Chapter Thirty-Four
Regrets
Suguru paced restlessly outside the Matsudaira mansion, almost pulling his hair off in exasperation. If he could only belch fire, there was no doubt the entire mansion had already burned to the ground.
He rushed in his car before he could do something he might regret and then manically maneuvered the steering wheel at top speed as though frantically asking for his death. He was not thinking of his destination as he drove. In fact, he was not thinking at all. His mind was blank, only rage was taking control.
He sighed, unconsciously lifting his hand to his cheek. It was still quite tender from the harsh slap he got from his cousin. He was not mad at her. He couldn't be mad at Touko. If anything, he was gravely hurt and crestfallen. Touko was the victim here and it wasn't her fault. It could never be her fault. The asperity in his handsome features eased off noticeably at the thought of her. He loved her dearly and cared for her like a sister he had never had. No words could express the pain he felt. It pained him terribly he wanted to kill someone so bad.
And he vowed Fukuzawa, or rather, Sekamitomi Yumi would pay with her life. He would not taint his hands with blood, but he would get the only thing that meant more than her name, way more than her life—her greatest love, Sachiko.
Not before long, he felt the exhaustion eating him up. He wasn't aware he was that tired up until now. He turned the wheel around promptly, earning loud, angry honks from the vehicles trailing his back. He opened his window just enough to reveal his face, sending the annoyed drivers a friendly wave and his most charming smile. That would shut them up, he thought smugly.
His smirk grew when he caught some of them gaping at him with awe. The drivers actually thought he was a model or a celebrity of some sort they often watched on TV.
Foolish people, his egotistic mind spoke. He would never associate himself with those bush-league celebrities. He was Kashiwagi Suguru, son of the late Billionaire tycoon, Kashiwagi Suburo and world-class renowned supermodel, Kashiwagi Nana. A prince or royalty would suit him more than anything. He had everything in his fingers while growing up. He would not accept anything less than what he deserved. He believed he deserved nothing but greatness. He was perfect.
And incredibly stupid.
He realized he had been a fool for taking Sachiko for granted. She was in love with him until she met her, the bringer of the cross into his family's lives. How could he let the demon take Sachiko and Touko's heart so easily? It was as if he guarded and took care of them his whole life only to hand them over to the enemy; just like that, they were gone.
But he had never seen Sachiko being as happy as she was now, especially when she was with her. Her face perked up at the sight and mention of her name, his conscience reasoned. If only he had treated Sachiko right and reciprocated her feelings for him in the beginning, she wouldn't fall in love with someone else. Just as they said, 'You will never realize how much a person means to you until they are gone.' He snarled at his own thought.
He refused to believe Sachiko was gone for good. He could still see a sliver of something in her eyes when she looked at him. He badly hoped it was love he was seeing. He couldn't accept it otherwise.
He would get her back and make sure she wouldn't go anywhere but to his side, as his wife and mother to his children. Sachiko would be his again and he swore it to his father's grave.
Suguru arrived at his home an hour later. Time didn't do well calming his nerves. He was as livid when he walked out of Touko's room. He was sitting on a settee in his room when one of his maids stepped inside, announcing herself.
"I apologize for the disturbance, young master, but Ogasawara Sachiko-sama has been calling for the past hour. She had asked to—"
"Give me the phone." Suguru demanded crisply, cutting her short. The maid was apprehensive to approach him for a moment, but she did as told.
He wasn't aware he was clutching the phone in his left hand too tight that it turned pale within seconds. "Go and lock the door. Don't bother me again."
The maid bowed and clicked the lock on the door before she went out the room with haste.
He put the handset earpiece on his ear after dialing a number he memorized by heart. He breathed deeply, silently, when it rang. It did not surprise him that Sachiko answered the phone on the first ring.
"How is Touko?" She asked straight away.
He could hear the worry in her voice. "I am fine and thank you for asking, Sa-chan." He smiled, but the usual humor, when he was talking to Sachiko, was nonexistent.
It was followed by a long pause. "What happened?"
Suguru breathed heavily again, but now, he was certain Sachiko could feel the weight in it. "Do you really want to know? I am not sure you can take it."
"I am no longer a child, Suguru-san. I'm sure I can handle whatever that is you're going to tell. So, please, don't let me wait a minute longer." She was being bossy now and Suguru imagined her face creased into a scowl.
"If that's what you want." He said flatly. "Your girlfriend is cheating on you."
"What are you talking about!?" The shock and irritation was discernible over the phone. "Are you insane!? Clearly, because you are not making any sense! I was asking you about our cousin and you're telling me this! I made a mistake calling you for help."
"Sa-chan, please, listen to me." He said hastily when he sensed Sachiko was going to hang up the phone. His voice toned down a little. "Touko knows about your relationship with . . . her." He could not utter her name for some reason. "She is very upset."
A sigh then silence.
"Sa-chan," He spoke first. "You know I will never lie to you. Ask your cheater of a girlfriend if you don't believe me. She wasn't very faithful to you; at least, that's what I heard from our cousin, who was sobbing in her bed when I checked on her." When Sachiko did not react, he continued, "She was fucking someone else, Sa-chan. You have to see and believe the truth—"
"Suguru-san, I think that's enough." Sachiko interrupted him, surprisingly unfazed. "I will talk to my fiancée then I will decide whether to believe you or not."
The word 'fiancée' and her defensiveness provoked a deeper feeling of frustration and hurt. "If that's what you want." He resigned, copying his earlier response. "But, please, you must also think of Touko." He said, his voice stern and unwavering.
Then Sachiko cut the call.
Sachiko couldn't stop herself from recalling their earlier conversation over and over in her head. There were so many things she wanted to ask Suguru, but the questions were stuck in her throat when she was about to speak. She could not believe him. And she would not, she told herself. He was not making any sense. But why did her heart beat so hard as if it was going to explode when he said Yumi was cheating on her? She felt something at that point that she could not fathom. Overwhelming emotions surged wildly through her from the pit of her stomach just thinking about it.
Two arms crawled down slowly to her chest, encircling her neck. Warmth immediately blanketed her body and she smiled at the comfort it offered. It pulled her mind from her own vexing thoughts like a shot. "Yumi," She breathed, intimately running her hands on the length of her arms.
"Come to bed with me." Yumi whispered against her neck that sent tingles down her spine.
She shuddered when she felt cool lips kissed her side, stopping on the edge of her shoulder. She glanced sideways and noted Yumi's wistful gaze. "What's wrong, love? You look lonely."
"I'm not." Yumi responded with a rather sad smile. "I will never be lonely because you are here with me." She kissed her on the cheek, which felt like she was silently asking her to drop the matter.
She mirrored her smile and nodded. Yumi pulled her off her seat and dragged her into their room. They halted at the side of the bed, staring adoringly at each other. Her brown orbs spoke volumes. She wished she could read them; she wished she could read what was on her mind. Her thoughts were held up when lips collided against her own hungrily. It took her a moment to respond with the same ardor. Their hands were tangled on each other's hair and clothes. For a split second, she craved to tear their clothes off their body and feel her lover's heat.
It was as though Yumi had heard her desire, the brunette pulled away slightly to undress herself. She looked like a sexy, hungry beast staring at her with nothing but carnal yearning. Her eyes watched her closely as she slipped out of her shirt and pajama pants then her undergarments. She felt her mouth water at the sight.
She was flawless. She was ravishing. She was perfect.
She lost all of her common sense when she grabbed Yumi's neck and kissed her breathlessly. Her hands found new beautiful spots to explore. A throaty moan left her lips when Yumi directed her hand to her wet center.
"I want you." The brunette whispered before nibbling her ear.
Another moan escaped and she felt the pressure in her sex tripled. "Yumi, undress me."
Yumi looked at her briefly; her eyes were fierce as her hands lifted her nightgown off her shoulders until she was standing there in her birthday suit. She felt a different kind of warmth in her stomach when Yumi's brazen gaze prowled in every inch and detail of her body as if she was examining her for a big test. She bit her lip thoughtlessly when Yumi met her eyes again. There were strong, amorous desires, but she could also see uncertainty in them.
She cupped her face with her hands and smiled at her tenderly. "I love you and I want to do this with you."
Yumi's face fell and her eyes, which were once intense and brimming with eagerness, were now sad and sorry. With a weak smile, she said, "I love you, too, so much. But we promised—"
Sachiko placed her finger on her mouth, stopping her. "I cannot wait that long. I want you now."
Yumi nodded, but her expression remained unsure.
"Then, make love to me." Sachiko spoke softly as she brushed her lips on Yumi's ear. She glanced back at her and Yumi's eyes were fervid with lust once more.
Yumi pushed her gently on their bed and let her hands caress her breasts while her lips and tongue were playing on her waist. Her mouth opened in pleasure while wrestling a mane of brown locks when Yumi decided to go down farther, teasingly so. Her body responded with a shiver, wobbling her hips up and down. The breathtaking pleasure had engulfed her senses thoroughly. She was not thinking when she moaned, "Please, go inside of me."
Her breath was caught somewhere when she felt Yumi break inside of her. It hurt; the pain was palpable, but the pleasure was stronger and more intense and her mind had long neglected to feel the throb of discomfort. Her head arched backwards when Yumi steadied her pace. The pleasure was too much to bear; she wasn't breathing now. She felt an incredible wave of ecstasy when Yumi shifted her upper body, so she was hovering above her, and suddenly deepened and fastened her thrusts.
"I love you." Yumi whispered, out of breath.
Her moans were loud as she pulled Yumi against her, biting her shoulder in response, at the heavenly sensation.
Yumi removed her fingers out of her when she felt Sachiko's even breathing tickle her neck. She propped her arms on the mattress and studied her lover's face. It was flushed with sweat, tiredness, lust, and contentment. She smiled at the rare spectacle.
She was so beautiful and so amazing. She was a goddess.
She flecked her face and neck with wet kisses that elicited giggles from the older woman.
"Yumi, let me touch you." Sachiko said gingerly.
Yumi halted midway to her chest and peered at her amusedly. "Say you love me." She said with a playful smile.
"I love you." Sachiko whispered and pulled Yumi into a heated kiss. A new rush of pleasure swept to her center that made her want for more. She swiveled them around so she was on top of the brunette. Her breasts smoothed along her lover's body as she went down to the needed center. She smelled the craving as she jutted her tongue into the opening. She moaned at the wetness and the wonderful taste of her sex. Yumi made little to no sound, but she was confident she was doing it right.
Then she heard a ragged moan. "Please, inside."
She smiled at the rousing sound of her plea.
"You have to wait." Her voice was sultry. She pushed herself up and straddled her leg. She rocked herself along Yumi's thigh first then slid a finger inside of her., which educed a soft moan. A surprised gasp was followed when she lunged a second finger. Yumi was biting the back of her hand, muffling her sound, as they jiggled together. Sachiko felt the walls constricted around her fingers a moment later and so she hastened her pace as she jerked her hips forward that brought her to her second orgasm. Yumi stiffened beneath her while she quivered.
The sensation, the experience . . . everything was wonderful. It was beyond compare.
Their limbs tangled as they snuggled against each other after their third round of lovemaking. They were panting heavily when they finished. Sachiko experienced her fourth orgasm that night. She was exhausted, but she never felt so alive, bursting with adrenaline. The last course was rougher, frisky, and unrestrained. She did not want to stop, but her partner surrendered before she could ask for another round.
"What has gotten into you? You're full of energy." Yumi finally spoke. Her tone was light and curious. "That was absolutely amazing. Where did you learn to do that?"
"Impulse." Sachiko answered quickly, stirring to her side so she was facing her. "How about you, was that really your first?"
She descried Yumi's hesitation and felt the uneasiness in her stomach arise to her chest.
"Of course."
Sachiko eyed her intently, thoughtfully. "Am I really the only one, Yumi?"
Yumi's face scrunched. "Why suddenly asked that kind of question?"
"Just answer me." She said quietly yet Yumi could hear the seriousness in her words.
"Do you think I have someone else?" Yumi voiced what she saw in her lover's eyes. "I don't have someone else. You're the only one."
She did not sound so confident in Sachiko's ears. She swallowed her insecurities with her question when Yumi wrapped an arm around her, kissing the bridge of her nose. She didn't know why she wasn't completely convinced. She thought she would feel guarded and assured about all of these after giving herself to her, but it only intensified her fear and doubts a hundred folds.
"Have you always been faithful to me?" She blurted her question as tears rolled sadly down her face.
Yumi instantly propped an arm to draw her upper body up, regarding her with apparent horror and concern. It appeared like she wanted to say something, but nothing came out when she opened her lips. The guilt in her face was visible and Sachiko knew right there and then.
"Who was it?" Her voice faltered. She sat on the spot and covered her body with the sheet that was tossed aside. "How many times were you fucking her?" She felt her move behind her, but she did not want to face her just yet. "Was it Megumi? Were you fucking her behind my back, while I was asleep or when you were away, or perhaps last night when you accompanied Touko from the bath house?"
Yumi cautiously touched her shoulder as she said, "My love, where did you get that—"
"Answer me!" Sachiko raised her voice severely, jerking her shoulder away from the unwanted affection. "Yumi, I need you to be honest. That's all I'm asking."
Yumi was torn hopelessly. She could not make a decision. She wanted to be honest and tell the truth, but she was too afraid and reluctant. Not only she thought Sachiko would leave her and Touko would resent for the rest of her life, it would also put a strain on the cousins' close relationship. They were family and she could not afford to bring it to ruin. They would never be the same again.
Regret could do nothing to her now. She had to tell her the truth and, at the same time, lie.
"You are the only one I love. I love no one else." Yumi managed to say, beseechingly. "You have to believe me. It was only one time and I felt pity because of what happened to her. I know it's not an excuse, but you have to believe me—"
"Who was it?" She cut her, turning around to look at her seriously.
"It wasn't Megumi." She replied in a whisper. "It isn't Shimako either." She knew Sachiko would say her name so she beat her to it.
Sachiko could no longer contain her frustration and anger. She snapped, "Then, who was it!?"
Yumi was in tears when she muttered, "I can't tell you." She dropped her gaze in defeat.
"Then consider me gone."
Yumi woke up with a pant. Her heart was hammering so loud in her ears; she was ice-cold and shaking. She heaved aloud, attempting to control her crazed heart and respiration.
A warm hand wormed leisurely across her bare chest. "It was only a nightmare. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." The voice was soothing; it calmed her nerves a great deal.
It was only a stupid dream, she assured herself.
She looked at her lover and noticed her exposed shoulders. She was naked and she was too. They were stark-naked under the sheets then she remembered what really happened. She could not believe it.
A reassuring smile spread across Sachiko's features when she stroked her finger lightly on her cheek, which she caught a whiff of her sex juices. She shivered at the thought.
They had sex, not just once but thrice. And all were real.
"What were you dreaming of?" Sachiko asked, breaking her thoughts.
She shook her head with a small smile. "Nothing worthy of your concern."
Sachiko frowned. "I was concerned. You were crying and calling my name."
"I was?" Yumi had no idea. She constructed her words carefully before speaking, "I dreamed of you. You–you were leaving me. It was a nightmare; it was dreadful. No wonder I was crying in my sleep."
"It will only happen in your dreams." Sachiko scooted closer, holding her gaze in all seriousness. "Because in reality, I will never leave you."
Her chest swelled; guilt and relief burst inside of her. "Do you promise not to leave me?"
Sachiko laughed softly. "Yumi, I made love to you. What assurance do you still need?"
Yumi shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I just want to hear you say it."
"Was I making love to a child?" Sachiko stifled her giggle. "I promise, then."
Yumi pouted despite herself. "Say it like you mean it."
She cupped her face steadily in her hands as if to show she was nothing but being sincere. "I love you and I will never leave you. I know this is a very tough promise to make since we don't hold the future, but I made a choice when I decided to give myself to you. I promise to stay with you, believe in you . . . to trust you,"
Yumi perceived something in her tone when she said the latter. The guilt she felt doubled, if not multiplied a thousand times, that, in that very moment, she wanted to tell her the truth. But she didn't want to ruin their night. Everything was perfect and she could not let herself mess it up, she reasoned crudely. But she knew fairly well that she was only being a coward, too afraid to face the consequences of her action. If she would be lucky, she only had to brace her ire and, maybe, a couple of days of cold war. If not, she would lose Sachiko completely. She would never let that happen.
"It won't be easy, I know, but we are going to fight and surpass these challenges together. I will never let you go, Yumi, but you have to swear to me . . ."
She blinked and nodded absentmindedly.
"Swear to me that you will always be truthful and faithful; that if you ever find someone else, you will tell me honestly. No secrets. No lies." Her expression was doleful and her eyes were filled with tears that refused to break free. "And if you feel that you don't love me anymore and want me to let you go, please tell me because—"
"That will never happen, not in this lifetime nor the next!" Yumi was surprised to hear her own voice shoot up powerfully, with absolute resolution. "My love," She softened her tone. "I love you so much I wish you could see and feel it in my soul. You are the only one I want. I desire no one else. You are everything to me. You are my life and I will be so lost and miserable without you."
Sachiko graced her with faint yet loving smile. "Then, it's a promise. Always remember that."
Yumi kissed her softly then whispered, "I will always remember."
They ended their night with another series of searing intimacy. Hot and heavy moans reverberated the room. They made love for the fourth time. And hopefully, as Yumi had strongly prayed, wouldn't be their last.
It was already Friday morning; several days had passed. It was time for them to go home and prepare for class, which would occur the day after next.
The days following that night were rather uneventful. They had no sex, only bedtime cuddles and talks about their plans and dreams of the future. Sachiko couldn't say why she did not feel even a tiny spark of compulsion to make love to Yumi again. She blamed her hormones and her confused and unsecured state of mind. That night was intense. Thinking about it now made her ask herself why she did it. She took a vow of abstinence when she was eleven, when she became aware of what sex was. She strongly told herself not to engage in anything more than a kiss and an embrace before marriage. She thought of it while having a crush on Suguru, assuming that they might kiss someday.
But she couldn't help it. After all, she was only a teenager who was deeply in love with her fiancée. She regretted nothing.
She arrived in the Ogasawara mansion late in the afternoon after dropping Yumi off at her house. She spotted her father's black sedan, which he usually used, and a red sports car parked in front of the mansion. She felt her chest cramp at the sight of the latter. She hesitated to exit the vehicle, but she had nowhere to go and she was tired from the long trip.
When she reached the foyer, a butler came to her at once. "Welcome back, Ojou-sama." He greeted with a low bow. "Your father is expecting you at his office."
She sighed inwardly. "Is Suguru-san with him?"
"Yes, Ojou-sama."
She headed to his office on the second floor, deliberately taking her time. Two men were at the door, positioned on each side. One of them knocked and opened the door, gesturing her to go inside. She ignored him with a stern face as she went in the room.
Suguru was seated cozily on a couch across a wide coffee table. He flashed a conceited smile when they made eye contact. He winked when she did not avert her gaze.
She rolled her eyes at him.
Her father had seen the interaction, but hid his amusement. "How was our beach house in Shouzoka? Did you enjoy yourself in there, Sachiko?"
Sachiko looked at her father with intent to read him, but failed. "It was the same. Nothing has changed."
He held an enigmatic expression. "And your stay?"
"Yes, I did." She answered succinctly.
"Good." He said as he stood and strutted toward her. "Since you're done wasting your time on nonsensical things, I believe it's about time you work on planning your wedding with Suguru. Your grandfather and I want the ceremony immediately after your graduation." He beamed whimsically. "Ah, the joy of seeing your grandchildren running around in this big, empty mansion, I cannot wait!"
Sachiko barely contained her animosity as she blurted out, "I can't marry Suguru-san, father. And I am certain he feels the same way."
Suguru stiffened on his seat. "I beg your pardon?" He said; his voice held a load of shock and bafflement.
She snubbed him on purpose and continued to speak with his father. "We are not in love. In fact, we can't stand being with each other. I will not marry him." She swallowed hard before uttering, "I'm in love with someone else. And I want to marry that person."
"You—!" It was Suguru who shouted in anger. It surprised her and her father who was watching them attentively. "I can't believe you could say that after I told you about—" He started to say, but stopped himself after catching a glimpse of his uncle's intrusive gaze. He clenched his fists, suppressing his annoyance. "This is not about who wants to marry who. This is about unifying and strengthening our family's power and influence. You will marry me and mother my child. This is not a choice that you can simply reject, Sa-chan. This is your obligation as an Ogasawara."
Sachiko glared at him dangerously. She was about to shoot a comeback, but her father halted her with a dull laugh.
"I could not ask for a better son-in-law." He was an inch shorter than Suguru, but Suguru and Sachiko felt so small in his indomitable presence. He looked at his daughter pointedly. "You will marry the man of our choice and you will not disappoint me and embarrass this family. Do you hear me?"
Sachiko gathered all her remaining courage and said, "I am very sorry, father, but I will have to disappoint you this time. Yes, I am an Ogasawara, but I am also my own person. I am not your puppet; I am your daughter. I will not marry Suguru-san nor any man you or grandfather will choose for me. I will marry the person that my heart cho—" The rest of her words were lost in her lips as she felt a loud, stinging slap on her face. She was stupefied by the sudden blow. Even Suguru looked so stunned.
She hated herself for allowing her tears to slip away. She regarded her father with utmost contempt as she sneered at him for the first time, "You may do whatever to this face, to this body, but my heart will remain faithful to the one who owns it."
Before Touro had the chance to hit his daughter again, Suguru grabbed his arm and pleaded, "Uncle, please."
Touro pulled his arm away, but Suguru continued to hold on to him, tightening his grip. "You will not defy me." He told her threateningly. His voice was low, but it made Suguru cringe. Sachiko, however, did not even bat her eye. She repelled the idea of giving up and let father decide everything for her. She knew it was impossible for her family to change their minds, but she would not give up. She would fight for her freedom and right to love.
"I am your father!" Touro flared up when he reckoned Sachiko would not relent. "I made you! You owe me your life! I made you who you are so you have no right to disobey me!"
"You made me. I am just like an object to you, a robot, your precious puppet." The sorrow in her face was transparent when she repeated her father's words. "How can you call yourself my father when you clearly don't care about me and have never loved me like a true father would?"
He scoffed. "I regret the day I gave you life. I am so disappointed in you, Sachiko."
Suguru released him when he cooled down. He went over to his fiancée's side, hoping to comfort her with their proximity.
"This is my last warning. You will do as I say." Touro made a tone that left her no choice.
Sachiko regretted going home that day.
to be continued.
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