God, he must hate her now. How did he even love her in the first place? They were so different; it wasn't even worth dreaming about. And he'd hated her to begin with, and quite rightly, so how did they ever end up loving one another?

Face it; he was the ladies' man, the bad boy, the one who was always in detention and using his homework to lob at people. And she was the geek, the good girl, and the one who was the Prefect and had stellar grades, Herbology of course omitted.

Someone was talking now, no, their tone of voice was much too scared and broken to be called talking. They sounded like they were one step away from screaming.

"What's wrong with her?" The person said. It was such a familiar voice, a voice that let Selene's logical mind break through the barrier.

She was being stupid. Mrs Weasley had said that she forgave her. She was fine, she would be fine. Because Fred wouldn't hate her, she would feel the sensation of safeness and yet indescribable danger when they kissed, he would smile at her again, and no one could ever keep him from laughing.

Because she loved him. If she could just force herself to calm down, then she would be fine, they would be fine.

"I'm fine." Selene choked out, feeling a group of people guide her to a chair. Her vision began to focus, but slowly. Fixating on one miniscule detail, Selene exhaled gently.

Dangerous. What she had told them was so dangerous; it could overthrow everything she cared about. But she had told them, and it felt like a weight had been taken off her shoulders that she had been so accustomed to that she never noticed it before.

It took Selene a few moments to realise that she was fixating on Fred, but she didn't care, she didn't blush. Just for once.

"I'm fine, honestly." She repeated, her vision fully in focus.

Everyone was still in the basement kitchen, but no one looked especially annoyed at her. They only looked concerned, nothing else. Nothing drastic. She had been overreacting.

"What happened to me?" Selene asked, finally getting her sensible mind in gear. She had to work out exactly what had occurred.

Lupin stepped forward, looking shaken. "I think you had a panic attack Selene." He explained, using her first name for the first time. "They're not uncommon, not after… not after traumatic experiences."

Nodding, Selene managed to push herself so her back was slightly straighter. "I'm sorry, that's never happened to me before."

"No, it's me who should be sorry." Lupin said ruefully. "I shouldn't have let you tackle that Boggart. It was… disturbing, to say the least."

"I needed to tackle it, really." Insisted Selene, managing a smile. "I know what my greatest fear is now, it's probably best to know things like that in times like these Professor."

Lupin laughed, not unkindly. "I'm your Professor no longer Selene, do call me Remus. And may I ask what exactly is your greatest fear? It wasn't terribly clear."

The silence from everyone else became more noticeable, deafening everything in its path. Everyone was trying not to look at Selene, but at the same time staring at her. "It's… complicated. Much like what many people fear, their loved ones dying."

Hermione stifled a sob, and George instinctively inched closer to his twin.

"That, and…" Selene choked back her sobs – any more crying and she'd become a human waterfall. "Not being able to save them. That's why I saw Fabian's body first, because I failed to save him, with Gideon's, because I didn't scream loud enough. Then I saw the people I love now, killed in ways…"

"That you saw others killed by." Lupin – Remus – finished for her.

Sirius clenched his fist. "How many Death Eater victims did you see?" He growled, and Hermione sobbed again, moving closer to Ron. "How many, tell me!"

"At least twenty." Selene admitted, keeping her voice level, but wanting to scream and cry. "F-f-father used to hide t-them under our d-d-d-…"

"I think that's enough!" Mrs Weasley exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, moving closer to Selene with motherly instincts. "It's obvious you're upsetting her Sirius, it doesn't matter! That's enough, everyone, off you go! The drawing room won't clean itself, you know!"

"Mum-" Fred began, but Mrs Weasley cut him off.

"No Fred, you too. She needs to calm down, and that's not going to happen with you around dear."

"It's o-o-okay." Selene stuttered. "I-I-I'm f-f-fine M-M-Mrs W-Weasley."

"You are most certainly not fine dear." Mrs Weasley said kindly, sighing. "Yes, okay, Fred, you can stay down here. George, not you too! You know what she said before, too many people. Upstairs, now."

George left, and Mrs Weasley shut the door behind him. "Selene." She said sternly, and Selene blinked up at her with scared blue eyes. "I understand how hard it was for you to tell us this. And I know my brothers would want me to know that it wasn't your fault, because it wasn't. What your father did was wrong, and cruel. You were only three when that happened, and I can't believe that any father would ever do that to their daughter."

"I-I- I t-t-tried to s-s-save t-t-t-them." Selene breathed, holding her breath. "I-I-I t-t-tried. T-they d-d-didn't hate me."

"I don't hate you either Selene." Mrs Weasley said kindly. "No one does. Of course, Albus will naturally want to talk to you, but what you've told us…" She trailed off.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Fred spoke, taking Selene's hand under the table.

Her excuse sounded so petty now, she almost didn't want to tell him. "I thought y-y-you'd h-h-hate m-me."

Fred laughed, shaking his head at her. His laugh seemed to make everything look lighter, and it made Selene feel like the war was a million miles away. They might as well be living in a parallel universe whenever he laughed. "You're meant to be the smart one in this relationship love."

"I'm an idiot." Selene hid her head in her hands.

Laughing again, Fred pulled her closer to him so she was almost sitting on his lap. "You're a lot of things love, and stupid isn't one of them."

"But how did… this even happen?" Selene gestured around with her hands at the kitchen and its occupants. "This is all basically down to a fluke. If Moody – the impersonator I mean – hadn't decided to place me next to George in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Fleur hadn't walked me right into you, and the Grindylows didn't attack her… then I'd probably be with Nott by now."

"Well," Fred pondered, tapping his chin like he was thinking hard. "I guess then I wouldn't have noticed you then, but I would have noticed you eventually, even if it took until we were both in our twenties and off doing some grand important things, and I was planning to tell you that I loved you sometime even if you hadn't gone all Gryffindor on my arse and-"

"Language." Mrs Weasley interjected quickly.

"German." Fred quipped, grinning at Selene who burst into helpless laughter despite her previous scare.

Heh heh heh.

Sorry, I just wanted to have the Boggart in since I got the idea of what Selene's worst fear would have to be.

And what's wrong with her? Was it a one-off? Or is it something a little more…

Permanent?

Please review!

Eleanor xxx