Thank you to all my loyal readers, I'm very glad that people are enjoying this little bit of insanity.
Brain bleach will be provide to those with proof of medical insurance.
http : / bit . ly / pLdXdB is the primary list that I'm picking from, feel free to e-mail with suggestions for more.
"And due to the rather unfortunate and inexplicable explosion and resulting fire in the Gryffindor dormitories, the staff and I felt it prudent to secure alternative housing until such time as repairs can be affected," the headmaster explained with a grim visage as he looked over those members of the mighty lions that had escaped the rather grisly blast that had sent so many of their housemates to the infirmary.
To the surprise of nearly the entire school, Harry Potter was not only completely uninvolved in the incident, but hadn't needed medical attention afterwards. For the first time since its christening, the Harry Potter Memorial Bed in the infirmary lacked its famous occupant after a disaster. As a side note, the betting pool went to a very surprised Neville Longbottom, who only took 'No Injury' because everything else was taken.
"Now, as I'm sure none of you are fit to sleep after the excitement earlier, I have arranged for your Defense Instructor, Professor Lockhart, to entertain you," the barmy old coot continued while his mind was instead focused upon a rather delightful midnight snack that had been interrupted by the catastrophe.
"Erm, Headmaster, I may have been misunderstood, I will not be entertaining the young minds this eve," Lockhart corrected with a worried frown on his face. No doubt missing his beauty sleep. "Rather I will provide entertainment for them, while ensuring there are no threats elsewhere in the castle."
"Ah, very well, continue," Dumbledore added with a wave of his hand before leaving the room with nary another word. Everyone wrote it off as his having somewhere more important to be, and chose to focus instead upon their Defense Instructor.
The blonde pansy with a knack for memory charms cleared his throat and began to pace around. "Now students, as you know I am a great wizard and have defeated many enemies in my time."
As he droned on with his speech, one pair of Lions watched him with more than polite curiosity. A pair of emerald eyes glittered with thinly veiled predatory instincts as the bearers of them wanted nothing more than to tear into this utter fraud in front of the entire student body. However, it was the brown pair that simmered with rage next to him that the idiot prancing about should have been worried about. She still hadn't forgiven him for lying so horribly in books, and then leaving Harry to face danger alone! He would pay, and her toll would be blood.
Sadly, none of the students could have prepared themselves for the utmost horror that was about to meet their eyes. There was weeping, gnashing of teeth, gouging of eyes, and foetal positions... but there were also many hugs.
"Students, please welcome my familiar..." Lockhart finally said at length before stepping aside with a bow. "Barney the Dinosaur!"
The spawn of purple and green that emerged from the shadows would haunt the nightmares of many a student for the rest of their lives, the maddening gaping grin, the dead soulless eyes. The screams that rang out from the student body would echo for weeks to come, especially once it started singing.
Oddly enough, every blasting, cutting, exploding, or any other type of hex known to the student body only served to DOUBLE the number of purple monstrosities singing that damnable song that burrowed its way into their brains and wouldn't leave. Sadly for every appearance of a new Barney, there was several more students flinging hexes.
It was at that time the hugging began.
There were two survivors, they would be found huddled in the fireplace with a couch over the mantle, clutching each other for dear life. When pried apart they began laughing, and laughing, and laughing, and nothing could make them stop.
But that's a story for another time.