Thirty-Four: Better (part two)

Eren's POV

The third fight that Jean and I had took place a month or so before we got engaged. We had been together for over four years and I had just turned 25.

Things were always pretty stable between Jean and I. We rarely had large fights but when we did, they ended up bringing us closer together and making our relationship stronger. Sure, there were bitter moments afterwards, but we were able to move on and make the necessary adjustments because we truly loved one another and were willing to do whatever in our power to make it last.

I think that was why our relationship worked out in the long run. Our love was stronger than our conflicting personalities. Maybe our love was strengthened by our differences because it taught us how to compromise and communicate. Although I'd never admit it, I need some of Jean's logical and well-planned demeanor to keep my own behavior in check. And I know Jean loves the random and spontaneous hot-headedness I bring to his life.

It makes everything more enjoyable; a little adventure in itself.

Yet sometimes, the balance is thrown off and we forget to check our own wills and desires. Everything we do is because we think we're doing the right thing. In the end, after we've made up, we often see the other's side. The only set back is not saying the right things in the heat of the moment.

The third fight was one of those instances.

We got in a heated disagreement that was escalating past our normal arguing over Mikasa, my own sister, who had decided to move across the country to the west coast.

Of course I protested immediately.

Mikasa had just graduated medical school at Johns Hopkins and was going to take a residency position in San Francisco.

This was absolutely ludicrous to me. There were plenty of opportunities closer to home that would have been just as good an opportunity. I didn't want my own sister to leave me when she was my only family.

When I told Jean, I think it hurt him a little. Here I was saying that I didn't want Mikasa to leave because she was all I had here. I think I implied that Jean wasn't as significant to me as my sister, but I didn't notice at the time.

Jean took Mikasa's side, supporting her decision. He agreed that Mikasa was old enough to make her own decisions and do what she pleased. Now I see the logic, but at the time I was extremely insulted by my boyfriend taking a side that was not mine.

I told Jean to fuck off and that he shouldn't intervene. I asked him whose side he was on and told him that he wouldn't understand the situation because he has no siblings and has lived a cushy life up until then and had no understanding of losing family.

I regretted everything I said as soon as Jean left. He didn't say a word to me, he just got up and walked out on me. He was strong, hiding back all the hurt and heart-break I had given him.

He drove home to his parent's house and stayed there the weekend. I did not know that at the time and asked around to see if anyone knew where Jean was. Every unsure answer made me more and more anxious; more and more crazy, really.

I was alone and afraid. I knew then that Jean was my family and all of a sudden the reality of my accusations hit me. I forgot everything we had been through together and all the love and support that boy had given me throughout the years. Jean truly was my family and I was just being the stubborn ass who broke his heart.

I called his parents to see if Jean was there two days after the incident and they were incredibly angry with me.

Jean had come home hysterical and hadn't left his room since coming there. He was truly broken, and all because of me.

I left to get him immediately with no forethought because I loved Jean, truly, and couldn't bear to know my other half was hurting at my expense. I cursed and hated myself for being such a dick when Jean was just trying to be rational. It was my own temper that caused this destruction.

I wasn't about to let the damn greatest thing that ever happened to me fall apart all because I was some tunnel-vision asshole.

I arrived late at night after stopping at a local store to pick up sugar cookies which were Jean's favorite in one of those huge tubs.

His parents were less than thrilled to see me, but when I fell to my knees and confessed that I was wrong and wanted to beg Jean for forgiveness, they let me in. They knew we were passionate yet confrontational by nature and they later told me that my asking for forgiveness showed my maturity and love for their son.

Jean was another story.

He was in his room, a place I had been before on visits. We used to cuddle and watch movies on his laptop late at night on weekend trips.

Not now.

Jean was facing the wall and the room was dark. I could make out the outline of his body, but everything else was hazy.

"I thought I asked you to leave me alone," he kissed, pain in his voice. He was expecting someone else.

I responded in regret, asking for forgiveness in the most pitiful and regretful voice I had ever spoken in.

He turned around suddenly. He looked about how I expected, eyes puffy from crying and a stubbled face along with messy hair. His eyes were full of pain, and it hurt me to know I did that.

I stayed distant though every instinct told me to be closer to him. I wanted to hold him and tell him how much I loved him… but I didn't.

But we did talk. We talked the whole night.

First it was broken and harsh. I apologized at every opportunity and groveled to him to ask for forgiveness. He didn't answer for a while, but in time he forgave me.

I didn't realize I had been moving closer over the hours until I was in his arms again.

We ate the cookies together.

I proposed a month later.

TBC