Quickie:

bonboni - You can see that she doesn't want to keep it, but Dr. Park convinced her to at least let her monitor until the end of the trimester. When that time comes, a decision will have to be made.
sivan - Oh old memories. The fortune teller's words may or may not have correlation with the pregnancy situation. However, it may or may not be something completely different as well. That's the trick of it. You never know because I'm just so darn tricksy! Teehee. As for Jack and Ally, I'm not sure at this point if they'll return. I'm still pondering it. Johanna and Kate's probation I've dismissed because I had forgotten about that, but it's still on my mind, so we'll see.

Everyone has such views on abortion. I love it. Hehehe. For the record, I myself am on the borderline with it. I don't oppose it, but I'm not completely for it. But you know, this is completely beside the point so we won't continue this. Not that I haven't enjoyed everyone's reveiws. Heh.

I'm getting angsty Skate requests...I'm getting fluffy Skate requests. I wonder if I can magically do both in one chapter? giggle

Chapter 36

Upon arriving home, Kate took Aaron up to his room for a nap. He was still cranky and trying to scratch his pox, so she used the cream they had just purchased to relieve the itchiness. He fell asleep almost instantly, and she crept back downstairs. She found Sawyer sitting outside on the patio, swinging with a bottle of alcohol. He glanced at her as she sat down beside him, then stared back out at the horizon.

"You okay?" she asked softly.

"Fine."

There was a long silence between them, and all that could be heard was the rocking of the swing – back and forth, back and forth.

"Do you think we're doing the right thing?" Kate asked suddenly.

Sawyer's response was the sloshing of the liquor as he took a long gulp of it. She sat back and looked out at the forest, deciding not to push any further. When she was certain he wasn't paying attention, she pulled out a small folded paper from her pocket, and opened it. Sawyer glanced down at her upon hearing the rustling.

"What d'ya got there?" he said quietly.

She shook her head and started to fold it again. "Nothing."

Sawyer plucked it from her hand before she could protest and unfolded it. It was a picture of a sonogram.

"Where'd you get this?" he asked, surprised.

She looked down. "At the doctor's office. Dr. Park printed it out for me while running the tests."

Sawyer looked down at it again, trying to make out what was what. Kate looked up finally, but only at the photo. Sawyer pointed at it.

"Is that…"

She smiled slightly. "Yeah. That's the head."

His eyebrows rose. "It is?"

She nodded. "And there is what's supposed to be the feet," she pointed.

"Really…"

She looked up at him and saw his awestruck expression. A smile formed across her face. He glanced at her, then away, embarrassedly, and handed her back the paper. She stared down at it for a few more moments then folded it again and set it on the swing between them. She leaned forward, leaning her elbows on her knees.

"It's not the end of the world, right?" she said, looking down. "I mean, we could always just…try again. I-if we wanted to."

"Could we?" he asked cynically.

Kate frowned, knowing as well as he did that their chances had grown thin. With this realization came sudden tears of grief. They were silent, and she preferred it that way. She didn't want to upset Sawyer anymore. The sound of Aaron crying from upstairs filled her ears. Thankful for an excuse to leave before he could discover her tears, she rose.

"I'll get him," she said softly.

Sawyer watched her walk inside and sighed. He looked down at her empty seat and saw the photograph still sitting there. He picked it up and looked at it again. They were doing the right thing. Weren't they?

The next night, Charlie and Claire returned from their honeymoon in the Alps. (They claimed they had had enough of island paradises.) They were shining with happiness, and that only heightened when they were reunited with Aaron. Sawyer noticed Kate's smile and behavior was entirely staged and with just reasoning. He had to give her credit though – Charlie and Claire seemed to be buying it. He was annoyed to learn they had to spend one more night at his house, but, privately, Kate reassured him they would be gone before he woke the next morning.

Since the visit to Dr. Park, they hadn't been acting the same towards each other. Kate grew distant and kept making small talk with the Pace's. He shrugged it off, knowing it was just her way of keeping her mind off their situation. But whatever was to happen once Charlie and Claire left, he didn't want to contemplate. He knew they wouldn't be able to escape each other anymore. And the situation would arise again.
He sat thinking about their decision. At the time, it seemed the right thing to do. If there was any trauma, there would be no child. But if there wasn't, would there be? He didn't think so. Kate didn't want it anymore, and it was ultimately her decision. It was her body, after all. He thought he didn't want it either. He couldn't risk being a terrible father, and there was no way to find out if he wouldn't be. But maybe…just maybe, there was a small part of him that did. Perhaps, inside, he kind of wanted to see a little rug rat of theirs running around the house. He would never admit it to Kate. But he had grown somewhat fond of the idea. That is…until they went to Dr. Park…

Then, the more he thought about it, the more he had to wonder if their choice was the right one. He didn't mean to be so superficial, but how could she expect him to raise a kid with three fingers, or no hair, or one leg, or – okay, now he was really being shallow. The doctor had said deformities or complications. Complications – what did that mean? Did that mean it wouldn't live past its birth? Did it mean Kate wouldn't live past its birth? If that was the case then there would be no question about what they'd do. He wouldn't lose her to a kid.

"It sounds like you two had a great time," Kate was saying.

Sawyer had forgotten he'd been sitting on the couch beside her and that they were discussing the newlyweds' honeymoon. He couldn't be bothered to listen, but her voice brought him out of his trance.

"Oh it was amazing," Claire said. "Lots of beautiful white snow – the powdery kind. And there was a fireplace in our room. And complementary hot cocoa and all kinds of things."

Kate looked down and smiled. Sawyer noticed that for the first time all night, it was a real smile. She snuck a glance at him and he finally understood. They shared a secret moment of reminisce.

"You'll have to go there sometime," Charlie said. "I highly recommend it."

"Maybe for your own honeymoon," Claire suggested with a smile.

Kate and Sawyer's heads simultaneously snapped up. They exchanged a quick glance, then Kate shifted uncomfortably and Sawyer turned his head away.

"Or…or not," Claire tried to save herself.

There was a long awkward silence in the room until Kate cleared her throat.

"It's um…it's something to consider."

"Well I definitely would," Charlie tried to break the tension.

"I'm going to go put Aaron to bed," Claire said, quietly.

Charlie and Kate watched her disappear upstairs then faced each other again. Kate smiled politely.

"So…" Charlie started. "No marriage then? Or just not yet?"

Kate looked down, wishing these two would just drop the subject. Charlie evidently caught on.

"Even with a little one coming?"

Sawyer instantly got up and left the room. Kate watched him, frowning. Charlie glanced at her, confused.

"What's that about?"

Kate shook her head. "I'm sorry, Charlie."

She too rose and went into the kitchen where she'd seen Sawyer head. He was outside now and walking toward his shed. She stood outside on the patio, watching him fling open the doors angrily. She jumped a moment later, when she heard a loud bang.

Cautiously, she walked over toward the shed, following the sounds of Sawyer's grunts. When she reached the opened doors, she stopped and looked in. Sawyer was leaning his lower back against the tool bench, gripping it tightly. In front of him lay a pile of long broken pieces of wood.

Kate stared at him sympathetically. He looked up at her finally, his eyebrows lowered over his pained bluegreen eyes. She walked over to him and stepped over the pile. They stared at each other for a moment, aggrieved. Then, slowly, Kate wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his chest in a loving hug. He lowered his head against hers, hearing her breathing keeping rhythm with his.