The next few days were going to be long; this one was long enough as it was. Since he, James, and Snow had left Danny, their journey had gone in silence. Snow's face was blank, but her manner suggested anger. She was ahead of them, going harder and faster than the two of them were. James was trying to keep his distance from her because he didn't want to push her, but he could feel the tension in the air. Snow was angry, but he wasn't exactly sure what she was angry about. It might have had something to do with her conversation with Blue, or that she was tired of losing everything. Either way, he wasn't about to ask her.
At the rate they were going, they'd covered a lot of ground in the past few hours. He knew Snow was tired, but she refused to let up. He glanced at James, who looked at him grimly. "We should stop soon," he said in a low voice so she couldn't hear.
"She's not going to listen to me," James said. "You'd probably have more luck than I would."
Why would she listen to him rather than James? James was the one she was in love with, not him. But then again, it would be easier to brush James off since they were so close. When he suggested it to her, though, she didn't look ready to agree.
"We still have time. We can make a few more miles if we keep going."
"It's been a long day, and I think we all need our rest. Besides, we're close to a stream; we can make camp here and I can get some fish."
Snow looked at James critically as if she knew he had put him up to it, but nodded tersely. She set her bow, quiver, and pack down, and looked around. She was acting like she had when they first left; avoiding James. He understood why she did it since she knew his attempts to comfort her would cause her to break down, but he felt bad for James, since it left him feeling helpless. And it made everything uncomfortable.
James rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I'm going to go take a look around," he said. He whistled at the wolf, who bounded toward him.
Snow glanced at him guiltily, knowing that he was leaving because of her, but didn't say anything as he wandered off. She sat down with a sigh and rested her head in her hands. Lancelot began clearing an area to make a fire. He wished James hadn't left him here alone. . .
"Are you alright, your majesty?" he asked.
Snow looked up then. "Please Lancelot, just call me Snow. There's no need for formalities. In any case, I'm not even the queen anymore, remember? Regina is," she scowled.
"She's taken the throne unlawfully and only through magic. If she had to depend on people to support her, she would have failed. The people don't love her."
"They didn't love me, either," she said.
"Perhaps they only didn't realize what they had until you were gone. I don't doubt that they wish you were back now. I can't imagine anyone accepting Regina as their queen, especially after everything she has done."
"After I left so cowardly, I doubt they want me back. What did I ever do for them except cause more trouble? Everything I ever did backfired. I'm no better than my uncle was," she said bitterly.
"I assure you, Snow, you are about as different from your uncle as night is from day. You only had a year on the throne; you can't expect to have changed everything all at once. The point is, you tried. You had every intention of turning the land into what it used to be. Had you more time, I'm sure you would have succeeded."
"That's exactly the point. I don't have time. I'm not the queen anymore. I can't do anything."
"You can take the kingdom back."
"Look at me, Lancelot," she said, holding out her arms. "I'm not the queen. I'm just some runaway bandit living each day in the forest hoping that Regina won't find me. How could I even hope to take it back? The fairies refuse to do anything, and I have no armies. I'm alone in this fight, so what is the point of even trying?"
"You aren't alone, Snow. I would stand by you, but more importantly, so would James, if you only asked him."
She looked up at his slightly accusing tone. "I can't talk to him right now."
"Ignoring him isn't going to solve any problems. You are going through more than I can even imagine; you need all the help you can get right now."
"You don't understand. I can't talk to him," she said, anxious.
He frowned, seeing fear in her eyes. "Why not?"
"Because every time I look him in the eye. . . it kills me. I'm just so scared."
"What do you have to be afraid of?"
Her brow furrowed. "I'm afraid that he is going to die for me."
His brows rose. "Why would you think something like that?"
"It's something that Blue told me. She didn't necessarily say that he would. . . just something that she said made me think she was trying to warn me. And every time I look in his eyes, I know." She looked away. "I know he would, and it scares me. I don't want anyone else dying for me. Especially not him."
Lancelot understood now. He stood up and sat down next to her. "You don't know that it's going to happen. And even if it did, how is avoiding him going to solve anything? Do you think that if you ignore him long enough, he won't love you anymore and won't risk his life for you? You can't blame him, either. If he were in a grave situation and the only way to save him was sacrificing your own life, would you do it?"
Snow looked up. "Blue said the same thing," she said softly. "But I don't want anyone else dying for me. My parents did, and because of that I never got to know them. Then Anna did. I'd known her for over ten years, and in just a moment, she was gone. I can't have anyone else die for me."
"I think you're reading too much into whatever she said. But either way, you can't just avoid him. Right now, we all need to support each other and that isn't going to happen if you continue this."
She laughed without humor. "Lancelot, you were in the army, right?"
He wondered at the change of subject, but didn't comment on it. "Yes, I was once."
"And when you were training, did you ever think in your wildest dreams that one day you would be babysitting a fallen queen and prince and giving them guidance on their relationship?" she asked with a wry smile.
"Well, someone has to watch over the two of you to make sure you don't get into trouble," he jested, making her smile. After a moment he got up again and finished clearing an area for the fire, then arranged some wood in a pile. He was about to reach for his pack when Snow stood up abruptly and grabbed her bow and quiver.
"Where are you going?"
"Practicing," she shot back over her shoulder.
He sighed, and went back to working on the fire. He got a flint stone from his pack and an iron rod, and began striking the flint with it. After a moment, it sparked, and the wood caught fire. After blowing it carefully, it spread, emitting a warm glow.
He heard Snow a ways away shooting at a tree, and glanced over. She was missing, a lot. He knew she was better than that; only this morning, she had taken out several of Regina's men. He brushed his hands off and went off the stream; it was time to catch their dinner.
ooOoo
David hadn't gone into the woods for any reason, other than to get away. He had tried to give Snow room the rest of the day, but it was hard. She was acting the way she had when they first fled the kingdom. She was very quiet, and this time there was no Danny to pull her out of her catatonia. Over the past few months, they had grown attached to each other. Since Danny had no mother around, it was natural for him to think of Snow as one, and Snow had such a big heart that it didn't surprise him how much she'd grown to care about the boy. He didn't worry too much about Danny. He was in the safest place in the world right now; Regina had no chance of reaching him now. Snow, on the other hand. . . This time, it wasn't just sadness. He could see the anger inside of her. He couldn't blame her. She was losing everything. Her parents, her kingdom, Anna, Red, and now Danny. And whatever she and Blue had discussed was taking a toll on her as well.
But it was still hard, and he wondered if Snow knew what it felt like. All he wanted to do was help her, and what did it matter if him being there for her would make her fall apart? Who in the world would blame her? She needed to stop trying to be strong all the time, or she was going to hold everything inside until it festered.
When he got back, Snow was viciously shooting a tree with her bow and arrow. Well, trying at least. Quite a few of her arrows missed the knot, each miss worse than the one before. She was angry, and he didn't blame her. He looked at Lancelot, who was setting up a small fire to cook the fish he'd caught. "How long has she been doing that?" he asked.
The knight looked at him grimly. "Since a while after you left. She's gone through all her arrows three times, and some of her shots haven't even hit the tree. She's barely hit the knot she's aiming for."
David looked at her, aching for the woman he loved. He had no idea what she was going through.
"You should go to her," Lancelot said.
David looked at him dryly. "My presence will do her little good other than to rile her even more."
"She's no good to us the way she is now."
David sighed. "Women. . ."
The knight smiled knowingly. "If only they were as simple to read as men. But they aren't."
"Wish me luck," he said ruefully. He walked slowly toward her, listening to her grunt with each arrow she released.
"Snow," he called out. She ignored him. Another two arrows lodged themselves quite a few inches away from her target. "Come on Snow, we are going to eat soon."
"I have to practice," she said through her teeth, shooting another arrow.
"There's time for that later. You need to eat."
Another arrow. She was a much better bowman than this; she must really have been upset to be missing so many times. "Relax your bow arm."
Another missed shot.
"Stop using your emotion, Snow."
Another. "I thought you said," she shot again, "it was important to use them," she said angrily, missing yet again. She reached for another arrow, but found her quiver empty. Face rigid, she went to retrieve all the fallen ones. David followed, hoping she would confide in him.
"I don't need your help," she snapped when he bent over to pick one up.
"Well you're getting it anyway, so get over it," he said, growing tired of her attitude.
She shot him a look, but didn't say anything. David regretted what he said, because now she was even madder, if that was even possible. He sighed. "I told you to use your emotions, but not the way you are now. You are letting them cloud your judgment and thinking. You aren't controlling them, they are controlling you. Let your feelings give you focus. Think about what you are aiming toward. I'm not talking about a target, I'm talking about your goal. What are you aiming toward? Use that to help you focus."
He thought he saw her nod, but couldn't be sure. He handed her the arrows he'd found and walked with her to where she had been shooting earlier. She waited a moment before releasing, but she still missed.
"Why do I keep missing?" she cried in frustration. "I used to be so good at this." She grabbed another arrow and shot it sloppily, missing worse than before.
David grabbed her arm before she reached for another. "Snow," he said gently. "Calm down. Focus. Use your feelings to make you focus. Your anger is making you sloppy. Let it help you concentrate."
For a moment he thought she was going to dissolve in tears, but she brought her bow up again. He stepped behind her and put an arm on either of hers, and told her to relax. He felt the tension slowly ebb from her arms. "Think about what you're aiming toward. You can do this, Snow." He felt her take in a deep breath, then she released the arrow.
It landed right on the knot.
She sighed in relief. "I knew you could do it," he smiled and rubbed her back softly as he kissed the back of her head. She turned to face him, all her anger dissolved, but not the sadness.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you, David. I'm sorry for being so distant, I just. . ." her brow furrowed. "I don't even know what to think. Everything that has happened. . . Things were just starting to get better. Not by much, but just a little bit, and then Regina came and took it all. Then I lost Anna. Then we lost your mother and Red, and now Danny. . . I'm just tired of losing everything. I thought that I could do this. But. . ." she took a calming breath, not wanting to cry. "I can't. I can't do this. Ever since I found out about the people who died in the mudslide, it has been nonstop. One thing after another. I just. . . I don't know how much more I can take."
Without a word, David enveloped her in his arms. "I love you, Snow."
He felt her sob against him, but she didn't lose control. "I love you too."
"We are going to get through this. I don't know how, but we will. I promise."
"Don't promise that. You don't know."
He held her tighter, as though that would help her understand. "I don't know what will happen. I don't know if we are going to take the kingdom back, or if we are going to spend the rest of our days on the run, but I promise you Snow White, we are going to get through this."
"Alright," she whispered.
He gave her another slight sqeeze before releasing her. When she looked up at him, he brushed some hair from her face and kissed her forehead, then lightly on her lips. "Let's go eat. It should be ready soon. Go ahead and sit down, I'll pick up the rest of the arrows." When he finished, he sat next to Snow across from Lancelot, who now had three large fish on the spit. Snow was barely moving, staring absently in the fire. He knew she was barely hanging on, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. In the past, he had learned that Snow would come to him when she was ready, and not before.
"Smells good," he said, trying to fill the silence. "How did you catch them so fast?"
"I was raised by a lake," Lancelot said. "Catching fish is like second nature to me."
He realized there was much about the knight that he didn't know. "Well I'm glad you're here. If it were just Snow and I we probably wouldn't be eating until midnight." He was trying to ease the tension, but it did little good. While Lancelot was content enough, or as content as one could be considering the circumstances, Snow didn't respond or join in the conversation.
"Do we have a plan for after we cross the border? We shouldn't be far." the knight asked. David shook his head slightly, in effort to tell him that it wasn't wise to speak of their lack of plan in front of Snow. The knight understood, but David doubted Snow even noticed.
He looked up at the sky. It was getting dark. They had to hurry with their meal so they could put out the fire. It wasn't safe to have one lit in case someone saw it from afar.
"It's ready," the knight finally said.
David gave each of them some large leaves he'd picked earlier to serve as plates. The two men got their fish, but Snow only looked at her leaf, turning it over in her hands. He squeezed her hand lightly before taking the leaf and laying one of the fish on it. He handed it to her, but she didn't eat it.
It was much better than he'd expected, probably even better than any fish he'd ever had living as a royal. It was very fresh, and melted in his mouth.
"Are you going to eat, Snow?" He hated coddling her so, but she needed to eat.
"I don't think I'm hungry," she said quietly.
"You'll regret it tomorrow. We are going to be traveling all day, and you are going to need your strength." He watched her, hoping she'd do as he said, but she still only stared at the fish. He looked at Lancelot, hoping that he would have some suggestion, but he only looked at him gravely. Sometimes, he really didn't understand women. One moment, Snow was expressionless and said nothing, the next she was angry and shooting arrows, and now she was sad and quiet. It was times like this that he felt helpless. He wished she would just have a good cry and get it over with instead of bottling it up, but she was as stubborn as a mule and never wanted to give into any sort of sadness.
The knight ate quickly and soon finished his last bite and threw the bones in the fire. "I'll be back," he said, standing up.
After he left, David sat closer to Snow. "Come on, my love. You need to eat."
"I can't," she whispered.
He put an arm around her, hoping the gesture would be of some comfort. "I won't be able to sleep if you don't eat. Please, do it for me." He knew how foolish he sounded, and was glad Lancelot wasn't there to hear it.
Snow nodded reluctantly and raised a small piece to her lips. She chewed it slowly as if she'd never eaten before and didn't know how, but at least she was trying. When she finally swallowed, she looked at her meal uncertainly, as though she wasn't sure what to do with it.
"Eat some more," he said gently.
She took another bite, this time more confidently. She leaned against him, and he could feel her trembling. Whether it was from cold or despair, he wasn't sure. When she looked at him, he felt his heart twist. "Come on, you're halfway there," he said. In truth, she had barely started, but he didn't know what else to say. He stayed at her side, encouraging her until she had finished. By then, Lancelot had returned and put out the fire, and was gathering their things. "We have to move more inland."
"Why?" Snow asked. David was surprised she even spoke.
"Because anyone searching for us would be following the river," David explained.
"Won't they see where we built the fire?"
"No. We'll take care of it."
She stood up numbly and washed her hands in the stream. David gathered their meager belongings with the knight. "We are going to have to stock up soon. We don't have much to go on. Since it's going to be cold soon, we are going to have to get warmer clothes, too."
"Did you bring any money?"
"Some, and I think Snow brought some jewelry, but I want to use it sparingly. We don't know how long we're going to be on the run."
Lancelot nodded.
Snow rejoined them and moved to help David cover the fireplace with dirt, but he shook his head. "It's alright, I can do it. Just gather your things."
He gathered the wood they'd used for the fire and threw it in the stream, then smoothed the area out so there was no trace of a fire. When he was done, she had her small bag around her shoulder and was standing before him. He held out his hand, and she took it without hesitation. "Let's go," he whispered.
When they finally found a suitable place, he handed out some blankets. Lancelot took his and settled a few yards away from them, lay down, and made himself comfortable. He saw Snow laying a blanket out on a clear spot, and put his own a few feet away from hers. She looked at him strangely, and he was grateful for the darkness so she wouldn't see him blush. He wasn't trying to seduce her! He just wanted to be as close as possible to her so he could protect her. "I'll sleep better if I know you're close so I can be there if something happens," he explained. She nodded and lay down stiffly, then turned on her side away from him, slightly curled.
"Are you cold?" he asked.
She shook her head, but he wasn't convinced. He pulled out another blanket from his pack and walked over to her, draping it over her body. "Thank you," she whispered. Sighing slightly, he knelt down next to her and rubbed her arm gently.
"We'll get through this, Snow. I promise."
She reached out from her blanket and took his hand, bringing it to her lips so she could kiss it. "I know."
He lay down on his own blanket, looking up at the stars. He had no idea what the future held. But whatever came their way, he wasn't going to let anything happen to Snow. He would die a thousand deaths before he let her come to harm. Little did he know that that was exactly what Snow was afraid of.
Hey everyone. Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I find this semester I have even less free time, but I'm trying to work this into my schedule. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, please review, and have a lovely weekend!