A/N: I may be biased, but I think this is my favourite chapter so far.
Also, because it might be kind of obscure, the chapter title 'Steady' is by a band called 'Hey Ocean!'. The song is beautiful, and describes kind of how I've written Miranda and Shep. Give it a listen, and I apologize if the song breaks your heart.
Enjoy :)
Shepard strolled through the docking bay, heading towards her ship. She was thankful that today she didn't have a lot to do on the Citadel. She'd had a drink with James and a few marines, handed over some data packages and a few artifacts she'd found to some very happy people, and she'd even had a chance to speak with Thane. She'd been happy to see him; it was clear that he didn't have much longer, but his firm belief in a life well lived was evident, and it made the sadness dissipate slightly.
The docking bay was quiet, most of the travellers either having arrived or left already. It was approaching the Citadel's night cycle, and almost imperceptibly, lights were being dimmed. For species such as hers, it was like a kick start of the normal circadian rythym, and Shepard could feel herself tiring. With the Normandy still fifteen minutes away from a complete refuel, she had some time to kill before shipping out and heading to Utukku. Shepard notices the automatic coffee dispenser that is usually surrounded by tired or stressed out civilians, and decides to just suck it up. She typically avoided coffee of unknown origins, preferring to find a cup of better stuff. If there's one thing to be said about Cora Shepard, it's that she has a minor obsession with coffee. She'd had her own brought onto the Normandy SR-1, imported from Brazil on Earth. When she and the Normandy had been destroyed, and then subsequently rebuilt, Doctor Chakwas surprised her with the exact same coffee for her return to the Normandy SR-2.
Regarding her current options with disgust, Shepard wondered how anyone could drink the murky water that would no doubt come out of the machine. Come on, Shep. We can take out a brute, but not a mud coloured cup of water? With a resigned sigh, Shepard decides to man up, and chooses the option that sounded the least terrible. While she waited for the 'coffee' to fill the cup, Shepard looked out towards the Normandy. The ship sat quietly, docking clamps holding fast to the sleeping ship. The massive letters, the shape, even the blue and silver accents, all reminded Shepard of home. Even if it was a reconstruction, even if had been the launching pad of anger, frustration, despair, and eventual bittersweet victory, it was still her place of refuge. Being in the military left little room for holding onto things. Postings changed, CO's changed, the objectives changed. Nothing was stationary, and everything was shared. It wasn't until the SR-1 that Shepard actually had her own bunk separate from everyone else. But if Shepard had to pick one thing in the entire galaxy she could call hers, it would be that ship. When she felt the engines power up, when it glided through atmosphere upon atmosphere, the barely noticeable pull of the inertial dampeners, all made her heart swell with pride. The ship and the people it safe guarded were more important to her than anything else.
With a beep, the machine beside her announces that her coffee is finished, and grabbing the cup, Shepard moves to the viewing area outside of the docking bay door. Leaning against the metal railing, she watches the fuel ship hover delicately beside the Normandy. Cargo ships ferry in and out of the space occupied by her ship, bringing in new goods and taking away deliveries or repair orders. Watching the scene, Shepard is awestruck. Never in all her life did she imagine she would be commanding a ship or a crew, let alone one as incredible as this. She remembers the stories she would make up as a child, her mother sitting on her small bed with her. Her sheets a myriad of stars and planets, stuffed toys in the shapes of ships forming a wall around her, and her own little collection of miniature replicas hanging from the ceiling. In true Cora fashion, she would be the one telling bedtime stories, and her mother would sit quietly in rapt attention as the mighty and super smart Cora Shepard would vanquish the baddies with her ship, and fly home with medals hanging all over her. Shepard smiled sadly at the memory, wishing she could tell her six-year-old self that award ceremonies are boring and take too long, and that the bad guys shoot back, sometimes hurting the ones she loves.
Breaking away from the memory, she looks down at the steaming cup of coffee, inhaling the scent of it. She reasoned that if it smells good, it must taste good as well. Before she could find out, she hears her name being softly called.
"Commander Shepard. It's been far too long."
Turning her head towards the familiar, and much missed accent, Shepard smiles widely as she watches Miranda walk towards her. Placing her cup on the floor, she enfolds Miranda in a hug once she comes close enough.
"Miri. It's really great to see you."
"Likewise. I've been trying my best to see you, but I always seem to miss you by a few moments." Miranda replies, ending the hug by moving backwards a few steps. "And I couldn't get anywhere near you when the Alliance had you locked up."
Shepard leans casually against the railing. "Yeah, relieved of duty. It was complicated."
"I can imagine. The Alliance isn't known for its flexibility." Miranda replies softly, mimicking Shepard's casual position.
"Well, not like it matters now. They held me for six months just to try and kill me with boredom I'm sure." Shepard says, taking in the woman standing in front of her. Miranda's hair was a bit longer, and she no longer wore the skin tight cat suit. In its stead was a pair of black dress pants, a navy blue collared shirt that she's left untucked, and a black knit shawl that went down to the back of her knees. Shepard raised an eyebrow slightly at the change; Miranda has somehow managed to look sexier in her current get-up than the bloody cat suit. Her radiant blue eyes were set off by the colour of the shirt, but there was something there. A stress or anxiety that Shepard had only seen once before, although she couldn't place it now.
"I'd be more than a little upset if you died again. I worked hard to get you back into one piece." Miranda interrupts with a grin. "Besides, I don't have access to the same resources anymore. So if it happens again, you're on your own."
Shepard laughs, and they fall into a momentary silence, both women looking out at the ship. The refueling vessel was detaching, and only one cargo vessel was now heading back towards the cargo bay.
"Where are you off to? If you can tell me, that is." Miranda asks as she looks back at Shepard.
"If there's one person I trust as much as myself and Liara, it's you. You know you can ask me anything." Shepard replies, and she sees a ghost of something cross Miranda's face at the mention of Liara, but it's gone in an instant. "We're heading to Utukku, out in the Ninmah cluster. Wrex mentioned something the other day, something about potential rachni activity. We're gonna go check it out."
"Rachni? How is that even possible? You killed the last queen."
"I know, that's exactly what I said. Must be something else. It has to be. But, then again, there's always something out there waiting to surprise us. Why not add rachni to the mix." Shepard states sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
Miranda provides a half-smile in return, and looks back out at the Normandy. Shepard watches her, waiting to see if she will bring up what's bothering her, or if Shepard will have to pry it out of her. She watches as Miranda looks down at her perfectly manicured hands as she starts speaking.
"Shepard… I haven't heard from Oriana in a while. I'm starting to get worried." Concern settles across Shepard's features as Miranda continues. "We kept in almost constant contact after we relocated her and her family. And then just a few weeks ago, she dropped off my radar. Without Cerberus contacts, it's been almost impossible to pick up her trail." Miranda starts wringing her hands together in a very uncommon gesture of insecurity. Miranda looks up, directly at Shepard, her blue eyes filled with tears. "I'm scared, Shepard."
Shepard can feel her heart breaking into a million pieces for Miranda, and without a second thought, reaches out to fold her into her arms. Miranda covers her face with her hands, leaning her forehead against Shepard's chest, and within seconds, Shepard can hear her crying. She runs her hand along Miranda's back soothingly, her other hand resting on the back of Miranda's head. She can feel Miranda shaking, her emotions finally getting the better of her after months of worry and stress. Shepard herself has felt the same way a multitude of times, but her default reaction is anger. It was a rare day that Shepard just had a good cry, preferring to punch someone in order to release the emotions. But now, this normally stoic woman is falling to pieces, and all Shepard can do is hold her.
Shepard realizes suddenly that Miranda has been completely alone for the past half a year. Shepard flew off to Aratoht while Miranda held down the fort. She organized and oversaw the repairs on Omega, single-handedly managed the entire crew of the Normandy, avoided being captured on Omega when Cerberus invaded the station… and now, with her sister missing as the final straw, Shepard is amazed Miranda is holding up as well as she is. With a pang of guilt, Shepard realizes that the majority of the stress Miranda is experiencing is a direct result of her own life hampering the life of someone else. While a guest of the Alliance, there was nothing she could do to prepare or help the ones who needed her.
Moments pass before Miranda is able to speak, her tears flowing freely and unabated. When she finally is able to resume the conversation, her words are mingled with a heavy sadness. "The last few months have been horrendous." Miranda starts with a sob, moving her head to a more comfortable position against Shepard's shoulder, balling her hands against Shepard's chest. "You get locked up, Cerberus has literally set a bounty on my head, and now the only good thing in my life is missing. And even if she isn't, and I find her, the Reapers are destroying everything anyways. There won't be a world left for her to come home to." Another heart wrenching cry breaks from her before she continues. "This is all so frightfully unfair. Everything I ever loved either hates me or is methodically being destroyed, and there's nothing I can do." She says as a sob wracks through her body. Shepard waits and listens to the genetically perfect Miranda Lawson break down in her arms, the woman echoing her own thoughts. Shepard leans her cheek against Miranda's head, and after a long while, the sobbing subsides. With a sniff, Miranda starts to pull back.
"Sorry, Shepard. How completely unladylike of me." Miranda apologizes with a weak attempt at a smile.
"Hey, don't worry about it. Seriously." Shepard says, placing her hands on either side of Miranda's face, forcing her to look at her. Tears have dampened her eyelashes, and the beautiful blue of her eyes are ringed in red, sorrow and despair threatening to cause more tears to fall.
"I'm going to do my best to make sure the Reapers go back to whatever hell they came from, and stay there. I'm fighting for you, Liara, Joker, Chakwas… everyone. Because I can't stand the thought of the people I love being torn apart by those damn things. Even if I have to fight till my last breath, I will end them." Shepard says quietly, green eyes staring steadily into Miranda's.
"I'd bet on you. If anyone can do it, you can." Miranda whispers, sniffling at the same time. Shepard gives Miranda a lopsided smile, brushing the tears off her cheek with her thumb.
"As Mordin would say, 'has to be me. Someone else might've gotten it wrong.'" Shepard says as she lets go of Miranda's face, moving to lean against the railing again. "And as far as Oriana goes, let me know what you need. Want me to fly in with my super powerful spaceship and blow someone's door in, I will do it. You're not alone in this, Miranda."
Miranda looks down at the floor, then back up at Shepard. Her green eyes filled with concern, her brows furrowed slightly. "Thank you, Shepard. That means a lot. But you've got your hands full at the moment. I will let you know if I need help. Right now, I just need to focus on finding some sort of trail." Miranda pauses, and looks up at Shepard, raising her eyebrow. "You're not going to tell anyone I just cried like an infant, are you?"
"Never." Shepard says honestly with a slight chuckle.
"Good. I can't have anyone thinking that I've gone soft. I'm sure there are quite a few people in the galaxy just waiting for me to crack." She says as she brushes a few errant tears from her cheeks.
Shepard smiles, tucking a piece of hair back behind Miranda's ear. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. But for the record, you've always been a softie. You just hide it real well."
"You're the only one who sees that." Miranda says, tilting her head to the side as though she herself had just come to that realization. "Anyways, I should get going. I've taken up enough of your time. Thank you for being here when I needed you the most." Comes the quiet response as Miranda smiles faintly, and turns to walk away.
"It was my pleasure, Ms. Lawson. Keep in touch." Shepard says as she watches Miranda disappear down the corridor.
Looking down at the floor, Shepard notices her long-forgotten and very cold coffee. Picking it up and discarding it in a nearby waste bin, she turns around to take in the view of the Normandy again. With renewed purpose, Shepard heads into the airlock.