Advice turned into a decision
"Were you guys really going at it again in the river?" Bella inquired as she tilted her head to the side, I was shocked to say the least just like all of the vampires (the wolfs plus Seth had gone to sleep) that were sitting in the living room doing their own things. She was always so quiet and not one to joke about someone's sex life.
Edward was the first one for a chuckle to vibrate through his chest as he sat next to her on the piano, his hands no longer resting on the spotless keys but on his wife's left hand as he brought her hand up to gently kiss it. It was a romantic gesture. One I wished to have with Seth but I knew I couldn't as I was no good.
I shook that impowering thought away and the not present wind took it far away.
"I don't go at it. I fuck. Hard." I stood up for myself and shrugged my broad shoulders.
"Why do you stay stuff like that?" Esme wondered but later bit her tongue as she realised that she should be minding her own business.
"Like what?" I asked I didn't know the half of what the motherly figure was speaking about.
"You always make yourself seem like… I don't know the word…" She pounded as she tried to rack a word from her brain that didn't offend me.
"A slut," I offered knowing that she would never want to hurt me intentionally though her pointing it out jabbed somewhere inside me as I felt disappointment and shame. It was the first time I had ever thought of impressing someone. Life was always about me.
Esme sighed but nodded her fragile head at my word "You are always doubting yourself and acting like you do not deserve this but I have yet to find something that you have done bad for this world that you don't regret. Yes, you have made mistakes but the fact that you hate those mistakes and will never do them again is enough to prove that you do not deserve to be treated like a piece of meat, or treat yourself like one. You talked to Brady about respecting women when you showed us your life but how to you expect men to respect and care for you when you don't for yourself?"
"I'm sorry…" I managed to mumble. I was more or less speechless.
"I am not telling you off, never will I do that." Esme came closer to me that I felt her cold skin seeping through the fabric of my clean t-shirt that I threw on after coming back inside with Seth. "I want you to be cared for by a man like a woman should."
"Seth," Came through my lips automatically before my brain registered what I said. I saw the whole family smirk as I blushed like an innocent school girl.
"That is for you to discover but never, be pushed into something that you don't want." The amazing woman in front of me taped my nose playfully as I scrunched my face up naturally.
"It what I am used to…"
"No, when you ran away, that was when you started to make the decisions for yourself." Bella piped in as she pushed her wavy chocolate hair out of the ay of her marvellous face. She was right.
"Still, Seth is a big step forward, how many steps will I take back afterwards." I shook my head as my confidence evaporated.
"You don't have to take one big leap at once, just trust me." A strong husky voice spoke on my neck with no sign of a stutter though I felt the panic radiating off his body. A scrummy body at that.
I closed my eyes tight to control myself and to check that I wasn't imagining this scene. When I opened them once again Seth was in front of me and clasping my hands in his as he begged for me to trust him that he would never leave; never hurt me.