Author's Note: Ok, I know yesterday was a bit of a cliffhanger, but as promised here's the next chapter. Let me say this though: it is very dark and intense, and should be regarded with the highest possible T rating.
I do not own Bones or any of its characters.
Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/reviewing this.
Cwgirlup: To be honest, I think it will be about equally hard...just for different reasons for each of them.
Ladykale1985: I'm glad you liked the last chapter, but...you're probably right about this one....
TimeWitch16: I think the next section of this year will have some of what you're looking for. But yes...this is something that needed to come out. The question is: how will Lance decide to handle it?.....Oh and again, thank you for all your reviews.
Elipeel: First off, let me thank you for the compliment. I was wanting to do more of a back story on Sweets, so this is a project that means a lot to me and I'm thrilled that people are enjoying it. Second, I think that the reason he gave in is because: A. He does trust David quite a bit. B. As much as might not want to do it, I think he is self-aware enough to know that he needs to do it. That close relationship is why I think Sweets was able to overcome his past and care about others so much.
Fear Herself: Yeah, I can't believe how tired I was once classes were over. I just needed a break, but I'm hoping to get more stuff out there. And I'll be updating TTotT today as well.
TearsXsolitude: Sorry, sorry. I know the cliffhanger thing got to a lot of people. I just didn't want to put all this into one chapter. I think you'll understand why after reading it....
Cobalt6233: This story was something that was in my head for a couple months before I started writing it, and then I wrote over a hundred pages of it out before I joined . And you're right: this chapter was very hard to write. Only Year Two's Confirmation chapters were nearly this intense for me.
Not an infant: Hopefully the chapter is worth the wait....
Warning: Descriptions of child abuse.
Year Seven—Confrontation—part 2
Lance reached over and took the class of ice water off the stand and drank it down. Even though his hand trembled a little while he held the class, he was grateful for the cool water to help his suddenly parched mouth. After finishing it he sat it down and stared into his lap. He felt David wrap his arms back around him, and Lance leaned back against him again. After another moment, he began to speak.
"Andrew…he was actually in a pretty good mood that day early on," he said. "Someone had promised him some money for some favor he did a long time ago, and that morning he was finally able to collect. He…he was looking forward to going out and celebrating at the bar all day. Of course, there was just one problem: me." Lance stopped and sniffled. Murray handed him a tissue, and Lance accepted it, but did not use it. Just twisted it around in his fingers.
"I had gotten sick the day before and was staying home from school," he said. "Andrew was meeting his latest girlfriend at the bar, so she couldn't watch me. Instead he got our neighbor, Roy, to look after me for a few hours while he was gone." Lance let out a laugh with absolutely no humor in it.
"Kind of funny isn't it? I mean, Andrew didn't really care, but he always left me with a babysitter. Guess he thought I'd tear up the house or something otherwise. Even on that day, when I was so sick, I could barely move." He shook his head before continuing.
"I didn't mind being left with Roy. He had always been nice to us. To me. He'd let me watch TV and would fix me warm meals. Sometimes…sometimes I even wished that he was my dad instead of Andrew." Suddenly, he began to tear the tissue he was holding into pieces. Murray noticed that Lance didn't even seem to be aware of what he was doing.
"I was so sick that day that I just wanted to lie on the couch and watch TV. Roy let me do that for a while. Then he gave me this medicine…it wasn't like the stuff that Andrew's girlfriends gave me…it was so strong and bitter, it made me gag while I was drinking it. After a little while, I began to feel so sleepy and fuzzy. Roy picked me up off the couch and carried me into Andrew's room. He then put me on the bed and placed some blankets over me so I could rest." Lance finally looked up at Murray, his eyes already wet again.
"Andrew, you know he would have never bothered to take care of me that way. He would have just yelled at me to go to my room and leave him alone. It…it was so nice to have some be kind to me for a change." David noticed that Lance's breathing was beginning to speed up some and gave him a firm squeeze.
"It's all right, sport," he murmured. "You're safe now. Relax." Lance nodded and stopped while he worked to control his breathing. Once he seemed calmer, he started again.
"I rested for a little while…I don't know how long…but then Roy came back into the room and sat down on the bed next to me. He…he kept staring at me and he told me that he was going to make me feel…good."
Lance swallowed hard and started to tremble again. David began to feel nauseated at the direction the conversation was going. Anger began to creep into his heart.
"He…he took my pajamas off," Lance whispered. "I asked him not to because I was cold, and I tried to push him away. But I was so weak and sleepy that I couldn't stop him. Then he started…touching me."
With that Lance burst into tears again, and David turned him around so that he could hold him close to his chest. While listening to Lance's sobs, a thousand angry thoughts ran through his mind.
He thought about how afraid Lance had been of men when he first met him, how he was even afraid of him. How it took months before Lance stopped flinching when he touched him. How angry Lance became when someone touched him without permission. David had always thought it was just because of how Andrew had treated him. The truth was even worse, if that was possible.
'The one man who was ever kind to him took advantage of him. Of a five year old child. What kind of person leaves their child with a monster like that….What am I thinking, Andrew was just another kind of monster….'
As he listened to his son cry, the rage continued to build inside him. The only thing that helped him control it was the knowledge that Lance needed him now.
"I told him that I didn't like it and begged him to stop," Lance said, his voice muffled by David's shoulder. "But he wouldn't…he…he just kept shushing me and saying that I would like it….I was so cold and scared, and I just wanted it to stop…" David rocked him slightly, desperate to comfort Lance somehow. Lance responded by clinging even tighter to him.
After a few more minutes of sobbing, Lance finally got a hold of himself and turned back toward Murray again. David picked up another tissue for Lance, which he used this time. Murray looked to see that the one Lance was holding before had been torn into tiny pieces. He also saw the anger in David's eyes.
"I'm pretty sure that he would have done more than just touching, but by then Andrew came home and had walked into the bedroom," Lance choked. "He was furious, yelling and screaming. He chased Roy out of the room, and I could hear the two of them fighting in the other room. I hid under the blankets. I was shivering partially because I was just in my underwear so I was cold and partially because I was so scared. I had never seen Andrew like that before."
David began to grind his teeth. He was angry just listening to this, but he also imagined that Andrew was not angry for the same reasons that he was right now.
"Eventually, Andrew came back into the bedroom. He yanked the blankets off me and began screaming at me. He…he kept saying that I was sick…a freak…that I must have wanted Roy to do that and had probably been asking for it…" Lance turned toward David, tears streaming down his face.
"I didn't want it Dad," he sobbed. "I didn't…I tried to tell him…" David put his hands onto the sides of Lance's face and made him look him in the eye.
"Of course you didn't want that," he said, his voice gentle but insistent. "You were only five years old. That…that...person was the one who was sick, not you."
"Lance, what Roy did to you was abuse, pure and simple," Murray added quietly. "You didn't want that any more than you wanted Andrew to yell at you or hit you."
"But…but…he had always been so nice to me, and I told him that I liked him," Lance cried. "I must have said something…did something…to make him think…"
"No!" David said his voice enraged and sorrowful at the same time. "Listen to me: you were a child. It was not your fault. He was a sick monster taking advantage of a scared little boy."
Even in the haze of his own tears, Lance could see the ones forming in his father's eyes.
"I'm sorry Dad," he choked. David embraced him tightly again.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he murmured. "Nothing at all." There was silence for a few more minutes. Eventually, Lance let go of David and turned to sit and stare at the floor again. David kept his arms around him, and Lance seemed grateful for the gesture.
"Andrew said that he would kill me before he'd let me do things like that," Lance whispered. "He went and pulled out this leather strap out of a drawer. He then grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me face down into the bed. He…he sat on me to pin me down. I kept begging him…pleading with him to let me go…" Lance began to shake and David squeezed him again.
"It's all right," David said into his ear. "I've got you now. I won't let anything happen to you." Lance nodded and swallowed hard.
"The first time he hit me…it hurt so much, I didn't think anything could hurt that much…but then he kept hitting me…over and over…I'm pretty sure that I was screaming, but that just seemed to make him hit harder...soon I…I must have passed out..." Lance rubbed his eyes and sniffed hard.
"When I woke up, I was in the closet again. My back…it felt like he was still hitting me…I thought he was…I kept hearing his voice…I…I was hurting so much and my fever…I could barely tell what was real anymore…I just wanted to go back to sleep…and never wake up again." Lance had balled his hands into fists and started to beat them against his legs, but David took Lance's hands into his and gently but firmly held him still. Lance struggled for only a moment, and then became rigid.
"Don't," David said softly. "Don't hurt yourself anymore." Lance relaxed his hands and started to become limp in David's arms; the intense emotions he was feeling had begun to take their toll. When he saw Lance having some sort of reaction, David lowered him to lie down on the couch. He was scared to see his son's wide, fearful eyes. He held Lance's hand and reached up to stroke his hair.
"It's all right, sport," he soothed. "It's over now. You don't have to say anymore. You never have to talk about this ever again, if you don't want to."
"Sometimes…sometimes, I think that Andrew…that he'll get me and hurt me again," Lance whispered. "You all tell me that I'm being brave…but I'm just scared."
"Being brave does not mean you're not scared," David said. "Being brave is your not letting those monsters destroy you." He gripped Lance's hand a little tighter, and finally began to weep.
"Every day I wonder how you find the courage to move forward," he said. "Most people…if even half of what happened to you happened to them…they'd just curl up and never let life in again. But you…you let people into your heart. You care about them. That makes you the bravest person I ever met." David sniffled and brushed at the tears in his eyes.
"Dad…don't cry," Lance said, tearing up again. "I'm sorry…"
"David, I think you should tell Lance what you are feeling right now," Murray said. David took a deep breath and didn't shift his gaze from Lance.
"I…I'm angry. Angry at what that man did to you. Angry that Andrew didn't protect you and take care of you. Angry that…" David choked a bit and sniffed. "That someone tried to take my son away before I even got the chance to know him. And I…I'd give anything to be able to take that pain away from you." Murray moved closer to the couch, and Lance looked over at him.
"Lance, your father is not angry with you, or repelled in some way by what happened to you," the psychiatrist said solemnly. "Despite what Andrew may have told you, you did nothing wrong." He paused for a moment to let his words sink in before continuing.
"Now, I know this was difficult for you, but I need to know if you understand why I made you do it," Murray said.
"You…you said I had to face it…" Lance mumbled.
"Correct," Murray nodded. "You needed to see that what happened was not your fault, and that it does not make you any less of a person or any less precious to your parents." He leaned closer to Lance, who had sat up and was leaning against David again.
"You are not damaged goods," Murray said. "And David and Carolyn did not adopt you because they felt sorry for you." David shuddered at those words and tapped Lance's arm so he would look at him.
"Is that what you thought?" he said, saddened. "Did you think that if we knew what all had happened that we wouldn't love you? That we only saw you as some sort of charity case?" Lance hung his head and sniffled. David began to feel his heart ache when he realized that, with his silence, Lance had answered his questions. David reached over and lifted Lance's chin so that he would look him in the eye.
"The first day I met you; do you know what I saw? I saw a boy who had been kind to my wife, even though she was a stranger to him. I saw a boy who was so smart that he could figure things out at a much earlier age than most. But most of all, I saw a boy with a strong, generous heart, who just needed someone to see it, and love him back." David moved to rub Lance's shoulders.
"Now you tell me, doesn't that sound like a son that you would want in your life?" David asked. Lance looked like he would cry again, but not from fear or sorrow this time.
"Your mother and I adopted you because we needed you in our lives. And we have never regretted it. Not once. And nothing that happened to you in the past or that might at any point in the future could make us love you any less."
Murray was happy to see how David's words had led to a warm, content look in Lance's eyes. Lance then leaned over and hugged David again. But this time it was a strong, loving gesture instead of a scared, sorrowful one.
"I love you, Dad," he said. "I…thank you." David patted his back a couple times while he held him.
"I love you too, sport." The two of them sniffed a couple more times, but eventually they let each other go, and sat up. They both looked worn down by the ordeal, but now David and Lance also seemed at peace.
"Lance, you are coming to a crossroads," Murray said. "Soon you will be making decisions that will affect the rest of your life. Now that you have faced this, you will need to make another decision." Murray's expression became intense.
"It's time to for you to decide Lance: are you going to succumb to your past or are you going to conquer it?"