In this chapter there will be mention of rape won't be in detail, Jackson talk about the abuse his dad did to him. Won't be graphic in any way, if this triggers anyone skip the part will be high lighted.
Jacob walked alone side Dean and Jackson as he waited for his friend to talk, he can see the emotion going through Dean. He can tell by his body posture that he's having a hard time holding it together; he knows that what he has to say will be hard for him. As for his friend Jackson he knows his friend so well, through the years of knowing each other he can see theirs some dark demons with him. He's not talking about the Supernatural kind at all; it's his personal demons that he's been dealing with for years. Once when he open those flood gates all his emotions will be coming out like a ragging river, the currents will be strong like those hitting the rocks forming the white rapids. He will be ready to be there for his friend when this happens, he knows that some people will be angry, while others are more closed up. In time he gets them to open up on there true feelings the good ones and bad ones, he knows there's a lot of bad ones with Jackson he needs to work with. He will wait until his friend to start talking he won't push him, looking around the area he's glad to be back to this place of peace and calmness.
Jackson walked on Jacob's right side as they walked along the lakeshore, he wasn't sure where they would be going to talk. He would like to go into the woods find a good place to sit down; he's never been in the woods on this side of the lake. So he's not sure where to go just as long as it's away from the lake, as if Dean was reading his mind he lead them down a path in the woods. Which happens to be the same path he took many years ago, Jackson looked around the thick forest before them as they continued. He can get lost in this place so he don't have to feel the pain anymore, he knew that wouldn't be good for him he has to get it all out. Coming to a river they stop to looked around the area to find a place to sit, seeing a clearing next the river bank all three men went there to sit down. Getting them comfortable Jackson took a deep breath, he had to get his thoughts cleared as he talked with Jacob. This is the hardest thing he will have to do open up his raw emotion for years ago, he wish right now that Jefferson was here with him. Taking a deep breath holding it for a second before slowly releasing it, he's going to open up to Jacob like he never had before to anyone. Before he could get anything out Dean asked about Sam, he knew that the older brother was going to so he'll let him know.
"Sorry Jackson, what about Sammy, is he okay?"
"Dean, Matt gave Sam some pain medicine, he'll be out for a few hours he's fine."
Seeing the brother nod his head Jackson knew it was time to talk, turning to his friend Jackson open up to him.
"Jacob what I'm about to tell you I never told another person, Sam knows some things just the surface of what happen. I've been holding this for so long that I buried it so deep inside of me, just recently a lot of up came and took a toll on me. What I heard and felt left me so raw with my emotions that I broke down, I'm still not over on what had happen and still I'm angry as hell at the same time. What I found out brought up a lot of hurt and anger issues, all had to do with my brother Jefferson, my dad and my mom."
"My mother has been my rock, best friend and my pillar of strength, we had such a strong bond between each other. She was always there when I needed someone to talk to with my problems, if I had a bad day she knew how to make it better for me. We didn't have to say anything to each other to know how we felt, how our day went at school for me and work for her bad or good. At nights we sit on the couch talking about our days bad or good, we talked them out she would tell me her day, I would tell her my day. By the end we will be laughing making a joke about how our day went, she would kiss me on top of my head before I go to sleep. She would come into my room telling me how much she loves me, how much my dad loves me and how much Jefferson loves me. She would make me feel special not that Jefferson wasn't special to her, it was different between the two of us on how she made us feel. She didn't feel threaten by the bond I had with my brother it was strong, he would always protect me from all the kids that dare hurt me or bullied me. My mom call Jefferson my protector of all evil things that dare to hurt me, that he was proud to be my older brother and took it seriously. She told me that the first time he held me, he told her that he'll protect and love me all his life. All through school up to high school she was there for me, giving me the love, encouragement, strength that I needed. I stayed late at school for a project called her telling her when to pick me up, to this day I wished I never stayed late that day. My life change when I heard that my mom died in a car accident, she was hit head on by a drunk driver coming to get me from school. I blamed myself for her death cause of me she died, if I went home the time I was supposed to she would still been there for me."
"My dad change that day specially towards me when he heard what had happen, some how I felt that Jefferson blamed me too for it. Even though he said it wasn't my fault I still had this feeling he did, something inside of me broke that day I fell into a depression over her loss. The teachers knew what happen and help me through my grief; Jefferson was there to give me the strength I needed. My dad on the other hand kept his distance from me, he relied on Jefferson for his grief and comfort over the loss. Once when school was over and Jefferson graduated from high school, we spent the summer together he got a job stayed home for a year. He wanted to make sure we were going to be okay before he left, and had money saved up to go to the college he wanted to be in. He left in the middle of me being a junior year of high school; he told me that we'll keep in contact with each other which he did. After Jefferson left my dad change to a person I didn't even know, he was abusive towards me at first it was verbally. Then when he would drink he would become physically abusive, it started off as him pushing me out of his way. Then he would start to beat the crap out of me with his belt, fist and foot, he would only hit me in places people won't see at first. After he was done beating me he would threaten me if I told anyone, I kept it quiet for months on what my dad did to me out of fear. Even Jefferson didn't even know what was happening, he saw a black eyes a few times asked me about how it happen. Before I could say a word my dad would lie about it, saying that I ran into a wall or door or playing football. My brother believe everything my dad told him which were lies, when Jefferson finally confronted me I told him the truth. He thought I was lying on what dad did to me for attention, that hurt me so much to think the one person I looked up to say that. As the months went on the abuse got worse so did the threats, I wasn't his son anymore I was a whipping post or a bunching bag to him. On spring break Jefferson didn't come home he stayed at school, that week was the worse of the abuse I got from the man."
WILL START HERE.
"Three days out of that week was the worse of the abuse I got from him, he would beat me so bad that I would black out. One of those beatings he stop in the middle of what he was doing, saw me lying there in a heap shaking with fear of what he'll do next. He kneel next to me rolled me on my stomach-took his finger-told me to enjoy-it hurt." ENDS HERE
Jackson stood up to walk off his emotions on what he just said to Jacob, this was the first time he spoke this to anyone.
"Took a hot shower that night I felt so dirty and ashamed of what happen, after that week my dad didn't hit me for a few months. The teachers were getting specious of the bruises they saw on me, even wanted me to go see a doctor at the hospital I said no. Even with the beating stop I was still nervous around my dad, I knew only time he'll start up again when the heat was off. It started back up in my senior year of high school, this time he made a point to hit me where no one can see the damage. On Christmas break Jefferson came down to spend the holiday with us, stayed a whole month spending time with me. He notice I was limping and asked me about it when he were away from home, I told him what dad did to me he was pissed about it. When he confronted our dad he lied, saying that I got the limp from football, I never played football in my senior year of high school. Of course Jefferson believed our dad over me, that hurt me so deep that my own brother thought I lied about it. When Jefferson and I talked one night when we went out for dinner, I told him that I'm graduating early from high school. I worked hard to get good grades so I can get into a college I wanted, I got on the list which I was so proud of myself so was Jefferson. He was there when I walked across the stage didn't tell our dad; he took me to a nice restaurant to celebrate just the two of us. When it came time for me to leave I never told me dad, I left when he was out of the house for a few hours. Packed up all my belongings put them in my car and took off, never looked back never came back to that house or that man. That Christmas was our last as a family I never went back to that house at all, even when that evil men died from a heart attack I didn't go home. Which put tension between me and Jefferson since he wanted me there, I told him there's not way I'm ever coming back to that house."
"Jefferson and I kept in touch with each other spend our time off together, during college and our work loads. He was so proud of me becoming a doctor like him I always wanted to be one, wanted to be like my big brother whom I was proud of. We stayed close through the years of colleges, work, life got jobs states apart from each other, we wanted to be close so we can spend time together when we can. The only thing we didn't talked about was our dad; he was a sore spot for the both of us which we would get into fights. He still didn't believe what I went through with that man didn't even know about-well you know what, wouldn't believe me anyway if I told him that happen to me."
"As the years went on I put what happen to me out of my mind, I didn't want to live in that man's shadow or memory. I kept myself busy doing school work to become the doctor I wanted to be, threw myself into the work, study into my own life the way I wanted it to be. When Jefferson and I got together to be brothers we didn't talked about him, we made an agreement with each other not to talk about the past. We kept that promise to some point in our lives we did get into a few disagreements, then change the subject before it got out of hand our brotherhood was more important. When I got the job at Boise Memorial I was still in college were I met Matt, Jefferson took a liking to my friend saw a lot of him in Matt. During one of our vacation we got drunk at the cabin we stayed in, some how we got talking about our dad. We got into a huge fight which we through punches at each other, I told him what dad did to me that one day. He got so angry at me for making up such a lie about his dad, saying that I just made it up to make that evil man look bad. I got so angry at him that I hit him hard in the jaw, he sway a little on his heels by the hit my hand stung by it. He threw me a punch landing me hard on the floor with a loud thud, smack my head hard on the wooden floor I saw stars for a second. When I focus on Jefferson his eyes were on fire with hate towards me, I had hate in mine towards him for what he said. He told me right there that our brotherhood was over I was dead to him, told him that he can go to hell and stay there. He walked right out of the door ending our brotherhood that night, for a year and a half we didn't see or speak to each other. I really hated my brother Jacob really hated him there were times I hope he died, I didn't show it to other people not to you or Matt I kept it to myself. I finally let it go and went on with my life without my brother, I felt good on some days bad one other days. I missed my brother one moment then angry at him at the same time, I kept on going knowing it's not good for me to dwell on it."
"When I got into the car accident that almost ended my life by a drunk driver, Jefferson was there for me even with the anger between us. He stayed at the hospital while I was in the coma; never left my side unless he had to then he had friends with me. Even when I was recovering he stayed by my side the whole time, giving me bathes, feed me my food; he wouldn't let anyone else do it. Even with me in the hospital I saw the anger in his eyes, like he saw the anger in my eyes we had for each other. During therapy he was there by my side helping me to walk again, there were times the orderlies had to separate us cause of our fights. When I was at his apartment Bobby or Josh stayed with us to pull us apart, some of the fights we had almost got physical if it wasn't for one of them. When I could finally got to do things on my own, we promise our friends we'll be fine together even with the anger between us. We tried to talk things out on what happen at the cabin only to get into fights, we finally had to make an uneasy truth between us to stop fighting. When he would be at work I would stay at his place since he didn't want me home yet, even with the anger, trust issues and fights he still cared about me. The night we were supposed to sit down and really talked about our brotherhood, he got that phone call from the other hunters. I thought he was lying to me about not coming home to talked about us, we said some hateful words to each other which ended me saying I hope you die. Wish I never said those words to him out of anger Jacob, he died thinking that I hated him that much that I wanted him to die."
"For all these years I beat myself up on those last three words I said to Jefferson, at the same time I'm still angry with him. The hate has burned out a long time ago no matter what I could never hate him; just like I knew that Jefferson never hated me we were just so angry with each other. Dean here open my eyes to a lot of things with my brother, he told me that he talked to Jefferson two weeks ago well his ghost. Jeff told Dean on what happen between us the fights, hateful words, trust issues, my accident all of it. What got me so shaken up is when Dean said that Jefferson still loves me as a brother, that he never stop loving no matter what happen between us. That he really wanted to come home that night to talked out our problems, he wanted to save our brotherhood that it wasn't gone for good. I know that Jefferson couldn't say no to someone who needed help, at the time I was being selfish and still had a lot of anger to him. When I was by the lake I talked to my brother telling him how I really felt, how much I really miss him being here, how much I still love him. I felt his presence in a hug Jacob I felt that warmth of his body, I felt that warmth of his love he gives me in a hug when I need one. It stayed with me for a good twenty minutes, I heard Jefferson voice telling me that he's here and that he loves me. I never felt so loved by anyone else then I did with Jefferson, that hug was the love I needed Jacob to know Jefferson really loves me."
Jackson stopped when he felt a sob coming from his chest on what he said about everything, he felt so raw and ashamed now that his friends know what really happen. Feeling warm arms wrapped around him he heard Dean talking to him, what he heard he let all the hurt, lose, loneliness our in tears.
"Jackson, I'm not Jefferson, I do know when a little brother needs a hug for comfort."
Dean sat there letting Jackson cry on his shoulder holding him tight; rubbing his back he felt tears burning the back of his eyes. Jacob sat there watching Dean comfort Jackson through his tears, seeing how hard his body is shaking from the sobs that came deep inside of him. From his years of experience he knows it's a good thing, when a patient cries this hard from all the hurt and pain they've been through. Hearing some of the things that his friend went through all those years ago, made Jacob angry with the father who abused his friend, and Jefferson for not believing his friend. Knowing that it's not good to be this emotional with his patients, this time it's different cause it's not a patient he's a good close friend. He wanted to go and hug his friend to give him the comfort he seeking, but he knows this is something that Dean has to do to help Jackson. He's got a younger brother who had issues with his older brother, and a older brother who has issues with his younger brother. Knowing this is something that both brother's need right now, to seek comfort from each other specially when Dean has to talk.
Dean sat there listening to what Jackson had to say about his past, a lot of what he heard reminded him of his and Sam's past. Yes their father wasn't abusive physically he never hit the boys spanking yes, to hit with his fist or use a belt he never did. Their father was more verbally abusive mostly to Sam in his teens, even tried his patients a few times when he was a broody teenager. Seeing his friend break down in tears that turned to sobs, he knew what he had to do give him the love and comfort he seeks. Holding Jackson close to his chest tightly in his arms like he would Sam, he let his friend cry from all the hurt, pain and love he was going through. Only when his friend pushed away from him is when Dean let him go, keeping his hands on his shoulders for contact to let him know he's still there. Only when Jackson moved away is when Dean let go of his friend, keeping a close eye on him as he tried to get himself calm down. Clearing his throat he wish he had some water to drink at the moment, his throat was raw and dry from the crying he did. As if Jacob read his mind a water bottle appeared in front of him, offering the water he took a long drink of the now warm liquid. Licking his lips he glanced over at Jacob who was patiently waiting for them, moving over he wasn't sure what will happen next. He'll let Dean or Jacob make the first move he wasn't sure how things will go, hearing his friend clearing his throat he waited.
"Jackson, what I'm about to asked you please don't get offended by it, I just have to know if you had anything to do with the abuse."
"Do you mean if I made my dad abuse me like he did Jacob, I'll try not to be offended by what you'll be asking."
"That's all I'm asking my friend I just have to know how things got started, if you said anything to promote your dad to beat you. If I go to far let me know and I'll back off on that and talked about something else, I want to help you Jackson and sometimes the hurt has to come out."
"I understand Jacob and it's going to hurt since it's so raw right now for me, specially on what I told you on what he did to me. If it gets to be too much I'll let you know to stop and talked about something else, I know this is going to be rough that's why I asked you to come and help."
"Good what I'm going to asked first Jackson is about your mom's death, you said it hit you the hardest since you had a close relationship. When you found out she was killed who told you about her death? Was there a family member with you when they talked to you?"
"I was waiting outside of the school when I saw a police car pulling up, I looked around to see who would be there for them to talked to. When the officers walked up to me asking if I was Jackson the son of Paul and Emily Williamson, I was scared that I did something wrong and my parents called. When I saw Jefferson pulling up running over to me with tears and relief in his eyes, I was terrified that something bad would happen. One of the officers told me that my mom was in a car accident down the street, she passed away at the scene when she was still in the car. I was in shocked when I learned that my mom was dead, she was on her way to come and picked me up from school. I sat there stunned on what I just heard was to numb to do anything, I felt Jefferson's arm around me he was talking to me in a low comforting voice. I couldn't make out on what he was saying at first until my mind cleared, I heard him saying that he's glad that I'm okay, that I wasn't in the car with her, I could hear the raw emotion in his voice. I knew that he wasn't being mean about what happen to our mom, he was relieved that I was unharmed and alive. Couldn't really tell you much after that I shut down on what just had happen, I knew people came by saying they're sorry, I remember the funeral, all other things were a blank."
"That is too be expected after hearing about the lost of your mother Jackson at a young age, I know you said that you blamed yourself for her dying. Saying that if you didn't stay late in school she wouldn't have been in the accident, that she would still be alive to see you and your brother graduate." Seeing his friend shaking his head yes, he kept on going knowing this will be hard for him to hear. "Jackson you can't blame yourself for your mom's death, it would still have happen with or without her coming to get you. Knowing some parents will go the extra mile for their kids no matter what, was there something special she was going to do with you that day."
"It was the week of my birthday she was going to get a cake not far from the school, she was going to pick up the cake first then come and get me."
"So she was going in the same direction no matter what the outcome would have been, even with you at school or not this would have happen Jackson. Your mom's death wasn't your fault, you need to let that go young man, you need to see that your mom was out driving to the store first. Either with you being a school or not the outcome is the same, I know this is hard to hear Jackson but it's the truth man. Let go of the guilt you are still holding on to for something that was out of your hands, you didn't kill your mom the drunk driver did."
"That is suppose to make me feel better Jacob, cause I have to tell you it doesn't either way it's my fault."
"Jackson, listen to me real good on what I am telling you young man, it's not your fault that your mom died that day. Look at it this way and I'm not trying to be harsh or mean about this what so ever, this could have happen on Jefferson birthday or your dad's would it be there faults. No it wouldn't be there faults on what happen to your mom, accidents do happen as do deaths of love ones that we can't control. Yes we will fill guilty thinking it's our fault when we have no control over it, specially when you are a teenager who lost the most important person in your life. I can see that this is still hard for you to talked about your mom, you need to let it go Jackson move on from the hurt and pain. I'm not trying to sound like a uncaring bastard who don't care, cause I do care about you I want to see you to move on. Give that pain a one-way trip to hell if it makes you feel better, yell about it talked it out with anger if it helps. Tell your mom how you really feel on what happen that day, even to the drunk driver that killed her just get it out of you."
"As for your dad was he abusive to you when you were younger and preteen, if so how was he and what did he do to you and Jefferson."
"No my dad wasn't abusive to me or Jefferson growing up in any way, he was a loving kind hearted man who loved us. He was always there for us be at our sports games, school projects, taking us to summer camps, he never missed any of our birthdays when we were growing up. He did start to change on some things before my sixteenth birthday, before our mom passed away from the car accident. I didn't know what is was about I don't think Jefferson knew why either, I did see a change in our mom when she was with our dad. My mom was becoming distant with our dad she wasn't as loving with him, it's like she tried to avoid him as much as she could in the house. I didn't know what was going on between them, there was some tension going on between our parents. I asked Jefferson about it one day when we were alone, he notice the change with our parents to but didn't have an answers. So what ever was bothering both our parents they didn't want us to know about it, they kept their private lives from us and put up a front."
"There was something going on with your parents before your mom pass away, do you think maybe that is what triggered your dad's attitude towards you and Jefferson. Don't be offended by what I'm going to asked you Jackson, but could it be that one of your parents was having an affair. The other one found out about it that causes the stress, that could be the reason of your dad's mood after your mom's death. You said that you where closer to your mom then your dad growing up, do you look more like your mom or your dad Jackson."
"I never thought about one of them having an affair Jacob they were always so close and in love, but now that you brought it up that could be the reason why the tension. As for your other question I look more like my mom, Jefferson looks more like my dad-wait are you saying what I think your saying."
"It's a possibility that your mom was the one having the affair Jackson on your dad, was she coming from home to get you or from her lovers home. This could explain his whole attitude against you young man, especially when your dad got drunk is when the beatings happen. I'm only guessing here is that your dad saw your mom in you, maybe taking it out on your was his way of dealing with his pain."
"So you are telling me that he took his anger out on me for my mom's unfaithfulness, cause I look liked her-how screwed up is that Jacob." Feeling his anger grew inside of him Jackson stood up fast, taking both of his friends by surprise. Watching him pace back and forth out of anger, Jacob waited for his burst of anger. Jackson stop glaring at his friend with fire in his eyes, his anger hold no bound when he yelled at him. "That son-of-a-bitch beat the crap out of me for a year, for the fact I looked like my mom, he had to get so drunk to get the nerves to do what he did to me. Instead of seeing me he was seeing my mom as he hit me with his fists, foot and belt, just for the fact that my mom cheated on him how could she do that? How could my mom be that selfish of a person to cheat on her husband our father, what was so wrong with us that she had to turned to another man. That mom's actions cause the pain that I went through for a year, a fucking year Jacob I got the brunt of his anger at her. God mom what the hell were you thinking turning to another man, what was so wrong with dad, Jefferson or me was we that bad. That you had to go find someone else to get the love you seek, the love that we couldn't give you, the love that I thought you had for me."
Turning around Jackson didn't see Jacob standing there waiting for the anger to come, he saw his mom standing there with love in her eyes. Which angered him greatly knowing that the last few years were a lie, that the one women he looked up to lied to him to Jefferson he lost his battle and lashed out.
"How could you mom betray Jefferson and myself like this how could you, you always been my world ever since I was little. I love you more then I loved myself, more then Jefferson, more then dad, and this is how you betrayed my love for you. Did you even love me at all was I the one good thing in your life, or was that all a lie that you told me since I was little. I loved you mom you were my whole world, I could have gotten through anything knowing you were there for me, helping me through all my mistakes. I trusted you to keep me safe from all kinds of harm and hurts, only to be used by your love that you said you had for me. You broke our family apart without your kids knowing about it, dad knew that you were with another man didn't he. That's why he has so much anger towards me cause I look like you, what do you think this would have done to Jefferson knowing about this. Here I was blaming myself when you died in the car accident, all these years I held myself responsible for what happen to you. This ends now it wasn't my fault that you died it's your fault for what happen, it's your fault that I was beaten so bad by dad, it's your fault that Jefferson and I got into that fight. All of this is your fault I hate you mom for all the pain I've been through, I hate you and at the same time I still love you. Right now I have more hate then love mom for what you put me through, for what you put Jefferson through with your lies. I just want to keep this hate going I just can't do it anymore, you've been dead for so long that I need to move on now. I can't live in your shadows, memories, love or you anymore; I got to live my life knowing what you did to me. I got to move on from the hurt you cause me for that year, I got to move on from the abuse I got from dad cause of you. I can't do this anymore mom having this love for you, it's gone and it's makes me so sad that I can't have it. I feel so empty and numb now no thanks to you, I can't-I just can't-do this anymore I'm done."
Jackson looked around expecting to see his mom with tears in her eyes; instead he saw Jacob and Dean standing in front of him. Feeling ashamed of himself for letting his anger take control like it did, clearing his throat he had to tell his friend he's sorry. Before he could get a word out Jacob talked to him about what happen, it was something his friend had to do all these years.
"Jackson it's okay that you got your anger out about your mom, it's was something you had to do for a long time. Finding out some things that you or Jefferson didn't know about that broke your family, your mom most likely hid her affair for a long time. Your dad could have known about it in the beginning or towards the end, either way how it happen you were the one who paid the price. Was that fair on you in any way no it wasn't fair at all, it wasn't fair to what Jefferson had to go through either. There's something I need to tell you my friend, Jefferson did confide in me not knowing he was your brother. He had talk to Jim about some things that happen to him when he was younger, let's just saw you were not the only one who felt your dad's anger. His wasn't as server as your abuse was from your dad; his was more verbal abuse to the point Jefferson gave in to him. Both of you didn't have to go through what you went through, I'm not trying to make your dad a victim of your mom's ways of things. What they both did to you both was uncalled for, Jefferson was protecting you Jackson taking your dad's abuse. He took your dad's words when he said no he was not abusing you, knowing is he pushed it your dad would make him pay for it. So both you boys were abused by your dad in different ways Jackson, your brothers was emotionally while yours was physically abused. I'm only telling you this now that I know he is your brother, and I don't have to keep it from you since he's no longer here."
"I-I didn't know that Jefferson was being abuse by our dad-now this kind of make sense, why we couldn't really talked about our dad and what he did to me. Jefferson held just as much anger as I did but in a different way, in a way my dad brainwashed my brother with his lies of what he did. Fuck if I only knew Jacob how screwed we were, wish Jeff was here now so I could fix the damage I done."
"Jackson believe me when I say this my friend on how Jefferson feels about you, Dean is right on the love your brother had for you. Even with you two not talking for that period of time those many years ago, your brother still love you very much that love never died young man. Even being as angry as he was with you for what both of you said, his love never died for his little brother Jackson I saw it in his eyes. Yes there was anger, betrayal, bitterness, trust issues in those eyes of his, I never saw hate in them when he talked about you. Believe me Jackson I know hate when I see it in someone's eyes, it's so deep that it burns so bright which I never saw that in Jefferson's. The only hate he had is with your father for what he did to him, I think he had some hate for your mom too Jackson at what happen. I can't speak for your brother and the fight you both had, leaving you both very angry at each other for a year and a half. I do know one thing even with him being so pissed off with you Jackson, that he really think you were lying about what your dad did to you. Hold on let me finish Jackson I can see you are getting mad, let me finish on what I have to say before you butt in okay. The reason why he thinks you lied about the whole thing, is what your dad told Jefferson through threats when he yelled at him. It was the one thing he wanted to talk to you about that night, yes he did call me the night he died about his brother. I still didn't know it was you Jackson he was talking about, I told him to open up to his brother on what happen. You were not working at the hospital yet and I only knew you through Matt, he talked about you a lot couldn't wait to meet you from what he said. Jefferson was going to tell you that his dad lied to him, that he never laid a finger on you in any way or forum. That if you said anything about it was a lie you told, your dad got your brother believing everything he said through his abuse."
Jackson stood there letting the words Jacob said sink in about Jefferson, and what he said to the man those many years ago. Feeling a little wave of sickness he sat down taking in deep breaths, to think on what Jefferson went through made his heart hurt. Now he can see why Jefferson wouldn't believe his own brother, their dad abused him in his own lies on what he was doing. A lot of emotions were going through him all at one time, his hatred for his dad's lies, and the hurt for his brother. When he got the uneasy feeling to stop in his stomach, he looked over at his friend who is now sitting next to him. He holds no anger towards him from keeping this, since back then they were not friends he was his brother confident.
"Jacob, thank you for telling me what Jefferson had to say about all of this, to think what my brother had to go through with that monster. Our dad played us like puppets all those years after mom died, abusing us in different ways to make him feel important. Man I wish my brother was here right now so I can tell him how sorry I am, all theses years of hurt and anger that never should have happen. I want my brother back so bad Jacob it aches my heart, I want him to hold me telling me it's going to be okay."
"I know you do Jackson and where ever your brother is right now, he's most likely feeling the same way as you are. Are we done talking about your family so we can get on about Sam, I can see you are barely holding it together."
"Yeah I'm done talking about my family drama now Jacob, thank you for helping me deal with the pain. As for Sam I want to help him get better get him to a good place, the only thing I have done is making it worse."
"Jack sometimes that has to happen to get a person to a better place in their mind, you are going to have some draw backs with Sam. I don't know the whole thing that lead Sam to almost killing himself, why don't you tell me what you did and what happen."
"After we had the talk at the diner that day I did as you said, to be there for Sam when he needed it, and to leave him alone when he needs to be. Being at the hospital I just let Sam rest to recover from his injuries, didn't really want to go into having a talk with him being there. Even after being attack by the vampire Benny put Sam into a depression, which I thought I wouldn't get him out of after what happen. Once when we got here to the cabin I did as you said giving him his time alone, I follow his leads on how to handle him. Believe me there were times I wanted to slap him in the head, don't worry Dean I didn't do it even if I wanted to. I got him to open up to me on what's going on in his head; I can't say what it was between the two of us. He really do believe that we all will be better without him being here, he wishes that Benny did kill him so he won't have to see Dean or the hate. When I finally got him to open up to me, he was a mess afterward I held him close as he cried his heart out. After that day I saw a change in Sam for the better, he was helping me get the cabin clean for Matt's visit in a few days. The morning before Matt was to show up Sam made us breakfast, he did it all on his own he was so proud of himself. Rest of that day we just sat around the cabin, did the laundry in town, some shopping for when Matt came. Right before we were about to have breakfast that asshole of an Angel showed up, telling lies about Dean to Sam that he didn't need to hear. Castiel wouldn't let it go on what he had to say to Sam, the part that really pissed me off is when he told Sam Dean wanted to kill him. Stabbed the bastard with a knife in the arm to get him to stop, Sam by then left for his room to be by himself. Had to keep that Angel away from Sam before he did anymore damage, when he finally left the cabin I went to check up on Sam. When I open the door I froze at the scene before me I just stood there, couldn't even move Jacob felt like I was glued to the floor. Finally I ran to where Sam was limp on the floor in a sitting position, blood was pooling around him on the floor, his jeans and shirt. I call for that damn angel back to help me with Sam, I told him to go get Matt I needed help to save Sam's life. Don't know how but I got through to Matt on the phone telling him on what we needed, after I hung up I was so focus on Sam keeping him alive. I don't know what happen after I talked with Matt I blank out, next thing I know Sam's on the bed, arms wrapped in gauze, and Matt sitting next to me. When I glance over at Sam I felt anger burn inside of me towards Castiel, I got off the bed and beat the crap out of him. Wish he didn't disappear so fast would have done more damage to him, Matt got me to calm down enough to talked with him. That's when Dean came in the cabin angry as hell when he saw Sam, when I got up everything went black from the hit I got from him."
"When Sam woke up a few days later he was terrified to see Dean there, took me and Matt a while to calm him down. When Sam became more aware of what was going on with him, is when we got into a huge fight. Let's just say that we both said some words to each other out of anger, he through a glass bowl at me barely missing my head. I stormed out, pissed, as hell at Sam had to get away from him or else, walked around the lake before I sat down with Dean next to me. When we got back to the cabin Sam was a sleep from the sedative Matt gave him, next time when I went to see Sam I got the surprise in a big way. Went to go check up on him to see how things were going with him, before I knew what happen I got kick in the groan and jaw by Sam. He was so angry with me for not letting him to die in the room, like I was going to let that happen to begin with. When I would go in the room I would get the anger from Sam, which wasn't helping him to recover from his attempted suicide. Matt and I agree it would be a good idea to let him take over, I feel bad to get my friend involved with all of this drama. Matt told me not to worry about it that he's glad to be here helping me out, I feel like a failure Jacob for almost loosing Sam twice. I want to help my friend so bad but I think I made it worse, what can I do to help him please you got to help me."
"Jackson, I am going to help you with Sam now that I know what happen to him, when Matt took him to the bathroom I got a good look at him. I'm going to have my hands full with him Jackson it's going to take time, now that I know what I'm working with on your end I need Dean's side of the story."
~~~SPN~~~
Off in the distance Jefferson standing in the shadows of the forest eying his brother, he felt Jackson sorrow and fear he had to come. Listening to what his brother talked about what happen to him at the hands of their father, when he heard about the rape he was livid at the man who did it. Listening to Jacob talked about their conversation to Jackson; he was glad that his brother knows the truth now on what had happen. He so wanted to go over there and hug his brother seeing him so lost hurt him, yes he's a ghost but he still knows that feeling of being lost. Feeling more then seeing Jim next to him he ignored his friend, his big brother instincts were kicked in and he so wanted to be there for Jackson. Listening to his friend didn't help Jefferson on how he's feeling right now, his only concerned was to go and comfort his brother.
"Jefferson, Jackson knows the truth now on what happen to you and him, his healing can start Jacob is good at what he does,"
"Does Jacob know how to deal with Jackson when he needs to comfort from me, yes Dean knows what it's like but he don't. I wish I was there to be next to him telling him that I'm sorry, I have to be with my brother Jim he needs to know. He needs to hear it from me that I still love him that I don't hate him, I need to feel his warm arms around me, his breathing on my neck, the feel of his heart beat. I miss those things Jim I need to be with him, I need to be there for him, he needs me to be there for him."
Looking over at his friend with tears shining bright in his eyes, he had to get his point across to his good friend.
"Jefferson in time you'll get your chance to be with your brother, right now it's not the right time my friend."
With that Jim walked away leaving Jefferson longing for his brother love, after a while he walked away from the area.
TBC