Sorry for the delay in posting. See a/n at the end for future update information.

Not betad.

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Prompt: deluge

I tell Angela about Edward during our next session. The deluge of emotion I've been feeling since Edward and I kissed is unsettling. I spent so much time convincing myself I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I'm not sure that's true anymore, or if denying myself is what I want.

"Do you want more than friendship with Edward?" Angela asks.

I bite my lip, unsure of how to answer.

"There's no right or wrong answer," she assures me.

I nod and try, for once, to be honest about how I feel. "I care about him. A lot. I'm just… afraid."

"Of?"

Now I wish I hadn't said anything. So I give half an answer. "I'm worried for Mae. About her getting close to someone who may leave. I don't want her to go through that again." This is true, but not the only reason the idea of a relationship with Edward terrifies me.

"They're already close from what you tell me, and if you and he stay just friends I'd assume one of you would move on eventually. So Mae would lose that relationship no matter what," she reasons.

I nod, because she's right. "Maybe it's best if they don't get any more attached."

"Except you want to be in a relationship with him."

I nod again. This is so confusing.

"What would denying yourself accomplish?"

"I don't know." I shake my head and sigh.

She nods and waits for me to elaborate. I hate this part of therapy, where I do all the talking. It's unnerving.

"I like spending time with Edward. But I don't know if I'm ready to date. Or be in a relationship. For Maeve. And I don't want to hurt Edward, either." I know I'm rambling, but I can't seem to stop.

"You seem to be doing a lot of justifying and making excuses as to why you should or shouldn't go out with Edward. And they involve either Maeve or Edward. What do you feel? What do you want?"

"I feel like I really care about him and he could be good for Maeve and for me."

I say this without thinking first, but immediately realize that without my mental filter, I've spoken the absolute truth–Edward is good for me and Maeve. But the things that hold me back loom so largely over every decision I make regarding my relationship with him and I'm not sure they'll ever go away. I'm not only afraid of Edward hurting Maeve and me, I'm afraid of me hurting him. He seems so fragile and I don't want to be responsible for another person's happiness. It's a huge burden, especially when I can barely manage my own and Mae's. I say as much to Angela.

"That's a valid concern, but Edward's a grown man and responsible for himself. You can only worry about you and Maeve, and I don't think being in a relationship with someone necessarily means we're responsible for them. It's a partnership, isn't it?"

I swallow and glance at my watch; I want out of here but we still have a few minutes. "I think with Edward it would be a partnership, yes," I say evasively, yet truthfully.

"And it wasn't with Jasper?" she asks. Of course she does. I know I'm not fooling her. I'm surprised she's let me get away with it for this long.

I take a deep breath and twist my fingers together in my lap. "I don't know. He was different from Edward. Edward's…" I wave my hand in the air, trying to find the right word, but it eludes me. "Edward seems to care for me despite my baggage. Maybe even a little because of it. I've been nothing but myself with him and he still wants me around."

"And Jasper?"

I shake my head and look down, not sure if I'm answering her question or telling her I don't have an answer.

"Our time is up for today," she says. "We'll pick this up next week."

Edward calls me that night and asks me to meet him. He's already at the swing by the time I get there.

I haven't seen him since we kissed but he manages, as usual, to take it in stride and not look in the least bit uncomfortable.

But of course I'm awkward and anxious so I sit on the opposite side of the swing and wring my hands.

"Hey, you okay?" he asks, looking over at me.

"Yeah, fine. Just… it's nothing." I want to tell him about my therapy, but so much of it revolved around him it would just be weird. "I saw Angela today."

He nods and goes to reach for my hand, but pulls back before touching me. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"I'd really like to, but…" I trail off, shaking my head.

"It's okay," he says, smiling at me.

"How was your day?" I ask, relaxing a little just from his presence.

"Okay," he says, scratching his cheek. "Maggie bought me a birthday gift. It was a pair of heart shaped crystal book ends."

I snort before I can help it and then when Edward starts to laugh, I do too. Just like that, the tension is broken. It's nice, laughing with someone I care about.

"God, you would think she would know me by now," he says with a sigh.

"I'm sure she's doing the best she can," I say. I don't know why I'm defending her when she clearly doesn't like me, except that she probably is trying–in her own way.

He doesn't answer me, but I can see him in the dim light and he looks contemplative. So I stay silent and let him think. It's so strange, but even after my emotional therapy session, his presence makes me feel so serene. As if we can shut the rest of the world out when we're together and just be.

"Bella?" he says after a while.

"Yeah?"

"Will you go to the ribbon cutting at the hospital with me?"

I'm surprised he's asking since he didn't seem too happy about the prospect of going, and I tell him so.

"I don't usually enjoy those types of events," he says. "It's all about schmoozing and networking and that's not a part of my job I'm comfortable with."

"Really? I find that hard to believe. You're so… nice."

He smiles and shrugs. "I like designing and planning and building something from nothing. I usually leave the business aspect of it to my partner, but he's out of town."

"I didn't know you had a business partner."

"Riley and I went to college together and opened Masen and Michaels after graduation. He handles the business and I take care of the creative end. It works for us."

"That sounds good."

"So?"

"What?"

"Is that a no?" he asks nervously. "You don't want to come with me?"

"No… I mean no it's not a no. I'll go with you." I look over at him and this time when he reaches out for me, he takes my hand. It feels nice.

"I promise to show you a good time." He smiles at me and I have no doubt he's right.

I always have a good time with Edward.

Okay, so anyone who follows me on Twitter knows my family was pretty hard hit by Irene (that bitch). Updates will be slow for the next few weeks while we clean up from the flood. I'm really sorry about this, but I promise I'll try to update as often as I can. You can follow me on Twitter for update news: jenndema

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.