A/N: This is where I'm supposed to try to explain my absence, but in reality no words can make up for the fact that I all but abandoned this story…but of course, I'll try to explain anyway. I got in to a writing funk months ago and just couldn't shake it. When I broke my promise of updating every Sunday, I began getting anxious every time I opened up a Word document. Even now, my heart is racing as I type. I guess anxiety begets anxiety begets anxiety. I am so sorry. If you're still here, thank you for your patience.

2008

*This chapter is slightly M-rated. Proceed with caution*

Her mother had warned her about this. Once you've had sex, it becomes easier and easier to do it again and again. She'd been so careful with Ezra, so cautious. She'd wanted to make sure everything was perfect and that her feelings for him were true before giving her virginity to him. It had taken years for the two to become intimate in their relationship. And when she'd ended things with him shortly after the nightmare that was Halloween, she figured it'd take another few years for anyone to get her back in bed, yet here she was, pinned to a mattress by a pair of full lips on her neck, clad in only her panties, though she was sure those would be coming off soon.

Aria wasn't dating Matt. She'd gone on dates with him, but they weren't official. She could tell that he wanted them to be, but Aria just wasn't ready. Her excuses had ranged from not wanting to move too fast and the fact that college was only a few months away and a breakup would be inevitable. And while those were true to some degree, both Aria and Matt knew that the real reason she wanted to avoid labels was because she knew it would crush Ezra.

Her ex, if he could even be called that, was still madly in love with her. And she with him. But after their split a couple of months earlier, the college acceptance letters began to roll in, post-graduation plans were made and it just didn't seem like the time to be getting back together. Ezra would be heading off to Stanford in the fall. Aria was set to attend NYU. They were going to be on different coasts and rumor had it that long distance relationships were extremely difficult. So despite the feeling that she and Ezra were meant to be together that bubbled deep in her gut and echoed in her heart, Aria decided that it was best to leave for college as friends and only that.

But her aversion to real relationships didn't mean that she couldn't have fun, and that's exactly what she was doing tonight. Having fun.

Aria had been "sober" since her experience at Halloween. Drinking in a party environment terrified her…until tonight, that is. After a particularly long therapy session where Aria had to endure listening to her therapist drone on and on about "getting back out there", Aria received a text from Spencer inviting her to a house party and instructing her to bring Matt. Aria had obliged, thinking that she'd once again play the sober friend and designated driver for her friends. However, an hour into the party, 5 shots and a couple of hits later, Aria's assumption was proven wrong.

It was a rather small party. Aria knew everyone there. She felt safe. Drinking and smoking felt rather…liberating. Liam had taken away her sense of security months ago, but tonight she was taking it back. And apparently, she was also taking Matt to bed.

The not-couple had ducked into one of the house's guest bedrooms after hours of playful flirting and touching. From there, it seemed that it was only a matter of seconds before clothes started flying and weeks of sexual frustration began to pour out onto the mattress.

Matt's hands had quickly rid Aria of her dress and bra. Aria mimicked his motions a touch slower, her head spinning from the alcohol, weed and the intoxicating feel of Matt's lips on her skin.

He was different than Ezra was. Rougher. She'd noted that about him during their first kiss. He took control and she liked it. It was enough to make up for the lack of spark between them. Kissing Ezra had ignited a fire inside of Aria. The aftermath of their make-out sessions had left Aria reeling. It was similar to that feeling you get after riding a rollercoaster that took your breath away. When the cars come to a stop on the tracks, your breath is fast and heavy and you can't shake the smile from your face or the shaky feeling in your knees. Kissing Matt was like riding a merry-go-round. It was nice and made Aria happy, but it lacked the thrill of a 4-story drop and loop-de-loops. Even in a drunken state, Aria noticed that, but she didn't speak up. She was afraid that if she did, she might never get over Ezra. So maybe this wasn't what she was used to, but it was what she needed to move on.

That's what she told herself as Matt hooked his fingers around her panties and began tugging down. This whole thing wasn't so much about love and excitement as it was a chance to get over the love of her life. She had to start somewhere.

Before she knew it, she was lying naked beneath an equally exposed boy, preparing for her "first time" after her first time. This would be her first time having sex with someone who wasn't Ezra. Her second first. She was unsure if this time would be as memorable as her time with Ezra. She was unsure if anything about this night would be memorable. She'd consumed enough to make this night a total blur anyways. But what Aria was sure of was that she wanted this. In that moment, she wanted Matt Callahan instead of Ezra Fitz.

"What's your favorite position?" Matt breathed heavily into her ear as his hand rubbed Aria's heat, clouding her brain even more than the drugs or alcohol had.

"Take me from behind." The words slipped from Aria's lips before she really had a chance to think about it. That wasn't her favorite position. She liked being on top. But that had been her and Ezra's thing. She didn't want to do that with Matt. Not now anyways. Besides, if she admired his dominant kiss, she was sure she'd enjoy him in the more dominant sex position.

"Get on all fours," Matt growled seductively.

Aria did as she was told.

She felt Matt's hands wrap around her waist and pull her closer. She moaned as the anticipation rose in the pit of her stomach and let her eyes flutter shut, bracing her hands on the mattress and gripping the sheets with white knuckles. It was only then that she realized there had been no talk of protection and all of her previous actions were undone so that she could turn around and look at her lover.

"Condom?" was all she could say.

"I don't have one, but you're on the pill, right?" Matt tried pushing Aria back on all fours so that they could begin…and so that he wouldn't lose his boner.

"I…" Aria started. She was on the pill, but she'd never had unprotected sex before. Not even with Ezra. But this wasn't Ezra. This was Matt. This was different. Things should be different, or so she thought. So against her better judgment, Aria nodded. "Right."

No other words were exchanged. Not ones of protest at least. Aria simply turned back around and the two began, well, fucking.

The whole thing felt foreign. Matt. Not using a condom. Everything. The sounds of Matt grunting and cursing at each wave of pleasure sounded so different from Ezra. Even the moans and words of affirmation that fell from Aria's lips hit her ears at another octave than before. The slapping of their skin was much louder and faster than she was used to and Aria had no idea how she was supposed to feel about it.

When Matt announced that he was going to cum, Aria felt relieved. And when she felt him pull out and unload his hot semen onto her back, she let out a whimper of gratitude. That was it. It was over. Her second first time had come and gone. She'd had sex with someone who wasn't Ezra Fitz…and she had absolutely no idea how she felt.

Confused. Excited. Sad. Hurt. Relieved. Happy. It felt like every emotion she could ever feel was bouncing around inside of her brain and fighting to take the driver's seat as Matt wiped his mess off of her back with a towel. And suddenly, it was all too much. Tears welled up in Aria's eyes as her legs carried her in a bee line towards the guest bathroom. She slammed the door and locked it, leaving a confused Matt naked and kneeling on the bed.

Every thought Aria had had about moving on was undone by her actions tonight. Sex with Matt was nothing like sex with Ezra. She loved Ezra. She didn't love Matt. Tonight was a mistake. And little did she know that mistake would be one of the biggest of her life.

A/N: Disclaimer: I'm not calling Sophie's conception a mistake. Remember, Sophie is Ezra's. Anyways, I'm sorry this was so short and shitty, but I got the urge to write so I took advantage of it. I hope that I will be updating soon. As always, please leave a review if you're still here. Thanks for reading!

-Erin xoxo