Hey guys!
It's the Epiphany today. I even got candies so I knew I owed you an update. I bet you're gonna like this one.
The title is from U2's With Or Without You. I'm sure you know this one, if you don't go google it!
Well, it's time, enjoy!
Chapter 36 – Through The Storm We Reach The Shore
Typical end-of-autumn day in the pit, Meredith thought when she sighed and began analyzing the charts of the patients she had to treat.
Bed one, a guy with a sprained ankle from a fall on wet leaves. Bed two had just been discharged. Bed three, nasty cold, probably pneumonia. Bed four, banal knife cut.
"We have an incoming" somebody yelled from the nurses' desk and Meredith's day suddenly brightened.
She abandoned the charts and gowned, then she waited outside for the ambulance to pull over. The morning was quite chilly, the humid air getting into her bones as she waited.
"What have we got?" Owen appeared next to her a bit breathless, but perfectly gowned and gloved, right in time to see the ambulance getting in the bay.
"Incoming trauma" Meredith filled in, then waited for the paramedic to climb down and assess the condition of the patient more specifically.
"Sixty-one year old female, lost pulse twice on the ride here from Roseridge, previously diagnosed with..."
Meredith tuned out as soon as Roseridge was mentioned and the patient was taken out of the ambulance. "...early onset Alzheimer" she completed the paramedic's words and Owen looked at her confused. "It's my mother" she said plainly, then backed away and took off her gloves.
"Grey, do you want to..."
"No Dr. Hunt, I can't treat family" she replied, almost like it wasn't her speaking and for a moment she asked herself if she could be actually dreaming.
Her mother was at Seattle Grace, for once as a patient and not the leading surgeon with the latest fancy technique. Her mother lost pulse twice in a fifteen minutes ride.
She sat heavily on one of the chairs in the waiting room, once again being on the other side, the family's side, waiting for news. It brought back haunting memories and dark memories of being there with Eden, waiting for news on Derek, so she just closed her eyes and focused on her breathing and the child quietly moving inside her.
She was breathing normally after a few moments, steadying herself right there, knowing that Derek was safe and her mother was in the best hands. She realized that the more she kept doing nothing, the more her head would wander in dangerous places, so she stood up and began treating the sprained ankle in bed one. At least there were nerves involved.
She began the treatment plan for bed one, stitched up and checked for nerve damage bed four, bed three was left to an intern, for once playing the pregnant card, then she welcomed another case of a swallowed bottle cap with a very chubby two-year-older.
She resumed in a blink favorite technique: avoiding. For the first two hours, it all seemed to work, until Owen personally came to see her, while she had just discharged the guy in bed four and she was about to go treat the two-year-old boy.
"We need consent forms to put her on a ventilator, then I asked Altman for a consult" he said clinically, but she could sense the slight edge his voice had gained.
She grabbed the paperwork and signed "Do whatever you need to, just...keep me posted"
"Do you want to see her?"
"I'll finish with this patient then I'll be there" she replied, not to sound rude. Seeing her mother today had been the last thing in her mind, especially her sick mother that needed a ventilator.
Owen studied her shrugging off the situation and he vowed to keep an eye on her. He knew he was missing something in all that, so he decided to support her through Cristina and Derek. He had them both paged.
Meredith finished with the chubby boy, who squealed happily when he was finally free to breathe and she even let his mother rub her stomach, throwing out of the window all the possible boundaries between doctors and families. She needed the ego boost, even if only for a blocked airway, she needed to feel worth something and having reminded of the life growing inside of her was more than perfect.
When she appeared in front of her mother's room, she could see Ellis' body dwarfed under the ventilator. Her mother had never looked so fragile and small in her whole life.
Ellis Grey had been a force of nature, always busy bossing people around, regardless of their social status, age or condition. The Ellis in that hospital bed was a shell of that woman.
"Hey Mer" Cristina's voice from inside the room made her step in and close the door behind her.
"Hey" she replied, not really knowing what to say anymore, but having Cristina there surely helped. "How is she?"
"Well, Teddy said she needs a valve replacement, but we're waiting for the tests results" Cristina replied clinically "Her heart failed sometime this morning and her condition seems to get worse by the hour, I'm so sorry" Cristina replied sincerely, the iciness of her update slowly morphing in understanding and the slightest bit of sympathy.
Meredith nodded, then moved to hold lightly her mother's hand in hers. She had done that a few times in her whole life and it was very foreign and very unexpected when Ellis squeezed back. Cristina decided to exit the room and give them some privacy by obscuring the blinds.
"Hi Mom" Meredith said and for once, Ellis eyes seemed to recognize her. Ellis blinked and squeezed her hand, building up an unspoken language. Meredith smiled in comfort.
Strangely, Ellis didn't look for her chart or the monitors, she just looked at Meredith, taking in every single inch of her daughter, then rubbed her stomach with all the energy she had, managing to curl up a bit the corners of her mouth in a smile of recognition, despite her eyes were filling with tears, tears that Meredith had never saw there before.
"Baby is doing great, Mom, I think you can feel the kicks if you keep rubbing" Meredith decided to reply to the silent questions out loud and Ellis seemed relieved, squeezing Meredith's hand even tighter afterward.
"I know Mom, it must be awful, but we're doing everything in our power to make you feel better. Dr. Altman and Dr. Yang are amazing surgeons."
Ellis barely shook her head and she closed her eyes in defeat, like she had lost a battle and Meredith didn't know what to think of it. Her mother never backed away from a fight, but her mother never had to face something like this either.
"I love you, Mom" Meredith said, suddenly needing to tell her mother that and a tear finally escaped Ellis' eyes.
Meredith kissed her mother's cheek, then sat next to her in a comfortable silence, just holding her hand and with the other rubbing her stomach.
"Meredith"
As soon as she heard his voice from behind her, she turned with a small smile and spotted Derek. His face was a mask of sadness and relief, uneasiness and sympathy, but the good kind, almost like Cristina's.
"Hey Derek" she replied, then turned to Ellis "Mom, do you remember Derek? He's my boyfriend" her smile brightened for a moment her features and Ellis noticed it immediately. She had been in love once and she was glad her daughter could feel that same overwhelming sensation as well.
Ellis smiled back as much as she could, then Derek squeezed her hand, saying "Hello again Dr. Grey". She squeezed back.
Silence settled again in the room, just the sounds of the ventilator covering up the steady breaths of Meredith and Derek, their hands linked on her stomach as she connected with her mother.
Nobody said anything, because they didn't have anything to say, so they just sat there, making each other company, waiting for something to change.
Ellis' eyes closed after what seemed hours and slowly, her stats dropped.
Before the code team could arrive in the room, she was already flat-lining, no matter the CPR Derek was performing or the silent tears that Meredith tried to keep at bay as she stared motionless at Derek and the nurses hovering over her mother's body.
The long, steady beeping of the machines didn't change until Derek turned off the monitors and took the tube out of Ellis' throat.
The room was suddenly filled with silence and the news finally sunk in.
Ellis Grey was dead.
The hustle and bustle of the code had kept Meredith's mind busy, but right then, the magnitude of the whole thing was about to swallow her whole.
She stared into space, the form of her mother in the bed suddenly only a blob of color, tears filling her eyes, until she grabbed a hold of Derek almost blindly, primal. She held him close, hiding in his chest, building a safe heaven and simply feeling him next to her.
He reciprocated the hug, his arms tightening around her, soothingly, lovingly, gently swaying her back and forth as her breathing became more ragged and raspy, her tears not falling, but ready there, on the brink of her eyes.
Derek held her close and whispered in her ear, making her feel safe, loved, cherished. Not like her only parent she had ever known was dead.
Ellis had been a crappy mother, but she had stuck around, at least.
Meredith couldn't help but feel sadness.
Derek led her out of the room after a time that seemed to stretch for days, brought her to his car and just drove home. She recognized the road without even paying attention.
"Where's Eden, Derek?" she asked out of the blue almost halfway home, her voice hardly recognizable.
"You don't have to worry about her" he said "She's in good hands"
Meredith nodded, their silent ride continuing until the gravel crinkled under the tires of Derek's SUV and their home appeared behind the turn and the big oak.
Derek helped her out of the car, out of her clothes and into her pajamas.
Only then he finally asked the question he dreaded the most: "Are you okay?"
He was expecting avoidance but instead her reply was to shake her head and move swiftly to reach out for him, burying her head into his chest and this time she set free all her tears.
She cried and sobbed and sighed, while he soothed her and whispered kind words, his arms making her feel safe, his warm breath comforting her of his presence as they stood in the middle of their living room.
"Don't you ever die" she said at some point, almost childishly, but he understood perfectly from where she came from so he nodded, holding her a little bit tighter as she molded into him despite the still growing baby between them.
"I'll do my best" he whispered, placing a kiss on top of her head and letting his lips linger.
They stood there for a long time, until Meredith had finally stopped crying and they moved to the couch.
He held her then, a little loosely, but still snugly to his chest, until her breathing was regular, her rubs on her stomach seldom and her eyes closed. Derek stretched one of his limbs and she stiffened, her eyes jolting open. She then relaxed as soon as she noticed that he was still there.
"Don't go" she pleaded
"I'm not going anywhere"
"Don't leave me" she moaned, the pain in her heart suddenly strange to understand.
"I don't plan on it" he smiled, then took the courage into his hands and added "I can stay here forever, if you want me to"
She looked at him blankly for a second, then recognition dawned on her and she looked at him quizzically, searching an answer to her unspoken questions. He was the one to interfere the look when he blinked and whispered "Will you marry me?"
He rummaged through his pockets and took out a velvet black box, then opened it to reveal a simple gold band, tiny diamonds embodied in it, the design simple yet perfect, the perfect ring for her.
She looked up at him, checking the seriousness in his voice and surely, no joke was being cracked. And at this she felt the urge to reply "Yes" and just let go of every fear she had and the rest of the world around them simply disappeared when she kissed him.
Yes because he had seen her dark side and he was still there.
Yes, because he made her feel safe.
Yes, because his eyes always filled with so many emotions when he looked straight into hers.
Yes, because he gave her a family.
Yes, just because.
Then, as Derek brought Meredith upstairs and laid her in bed, life was suddenly way more simple when the covers hid them from the world.
And just as quickly as they could say 'I love you', they were going to get married.
AN: I managed a quicker update this time, uh? Exams aren't gonna slow me down ;)
Seriously guys, I have stuff banked for a little, I think I can get through January quite safely. Keep the faith!
PS: Have you seen the last Grey's? :D