Chapter 36

Louise laughed gleefully as floods of water attacked her. Despite being the last day of September, the weather was unnaturally hot for this time of the year. They were having a very long Indian summer and the rain was still absent. Since it was such a scorching day, Lou and Christine had decided to take the children to the river for a swim. Christine had remained on the bank, looking after Alice. Lou had stripped down to the blue and white swim suit she had bought and joined the boys in the water. Joseph and Matt had grown very close this summer and whenever they came together, they made all kind of mischief. So as soon as Lou got into the river, the two cousins hadn't missed their chance for a good laugh and started splashing water over her.

"Boys, that's enough!" Lou squealed among giggles as she tried to protect himself by turning her back to the children. When Joseph and Matt finally stopped their attack, Louise started back towards the bank.

"Are you going already, Ma?" Joseph asked in a disappointed voice.

"Yeah, honey. I just wanted to freshen up and you boys have cooled me enough," Lou explained. "You stay and play together, but be careful."

Louise reached the bank and removed her cap, which thanks to the boys' cooling 'techniques', was drenched as well as her hair. She accepted a towel from Christine and as Lou started drying herself, Christine said, "Your boy and mine are a dangerous combination."

"Yeah, they're terrible," Louise agreed with a smile as she sat down on the blanket next to Christine, Alice lying between both of them. "But they're lovely boys."

"I hope the coming baby will be too," she said as she caressed her unnoticeably pregnant middle. She had found out she was with child at the beginning of the summer, and they had all celebrated the news with great glee.

Christine looked down at Alice and let out a sigh. "Something wrong, Chris?" Lou asked.

Christine shook her head. "It's just that… I'm happy about the baby, but I can't help feeling nervous. I was last pregnant eleven years ago… and… and everything is going so fast, me getting married and now on my way to become a mother again. It kind of beats me."

"But you have nothing to fear. It's different now. You are not alone as when you were expecting Matt," Lou replied. "Malcolm is a good man and he won't let you down."

"I know that. He's absolutely nuts about his child," Christine replied. "He can't wait for its birth."

Lou nodded. "I know that having Kid with me when I was having Alice made a world of a difference even though he's not her father."

"Isn't he?" Christine replied and when Lou gave her a strange look, she added, "As far as I've seen, he acts more like a daddy to Alice than many fathers I know."

"Yes, you're right. Kid's wonderful with my baby."

"He told me he wants to make her his legal daughter and adopt her," Christine continued.

"Yeah, we talked about that and Luther's preparing all the paperwork already," Lou replied and noticing Christine's unclear expression, she asked, "Do you think it's not right?"

"Why, of course I think it's right. What I find totally unnerving is Kid's passiveness. When on earth is he going to propose to you?"

Louise kept a serious expression. "I'm not in a hurry."

"You've been courting for months now. It's high time he popped the question," Christine exclaimed and after a paused, she asked when Lou remained quiet and subdued, "Louise, what are you so scared of?"

Lou glanced at her friend sharply. That was what Kid had asked her a couple of months ago when they had started their special romance. It seemed she was so obvious because Christine had rightly guessed the apprehension behind her silence. Since the fire, she and Christine had grown closer and it was true that they had many things in common. Lou was glad to have a girl friend to talk to. Christine understood her in many aspects but it still surprised Lou to realize how well her friend could read her. "If Kid married me, he would be tied to me forever," Louise replied to the question after a few seconds.

"Well, that's the point of marriage, isn't it?" Christine remarked matter-of-factly. "You know, till death do us part."

"But… it's me! He'd be joined to me!" Louise exclaimed.

"I don't understand what the problem is."

"Don't you? I think it's crystal clear," Lou replied in a low voice, directing her eyes to the two boys who were still playing in the water. "You know the reasons very well. You tried to keep Kid away from me for those same reasons, remember?"

"I was wrong to judge you so harshly. I didn't want Kid to suffer, but he loves you and I've never seen him so happy before," Christine said. "And Lou, you and I are not so different. And I learned to accept love in my life."

Louise shook her head. "I don't know. I still feel I'm not good enough for him. I have too much baggage… too much shame to be fully happy. I haven't led a good life. To start with, I have two illegitimate children."

"Well, Matt was also born out of wedlock but he's a son for Malcolm. That wasn't a problem for us. And Kid has an illegitimate child too, since Joseph is his… and Alice, well, she will soon be his legally… he's crazy about this little girl," Christine replied approaching her hand to the baby and Alice grabbed her thumb playfully.

"I lied to him for a long time."

"I also lied, Lou. I made everybody think I was Jed's widow and even my friends still think I really was."

"And I've been with other men… dozens," Lou continued stubbornly.

"I've been with other men too," Christine replied and at Lou's frown, she added, "You know, Jed and … well, Paul." She sighed and carried on in a soft tone, "It began strangely. One day he was there, I was feeling kind of wretched, and we started talking. He made me laugh and well, we ended up comforting each other. We did for a while… it wasn't just one-time thing. I liked to be with him, but it wasn't love. I guessed I used him. And when Malcolm appeared, I stopped things with Paul. I know Paul had real feelings for me. I'm not proud of myself, but I can't feel guilty and miserable my whole life."

Louise nodded. She knew part of Christine's story from Paul himself, but she wouldn't tell her friend. "I guess you're right."

"So when Kid proposes to you, what are you going to say?" Christine asked.

"Well, Mrs. Blake, that is something only my man will know," Lou replied teasingly, in an attempt to shush her fears away.

Christine smiled and after a second, she continued, "You know what I think? Kid's waiting to finish building his house before he asks you to become his wife. He's practically homeless now, living at my place all this time."

"Please, can we drop the matter?"

Naturally, Christine ignored her request and carried on regardless, "But can you imagine it? You walking down the aisle, dressed beautifully in white, lilies and roses embellishing the church and the reverend's wife playing the wedding march. And then we'd have a celebration in the beautiful house Kid's building." Christine let out a sigh. "I wish he could hurry up."

Louise couldn't quite see herself in that dreamy setting Christine had described. She couldn't have a white wedding. She was far from being pure and virginal. She had two children and a long history, and dressing in white would be nothing but a ridiculous joke. Louise, though, didn't voice her reticence and simply said, "Kid's too busy and his job takes up most of his time. He's doing his best to see to everything. We don't even have time to talk or spend together."

Christine nodded. Having his house burned down had spoiled all Kid's plans. Christine knew that he had wanted to go to Rock Creek in the summer and had even persuaded Louise to tag along. So been forced to build a new house, Kid had to call off that trip and used any free time he had to work on his new house, which looked bigger and more beautiful than the one that had perished in the fire.

About an hour later, the ladies were driving back to the ranch. Exhausted, the boys had fallen asleep at the back of the wagon while six-month-old Alice kept making gurgling sounds as she sat on Christine's lap. "Louise, I'm having a dinner at home next week. I've invited a few of our friends and I'd love you and Kid to be there as well."

"I don't think I can," Louise replied. Even though she and Christine got on perfectly well, Lou was still wary of social occasions and meeting new people.

"Why not?" Christine asked in disappointment. "It will be just Luther and Margaret and a few others. You'll like them."

"I have to look after my children," Louise replied, not wanting to get into a discussion about Christine's friends or her real reasons to refuse her invitation.

"But that's not a problem. They can sleep in the house that night… and after dinner, you can stay too. And… you can then sneak into Kid's bedroom," Christine said with a wink.

Louise chuckled. "Kid and I are trying to be proper. Not much activity in that field, you know."

"You serious? You and Kid are not…?"

"Nothing. We're focusing on other things. To tell you the truth, it was more his idea than mine, but I think we're doing good."

"So what is he waiting for? For your wedding night or what?" Christine asked in surprise. He knew Kid always acted gentlemanlike, sometimes a bit too much, but he was a man after all, and he had his share of women over the years. It was odd that he kept this kind of non-physical relationship with the woman he loved and the mother of his child. It was true that their society disapproved of what was considered immoral behavior before marriage, but those rules of society were often broken. Christine herself had known her husband in the biblical sense before they were blessed in holy matrimony. "And doesn't that bother you?" Christine asked.

"Oh it drives me up the wall," Louise exclaimed dramatically and both women laughed amused. "I'm learning to value other things. But … I'm happy, Christine. I feel very happy after many years, and that's what I care about."

"And you'll be happier when you become Mrs. Carmichael." Christine stated with a smile.

Louise rolled her eyes. Christine wouldn't let the matter rest and Lou was getting edgy with all this talk about her possible wedding. Even though most women dreamt about becoming a wife to the man they loved, Lou had too many reservations. The idea in itself was enticing, but the image of her as a bride was actually scary. Years ago she had run away from a wedding because she had feared to lose the freedom she had back then. Her refusal hadn't been for lack of love because she had loved Kid as much as she did now. Yet, the notion of becoming a wife, submissive and obedient, had been abhorrent to her. Years, though, had taught her that freedom was more than having no ties. Many other elements had enslaved and imprisoned her, and the funny thing was that she had been the first one responsible for her lack of freedom. Lately she was learning to break all those chains; in a way she felt freer but she was still unable to let go of the last and most worrying prison. It was like a dark cloud hovering over her head and she was afraid that a storm would fall and drown her.

The ladies reached the ranch and as soon as he saw them, Kid left the work at hand to receive them. He gave a Louise a welcoming kiss and took the baby from Christine. Alice squealed in delight when she found herself in his arms. Kid smiled and placed a soft kiss on her head. Christine remained in the middle of the yard, her hands resting on her hips and her green eyes intently watching the unfinished house.

"When do you think you'll be done with this, Kid?" Christine asked after a few minutes.

"Soon, I imagine. I just need to finish the roof. I've already ordered some of the furniture," he explained.

"Then you're moving in here very soon, aren't you?" Christine asked again, wiggling her eyebrows to Louise meaningfully. Lou shook her head, glad that Kid was glancing at Alice and didn't notice Christine's obvious expression.

"What's up, Christine? You already tired of having me as your guest?" Kid replied teasingly.

"Uh no… but I imagine you must be looking forward to have your own home again." Christine paused and after a few moments, she added, "Well, I'd better go. Louise, why don't you let Joseph sleep at my place tonight? I'd hate to wake him up and Kid can always bring him back tomorrow."

"Actually, he's been asking us to let him sleep at his cousin's for a while now," Lou said, sharing a look with Kid. "I guess it's okay as long as it's no trouble for you, Christine."

"It's fine. And Matt needs to learn there's soon gonna be somebody else at home," Christine replied, caressing her middle meaningfully.

Lou and Kid bid Christine good-bye and when the wagon got lost on the horizon, they turned to each other. "Are you done with work today?" she asked.

"I think so. Actually, I feel like spending some time with you," Kid replied as they walked to the cottage and stayed on the porch. Kid placed Alice on the high chair he had built for her and immediately he came closer to Lou and engulfed her in his arms. His lips claimed hers and they kissed. "I love you," he breathed as they pulled away slightly, their cheeks caressing each other.

"I love you too," Louise whispered.

"You know what I'd like?" Kid continued and as Lou stared at him questioningly, he added, "I'd love to take you to town, have dinner in one of those fancy restaurants and spend all the evening, just the two of us together. We could ask Christine to look after the children one day."

Louise eyed him warily. After Christine's insistence about marriage, Lou wondered if there was something beyond Kid's words. Had Christine gone on and on about the same because Kid had told her something about his intentions? There didn't seem to be anything different in Kid; he was just looking at her with as much love and passion as usual. Lou told herself to stop her silliness. She knew that sooner or later he'd ask her the dreaded question. It was something she couldn't shun and she simply needed to forget about her fears and focus on his love.

"I'd love that too, Kid," she finally said.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, a powerful roar startled them. The couple turned their attention to the yard and to their glee they saw a strong downpour before their eyes. "Oh Kid, it's raining! It's raining! Finally!" Lou exclaimed happily.

As if they were a couple of children, Kid and Lou jumped off the safety of the porch and started bouncing and dancing under the powerful rain. Their arms clasped on each other as they spun around, laughing and getting totally drenched. This water felt like a blessing, like ambrosia from the gods. They had gone through many months of drought and this past summer had been especially hard. The rain put an end to all calamities and shortages in town and somehow they felt this was a bright perspective, a new beginning, a divine gift. Nothing could go wrong from now on. After a terrible year, things needed to spark up, they had to.