Well, nothing to say for this one, except I'm sorry for not updating in so long! I've got no solid excuses, I just forgot hehe... However, please enjoy this chapter, if you're now still reading this... :)

Chapter 33

Toshio's dreams he dreamed at night used to consist of three things; nonsense, memories and a mix of the both. The nonsense dreams could be everything from watching a circle of ants swapping heads with each other to bloody and murderous origies. Those dreams mostly disturbed him because the dreams never played out in forests, houses or any kind of existing space Toshio could think of. The scenery was always the same; black and white statics, like he was in one of those old TV:s when the screen was covered in black and white dots that moved. Toshio hated those dreams, the background always gave him a headache. The memories weren't much better, but at least they made sense. Seeing his brother (God he hated him) trying to drown him because their parents didn't treat Toshio as bad that day made sense because dream Toshio could just brutally beat his brother to death before reviving him so he could hug him. It was a way of expressing his confusing feelings for his dead brother. Watching his experiments look him in the eye while setting themselves on fire made sense because Toshio learned from his mistakes all the time so he could better prevent them from killing themselves before he was done with them. Unlike the painful nonsense dreams and the therapeutic memory dreams; the combined nonsense/memory dreams were just weird. One second he was watching a group of anteaters dancing in a kongoline, without paying attention to that their guts were falling out of their stomachs, the next second he saw him and his brother running into the scene to angrily tear the anteaters tongues out because they had just killed their first victim. Toshio was pretty sure that they didn't actually do that in real life, not that he actually remembered what actually happened because he blacked out a lot.

Those were the three types of dreams he used to have, now he also dreamed about other things. Like two nights ago when he woke up calmly after dreaming that he and Sara started to eat each other after making out. Or the the latest dream when he stared at a young experiment, a child (Toshio remembered that's what tiny humans were called) who glared at him while aging rapidly in front of him. The look in the experiment's eyes turned more empty for every year, but the determination stayed. Toshio had asked why the experiment kept fighting and got the answer: "Because that's what I do". Which was frustrating. Toshio wanted to kill that experiment, but not with his own hands. This was a rare case; Toshio actually wanted this little fucker to commit suicide. Toshio wanted to rip this experiment's mind to shreds, but his dreams couldn't allow him to psychologically torture anyone but himself. Maybe the only redemption his dead experiments got was messing with his dreams?

Toshio looked over at Sara who looked just as deep in thoughts as he was. He didn't doubt that she had some sort of feelings for him (albeit growing out of the wrong place, but feelings nonetheless), but she probably thought that she had him wrapped around her finger. Sara probably thought that she made him harass the Kurans and her old family just because she wanted it. However, the truth was that he did this because he thought it was interesting. The boredom of just torturing and experimenting alone made him seriously consider just killing off everyone he owned, plus more people, before committing suicide. So he might have her to thank for preventing that, but she didn't own him as much as she would've hoped.

Sara turned to look at him.

"You look angry." she commented, but didn't sound too interested in the subject.

He was a distraction for her thoughts so he might as well make her regret trying to use him to escape her painful mind.

"Just my dreams." Toshio answered. "I don't think you want to know the details."

"No I heard enough details about how we cannibalized each other last time I asked…"

"I understand how you feel when you want to kill a child." Toshio cut her off and saw how her interest peaked. "I dreamt about an old experiment and I wanted to make it kill itself, but it refused and I couldn't do anything. Maybe you should have tried that with your own children. Real life beings break more easily."

He could tell how uncomfortable she was with the direction of their conversation. Sara decided to try to remove the attention from her to something Toshio said.

"It?" She asked. "Not that I'm surprised that your experiments eventually reduces in value in your eyes, but you could at least call them a child… or boy or girl, you never mentioned which one."

"I guess I could call it the child, but it would mean that I give it a title and I don't want to give this dream any important position in my life. You know what they say; give it a name and you've already lost. They gender thing is irrelevant, I don't see gender in people and my experiments are pretty much looking the same."

"That's what they say about inner demons." Sara said and Toshio gave her a confused look. "If you give your inner demons names then they win. I think it have something to do with that you truly finally acknowledge them. Like a stranger stops becoming a stranger when they tell you their name."

"Ah… makes sense."

"Also I feel like you just confessed that you're in denial that this mysterious genderless child is your inner demon." Sara said smugly. "My guess it that it's a manifestation of all the experiments that didn't give up hope no matter how much you hurt them. You like breaking people, but some are unbreakable… unlike you."

The urge to leave the room wasn't as strong as how much Toshio didn't want to show that Sara had won this conversation. Her smug expression told him that she already knew. The plan was to make her uncomfortable, not actually opening up like you do in normal functional relationships. There had to be something he could fire back.

"Well I'm not in denial of that I'm going to die." Toshio said. "Die hated, alone, forgotten because no one cares about the people I've hurt enough to remember me… but at least my family is dead as well… so I don't have to die knowing that they will live happy, overjoyed even that I'm dead. They would never cry for me because I'm just a parasite in their lives. I don't care though, but do you?"

Toshio stood up and left the room without looking at the sour expression on her face.

Hiro looked at Chiro, amused, as the taller boy turned the light off and on again before he entered the room. Past anger towards the taller male was long gone (not that it was that severe to begin with).

"Have you developed some kind of OCD behavior?" Hiro asked. "Like you have been doing these lamp thing for a while and it gives me and at least Kazuki headaches."

"No it's a complicated system that helps me remember if people are mad at me or not."

"Complicated or incredibly stupid. I really can't figure out how it will make you remember if the people in the room are pissed at you or not. Sounds more like you're making them pissed in the process… and why would I be pissed at you?"

"Because I'm flicking the light?"

"I'm not doing this." Hiro said and shook his head.

Hiro understood Chiro's behavior more than anyone else. Of course the behavior itself confused him, but he understood the reason behind the behavior. Chiro did things like this obviously to get reactions. Some people probably figured that out, but there was more to it. However, Hiro didn't feel like putting up with it this time.

Chiro looked at Hiro, analyzing him, before walking over to his bag to fetch one of his creams.

"Just tired or tired?"Chiro asked as he put the tube of cream on his bed and started to pull off his shirt.

Hiro sighed and stood up. He walked to the light switch and dimmed the light a little before going to the nightstand next to his own bed. Chiro smiled at him sheepishly because of his mistake as Hiro relaxed his eyes. Hiro had really sensitive eyes, at least to light. Changing to being awake at night instead of the day was a significant help and he didn't have to wear his special lenses. It had been way easier for Hiro to adjust to the darkness than Chiro when they changed their sleeping hours.

"I'm just not feeling in a good mood right now, Hiro said and intertwined his hands behind his head before resting on them. Can't always be in a good mood."

"Is there a reason or just another spontaneous state of low self-esteem?"

"No one should know another person as well as you know me." Hiro commented and Chiro chuckled.

The subject was dropped. Chiro removed his long sleeved shirt and put it on the bed next to the tube. Hiro tried to not stare at the horizontal lines on his shoulders and upper arms because that would only make Chiro uncomfortable. Instead, he closed his eyes and made a tired sigh. It was of course not the first time they got undressed in the same room, but some stuff you don't get used to. He ignored the subconscious voice in his head that tried to tell him that he might just be very fascinated by wounds and scars at this point in his life thanks to trauma. Might be why he didn't feel uncomfortable unclothed… but obviously he denied that. Not only because his interest in Chiro's scars was higher than in his own… but one of the circumstances for the scars differed after all. For example, all Hiro's scars were inflicted by other people… but not all of Chiro's.

With his eyes still closed, Hiro heard the cap of the tube pop open. He opened his eyes slowly as Chiro started to massage the cream on his scars.

"Does that actually help?" Hiro asked with a small hint of curiosity in his voice.

"It does!" Chiro exclaimed enthusiastically. "It slowly fades them away, which is more than I hoped. The drugstore knew their shit. You wanna try?"

"No I'm fine." Hiro answered but smiled. "I don't feel the need, but I'm glad it kinda works."

Chiro smiled at him before putting on his shirt again.

"Is your bad mood because you feel kinda useless at the moment?" Chiro asked out of nowhere after he had packed the cream again. "I mean, because you know about the danger but act more like a student than actually doing something about it?"

Hiro didn't have to answer because Chiro got it spot on when Hiro himself didn't even realize the cause of his despair, but he wanted to explain it further anyway.

"We're not made for a normal life Chiro."

"No." Chiro said. "We're not used to a normal life."

"Maybe but I don't think I want to live a life without fighting."

"If you ever get to that point." Chiro said and laid down on his own bed. "Then maybe choose both?"

"Is that what you're thinking of doing? With Nana?"

"Well hypothetically two guardians wouldn't be able to live close to normally… this is just a hypothetical scenario."

"Yeah of course it is." Hiro murmured and they were both silent for a while.

This sudden negative mindset wasn't unusual to Hiro, especially this out of the blue pessimism. However, Hiro suspected that it was related to the dread he felt about leaving all these new people after all this was over. Hiro's company might not have been very well welcomed (or wanted) but it still filled him with a certain sadness that they would part ways with the vampires someday. Kazuki might be the only one who they actually would keep in touch with… maybe Chikao as well before he figures out that it's more fun to hang around people you're not forced to be around. But who knows? They might not even survive after this, it's like any other mission after all. So he might not even have anything to worry about.

So yeah... as usual, review if you like, ignore if you don't like, do whatever you please, and see y'a next chapter! Bye!

Oh, and any consructive criticism is always welcome!