Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor, but Adrianne is mine, heh.
A word, before you start reading: you've probably figured on your own that I really, really am not good in writing action stuff (battles and so on), so this chapter was quite a challenge for me. Even thought it still could be better, I tried my best, so put the torches away ^_^
The walls were black and bore signs of being burnt; computers producing star forge droids were shot to pieces. Wires and cables sticking out of the broken devices were still sparking and smouldering. Remnants of the droids were lying scattered left and right, and I couldn't help but notice how skilfully HK had got rid of them. It'd taken him just a single well-aimed shot to cut off their circuits and therefore the power. As little time as he had spent here, he apparently knew much more about the Star Forge than I did.
I smiled when I joined the waiting soldiers, though I completely ignored them. "You did a great job, HK," I looked at the droid who was standing with his back to the lift, guarding it.
"Commentary: I never miss any target, Master. Whenever you need someone eliminated, you can rely on my assa..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," I cut him off before he managed to tell the republic soldiers there was an assassin droid in former Darth Revan's possession. And when I made a step towards him, he promptly moved out of my way and followed obediently when I got in the lift.
My eyes fell on Carth when he stepped inside as well. "So? What is your plan?" I asked him when the lift was set into motion.
"Plan?" Carth repeated. "You know it."
"No, I don't. And I'm curious. How do you intend to stop me from siding with him? Because, let's be honest, once the fight starts, you won't be much of a help to me. If I wanted, I could slaughter all of you, right now, right here, without actually breaking a sweat."
"Commentary: Can you hear that, meatbag? One wrong move..."
I rolled my eyes. "I was speaking hypothetically, HK, I'm not going to hurt them," I had to disappoint the droid. "The fact still remains, thought. You are helpless when it comes to fighting a Force-user...especially while they're wielding lightsaber. How could Dodonna think you'd stop me?"
Carth frowned and a dark shadow covered his face. "If that's what you want, there's nothing anyone could do to stop you," he whispered in low voice.
"So you really think me capable of doing that," I stated and put on my best Bastila-like expression. I felt the lift started slowing down, so before it stopped and the door slid open I touched my droid's elbow. "Activate the stealth generator. And wait for my order."
The observatory was a large room with a raised platform along the walls for better view. To our left I could see the large door leading to the upper hangar, so that anyone in here could leave the station whenever needed. Apart from that there wasn't much to be seen.
"There are two of them?" one of the soldiers wondered when we exited the lift.
Their attention was flicking between Raenah standing on the platform, watching the battle outside, and Malak under the platform, sitting on his heels with his head bend down.
"Is he meditating?" another soldier whispered, but I knew better. That was Malak we were talking about; just like me, he had never been fond of meditating even when he'd been still a Jedi. Something was wrong.
"Revan, wait…!" Carth tried to catch my hand, but I was too fast for him. I crossed the room in quick steps and approached Malak with bated breath. "Oh, Alek," I whispered and closed my eyes for a second. Bending my head I crouched beside him. I touched his cheek only to find it already cold. "I'm so sorry, Alek. You didn't deserve to die this way, so...alone and abandoned. You didn't deserve any of this," I whispered and lifted my hand to close his lifeless hawk-like eyes. I let my fingers slide down his face and touch the cool artificial jaw.
No...he was my enemy. He tried to kill me! You mustn't feel sorry for him. He was my...he was my...
As if in dream, suddenly my other hand was cupping the jaw and I was leaning closer, until my forehead touched his. I closed my eyes firmly. "You had the entire Star Forge at your disposal...all its power, all its droids...and you still let him kill you, you asshole!" What started as a soft whisper ended up in a loud scream and hot-tempered shove; the body fell to the floor with a silent thud.
"And now..." a cold voice said, "now I can feel you, human. The anger, the hatred...You Jedi are indeed a weird sort," Raenah went on while I was slowly coming to him, "I hurt your friend, but it didn't move you half as much as a death of your enemy. What logic is that?"
I clenched my teeth while I was approaching him. He wasn't moving, his slightly narrowed eyes were focused on the battle. Only after I stopped beside him and turned to look from the window as well he acknowledged my presence by smirking. "Do you remember the you were wondering about on the planet? Well, you took mine, so I took his."
"His body's already cold," I stated.
Raenah snorted. "I told you the Star Forge was ours," he informed me.
I torn my eyes off the hell outside and turned my head to look at him, then continued the motion to glance over my shoulder. The soldiers were watching us intently through the sights of their guns, ready to open fire at Carth's order, nothing unexpected. It was the pilot's stance that made me smile softly; his gun was aimed at his feet, his eyes sunk into Raenah and me, and even over the distance I could feel his fear. He was more afraid than I was at the moment. "Was," I echoed Raenah's words, turning my attention to him. "Now it's lost. You've lost. The Republic isn't as weak as you thought," I added.
He shook his head slowly. "This is not the Republic. It's you I have underestimated," he growled and waved his hand towards the enormous fleet crushing his forces. "None of the fools would have ever found this place, hadn't you showed them. They would have never stood a chance without your actions here on the Star Forge. Without you the station would have never fallen."
I snorted. "Poor you. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when you return to your Master as a one big failure."
"What is it, human? A mockery?" he muttered and I could feel the anger in him started burning.
"Just the truth, Raenah. We both know what the award is for letting down a Sith Master such as yours."
"There is still a way to appease him. That's why I'm still on this forsaken thing," he hissed and slowly turned his face to me.
"And what is it?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. For a second we were just staring into each other's eyes then his hands moved. Jumping back I avoided the red blade, while initiating my lightsabers to parry Raenah's next blow at my right shoulder. I moved to left, whirling around him, but before I could finish the move to position behind his back, his free hand caught me by my waist. My eyes widened when I realized he made a step forward, pushing me to the edge. My feet slipped off the platform, but just before I fell I managed to slip my hand around his body and at least took him with me.
The cold floor came to meet us quickly, knocking my breath out. I heard a silent, growling yelp when Raenah hit the floor next to me. I wanted to hit him with the hilt of my lightsaber, but my palms were empty.
I opened my eyes to look around only to see a shadow of the Sith's red fist land straight on my face. I heard a cracking sound and a bolt of pain blinded me for a second. Instinctively I rolled away from Raenah and sprung to my feet.
Raenah was on his feet as well. His right arm was outstretched to catch a lightsaber he was pulling with the Force. I darted forward and managed to catch the lightsaber before it reached to him. I initiated it and flung it against him, while already searching the floor for another. An inhuman snarl attracted my attention back to the Sith, with the second lightsaber already safely in my hand again. He was holding his left arm where the blade had scratched him while he was reaching for the last lightsaber not far from him. Despite the slash he'd managed to arm himself; he was clutching the last lightsaber in his palm tightly.
I nimbly caught the returning lightsaber and allowed my hand to fall to my hips. "Don't say a little pain can stop you," I said, trying to blink away the tears in my eyes due to the hurting nose. I could feel the blood slowly trickle down my face, over my lips. And when I'd started speaking, I could taste it as well. "We're just getting started," I added and spit the blood on the floor. Then I wiped it off my face with the back of my hand.
"I'm not the one crying," he mocked me and I noticed his eyes moved to the side, focusing on the soldiers. "I was looking forward to this," he whispered.
"Over my dead body," I hissed.
He smiled, the tendrils on his face twitching. A silent chuckle escaped his lips. He initiated his lightsaber and, mimicking my action, threw it at me. I lifted my left blade to parry it, while he was rushing towards me. He jumped, catching the lightsaber in the air and striking at my shoulder with all his force when he landed. I put my lightsaber in the way and when the two blades collided his blow sent my arm away, opening a free way to my body. My eyes widened when I realized that and I managed to position the other lightsaber to protect myself just in time to stop his other strike. This was just as strong as the previous one and I could feel I was losing my balance. So I fell on my back, using the momentum to help me roll over my shoulder and jump back to my feet further away from him.
Determined not go give me a pause, he closed the distance, but I was expecting his blow this time, parrying it with both of my lightsabers, crossing them and trapping his blade for a moment just long enough for me to kick him in the stomach. His breath caught in his throat and he bent over instinctively. I whirled around and used the speed to slam my heel into his face and send him staggering back.
However, when I lunged at him again, he used the Force to knock me off to buy himself some time. When I landed safely on my feet, he was already standing and worse off, he was on his way to the soldiers.
"Don't!"I tried to warn them not to shoot at him, but they had already opened fire. Raenah's lightsaber was making a bright red fan the way the Sith was whirling it wildly, deflecting all the bolts back at them.
When he was just dozen meters from them, he leapt in the air. And I knew I would never make it in time...
"HK!"
Another bolt appeared as if out of nowhere and managed to strike the Sith in the middle of his chest after he drew his arms back, ready to strike. The blast knocked him down.
When he hit the floor I used the Force to pull his lightsaber to me, fastening it on my belt when I positioned myself between him and the soldiers. I watched him slowly scramble to his feet and frowned; Raenah's armour had absorbed most of the damage.
"Again, HK," I whispered and the droid obeyed without hesitation, sending a set of bolts towards the Sith. Since Raenah had nothing to deflect the bolts, they hit him in exactly the same spot, penetrating the armour at last and sending him on the floor again.
"Commentary: That was cruel and unfair, Master. He had no way to defend himself. I like your style."
"Thank you, HK," I smiled slightly, looking over my shoulder. "Take a few steps back everyone," I ordered, just in case. The soldiers hesitated, but when Carth repeated the command, they did as they were told.
This time it took him much longer to hoist himself up. He looked down at his torso and lifted his hand to touch the edge of the wound. His eyes flashed angrily when he locked them with mine. He fisted his hands and his eyes moved downwards, resting on Malak's lightsaber on my belt.
The Star Forge was shaking again, more violently than before.
He was breathing heavily through his mouth in shaky gasps and I could see the blood on his teeth. Slowly it started brimming over his lips and down his chin. In slow motion he lifted his hand and wiped it off. "So…" he said in a tired voice, "why don't you finish me off?" he asked. "Do you need others to do your dirty work for you? Come closer and kill me yourself, you human scum!" he hissed.
I laughed at him. "So that you could drain my energy and add it to yours like back on Korriban? Sorry, not happening. I may not know half of what you know about the dark side, but I've still managed to pick up a few things to know the Forde drain doesn't work over large distances."
My last words were drowned in the sound of another explosion and when the Star Forge quaked again, Raenah winced and brought his hand to his chest again, shutting his eyes tightly and visibly clenching his teeth in pain.
A corner of my mouth perked up a little. "You cannot imagine what pleasure it brings me to see you this way. However, I'm not you. I will give you one last chance to save your life."
He opened his eyes again, focusing them on me.
"There's a hangar above us," I started and had to raise my voice so that he would hear me over the blasts. "I'm sure you have your ship there. If you're quick enough, you might escape the explosion," I offered and turned around. I beckoned the soldiers to follow me when I made my first step towards the lift.
"What? You're going to let him live?" Carth asked incredulously, whirling around when I passed him by.
"I'm not going to kill an unarmed opponent," I said simply and a cruel smile crossed my lips.
"Commentary: For once I find myself in agreement with your meatbag, Master. I suggest using my assassination protocols to eliminate this troublesome meatbag once and for all!" HK added his voice.
"Firstly, even thought I'm glad that you two finally see eye to eye, my answer is still no," I stood my ground, hoping no one heard him talking about his protocols. "And don't refer to Carth as my meatbag in the future," I added in silent voice. Stupid droid.
When we were in the lift, before the door slid closed, I caught a glimpse of Raenah. He was desperately trying to reach the door to the hangar. I smirked and sent the lift downwards.
"Statement: The question of possessing a certain person…"
"HK," I cut him off, not bothering to even look at him. "Just shut up, okay?"
"So tell me…" Carth started," is there any probability he might get to that ship you mentioned?" he asked.
I smiled at him. "Quite high. He's tough." I said and nearly laughed at the expression he gave me. "Don't worry though. Either way, he'll die. While you were waiting for me, I took the liberty of damaging the ship before I joined you."
"You did what?" Carth asked when we exited the lift. Instead of answering right away, I motioned him and his men to quickly follow me and crossed the command centre. Only after we were in the lift and I made it take us several levels down, I spoke up again. "Damaged the ship. The hyperdrive, the shields and the life support," I said proudly and looked at him. "He's as good as dead. And so are we, if we don't find a ship of our own very soon," I added impatiently when the lift stopped and I walked out of it.
Following my lead we made our way through the maze of corridors, and in no time we found ourselves in another hangar full of brand new ships that were waiting for being taken to battle.
We boarded one of the ships in a hurry and Carth sent his men to "frackin' take us out of this goddamned thing".
This ship was made for only four-membered crew, which meant one of us had to stand. Two of Carth's men took the pilot's and the co-pilot's seat. I moved to occupy another and, after being ordered by Carth, the last soldier took the fourth seat, leaving Carth to stand between us.
While the ship was taking off, I tried to strap myself in the seat, but Carth crouched beside me and took the belts from my hands. I smiled, watching him work. "My nose is broken, not my hands," I reminded him.
He didn't say anything at that, just finished the job and turned away from me to talk to the pilot. "Send out the republic distress signal so that they wouldn't fire on us," he suggested.
The pilot nodded and co-pilot carried out his order.
Somehow it was a breathtaking sight. Hundreds of ships and fighters positioned around the Star Forge in almost perfect circle, firing at the station red, green and white blasts like it was nothing but a laser show. Then one of them broke the circle, receding from the station and other followed it, hurrying from the explosion that was raging behind us. Our own ship got enveloped in bright blue light just as the flames swallowed us. I closed my eyes, gripping the sides of my seat tightly as if it could somehow ease the shaking, but it was the pilot who managed to take us from the hell. And when the soldiers started cheering loudly, I smiled and relaxed, enjoying the feeling that run through my body. My smile grew broader. He was dead. It's over… I let out a long breath of relief.
I unfastened my belt and stood up. Carth's eyes followed me when I disappeared in the corridor while dragging HK behind me.
"Statement: Something you need, Master?" he asked when I stopped at the very end of the corridor, right next to the airlock.
I shook my head. "Just want to give you a warning. For a…not really sure how long exactly, we're going to be in a constant presence of someone from the Republic. Do you know what it means?"
"Incessant bullying and chivvying, Master?"
At first I thought I'd misheard. "What? No! Where did you get that one?"
"From you, Master. Once I overheard your discussion with the bald meatbag about the Republic. You used the exact words, Master. "
I shifted my weight, decided to drop the topic. "From now on I want you to stop asking me if I need someone killed or speaking about someone's demise in general. Partly you are a protocol droid, so assume the role for some time."
HK's bright orange eyes turned much darker colour as he turned his head from side to side. "Statement: The protocolar part of my protocols is ability to communicate over six hundred languages."
I smiled. "Great. Then speak a different language from time to time."
"Commentary: Master, my verbal capabilities in that matter are reduced to short verbal warnings when killing non-Basic-speaking targets. You, however, have just forbidden me to make any threats or speak of death. That makes your last order…" he paused, turning head from side to side again, "…highly problematic."
"Okay, forget that order. Both of them, actually Just don't give away your true purpose, okay? Just…play my guard, or something."
"Query: Why didn't you say that straight out, Master?" he asked me as if I was the moron here.
I frowned at the droid. "One day I'm getting you reprogrammed, HK, to something very peaceful and life-respecting."
"High time, I say," Carth spoke up, appearing by HK's side, looking at me with a grin. "Anyway, we're getting escorted to the hangar, so it's probably time for HK to start to behave. And," he added, touching me lightly on my chin and turning my head to him, "for you to clean all that blood. You look terrible. Not to mention your nose is turning this pretty ugly shade of blue as well."
Ignoring the second part, I took a slow breath: "The blood has dried. I need water."
"And kolto. Or Jolee. Does it hurt?" he asked in much softer tone, leaning closer to me to examine my face. I pulled away. "Just a little," I admitted, making a step back to put some distance between us. "Carth, what are you going to tell Dodonna?" I asked suddenly. "About Raenah?"
"Nothing. As far as I know there was only one Sith Lord terrorising this galaxy."
"And your men?" I tossed my head towards the cockpit.
"All they saw was a red-skinned man. It could be…well…any alien with red skin," he shrugged.
I frowned and looked away, unsure. On the one hand it was good no one knew about the Sith Empire. It would only cause needless panic and chaos. On the other hand I was little convinced a blissful ignorance was any helpful here. Of course, I could always try to talk to the Council, but again – what good would that do? And there still remained the fact the Republic was simply not ready for another war. It would take years, decades before it could face such an enemy.
"Revan?" he asked after my pause.
"Maybe it's for the best," I whispered eventually, feeling the ship begun to tremble. That was a sign it slowed down. We had to be in a hangar.
Few seconds later the ship went still and the ramp next to us started lowering. Carth motioned me to go first, but I shook my head and suddenly regretted not wearing something with a hood.
Carth shrugged and looked towards the cockpit. He waited until all his men were out and then left the ship as well.
"Come HK, let's face the public condemnation," I said and tried my best to sound cheerfully, but the prospect of people's reaction was making me uneasy.
There was a sort of welcoming party sent to bring us to the bridge. However, Carth sent one of the three who'd been with us on the Star Forge to see me to the infirmary, for which I was infinitely grateful.
We didn't talk during the journey. The soldier was walking in front of me and didn't seem to care whether I was following him or not. HK was walking beside me, the sound of his steps echoing down the empty corridors; the crew members were probably all still at their posts. The few we met, however, were giving me and my droid strange looks. Frankly, that had to be quite a sigh. Blue face, bloody, with dirty clothes, sweaty...and with three lightsaber on top of that, which gave away I was a Jedi, thus not one of them.
Just as the corridors, the infirmary was almost empty as well. During space battles the score usually was unharmed or dead. The only patient here was Bastila, who was talking with Jolee and Mission. From the corner of my eye I spotted a nurse standing next to the door, but I completely ignored her and rushed to the bed. "You're up," I blurted out and Bastila, sitting on the bed, smiled at me. She was pale and there was weariness in her eyes, but she seemed at peace.
I wanted to sit down on the bed as well, but Jolee promptly grasped me by my elbows and pulled me to my feet before I actually touched the white sheets. "Lass, look at yourself. You'd stain it. And where you doing again?" he asked in feigned annoyance and placed his hand above my face. I heard Mission's soft giggling when I closed my eyes to enjoy the familiar warmth spreading through my face. And just as it was slowly flooding me, the pain was fading away.
"Won a glorious duel, if you must know," I answered him.
"Won..." Mission repeated. "So they are dead."
I nodded. "Yes, both of them. The war is over," I whispered and touched my nose after Jolee was done.
"Good work, Adrianne," Bastila smiled at me. I wanted to return the gesture, but when I turned my face to her, my eyes fell on the bandaged stump she head for her right arm. Her own smile died on her lips as she followed my look. "I can still feel it," she said silently. "It's not here, but I swear to you I can still feel it. Bizarre, isn't it?" she asked.
I shook my head. "A lot of people experience similar feelings," I replied after a second of hesitation, for lack of anything better to say.
"They'll make you a new one," Mission tried to cheer Bastila up. She reached out and touched the Jedi on her other hand, squeezing lightly.
The young woman nodded. "I know. Maybe that's why I'm not really bothered by the loss," she added.
I bent my head. "I am," I whispered. Jolee rested his hand on my shoulder.
"Then don't be," Bastila scowled at me. "I shouldn't have come to him in the first place. There was reason why you'd wanted him under the lock and guarded."
"You…came to him?" I asked confusedly.
She nodded and her eyes focused on the droid behind me. "I noticed HK was standing in front of the closed door, instead of inside. So I wanted to check on the Sith to see what he was doing. He was...well...it looked like he was meditating, but there was nothing serene about him. And...I was used to feeling your presence, through our bond, but suddenly I felt him as well...and his intentions."
"He wanted to kill me?" I guessed and she nodded. "And I made the mistake of trying to kill him first."
"Still, if I had got rid of him just as you all had wanted me to, none of this would have happened," I uttered.
Jolee shook his head slowly. "Nothing happens without its purpose," he reminded me and Bastila nodded. "The ways of the Force are complicated," she said. "Maybe both of us were supposed to learn something from it. At least I know I have."
I bit my lip, unable to resist. "Well, you're less prissy, that's true."
Mission opened her mouth in surprise and the expression then turned into a broad smile.
"Prissy?" Bastila repeated in slightly raised voice. That was a change; the last time I'd called her that she'd been all stoic and Jedi-like. And then she laughed. "You never change, do you?"
I shook my head, finally smiling as well. "No. But that doesn't mean this hasn't taught me anything. Next time I'm going to the Unknown Regions, I'm not taking anyone with me. Well, maybe HK. And T3," I admitted.
"Commentary: I don't think bringing the little useless droid would be helpful Master."
"What a simple guard like you could now about whether or not T3 would be useful?" I asked him. "Anyway, thank you for your opinion."
Mission's grin was suddenly gone. "Wait, you're going to return there?" she asked, an incredulous expression on her face.
"Raenah was just a vanguard. There are more dangerous things lurking out there. It won't be anytime soon, however. I don't remember where to look for them," I added as if it was any comfort.
"You must talk to the Council," Bastila said.
I frowned. "They didn't listen to me the last time. Why would they...wait a sec, haven't we already had this discussion?" I mused.
"The Republic needs to…"
"…gather its strength," I cut her off. "It can't go from one war to another."
"And whose fault would it be?" an angry voice said behind us. An angry familiar voice. My eyes widened when I whirled around. I was facing the nurse I'd passed by. She was tall, with dark skin and eyes that were looking at me with stern expression. Her full lips were pressed into a thin line. She was frowning.
That was the first time I'd ever seen her frowning this way before.
"Adrianne, that's…"Bastila started saying, but I silenced her with a gesture of my hand. "Jasmine…" I whispered, afraid to add anything else.
"That's my name," she said after a while of quiet. "But how should I call you? I guess Raven, the best part of it, as you called it, never even existed. Traitor, maybe? How about a liar?" she spat out in a venomous tone I'd never heard her using.
"Jasmine, that's…"
"No! I don't want to hear anything," she cut me off. "I don't want to hear your lies anymore."
"Lies, but...Jasmine, I wasn't lying," I blurted out. "I didn't know the truth. I've told you. Please..."
Her eyes narrowed. "Don't beg. I don't believe you. They always called Rev... you a mastermind. How can I know that wasn't some game of yours from the very beginning? You might have been spying on us for all I know."
I simply shook my head, not being able to do anything else. This was exactly what I'd been so afraid.
She clenched her jaw and looked at Bastila. "Just go," she said in a weak voice. "Your friend needs rest and I...just get out."
"But…" I started, but Jolee took my by my shoulders and was already shoving me to the door. "Better go, lass," he whispered into my ear.
...
The water splashed over my face, dripping crimson in the white washbasin. I filled my palms again and rubbed them against my face to clean it. Hesitantly I lifted my eyes to the woman in the mirror. The blood was finally gone, and with the nose healed the bruise had faded away as well. Despite that she looked weary and tired. "Shouldn't you be happy?" I asked in quiet voice. "It's over. At least for now, but still," I tried to convince her. I even smiled at her, but she repaid me the gesture with a sad one.
"I give up," I said and dried my face into my sleeve. "This is supposed to be a moment of my victory; instead it has a rather bitter taste. That's not fair, damned!" I growled and hung my head while leaning against the washbasin with my hands.
At that the door slid open and Jolee appeared in the doorframe. "Are you alright?" he asked, looking at me with calm expression while Mission, who was peeking over his shoulder, seemed curious.
"Yes," I said curtly. A lie, and not very plausible one. Carth was right; I was the worse liar ever.
"I heard you screaming. Are you sure?"
I closed my eyes firmly. "She was my friend."
"And?"
"Hell, she used to be my shrink. She was supposed to know me and yet she didn't bat an eyelash and…" I trailed off, leaving the end of the sentence unsaid.
"No one is loved by all."
I sighed. "I don't need to be loved by all, just…few."
"We love you," Mission said cheerfully. I looked at her and she flashed me a broad smile.
I couldn't help, but give her a smile of my own. "Thank you, Mission."
Jolee went deeper in the bathroom and wrapped a hand around my shoulders. "Brace yourself, lass. You're probably going to get that a lot," he started saying, leading me outside.
I looked at him sadly. "I know."
"But in time," he went on, "I have no doubts you'll show them their opinion about you is wrong. But don't try to convince them with words. That will never work."
"Yeah," Mission nodded. "Once they see your real you..." she didn't finish, hoping it might comfort me.
"And what is the real me? A monster who destroyed her own homeworld?" I uttered.
She frowned at me in disapproval. "But that was Malak's fault, not yours."
I raised my eyebrows. "And how about conquering the Republic for no apparent reason? Damn! I've built myself an assassin," I said and tossed my head to the droid. "You know that's why I used to love wearing the mask," I added. "I knew my decisions wouldn't please everyone, actually would anger a lot of people, but…I didn't want this. I…I never bombarded any world, never attacked a civilian area. I only used brutal force when necessary. I admit, I sent HK to assassinate few people, but only because they were making wrong decision that could harm the Republic in the long term, or I needed my men in their stead," I was defending myself, as if my friends were here to judge me.
Jolee's arm around my shoulders tightened. "You can't predict how people will treat you based on reaction of a single person."
I sighed, knowing he was right. "Still, I can't help but be afraid. Hell, I've spent half of my life being afraid, was just good in hiding it," I shrugged.
"Of what?" Jolee asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.
"I was a very, very bad apprentice and Padawan and even worse Jedi, Jolee. I was terrified of the day my teachers would find out," I started and the memories of all the mischiefs and troubles I'd been causing made me smile. "And during the war? Each time before battle I spent like hours in my cabin, just staring in the mirror, but actually not seeing my reflection, trying to simply calm myself."
"That's understandable."
"I don't want to keep on living like that," I whispered. "I want a new life. A life where no one would know me and people would ignore me on the streets."
"And who says you can't have this life?" Mission asked. "As a kid, I was dreaming about lots of things that seemed impossible at the moment, but later..." she shrugged, "well, the dreams came true."
"Just listen to the girl," Jolee whispered in my ear. "She's wiser than she looks, for a kid."
"Hey! I heard that," she laughed and punched Jolee's arm playfully.
"You know what?" I asked, more myself than them, "you're right. And I'm incredibly pathetic. Hell..." I bit my lip and laughed. Until I noticed the door in front of which we stopped. I groaned and looked at Jolee. "The bridge?" I asked him.
"You must at least greet the Admiral, lass," Jolee said and opened the door.
"And here I was hoping for several days of undisturbed sleep. Seems I have to settle for talking to the Admiral," I stated when we entered the bridge. It looked exactly like the one on the Endire Spire, only little larger. The atmosphere here was cheerful, everyone was smiling and they were generally happy, with the war finally finished. I was glad for that, because they didn't seem to notice us when we appeared there, and when we were passing by their posts, they just looked at us casually. Some of them greeted Mission thought, but that was all.
"Searching for someone?" Jolee asked silently, when he noticed me looking around.
"I was hoping to see Carth here. I need to to talk to him," I whispered back, disappointed the pilot was no longer here. But I spotted Master Zhar. I nodded at him when we passed him by and approached the Admiral.
She smiled at me and held out a hand, which I accepted. "Admiral," I bowed my head in respect. "I must congratulate you on the results of the battle."
"I was told your actions allowed us to finally break their formations," she returned the praise, just a sickening formal gesture, thought somehow necessary in such a discussion.
I smiled. "Thank you, Admiral. However, a seasoned soldier, such as yourself, surely knows the basic strategic moves, like making the enemy unable to communicate with each other. It was nothing great on my part."
She straightened and put her hands behind her back, the smile never leaving her face. "Anyway, we should be thanking you, Master Jedi."
"I'm no M…"
"Without your efforts, the outcomes of the battle might have been different, and I'm not even talking about the…encounter with the former Lord of the Sith," she reminded me. Carth had probably already given her the report. "The Republic owes you a debt it cannot repay," she continued, "and when we're back on Coruscant you'll be recognized as a hero. The chancellor himself took great interest in you and if I understood his hints correctly, he wants to reward you for your efforts," she went on, and I could read "medal" somewhere on her lips. Useless trinket, as empty as her words, but again…politics. A show for the general public.
I tried my best to keep a serene expression on my face despite my annoyance when I answered: "I'm not sure if I deserve to be awarded for undoing my own deeds, Admiral. If anyone, it's my team that should be honoured this way. I was trying to make peace with my conscience; they were risking their lives for the sake of the Republic itself."
Soft steps sounded behind me when Master Zhar closed the distance between us. "Some of your…actions…were indeed questionable, Adrianne, but it's your redemption that counts. You managed to defeat the greatest challenge a Jedi can ever face; you returned to us from the dark side and I doubt the path was easy," he said and gave me a meaningful look.
I glanced at him, my mind racing. If he wanted it to look like it was solely my self-imposed decision to return to the Jedi Order, maybe it was the wish of the Council not to reveal the real truth behind my redemption…and their dirty methods. Somehow, I suspected it was Atris' idea.
Nevertheless, I bowed before him. "I only hope the high Council's going to be as forgiving as you, Master." Bullshit. I knew they would never forgive me, at least some of the councillors. This was just a one big puppet show and I was the puppet, with the Council pulling the strings. Maybe that was why the ways of the Sith had been much appealing to me and I had decided to return as one of them. Falsehood seemed to be everywhere, but at least, you knew what to expect from the Sith. The Order…they always liked to present themselves as a peacekeepers and protectors, but if anyone would mange to uncover all their dirty secrets…
All these thoughts rushed through my mind in half a heartbeat. Thanks to the Jedi training, however, none of them had mirrored on my face.
"I'm sure it is," Master Zhar replied.
I smiled at him and then turned my attention back to Dodonna. "If you excuse me, Admiral, I'd like to return to my ship and change and…rest for a while."
She waved her hand through the air. "You don't have to spend your time in that tiny ship, Master Jedi. You are my guest and, just like your friends, have been given your own quarters here."
"Thank you, Admiral, but I'd still prefer my own ship," I declined her offer and bowed again.
"HK, we're leaving. Come," I called the droid and spun around. Jolee and Mission had already disappeared, so I made my way to the hangar alone…and managed to get lost twice. Always hated cruisers.
It was strange to find the Ebon Hawk so dark and quiet, completely shut off, and without her crew. I felt sorry for the girl when I slowly walked up the ramp and into the main hold. The silence was almost deafening without the soft humming of the engine or the distant voices. Alone and abandoned.
"Statement: It seems we're the only one who'd prefer to stay on this ship, Master."
"Yeah. But the others have no reason to hide from the republic soldiers," I replied and crossed the main hold, heading to the cockpit to at least turn the lights on, so that I could hit the 'fresher. HK wanted to follow me even there and I had to reassure him I'd be fine and no one would try to drown me to keep him outside.
The water hadn't time to grow cold, for which I was grateful. Having a shower was a way to relax for me, and relaxing was generally impossible when I was cold.
I felt a thousand times better when I left the little room and went to the cargo hold to find something to wear. Unfortunately, the only thing that hadn't been torn, ragged, stained or ruined were Jedi robes. I had never been fond of the ceremonial clothes of the Jedi, since it gave away my relation to the Order. And I'd been avoiding that all my life. I made a face and went to look through Bastila's things. I settled for one of her loose tunics and comfortable trousers. Only when I was dressed I let HK in and then crawled onto the mattresses. I was disappointed to find out the Carth's scent was gone. I sighed and turned to my side. Before I closed my eyes, the last thing I saw were two orange points floating in the air.
Hey, I was quick, heh :) Thanks for reading and for all your reviews :)